That's What Love Is For
by BlueBlood82
Summary: Jamie and Sydney enjoy nothing more than beers and darts with his partner and best friend, Eddie Janko. When Eddie's car is sidelined by a drunk driver, will Jamie and Sydney's marriage survive Jamie's caring for Eddie? Can Eddie cope with her injuries? Will Jamie be forced to admit that he and Eddie were, at least in their heart, more than partners and friends after all?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Who's the best shot now, Reagan?" Eddie laughed as she sent a dart straight into the bullseye for the second time that game.

"In here, Janko," Jamie laughed. "And only in here." Jamie took a sip of his beer and slid his arm around his wife. "What do you think, honey? Ready to go?"

Sydney nodded, "I have court in the morning, I'm not lucky like the two of you having a 3-11 tour."

Eddie laughed, "That's this week. Next week midnights then it's back to work with all the rest of the folks in the rat race." Eddie smiled at her boyfriend of five months, Paul. He was no stranger to the rat race, as an investment banker. Eddie vowed never to date a man in the finance industry after her father's crimes were exposed but Paul was a friend of Sydney's so she gave it a try.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to catch a ride with Jamie and Syd," Paul told Eddie as the foursome exited the bar. "I have a very early meeting and I'm going their way."

Eddie nodded, "I guess we'll say goodbye here then." She leaned on his tip toes and gave Paul a firm kiss. That made Jamie shiver, he didn't like this man when he was Sydney's acquaintance, he really didn't like him being Eddie's boyfriend.

Jamie and Sydney each gave Eddie a hug then headed off towards their upper West side apartment while Eddie headed to her abode near Jamie's old place in Chinatown.

Eddie tapped her hand on the steering wheel waiting for the red light to change. She was glad to spend time with Jamie and Paul but the way Sydney clung on Jamie's arm made her sick. Granted they were husband and wife, but the place wasn't crowded or even overly loud that night. Sydney worked for a high powered law firm, she had to be able to hold her own. Eddie sighed, sometimes she wondered about the state of her best friend's mind.

When the light changed Eddie pressed on the gas to go not seeing the speeding car coming at her until it was too late. Metal crunched on metal as Eddie felt her head snap back then lop to the side as she was thrown into the door, her head cracking the glass. The last thing Eddie remembered was seeing red and Jamie's face.

Shocked onlookers stopped to dial 9-1-1 for help. Police and ambulance sirens wailed minutes after the initial call was logged. There were numerous reports that the driver fled the scene, and as the accident occurred in 5-4 territory, Danny and Baez caught the case.

When they rolled up on the destroyed silver Porsche Danny's heart started to speed up. "No, it couldn't be…" The fire rescue team was already removing the pieces of the destroyed car and lifting the victim out strapped down to a backboard with a c-collar and many other restraining devices. Danny stepped out of his car, and groaned at the sight before him.

"Son of a bitch," he mumbled moving in for a better view of the victim, the car had his curiosity piqued. He had to make sure that it was just a silver Porsche and not the silver Porsche that often times carried his little brother. Even with an inkling in his gut, Danny wasn't prepared for what he saw.

The two medics that had carefully cut the driver side door and removed the victim were beginning life saving measures. "She's not breathing!" one told the other. Quickly the medics took a nasal airway and inserted it down Eddie's nostril. Danny's eyes widened and tears spilled out of his eyes as the medics started CPR in front of him while Eddie remained ghastly still with cuts on her face. He heard the senior medic call out, "We've got a possible cord injury, gently on my count…" Eddie was carefully placed in the bus and whisked away.

"Baez, that's my brother's partner, Eddie. I have to call Jamie. He's her next of kin, but I want him to hear it from me."

Baez quickly agreed and Danny placed the call.

Jamie groggily reached for his buzzing phone. "Reagan," he croaked.

"'Jamie, it's Danny." Jamie sat up, this couldn't be good. While he waited for Danny to speak the call waiting began to go off. He looked at it and found an unknown number. He let that go to voicemail and listened to his brother.

"Danny? What's happened?" By this time, Sydney sat up in bed and put her hand on Jamie's back. She could feel him coiled like a rattler ready to strike.

"Oh, God, Jamie...Kid, you have to get down to St. Victor's right now. There's been a terrible accident. Jamie...it's Eddie and it's bad."

Jamie hung up on Danny and jumped from the bed. "Jamie, what's wrong?" Sydney asked her husband as he jumped into his clothes.

"Get dressed," Jamie told Sydney as he searched for socks and shoes. "Eddie's been in an accident. Danny said they are taking her to St. Victors and it's bad!"

Sydney jumped from bed and pulled on her own clothes. "We just saw her! I'll drive, you better call Paul and let him know. He'd want to be there."

Jamie rolled his eyes, Paul Bauers was a jerk that didn't deserve Eddie but she found something in him. He picked up the phone and called the snobby investment banker, his heart in his mouth at what they would find when they arrived at the hospital.

Sydney navigated the late night traffic like a true New Yorker. Jamie's heart was pounding, "She can't be dead," Jamie kept saying over and over again. "Syd, she can't be..."

"She's not, Jamie. She isn't...I'm going to get you there as fast as I can." It was nearly thirty minutes after the accident happened when Sydney dropped Jamie off at the ER entrance. He ran to the admissions desk, "Eddie Janko, she was in a car accident. She was brought here."

"Just a minute, Sir. Are you family?"

"I'm her partner at the NYPD and I'm her next of kin on all the forms," Jamie told the nurse. "I need to know where she is."

The nurse typed Eddie's name into the system. "The doctors are with her now, they just called for a neurology consult and an orthopedic consult. I'm sorry that is all the information I have."

"But she's still alive and they are working on her?" Jamie confirmed.

"She's alive..." the nurse confirmed. "Have a seat in the waiting area, I will call you when I know more. The doctor will be out as soon as he can."

Jamie sat on a hard plastic chair putting his head between his knees. His eyes misted over as his big brain processed the nurse's words. Neurology consult; that was her brain...what if Eddie had brain damage? And orthopedic...that was bones...she could have broken bones, be in pain and all alone. Jamie felt like he was going to be sick. He got up from the chair, running his hand through his hair and paced like a caged tiger.

Sydney parked then hurried into the ER. She found Jamie, pacing back and forth, wringing his hands. "How is she?" she asked trying to grab onto her husband's arm.

"Alive, but uh…" Jamie's eyes were filled with tears. "Syd, they want a neurologist and an orthopedist…they won't let me see her."

"I'm sure as soon as she is stable, they will let you see her," Sydney comforted. "Why don't you sit down, I'll get you some water and we'll wait. Did Paul say when he would be here?"

"It doesn't matter when Paul is going to be here," Jamie snapped. "I'm the one that has to be here to sign things for her and take care of her! He's just…"

"Jamie, Paul really cares about Eddie," Sydney sighed getting his water. He took it but didn't sip at it.

"Then why did it take us twenty minutes to get here, its been 45 since I called him!"

The ER doors opened and Danny rushed in. "Maria is taking point on the case, how is she?"

"They don't know much Danny," Sydney replied. "Jamie's worried sick."

"Let me call Linda and see if she can get some information from some of her friends, sit tight." Danny dialed his wife as Jamie stood up to pace again. "It's taking too long, Syd. We should know something by now."

"I'm sure they are just trying to be thorough."

Danny caught Jamie's arm when he returned, "Okay, Linda called the charge nurse and she said that Eddie is with the best doctors they have. She hurt her neck so they have to get it secured or something like that so she can breathe and not swell up or whatever. They'll be out when they are sure she's okay. Just sit tight." Danny rubbed Jamie's shoulder as Sydney tried to get him to actually sit.

An hour after receiving Jamie's call, Paul arrived. He sat down and read the Wall Street Journal, but it was clear he wasn't reading it. Finally the doctors came out.

"Edit Janko," the doctor called out looking at the sea of blue uniforms crowding waiting room. Two men, one in a rumple black suit and the other in sweats and an NYPD hoodie stepped over to him.

Jamie offered his hand, "Jamie Reagan, I'm Eddie's partner."

"Jamison Reagan? You hold the power of attorney?" the doctor clarified. "Can we speak here or..."

"This is Paul Bauers, he's Eddie's uh...and my wife, Sydney...you can speak in front of them."

"Ms. Janko suffered severe trauma to her neck and back in the accident. The preliminary testing shows she's broke two bones in her neck, that break was at the C-5-6 level. Typically, a patient with a break at that level is does not need assistance in breathing, however, Ms. Janko's oxygen levels were dangerously low, she was placed on assisted ventilation."

Jamie felt like he was punched in the heart. Broken neck. Assisted ventilation...She had to be scared out of her mind. "Can I see her?" Jamie asked. "Before we talk more I want to see her, she's got to be so scared."

"I'm sure if she could be...She's in a coma. There is extreme swelling along the neck where the bones have been broken and that swelling is impeding the function above the fracture sight. At this point, Ms. Janko is suffering the same effects of a C2 or C3 quadriplegic. We hope that with time and perhaps medical intervention, the swelling will go down and feeling will return for the areas above the injury site."

"Well, what can we do to get the swelling to go down? Medications, surgery, what?"

"Ms. Janko needs immediate surgery to stabilize her neck. We'll stabilize her externally for now with a halo device and specialized bed to keep her body from moving and injuring her further. There is also the option of steroid therapy. Ms. Janko was injured just an hour ago, we can begin the steroid therapy now and run it for 24 hours. That may reduce the swelling and improve her prognosis but I must warn you it's not without substantial risk."

"Well, come on, you're telling me we're on a clock and you're dragging this out!" Jamie's nerves were raw.

"Jamie," Sydney soothed. "Try to listen."

"The steroid therapy carries risk of septic shock, internal bleeding, and pneumonia, there's not enough data for me to advise you to take those risks given the..." Jamie cut the doctor off.

"Where do I sign? I want you to operate on her neck and put whatever screws or bolts you have to into her bones, and I want you to run that medication. Eddie would want every conceivable chance at surviving this and she would want the best possible outcome. Where do I sign?"

Through all of this, Eddie's boyfriend listened to the doctor's words. He wasn't doing this. No way was he going to do this! He knew something about spinal injuries, and at that level Eddie would be rendered nearly helpless. "I didn't sign up for this!" Unfortunately for Paul he said this out loud.

Jamie turned on Paul like a rattle snake in August. "You what!" Jamie thundered lurching for the smaller and heavier man. "You son of a bitch! You didn't sign...she didn't sign up for it either!" Jamie hands were inches from Paul's throat when Danny grabbed his younger brother and pulled him back. "Jamie, calm down," Sydney urged. "This won't help Eddie. It won't help her."

Jamie glared at Paul with an icy stare, "Get out of my sight! If I see you around this hospital, if I see you near Eddie every again I promise you, you'll regret it. My older brother won't always be here to save your ass!"

With that, Paul hurriedly left the hospital and all thoughts of Eddie Janko behind. She was always talking about Jamie anyway. She always chose spending time with Jamie over spending time with him. Let him wipe her butt for the rest of her life, Jamie and Eddie deserved each other. '

Jamie turned on his heel and looked up at the doctor, who quickly handed the excitable young man the forms. With a flourish of his hand Jamie signed the consents for the beginning of what he knew would be months or years of medical treatment.

 **A/N: Yes, Jamie is married to Sydney, but don't let that turn you off. This story explores love in many forms, I'm a Jamko shipper at heart, so have no fear. Special thanks to Lawslave for previewing this story as it unfolded and for supporting this unique idea. Also thanks to Yanks20 for offering additional creative assistance. I hope you all enjoy this story. I have researched Eddie's injury in depth and will try to bring to light how both sides are affected in a case like this.**

 **Next –Several members of the Reagan clan visit Eddie and wait for her to wake up.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Frank Reagan stepped out of the black SUV in front of St. Victor's hospital. An hour ago, Garrett had informed him one of his officers and Jamie's partner and best friend had been hit by a drunk driver. So far, the only information he had was she was rushed to the hospital in critical condition. He hoped to find his son fussing at her bedside, but also see she was going to be all right.

The entire waiting room was a sea of blue. Off duty officers from the 12th, Eddie and Jamie's house as well as those from neighboring precincts roamed the halls. In the center of it all, sat Jamie, Danny, and Sydney. Jamie was seated on a small sofa, elbows on his knees, with Danny and Syd on either side holding his hands and supporting his frame. Frank's heart sped up, was she gone? Eddie, with her bright blue eyes, wicked smile, and wise cracks? She was a light for all of them.

Frank bent down in front of Jamie, "Son? Is there any word?"

Sydney answered for Jamie, "She's in surgery. They are stabilizing her head and neck and uh, making it so she can have a breathing tube in her throat not her nose. She broke her neck, Frank. She's in a coma."

Jamie shuttered hearing the words again. "They are giving her steroids to help her but…there's so many risks." Sydney could see Jamie wasn't sure he made the right decision about Eddie's treatment. "They wouldn't let me see her."

"They will when she's out of surgery, son. Maybe only you since you have her papers and all. Do you want me to try to find out information?"

Jamie nodded, "Dad, try to get the wheels going to get her father here. Armin Janko, Lincoln correctional facility. If she's not going to make it…I promised him once to take good care of her. I have to let him see her now she's hurt so badly."

Frank nodded, "Let's just get Eddie through the night for now son. I'll see what I can find out."

Frank located the ER doctor, "How is my officer?"

The doctor explained to Frank about Eddie breaking the two bones in her neck and also damaging some of the nerves in her back. "Her injury is complete at the C5-6 level."

"What does that mean?" Frank asked already knowing in his heart. "Will she be…"

"Paralyzed?" the doctor asked. "That is almost a medical certainty. When the swelling goes down, she may retain some use of her shoulders and upper arms but regardless of her will and the skill of her therapists, Officer Janko will never walk again. It is highly unlikely she will have the use of her lower arms or her hands. She will likely need constant assistance for the rest of her life, if she makes it through the next few days."

Frank sighed, "What's her chances?"

"Fifty-fifty, a lot of it depends on her," the doctor replied.

Frank chuckled, "If it depends on her, she'll make it. She's strong."

Frank returned to Jamie's side, "She's doing well in surgery but the doctor said she'll be paralyzed, her arms and her legs…"

Jamie nodded, "I know….I have to make sure I'm there when he wakes up. If she wakes up with tubes in her throat and a halo…she's going to be terrified. I have to be there to make it easier, so she's not alone."

Sydney agreed, "If you aren't there, Jamie I will be. One of us will be with her until she's awake and aware, okay? If we aren't maybe, Danny?"

Danny nodded, "You got it. She's not just blue blood, she's Jamie's partner, family. You got it, when I'm not hunting the scum that put her in that bed I'll be here."

Frank was proud of his family. Jamie would do anything he could for his partner and he had a strong wife by his side. Frank doubted Sydney's ability to be a cop's wife but she had done well. Frank took Danny's seat next to Jamie, touching his son's thigh. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his rosary. Wrapping it around his hand, he and Jamie began to silently pray.

The faces of the officers changed as the hours passed. As each shift came off duty, they arrived at the hospital to support their comrade. Finally the doctor came out and called for Jamie.

"Jamison Reagan?" he asked. "For Edit Janko…"

Jamie stood with Syd and Frank by his side. Maria had called Danny to hit a few doors on possible suspects two hours ago. "I'm Jamie."

"I'm Dr. Camden, I operated on Ms. Janko." Jamie shook the doctor's hand and corrected, "Officer Janko, but she likes Eddie."

"We have succeeded in inserting the external equipment to stabilize Officer Janko's injury. Unfortunately, there's still too much swelling to perform further surgery on that injury. We have braced and boxed her neck and were able to insert a ventilation tube in her throat. When the swelling goes down, we'll go back in and stabilized the bones in her neck from the inside. She should be able to breath on her own after that."

"When will that be?" Jamie asked. "When will it be that's she can do that?"

"We don't know," Dr. Camden sighed. "We just don't. We don't know if she's going to wake up. Often with these injuries and the lack of oxygenation, we don't know if the brain has been compromised. It does not appear to be the case, but Eddie's GCS is still inside the comatose level. We have to wait and see."

"Can I see her?" Jamie asked. "I'd like to see her."

"You're next of kin, you can come and see her for a few minutes. Follow me."

Jamie walked down the long hallway following the doctor. He felt if he could just see Eddie, touch her, and let her know he was there with her, she'd wake up. She was his best friend. He always said that, Syd was his wife, but Eddie was his best friend. Sydney accepted that, she loved Eddie too. "She's in here," Dr. Camden told Jamie. "She should have sensation in her face, her shoulders…if you want to touch her try to do it there. She may be able to hear you so don't say anything you wouldn't want her to hear if she was awake."

Jamie nodded and took a deep breath. Jamie knew the scene wouldn't be good but he wasn't prepared for what he saw. Eddie still on the bed hooked up to all kinds of machines monitoring her heart, vitals, a machine that breathed for her, and various IV's. Eddie's neck was braced so when she woke up the only view was in front of her and a breathing tube stuck out from her mouth to one of the machines. Cuts and scrapes from broken glasses were still visible on her beautiful face.

Jamie remembered the doctor's word and reached out to rub the top of Eddie's head. "Hey, Eddie," Jamie said softly. "I know you're hurting so bad right now, and you are scared and confused, I don't blame you, but you have to open your eyes, Eddie. Please open your eyes."

Jamie took a breath as the respirator hissed, "That tube, when you open your eyes for us, they can do more surgery and it can come out, okay? All you have to do is wake up, Eddie. Please wake up."

Jamie sat at Eddie's bedside and finally began to cry. He'd held in his fear and his pain for his friend until alone with her. He would cry in front of Eddie, and usually only Eddie. For Sydney, he had to be strong. She didn't handle his tears well, it reminded her of his losing Joe and how sick he'd made himself in his grief. He didn't in front of his father and brother because Reagan men didn't cry. It was only with Eddie that Jamie felt safe enough and it was true again. She never failed to wrap her arms around him and make it go away, whatever it was causing the tears. Jamie shuddered, he would never feel that again, Eddie's arms around him. How would she cope with such a devastating injury?

"I am going to promise you," Jamie continued as she stroked Eddie's hair. "I am going to get you the best. The best doctors, the best therapists, the best of everything. Whatever it is in you to do I'll make sure you do it, Eddie. You might not be able to be a cop anymore, but I will still be there for you. Partners…You are not alone, Eddie. Not ever."

For her part, Eddie felt as if her body was weighted down. She wanted to open her eyes like Jamie said, but she couldn't seem to force them to obey. She tried to move her hand to reach for him, but it didn't move. She tried to kick her legs to get his attention when she sensed his upset, but they remained still. On some level, Eddie knew she should be afraid, but Jamie was here. She was never scared of anything when Jamie was around her. That was why they were such a good team, they looked out for each other, they supported each other, and when they were a unit, there was no limit to the good they could do for the city.

Jamie's voice lulled Eddie into safety. She could hear its soft tones and gentle rises but the words were a little foreign. If she just rested a little longer then maybe she'd feel better. Yes, just a little longer…then she would grant Jamie his wish.

When Jamie returned to the waiting room Sydney stood up. "I'd like to go in and see her, Jamie. I'm her friend and I want her to know…"

"That's not a good idea, Syd," Jamie said hoarsely. "She's uh…in real bad shape. She's still all cut and bruised. They have her head in this box…she's all braced…"

"I want to see her and tell her I'm here," Sydney insisted. "I'll only be a few minutes then we can get you home and…"

"No, I can't leave. If she wakes up alone…Go and see her then maybe you can get some clothes for me and go by her place and get a few of her pictures and things that are familiar, that heart pillow she uses and her Ipod. I can play her music."

Sydney nodded and slowly walked back to see Eddie. She stroked her forehead, "He's tearing himself up out there, Eddie. You hurry and come back to us."

So many times Sydney was jealous of Eddie, the way she and Jamie related to each other, but after spending time with her and getting to know her, Sydney saw how special she was. Eddie was a good cop, with her at his side, Jamie was a little safer, and Sydney could rest a little easier. Sydney placed a gently kiss on Eddie's unmarred cheek and left the room holding her emotions in check.

The last visitor to Eddie's room that night was Frank. He had seen many of his officers in horrible shape after shootings, bombing, stabbings, but this one hit closer to home. This girl had sat at his table, she had opened presents under his Christmas tree. She was almost another daughter in his heart. Frank sat beside Eddie's bed, "Rest easy, Edit. When you're ready, we'll be here to help you. So many friends are waiting for you to wake up. I'm ordering you to do that. I'm ordering you to fight, Officer Janko. We'll handle anything else that comes up. You fight hard. My Jamie can't handle another loss, least of all you. You fight…" Frank patted Eddie's leg. She heard the rustled of the sheets but felt nothing. Still nothing made sense to her…sleep…that's what she needed, she needed more sleep.

 **A/N: I was thrilled to see such a positive response to this new story. It is, as Lawslave, said unlike anything out there, so I was nervous about how it would be received. Spinal cord injuries are happening in the United States everyday. The men and women that live with them, as well as, their care givers are true heroes.**

 **Next Update will be Saturday, 5/7: Jamie seeks spiritual advice when faced with a difficult decision about Eddie's future.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Jamie," Sydney gently touched her husband's back. Jamie jolted out of the state of half sleepiness he managed to fall into sitting at Eddie's bedside. "Any change?"

Jamie ran a hand over his face forcing himself to sit up and pay attention. "She, uh…" Jamie sighed. "She's still in the coma, she's not…"

Sydney rubbed Jamie's back. "I brought you some coffee and I uh…spoke to the attorney that has Eddie's power of attorney papers in case you had any more time to think about…"

"I don't know, Syd," Jamie sighed. "They didn't say she won't wake up. She's not brain damaged. I know it's my choice, but I have to think about what is best for Eddie."

"Yes, you do," Sydney replied. "And what is best for her is for you to let her go in peace. I know she's your partner, more than that, she's a good friend, to both of us."

"Well, for her being your good friend, you sure are in a hurry to pull the plug!" Jamie snapped.

"Jamie, that's not fair," Sydney defended. "I know Eddie. I know how independent she is. She won't want to live like this."

Jamie looked at his partner and best friend. She was lying in bed, a black halo stabilizing her injury from the outside. The doctors informed him she would need additional surgery to stabilize her from the inside when and if she awoke from the coma. She had a tube breathing for her, another tube handling her urination, and two other tubes delivering fluids and medications. The hard truth was that if Eddie woke up, she would be paralyzed. She sustained an injury high enough to impede the use of all four limbs and her center, but low enough that if she did wake she could probably breathe without assistance with time and therapy. Now, there was so much swelling even that simple motion, the in and out of breath, was too much for her to do.

"Syd…" Jamie's voice cracked with emotion. "I need you to do something for me. I need you to call my Dad and I need you to ask him to send Father Markhum to come down."

"Jamie…" Sydney sighed. "Let me help you, please."

"You can help me by calling my Dad and asking him to send the Father down," Jamie repeated. "I know what you want me to do, Syd. You want me to call the doctor in and sign those pages for them to turn the machines off. That might be the right decision but I don't know and I won't know until I talk to my Dad and to the priest. I need the priest."

Sydney nodded and stepped out in the hallway to make the call. Jamie slid closer to Eddie's bed. He took her hand, it was curled around a small piece of foam to keep it from locking up. The doctor told Jamie she may or may not have sensation in her shoulders. Jamie stroked the soft exposed skin there. "I know you can hear me, Janko. I know you just heard every word and I have to apologize for Syd, she just isn't the caretaker type. I think that's why we're married so long and have no kids. Listen to me, okay? I am not quitting on you, so don't you dare quit on me. You fight, Eddie. You fight as hard as you can and I promise you I will have your back.

"Danny," Jamie told her rubbing her skin up and down hoping she could feel his familiar touch. "He got the son of a bitch. He got him and Erin, she is making sure that he goes away for so long he won't ever know the light of day. I know that doesn't give back what he took from you, Eddie, and I know my promises are empty right now. You won't do this alone. If you open your eyes, I will do anything and everything I can. I promise you…"

Jamie leaned over and kissed Eddie on the forehead, "You keep sleeping, you do your healing. When you wake up…"

Jamie stopped when Sydney returned. "Your Dad was on his way to check on Eddie, he called the Father too. You need to get some rest. Why don't I sit with Eddie and you go take a nap in the nurses' lounge like Linda offered?"

"No, I have a feeling she's going to wake up soon," Jamie told Sydney. "I at least want to wait for my dad and the Father."

"I'm going to go home and do some work then." She kissed Jamie's lips softly and patted Eddie's hand.

"She can't feel that," Jamie told Sydney. "When you touch her there, she can't feel it. You have to touch her higher up on the shoulder or the cheek so she knows you're here."

Sydney nodded and stroked Eddie's hair, "Take care, Eddie. I'll see you later."

Sydney left, Jamie sipped the coffee she brought and let himself doze off again. Ten minutes later, Frank arrived with his detail to visit his fallen officer. "How are you feeling, Honey?" he asked the girl using a term of endearment he used on his own children. Eddie had been riding with Jamie three years and was often present at family events. "I know it's hard right now but I know you'll be doing better soon." He turned to Jamie, "Father Markhum is going to be here in a half hour, Son, but I already know why you want to see him and…he's not going to bless…"

"Her living will states that she does not want extraordinary measures to prolong her life," Jamie replied. "But right now, I don't know if she can live without that thing. I need to know…"

Frank rubbed Jamie's back, "You want to know if you tell the doctor to turn off that vent, are you killing your partner?"

Jamie nodded only once. "I can't tell you what the Church's position is in this case, but I can tell you what my position is. If you are in this much conflict about making this choice then Jamie…it's not time to do that."

"I don't know that, Dad!" Jamie jumped up and started pacing. "Right now, I don't know what she feels. I don't know if she's able to hear my voice or feel my touch! I don't know if she knows she's not alone! I don't know if she's in pain! I don't know if she is suffering, how can I make a choice when I know nothing at all?"

Frank's heart broke for his son, it had to be so hard to be in his position. When Mary was dying, he didn't have to make any decisions, her body took care of it. "You have to follow your heart, follow your faith, and hope you made the right choice."

When Father Markhum arrived, Jamie sat with him. They held hands and prayed over Eddie. The Father gave her the sacrament of Anointing of the Sick and prayed for God's healing. "What do you want to ask me, Jamie?"

"I want to know," Jamie began. "If I turn off this machine…if I sign that paper, her living will…is it mercy or is that murder?"

Father Markhum sighed, "Jamie. I know you see your friend there suffering and scared. I know you want to do what is best for her but…have the doctor's told you that without that machine, you are prolonging her suffering?"

Jamie sighed, "That's just the problem, Father. I don't know if she's suffering or not! She's lying in that bed, machines breathing for her, peeing for her…she's not doing anything that makes her Eddie. I have this piece of paper here, that is from when she was Eddie, that tells me not to make her live like that."

"Let us pray together, Jamie," the priest advised and took Jamie's shaking hand. "Father in Heaven, we ask your blessings on our sister, Edit. We ask that the hands of these physicians are instruments of your healing. We ask you to be with Jamison as he is struggling to choose the right path. Grant him peace and decisiveness in his struggles to help a cherished friend. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen."

"Amen," Jamie echoed and moved to Eddie's bedside. "Eddie, you never failed to tell me what you think I should do. Are you hurting? Are you suffering? If there is a chance I can have you back, I can't…"

"This isn't about you Jamie," Father Markhum reminded him. "This about her and whether or not that machine is considered an extraordinary measure. If keeping Edit on that machine means you prolong her pain, her suffering, and her death is imminent, then you can and must discontinue it, but if that machine is just an aid and her life could have some meaning left in it then you cannot remove it."

Jamie looked down, "The truth is Father, I don't want to remove that tube. I want to let her have her healing time and…I want my friend back. She's going to be paralyzed. Her boyfriend abandoned her already, she's got no family. I feel pushed into removing that tube."

"Jamie, this is a decision she trusted you with," Father Markhum reminded him. "If you don't feel comfortable with removing that tube, then you shouldn't do that. Who is pushing you Jamie? The doctors?"

Jamie sighed and shook his head…

 _ **14 hours earlier**_

 _ **Sydney and Jamie stood hand in hand at Eddie's bedside. She was in a special bed designed to keep her body aligned and immobilized as not to further injure her head and neck.**_

" _ **What are you going to do?" Sydney asked. "Do you know?"**_

" _ **What do you mean?" Jamie asked her curious. "I'm going to stay here until she's awake."**_

" _ **It's been almost a day, Jamie and there's no change. I think you might have to consider she's too seriously hurt and…**_

" _ **No!" Jamie said firmly. "No, she is seriously hurt but…no!"**_

" _ **Jamie, it isn't fair to her," Sydney gently prodded. "Would our Eddie who is always bouncing around, a ball of energy, want to live her life on machines and depending on others for everything?"**_

" _ **She's left a living will with the attorneys at the precinct. Maybe in the morning you can get it for me?" Jamie asked wanting to abide by Eddie's wishes.**_

" _ **I will. I know it will hurt to lose her Jamie, and I don't want to see you in that kind of pain again…but if she's suffering, if this isn't what she wants…"**_

 _ **Jamie nodded, "Bring the packet, Syd. We'll see."**_

"You are having troubles with your wife," Father Markhum sighed. "Perhaps she is looking out for you. You have faced a lot of loss. To hope now and have Eddie not survive…"

Jamie nodded, "I know why Syd is doing this. She is Eddie's friend too and Syd hates for anything or anyone to be out of place. She doesn't want Eddie to hurt or to feel bad or anything but, I think she's still in there, Father, and if she is…"

"If she is, the Church will not sanction the cessation of that machine," the Father declared. "So if you need that as your out, to get you some time and some peace…fine. I hope I was able to help you Jamie."

Jamie offered a small smile, "You were. Eddie needs me, she needs me to be her voice right now. If I think, if I start to think that maybe she's suffering and I'm just making it worse…you'll give her last rites?"

"Of course, I will," the chaplain promised. With a final prayer for Eddie and Jamie, the chaplain departed leaving Jamie once again at Eddie's bedside.

Jamie sat vigil at Eddie's bedside for three days. Almost constantly, for three days, Jamie sat by Eddie's side, softly stroking her face, her hair, her shoulders, places the doctors informed him she should have some sensation. For three days, Jamie talked to Eddie calmly explaining over and over that she'd been in an accident, that she had a tube helping her breathe, but not to be afraid. He didn't know if she heard just his voice or his words but he knew she did hear him, the heart monitor indicated that, when Jamie spoke, Eddie's weak vitals were stronger.

Finally, on the afternoon of that third day, his efforts were rewarded. While Jamie sat reading Eddie the police blotter in the Daily News, her eyes began to flutter. For the first time since the night of the accident, Jamie was looking down into Eddie's beautiful blue eyes. There was a haze to them, the medications, but they were Eddie's wide, terrified eyes looking at him.

"It's okay," Jamie soothed immediately stroking Eddie's cheek. "It's okay, I'm here. I'm right here. Can you understand me? If you can, blink your eyes twice."

Eddie blinked twice.

"Okay, that's really good," Jamie smiled. "I know you're scared Eddie." She was trying to fight against the vent and speak around it. Jamie knew how important this time was. "I know you are really scared, so try to listen to me. You were in a bad car accident on Friday night and your hurt your neck very badly. You have a tube in your throat to help you breathe and a device around your head to keep your neck still so it can heal. Blink twice if you understand."

Two blinks.

"Try to answer this question for me, it's very important. Are you in any pain?"

Two blinks.

"Is the pain in your head?"

Two blinks.

"Is there pain anywhere else?"

Two blinks.

Jamie began to list body parts where he suspected pain. "You have pain all over? Just different kinds?"

Two blinks.

"I'll get your doctor to give you something for the pain," Jamie soothed. He could see the longer Eddie was conscious, the more severe the pain was becoming.

Eddie was blinking her eyes furiously at Jamie. She was trying to get his attention. "You want to know how bad it is, I know, but try not to worry about it. Just listen to me, I promise you, Eddie, whatever it is, no matter how bad or how much you need, I will be there. I'm your partner and your friend and I love you very much." Jamie dropped a kiss on her forehead. "I'm going to get the doctor, he'll give you something for your pain. I will be right back."

Jamie hurried into the hallway as Eddie's alarms started to go off. She was continuing to fight against the vent. "She's awake," Jamie told the first nurse he saw. "She's awake and she's in pain, help her."

While swarms of medical personnel rushed into Eddie's room, Jamie called his wife. "You have reached Sydney Davenport. Please leave a message."

Jamie sighed, it still bothering him after five years she didn't use his name. "Hey, Syd, just thought I'd call and tell you the good news. Eddie woke up. I have to get back the doctor is coming in. Come by later."

Dr. Camden stepped out of the room five minutes later. "She's awake, fully conscious, and as we predicted, there seems to be no damage to her brain."

"That's good news," Jamie replied. "What about the rest of it?"

"Eddie is too agitated for me to speak to her, perhaps if you came into the room, her vitals are stable and calm when you are nearby."

Jamie agreed and stepped inside knowing the horrific blow Eddie was about to be dealt. Eddie's violent heart rate settled slightly when Jamie came into view. He stood near her head and rubbed the tender skin between her ear and her shoulder, "Okay, Eddie. This is Dr. Camden, he's a really great doctor. Linda says he's the best doctor here for what's wrong. He's going to tell you all about what happened and what they are going to do to fix it. It's going to sound really scary, but don't be too frightened. I'm not going anywhere."

Eddie shut her tired eyes for a moment, she already had an idea what she was going to be told, but with Jamie by her side, it wasn't so scary, at least not yet.

 **A/N: Our Eddie is awake and obviously very scared but she has Jamie by her side. Special thanks to my priest, Father O'Grady, for helping me with the Catholic churches position on cessation of mechanical ventilation. This story was inspired by the Will Estes movie, Dive from Clausen's Pier, and morphed into this. I am so glad so many people are reading, there are many people living with spinal cord injuries from accidents, their challenges are too often overlooked.**

 **Next Update – May 10 (likely just before midnight on May 9) – Eddie learns the extent of her injuries, Sydney remembers her first encounter with Eddie. Eddie faces more surgery.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Eddie listened as the doctor explained the extents of her injuries. A lot of the terms didn't make a lot of sense, but she knew one for sure…spinal cord injury. She knew what that meant. The doctor explained that she'd broken her neck and damaged her spinal cord. She would never regain the use of her arms below her elbows, her torso, her legs. Jamie watched as Eddie's eyes widened hearing the doctor's explanation.

She blinked and tried to swallow the lump in her throat as fear and other emotions came up. Two ran down her cheeks into her hair. Her brain told her to wipe them but her arms lay against the bed, unmoving.

Jamie rubbed her cheek, wiping the tears for her. "Ssh, it's okay Eddie. I'm here, I'm right here, we're going to get through this."

Dr. Camden held Eddie's gaze as he explained the next step. "Eddie, later today we are going to take you up to surgery and stabilize your neck internally so you can get the breathing tube out. You'll be able to speak and be that much more comfortable. Once the swelling goes down, we can see how much mobility you have. Your injury is complete, you have a little arm movement, not much. We'll help you maximize it with therapy."

Eddie looked at Jamie, she wanted this man to go away and leave her alone. Her eyes begged Jamie to be her voice, "Doctor, let's talk about this later, she wants to have some processing time. Can you ask my wife to come in?" Jamie felt maybe Eddie needed a female touch but her eyes began to furiously blink.

"On second thought, just let us alone." Jamie moved to stand in Eddie's line of sight, still severely limited by her various immobilization devices. "Hey, it's going to be okay. Do you trust me?"

Two blinks.

"Good, then listen to me," Jamie reached out and stroked her hair. "You are going to be okay. I promise you that. I am going to be by your side, Syd is going to be by your side."

Eddie began blinking in a pattern. "What? What are you saying?" She slowed down her blinks and made them more purposeful. A quick blink, two long ones, an another quick one, then a quick blink and another longer one…Morse code. Eddie was asking him something using Morse code. "Paul? You're asking about Paul?"

Two blinks and a small smile behind the breathing tube. Jamie could understand her.

"Paul had to leave," Jamie replied.

"You mean you kicked him out?" Eddie blinked.

"He's not cut out to care for people that aren't him," Jamie replied. "You're better off without him, partner."

Eddie rolled her eyes and Jamie laughed, she blinked, "You never liked him."

"No, I didn't think he was good enough for my partner," Jamie laughed and stroked Eddie's cheek. "You want to see Syd for a little bit?"

Two blinks. "I'll stay so I can interpret." Jamie stepped out into the hallway. "Eddie's going up to the OR soon but she wants to see you. She's communicating using Morse code…"

"How is she, Jamie? How's she taking the news?" Sydney asked.

"As well as she can," Jamie replied. "I'm not sure it sunk in yet. I think she might have an idea the operation will restore function not just stabilize her neck."

"Should we try to prepare her?" Sydney asked before going inside the room to see their friend.

"No, they want her calm for the surgery, so let's just chat until she falls asleep from the sedative, Jamie replied. "Then we can get some dinner downstairs while they are working on her."

Sydney and Jamie stepped back into Eddie's room. Jamie went to stand by her head and began to rub her upper chest gently, while Sydney again reached for her hand. "Hey, Eddie…You scared us both so badly."

Eddie blinked her reply, "Sorry. It was like he came from thin air."

"He's been arraigned and he's being held without bail," Sydney filled Eddie in on the legal side of things. "It's his second arrest and Erin is really sure she can nail him. Now you're going to be able to talk, you can testify if you want to."

"I don't want to, I don't want to relive that. I felt like I was drowning," she blinked and teared up again.

"You were," Jamie replied. "Your spine started to swell almost immediately. You were suffocating but they got to you in time. I'm so glad they did."

"Jamie was beside himself, Paul was very upset too. He called me to find out how you were doing," Sydney informed her.

Eddie blinked and Jamie interpreted, "She said to tell him good riddance."

"Jamie she did not!" Sydney scolded. "Did you tell him that Eddie?"

Two blinks. Even Sydney understood two blinks for yes.

Sydney laughed, "Well you know how Jamie is, he hated Paul from day one so I have to check. When you get out of here, we'll get you some really pretty long dresses and we'll find a really nice guy for you, okay?"

Eddie blinked quickly, her signal for wanting a conversation to stop. "She doesn't want to talk about that now, I think she's getting tired?"

Eddie's eyes were slipping closed as Jamie hypnotically rubbed her chest. "You sleep, when you wake up from surgery, I'll be right here."

The doctors came for Eddie ten minutes later. When Jamie saw she was off to surgery, he turned to Sydney and leaned into her embrace. "Jamie, she won't be upset if you go home and rest. Your dad offered…"

"My dad isn't me," Jamie sighed. "After she's able to talk and communicate, then…then I will take a breather. For now, there's a diner across the way? You want to get some dinner?"

Sydney slid her arm through Jamie's and they headed across to the diner. Jamie ordered chicken salad and Sydney a Caesar salad, their eating patterns were similar. Sydney kept playing with her ring, she didn't know how to approach this with her husband.

While the ate she finally got up the nerve, "Jamie, I've heard all the doctors, they're saying Eddie is a quadriplegic that she won't walk again…that she can't use more than part of her arm…Jamie what's going to happen to her?"

Jamie sighed, "Well, she's going to get her surgery and we'll see what function she has. Then she'll go to rehab and work her ass off until she's able to do a lot more than they suspect."

"Jamie…the reality…"

"I know and when that time comes we'll help her all we can," Jamie replied. "We will help her find great people and we'll check on her everyday. She needs us both, she might need me to be her advocate in the hospital but she'll need you too to negotiate for her, to be her voice with the disability bored, to protect her rights…can I count on you to do that for her, Syd?"

"Of course you can," Sydney replied. "I thought we could foot the bill for her apartment to be retrofitted for her so that she can get around easier. If the landlord balks, then I'll handle that…"

Jamie kissed Sydney's hand, "She's going to be okay if we stand by her, but talk of men in the future really upset her, so let's not do that much anymore okay?"

"I just wanted to give her some hope," Sydney replied. "She needs that so much now, something to look forward to."

"I agree, but that topic seems to bother her," Jamie replied. It disturbed Sydney how in tune Jamie was with his partner. He could interpret her slightest facial expression. They weren't that connected. Even though he'd been partners with Eddie for years, Sydney hadn't notice how connected they were until this accident, when Eddie lost her voice and Jamie quickly became her mouthpiece without missing a beat.

Sydney remembered when Jamie introduced her to Eddie.

 **Three years earlier**

" **You are going to love Eddie, the best partner I have had, bar none," Jamie told Sydney as they entered the luncheonette. "Jamie this is a burger joint."**

" **I know but they have salad, it's one of Eddie's rules. You can eat salad at a burger place but you can't eat a burger at an organic food joint. I swear she reminds me of my dad."**

 **With a name like, Eddie, Sydney expected a butch, boxy, plain Jane type of girl, so she was a little taken aback by Eddie's beauty. She wore her hair down, it was shining like a golden mane around a pretty perfectly made up face. She smiled when she saw Jamie, "Hey, Reagan…Wow, you were kidding, your wife is beautiful. Hi, I'm Eddie…"**

 **Eddie offered Sydney her head, "I got us some iced tea cause Jamie drinks it like water but if you want something else…"**

" **No, I'm fine…" Sydney really wanted to dislike this woman. She was pretty and feisty, and she would be in a car with her Jamie, but she couldn't dislike her, there was something so special about Eddie Janko…**

Sydney nodded, "All right, I'll hold off on it then. Jamie, I really wish you'd come home with me tonight and get some rest, you are exhausted."

"I can't, Syd, not yet. Tomorrow night when Eddie is stable and settled and can speak up for herself, then I'll go home and get some rest. I'm going to take some of my saved sick time to be accessible to her in the hospital."

"Doesn't she have any family to help her, Jamie?"

"Her father in prison," Jamie replied. "No one else. Sydney, like it or not, I'm going to have to focus on Eddie for a while. She has a very hard road ahead, she's going to need us both, but I am listed as her next of kin and I hold the power of attorney. This is on me."

Jamie paid the check and headed over to hospital. Eddie's operation would be a few more hours. "You want to go home and rest, Syd? I'll call you when she comes out."

Sydney shook her head, "I'm going to stay here with you. I want to be here in case things don't go as we planned."

Jamie smiled at his wife and kissed her cheek, "I love you, Sydney."

She smiled back at him, "I love you too, Jamie. I just want you to rest a little, maybe lie down here and rest your head?"

Jamie tried to rest, he tried hard but it was impossible. Jamie stood up and paced the waiting room floor anxiously. It was taking too long for Eddie to come out of surgery. He and Sydney had already had dinner and watched TV and still the doctor had not come.

After his fifteenth trip back and forth, Sydney finally got tired of his constant movement. "Jamie she'll be okay, calm down."

Before Jamie could protest the doctor finally approached them wearing a smile, "Good news surgery went well. We succeeded in stabilizing her neck from the inside, that and the metal halo has allowed her to breathe again on her own. With her injury at the C5-C6 level, she's technically a quadriplegic but she does have some sensation in her shoulders and upper arms. That's a good thing. The nurses are finishing settling her in but, Jamie, I can take you to her."

Jamie's heart leapt with joy, Eddie had come through and could breathe without the tube that was a small blessing. Jamie followed the doctor back to Eddie's room. When he entered Eddie was laying back supported by pillows, the metal halo holding her neck in place so she could not move it and injure herself further.

Jamie approached the bed and immediately began to rub Eddie's shoulder, "Hey Eddie how do you feel?"

"Fine Reagan," she croaked. "You look like hell."

The sound of her beautiful voice speaking again brought happy tears to Jamie's eyes.

When he looked her over Jamie found Eddie also smiling. "That's my girl," Jamie whispered, his voice husky with unshed tears. Eddie's eyes fluttered a little bit.

"Eddie? What do you need?" Jamie asked.

"My head hurts," Eddie sighed.

"Well, you're talking, and you're off the ventilator…"

"My throat is killing me," Eddie sighed.

"I'll see if the nurses will get you some ice," Jamie replied and hit her buzzer. "Eddie, I know this is…"

"Jamie…tell me the truth," Eddie whispered while they waited for the nurse. "I know what the doctor said but I want to hear you say it."

Jamie felt like Eddie drove a knife into his chest with that soft plea. He took a breath and started to stroke her cheek. "The doctor said that you broke your neck…and that you…the injuries are permanent, the paralysis is permanent. I am so sorry."

Jamie had seen tears run out of Eddie's eyes before today when she heard about her injury, but the breathing tube had kept her from being able to sob. Now that was the sound she was making, and it broke Jamie's heart. "Eddie, I know it's scary, but I'm here…okay. I am here and I'm not going anywhere."

Eddie hiccupped. "I can't move my hands, Jamie…I can't move my legs…What am I going to do now…I can't be on the job like this…"

Jamie sat on the edge of Eddie's bed wishing he could hold her, but she had to stay straight in the bed. Jamie wiped her tears and kissed her forehead, "Don't worry about that, Syd is all over that. You focus on getting well, on healing. Leave the rest of it to me."

Jamie's words sounded wonderful, he'd be there, he'd take care of everything…but she knew that wasn't really true. How could he? Still, for now, he was here, close by and reassuring and that was perhaps the best medicine of all.

 **A/N: Well, I am dropping this chapter a little early, surprise! I hope everyone is enjoying this and that you continue to reach out with your comments and observations. This is difficult material to read and write about but I do love realistic stories as well as triumph over tragedy. You may not come out the same, but things are often not as cold as they first appear. Eddie will take a long journey in finding out how to be herself again with new limitations.**

 **Next Update – May 12** **th** **– Eddie gets a surprise visitor who shares concerns for her with Jamie.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

A week later, Frank stood outside the gates of Lincoln correctional facility leaning against his black car, eyes hidden behind his dark sunglasses. He stood straight up as Armin Janko approached forcing an awkward smile. Detective Nucifaro took Armin from the guards.

"Thank you for doing this," he whispered, stopping next to Frank. He felt dwarfed by the commissioner's imposing form.

Frank nodded leading him around to the back seat staying quiet during the ride to the hospital. He knew Armin would be in for a shock, he'd seen Eddie four times since she got into the accident and it was still hard for him. He couldn't imagine seeing his little girl, his Erin, like that.

The ride to the hospital lasted about twenty minutes, with his security team in tow Frank led the shaky man to Eddie's floor stopping just outside her room allowing Armin to go in first and see his daughter.

"Edit," Armin whispered as if the sound of his voice would cause her pain.

Eddie was sitting at a 45 degree angle in her bed, her neck still immobilized by the metal halo. Her body appeared relaxed as Jamie stroked her shoulders, speaking softly to her about something on the television. At the sound of her father's voice, Eddie's eyes flew open seeing the man she looked up to as a child, suddenly feeling water swelling up from behind her lids.

"Dad," Eddie croaked surprised to see him. She had hoped he'd come, but she didn't want to hope. She had very little hope these days.

Armin moved in to his daughter's bedside reaching for her hand, his own tears flowing at the sight of his baby girl laying in a hospital bed.

"Frank, brought me here to see you. Oh my Edit." He reached for her hand again, but again she did not respond. Armin stepped back, hurt at what he perceived as rejection.

Jamie saw the tension and stepped in. It was hard for Eddie to talk much right now, she has low stamina when it came to breathing, let alone talking. "She can't…" Jamie explained. "She can't move or feel her hands. Come here…"

Jamie led Armin to the side of the bed, "Dad, can we remove these cuffs so he can touch her?"

Eddie's eyes tracked following her father's movement. "I'm sorry, Daddy…" She began to cry in earnest feeling like she let him down.

Seeing Eddie's tears Frank nodded at his bodyguard to remove the handcuffs. When Armin's hands were free, Jamie directed him. "She can feel her head, her face, neck, upper chest…upper arms…"

Armin nodded and sat down gently cupping his daughter's cheek. "Oh, Edit, don't cry," he soothed. "Please don't cry. There's nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart. Daddy's here now…Daddy's here."

"Can I hold her?" he asked Jamie but Jamie shook his head. "You can't move her, she has to stay still like she is now.

Armin sighed the remembered what he would do for Eddie as a baby. He reached out his hand and stroked her hair at the crown of her head. "Daddy's here now, baby girl. Remember when you were about six and you got your arm stuck in the fence. You broke your wrist. You were never a crier, always so brave but when I went to get you from school you were crying. I held you in my arms, like I want to do right now, and rubbed your hair…we got you a cast and we got you some ice cream. I wish it were that easy now…"

Eddie sniffled, "Chocolate chip…they have that here. Jamie gives it to me."

Armin looked at Jamie with a question in his eyes. "Her throat is still really sore from the ventilator so the ice cream…"

Armin nodded, "Can I have some time alone with my Edit?"

Frank was ready to agree but Jamie bristled, "She uh…" He began to protest. "He's her father, Jamie. He won't hurt her."

Jamie nodded, "I'll be just down the hall, Eddie." Jamie kissed her cheek. "I'll see about a dish of ice cream, would that taste good?"

"Yeah, thanks, Jamie. I'll try to eat again when you come back."

Jamie followed Frank out the door, leaving father and daughter to talk.

"How's she doing?" Frank asked.

"She's really depressed," Jamie confided. "She's not eating very well, she blames it on a sore throat but I know it's because someone has to feed her. She thinks she's a burden and the injury is only a week old."

"Is there a chance that she'll be able to feed herself or care for herself at all in the future?" Frank asked.

Jamie nodded, "Yes absolutely. I went to the class at the SCI Institute yesterday and they went over C5-6 injuries. She will be able to feed herself with special utensils, drink with a special clip, comb her hair, maybe do her makeup with modifying devices. She can drive a power chair, she can partially transfer in and out of bed...there's a lot she can learn to do but she's going to need rehab and time. A lot of it is going to take time, she's only had the accident a little more than a week ago."

Frank nodded, "Well Eddie isn't a patient sort of person so..."

Jamie nodded, "She reminds me a lot of Danny in that respect. I'm going to do all I can for her. She's got no one but her father and me. She's like my little sister. There's no limit to what Danny and Erin would do if it were me in that bed. Sydney is on board too so it's just helping her through the rough part."

"We're here son, Danny wanted to come visit her and Pop. Do you think she'll be receptive to that?"

Jamie sighed, "Pop yes, Danny I have to talk to before he sees her. I don't want him to say anything that can make her depression worse. The doctors said if she goes to rehab in this state of mind it's counterproductive. I might have to bring her home first and help her get a handle on things before we put her in. Eddie made that my decision, she doesn't want to make decisions, she says she' s physically useless so she doesn't have a vote in her own life. It's breaking my heart Dad."

"Well," Frank replied. "If her dad can't get through to her, Pop and I will give it a shot. Hang in there, Jamie and take care of you too. The best thing you can do for Eddie is take care of yourself, you're no good to her if you're run down and tired."

"I'm resting, Dad. I'm taking my sick days and Renzulli is a huge help with that. He wants to see Eddie getting well as much as I do."

Meanwhile, inside the hospital room, Armin Janko held his little girl as best he could with her devices on her. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm sorry I can't be there to help you now."

"Jamie's helping me," Eddie replied. "He's a good friend and a good partner Dad."

"I know he is, but he's not me. I only have another few years, pumpkin. Then I can come out and I'll be there to do anything you need me to do."

Eddie sighed, "Thanks Dad, but let's face it, some kind of infection or something is going to get me before then, you won't have to worry. If I could I'd shoot myself now and put myself out of my misery. This happens to a horse or a dog, we put it down, we call it being humane...where is my humane treatment? Jamie wiped my butt for me this morning...that is exactly how I always dreamed of him touching me!"

"Edit Marie, stop it!" Armin barked in a fatherly tone. "Stop this foolish talk. You got hurt, badly hurt, and I'm sure you are angry but that is downright foolishness!"

"What do you know, Dad?' Eddie asked sharply. "You weren't around for years! Even when you were around you weren't! You weren't even home when Mom died! Then you tried to make up for it with the best prom dresses and the best cars. I needed you and I needed my mother!"

"Edit, I am so sorry. I know that you got the short end of every stick. I…"

"Yeah, well, this is just the topping on that sundae," Eddie griped. "Look, Dad I am so glad you are here for me, that you came to visit me, but this is as good as it's going to get so…'

"Edit, don't do this…" It broke Armin's heart to hear Eddie speaking so badly about herself. "You are so much more than just your body and your physical capability. You are so smart, you were first in your class at Farmington, at Vasser, and in the academy. You can do so many things with just your heart and your mind, I'm proud of you Edit."

Eddie turned her eyes away, hiding more tears. "I'm getting tired, Dad. Can you ask Jamie to come back in so I can eat and get some sleep?"

"Of course, sweetie. I have to be getting back but I'll see if the Commissioner can fix it so I can visit again. I love you, Edit Marie."

Armin moved slowly toward the door and pulled it open. Jamie and Frank were waiting outside. "Jamie, she's asking for you, she says she's very tired."

Jamie nodded, "She needs to eat something first."

Jamie went back into the room, "The nurse is getting you some ice cream, and then you can take a nap. How's your head?"

"Hurts," Eddie sighed. "Jamie, I'm so tired, I'm not hungry…"

"You're going to eat, Eddie," Jamie said firmly. "Here's the nurse now, I talked her into chocolate this time."

Jamie took the bowl and spoon, slowly he began to feed Eddie the ice cream. Linda had given him a crash course in how to feed someone, it wasn't as easy as it looked. "Come one, Eddie, don't make me make airplane noises. The sooner you get stronger, the sooner you get out of here and into a rehab. You'll be doing this yourself in no time."

While Jamie fed Eddie, Armin looked at Frank, "I need to talk to your son before we leave. My girl, she's talking about dying. She doesn't want to live like this and I can't say I blame her. My girl has always went her own way, being so restricted, it's killing her from the inside out. I just want Jamie to be aware…"

Frank agreed to let Armin wait. It took Jamie a half hour to feed Eddie, clean her up, and coax her to sleep. When he stepped out, both fathers were relieved to see the ice cream bowl empty.

"Jamie, Armin has something he'd like to say."

Armin sighed, "First, I want to thank you for the tenderness and devotion you're showing my Edit. I think it's only because of that she's doing so well, but she said some things that really worried me and since you're her primary caretaker…"

"I know how depressed she is, Mr. Janko, and I am trying to help her, believe me," Jamie sighed.

"She told me she wants to die, that if she were an animal, she'd have been put down. She told me if she could use her gun she'd kill herself, I'm scared for her." Armin's eyes shined with tears.

"I'm on top of it, Mr. Janko. I think when the rest of the swelling goes down and Eddie feels better her outlook will improve. I think your visit really helped, she got some more of her emotions out." Jamie patted the older man's arm. "I love Eddie like a sister, I'm not going to let her fall. I know I should have stopped this somehow, and if it was a gunfight in the street, trust me I'd be in the bed or in the morgue before I'd let this happen to her. This was a freak accident…"

"I'm not blaming you, son, I'm grateful to you. I'm going to speak to my lawyers. There's several hundred thousand dollars in a bank in the Cayman Islands. It's honest money, I'm going to transfer all but $100,000 of it you so that you can make sure my Edit has everything she could possibly need. The remainder of it I need to start a new life, but what I don't use, will go to my girl as well."

"My wife and I have the means, Mr. Janko. You hold onto your money, you'll need it to rebuild your life when you get out. Eddie won't be able to help you. It's nice of you but, not necessary."

Frank cleared his throat, "It's time to go, Armin. I promised I'd have you back a while ago."

"Tell Eddie I love her," Armin told Jamie as he was recuffed and led back to Frank's SUV.

That night, Jamie stumbled in the door a little after ten. Sydney was sound asleep on the sofa, piles of papers surrounding her. Jamie leaned over and kissed her gently.

"Hey," Sydney smiled. "How's Eddie?"

"She's okay, her vitals are getting better, she ate a little more today and her father visited."

"Oh," Sydney sat up. "Did you eat? I have your plate warming."

Jamie nodded, "Thanks, honey. It was good I think, I think it was good her father came. Maybe tomorrow you can stop by and do some make up on her and make her feel a little prettier, that might help. She's so depressed, talking to her dad about wanting to die."

"I'm not sure a little make-up will help that but I'll try. You take tomorrow off, get some rest, Eddie would want that too." Sydney brought him a plate of chicken and rice.

Jamie ate his food but barely tasted it. "I can't, she's so down now I'm her lifeline. I'm her voice, I have to go at least for a while."

Sydney kissed his cheek, "That's what I love so much about you, you always put other's first. Come to bed when you're done…" Sydney kissed him again and shook her hips a little bit, letting him know she was his for the taking. After a day like this, Jamie looked forward to the release his wife offered and took her up on it, in spades.

 **A/N: I apologize for any major typos in today's update. I did proofread it but I am sick and my brain is totally muddled. Thanks so much for reading and following this piece. There is MUCH more to come especially for Jamie and Eddie fans.**

 **Next update – May 15** **th** **– Jamie is MIA at Sunday dinner, Henry uncovers some truths when he visits Eddie.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

"No Jamie?" Erin asked Sydney as she arrived at the family home for Sunday dinner.

"No, he's going to eat at the hospital later. I'm going to bring him a plate," Sydney replied. "They finally got Eddie into Columbia Presbyterian. They are going to try one more surgery to try to see if that helps, they got a positive result from some electrode test they did that shows she might have slightly more mobility on her left side than her right, may have some lower arm or wrist function and Jamie wanted to capitalize on that."

"Oh good," Linda smiled. "They do some wonderful things there. If I was in Eddie's shoes, that's where I'd go."

"Let's pray you never are in her shoes, Baby," Danny said thinking how close Linda had come to life in a wheelchair. He wasn't sure if he would be able to cope.

"How is she doing?" Henry asked the question on everyone's mind. "Francis never tells us much and I haven't been to see her since I'm getting over this cold. I plan to go this week"

'The last couple of days been very bad," Sydney replied. "She's very down but what's worse is she's been in a lot of pain. The doctor said it was called neuropathic pain, it comes from the nerve damage," Sydney explained. "She woke up from a nap the other day and was crying out. It took Jamie an hour to make her calm down. They are trying meds and things to help her now. Last night, she scared us both, she couldn't breathe and her face was flushed and clammy, her monitors were going crazy. Her blood pressure was 220/140, she almost had a stroke."

"Autonomic dysreflexia," Linda sighed. She knew the dangers of that condition and how often a person with a spine injury would suffer from it.

"Auto what now?" Sydney asked. "The doctors never explained to us."

"Autonomic dysreflexia," Linda supplied. "It's basically an over stimulation of the autonomic nervous system, that's the part that controls breathing, heartbeat, digestion. When you have a spinal injury as high as Eddie, the involuntary part of her nervous system can overreact to something that might just be irritating to you or me. A wrinkled sock, a sunburn, something as simple as bath water being too hot or too cold and the part of her system that is supposed to calm it down, can't do it effectively so she has these episode of dangerous high pressure, pounding headaches, chills. It is very, very dangerous. Likely she'll battle that the rest of her life, but you and Jamie can learn the causes and the signs, how to treat it…"

"They put her head all the way up and put some ice on her neck but it didn't work so they ended up giving her medicine," Sydney replied. "Jamie is taking all of this so hard."

Danny sighed, "Kid takes everything to heart. How are you doing with it Syd?"

"It's sad to see her like this, we're good friends," Sydney sighed helping bring plates to the table.

"Jamie and I both seem to be able to break through but anyone else she's shut off completely."

"I'll go over and visit her this week," Linda offered.

"I'll go too," Henry replied. "We'll get that young one smiling again. She is capable of a lot more than she knows. I'm sure with time and hard work she'll recover some of her abilities at least."

Sean said grace, making a special prayer for his uncle's partner and friend. As they ate Nikki asked, "What is Eddie going to do for money? She can't be a cop anymore."

"She was injured while a member of the NYPD so she's eligible for disability through us and I think she's eligible for SSDI as well" Frank replied. "I have Baker on the paperwork for both of those benefits so when she's ready to apply there's no hold ups. She will keep her insurance and after a few years she can go on Medicare to supplement it."

"I'm making sure Eddie gets every benefit available and I filed a law suit on her behalf against the driver that hit her and his insurance company," Sydney replied. 'They aren't contesting the suit, we're just waiting on a number."

"That's smart of them," Danny replied. "Erin, did that piece of garage try to plead?"

Erin suddenly became very interested in her plate.

"You didn't!" Danny exclaimed. 'That piece of garbage got off!"

"No, but he plead guilty and my boss offered him five off parole after three."

Sydney's face turned red, "So I get to tell my Jamie that his best friend is quadriplegic for life with this autonomic whatchamacallit that could kill her and the man who did it is free in three years. Nice going!"

"It's not my fault, I wanted him off the streets just as much as any of you!" Erin defended. "I will explain it to Jamie. I know he'll be angry and he has the right."

Erin only picked at her meal, but she wasn't the only one.

Across town, in a huge suite at the Columbia Presbyterian Spinal Center, Eddie lay at the usual angle in her bed with a nearly untouched tray of food in front of her. The nurses had been unsuccessful in feeding her so Jamie was giving it a try.

"Eddie you have to eat something build up your strength," Jamie pleaded for the fifth time, holding a forkful of turkey and stuffing waiting for a chance to sneak the bite into Eddie's mouth.

Eddie turned her head away from him refusing to touch the food sent up from the hospital kitchen.

.

Sighing in frustration and worried about Eddie's health, Jamie leaned forward trying another approach. Since starting at the new hospital, Eddie refused to eat anything and struggled with allowing visitors in. He remembered the day she arrived there, Renzulli had come up to see her.

" **Eddie, you have a visitor," the nurse told her as Jamie finished adjusting her legs in her bed. The nurses never propped them on pillows like Eddie preferred. Linda had done that for her in Saint Victor's and it seemed to keep some of the spasms and swelling at bay.**

" **Is it Syd?" she asked. The only visitors Eddie received were Jamie, Sydney, and Frank. She turned every other one away, ever Kara Walsh and Alex Regetti.**

" **No, it's a Sergeant Renzulli. He says he won't take no for an answer," the kindly older nurse replied.**

 **Eddie looked at Jamie, eyes starting to close from the fatigue of the transfer. "I don't want to, Jamie. Please."**

 **Jamie nodded and stroked Eddie's cheek, "Let him say hello and I will kick his round butt out of here after ten minutes."**

 **Eddie sighed but agreed, "Five minutes only," Jamie told the nurse who quickly relayed that to the Sergeant.**

 **Renzulli kept his voice light, "Hey, Janko. How you feeling?"**

" **Kind of tired," Eddie replied. "I just got here."**

" **Yeah, I heard you were being moved today. This is from everyone." Renzulli held up a huge basket loaded with fruit, candy, cookies, dried soups and stews. "You can make the soups with just hot water so the Kid hear can sub it out for hospital food if you want. We're all thinking about you Janko. We all miss you. A lot of your fellow officers are outside and…"**

" **NO!" Eddie snapped. "No, God…Jamie…"**

" **Sarge, she's getting upset and she's really tired," Jamie explained. "She really is, so it's best if they come back another time. You can stay a few more minutes if you like."**

 **Renzulli sat down, "So, uh how long do you need that there…" He pointed to Eddie's halo.**

" **Few more weeks," she replied. "It's okay though, this make it so I can get out of bed for a bit and go in a wheelchair. Jamie took me out the other day to the front of the hospital."**

" **Does it hurt?" Renzulli looked at the bolts and pins inside Eddie's skin.**

" **Not really, I get a headache sometimes but it's just cumbersome. My back hurts a lot."**

 **Renzulli's eyes lit up, if her back hurt. "You're getting feeling back! That's terrific! I thought…"**

 **Eddied sighed, "No, it's not like that. It's nerves and stuff, it makes it ache and burn. I have another injury down lower so my system is all messed up."**

" **Oh, well…maybe thought, you never know, Janko. You never know. We're all praying for you, the whole precinct. And Reynolds, he took it on himself to organize a fun run to help pay for some of this stuff."**

 **Eddie was touched by the outpouring of support but she still felt like sideshow curiosity and didn't want all the attention. Eddie closed her eyes, feigning a deeper exhaustion than she felt.**

" **Well, I can see you're getting tired. Kid, call us when Eddie is up for visitors okay?"**

 **Jamie agreed and walked Renzulli out. "It's not her in there right now, Sarge. It's the depression, she needs to just isolate a little to come to terms with it all. Try coming again next week with one of two of the guys and see how she is then."**

 **Renzulli clasped Jamie's arm, "You're doing a good thing, Kid, you and your missus."**

 **Jamie nodded, "She's my partner and my best friend. She's like my kid sister, you know. She's got no one else but her Dad and he's in prison."**

 **Renzulli nodded, "Give her our love."**

Renzulli was the last visitor Eddie allowed. "Eddie talk to me," Jamie pleaded. "What's going on? I want to help you, but I can't if you don't talk."

Finally turning her head back towards him Eddie blinked at Jamie batting away the tears in her eyes. "I'm scared Jamie."

Jamie immediately leaned forward gently rubbing her upper arm ensuring her everything was okay. "I get you're scared, tell me what you're afraid of," Jamie said in a soft whisper.

At first Eddie didn't respond, just looked down at her useless hands trying to gather all her thoughts. "I'm afraid of being alone."

"You aren't alone," Jamie said quickly. "You aren't alone, Eddie, I promise you." Jamie continued his gentle massage of her arm pushing a little harder to demonstrate his resolve. "Eddie, listen to me. You are my best friend, you are one of Sydney's best friends and we promised each other we are not going to leave you floundering in this okay? When you are done here, Syd is trying to get you into Mount Sinai or Burke and we will visit you every day you are there, all right?"

"So, I'm going to go to a home? That's what you're telling me?" Eddie's eyes started to shed the collected tears.

"No, no…" Jamie hurried to soothe her. "No, not a home, never a home. This is rehab, to get your body to work as best it can and help you learn to live with what it can't do anymore. It's going to teach me too, they'll show me how to help you turn over and how to help you dress and how to help you do things for yourself. They have classes here but the rehab ones are better. They are all day and I can learn a lot for when you go home."

"Home?" Eddie look at Jamie as if he told her pigs could fly. "I'll never go home, Jamie. How can I go home?"

"You'll be surprised. You are still recovering from trauma, Eddie. You'll get some more arm function back. You'll always needs help but that is what I'm here for and Sydney and a lot of people from the precinct too if you'd let them. I know you hate it, I'd hate it, but you have the help, Eddie. It's there, just take it."

Eddie was quiet for a long time, then let out a sob. Her shoulders began to shake and she tried to drop her head but was prevented by the halo. "I wish…" she sobbed not even able to hide her face with her hands. She turned her head as much as the traction allowed to hide the tears.

"Don't hide from me, Eddie," Jamie whispered. "It's me…talk to me. Look at me." Jamie gently moved her face back and held her chin. "You wish what…what do you wish? Tell me."

"I wish…" Eddie hiccupped. "I wish I died that night, Jamie. I wish I died in that car…I do…" And then it broke.

All of the pain Eddie had been holding in erupted as she cried. Jamie pushed down the bed rail and held her as best he could with the halo and vest in the way. "Oh, God..." Jamie sighed, choking up himself. "Oh God, do not ever say that again, Eddie, do you hear me? Do not ever say that again. I am so glad you are here with me. I'm so glad you lived and if that means you never move your arms or your legs, well I'll be your arms, I'll be your legs, your eyes...whatever if I have you here.'

"But it's not fair...it's not FAIR!" Eddie sobbed, if she could hit something she would have shattered it.

"I know it's not fair! It is incredibly not fair, but it could be worse. You could have brain damage, honey. When they told me what happened, I prayed so hard...I prayed to God please just let her be my Eddie and you know what? He answered me, because you are still you. You are still smart and funny and a wise ass...You are all the things I love about you, all the things so many people love. That is why you say you get no peace, so many people are here for you, to help you."

"I want to do my job," Eddie sobbed. "I want to be a cop again. I want to chase perps and put on handcuffs...I can't wipe my own butt...what good am I to anyone?"

Jamie sighed and held on tight. She had to let this all come out. She had to. He wished Sydney were here. She'd know what to tell Eddie to make her feel better. Jamie rocked and kissed her temple around the metal brace. "I know, and if I was in your place, I'd be angry too. I'd be scared too, it's normal, but please don't say you want to be dead, Eddie. Please don't do that to me."

Eddie didn't have the strength to reply. She was still incredibly weak and tired so easily. The intensity of her cry left her limp and her torso cramped. Jamie eased Eddie back and elevated the leg portion of the bed. "It's all right, just lie back…" Jamie quickly got a cold cloth from the bathroom and bathed Eddie's cheeks with it before lying it over her eyes. "Try to rest…what if I called Syd and asked her to bring you a plate from Sunday dinner too. Would you like that?"

Eddie nodded, "Better than this stuff," she slurred half asleep.

Jamie kissed her forehead then stepped outside.

Sydney smiled when she saw the caller ID, "Hey, Babe, how's it going?"

"It's okay, she's uh, sleeping but can you ask Pop to make two plates? She won't eat for me and I think I have her sold on eating whatever Pop made."

"Well, he made roast chicken, potatoes, creamed corn, and broccoli and I was great. There's chocolate cheesecake too, can she eat that?"

"Yeah, there's no dietary restrictions. If she can swallow it, she can eat it and her swallows are all really good unless she's tired…thanks a lot, honey. See you in a few hours?"

"You bet. Linda and Erin brought some raunchy romance books too, I'm going to bring them for Eddie to look at. They are books on tape, she won't have to turn pages."

"Thanks, tell them thanks. See you soon. I love you."

"Love you too," Sydney replied and hug up. "Henry, can you make two plates. Eddie is refusing to eat and Jamie thinks a home cooked meal…"

"I'll make three and come down there with you. That girl will eat for me or my name isn't Henry Reagan."

Sydney laughed knowing in her heart Henry was, as usual, right.

 **A/N: Well, I owe you guys an apology. I accidently previewed part of Chapter Seven as this chapter. It is in Chapter Seven Henry makes a discovery from his talking with Eddie. I promise I will try not to make this mistake again. I did have a fever that day, if that let's me be forgiven. Due to this error, I will update the story a day early on May 17** **th** **, instead of May 18** **th** **. I will then resume the regular update schedule. Thanks for your understanding.**

 **Autonomic dysreflexia is a real concern for high level spinal cord injury patients. Eddie, while she is tough as nails, is susceptible to severe spikes in blood pressure caused by anything from a full belly or bladder to menstrual cramps to broken bones. It can be treated but can also cause seizure, stroke, heart attack, even death.**

 **Next update – May 17** **th** **– Henry learns a truth about Eddie that Jamie must deal with for her health, Henry begins to bond with Eddie. Syd achieves a small victory for Eddie.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

"Hey," Sydney greeted Eddie with a gentle hug. "Jamie conk out on you?"

"Yeah, he was watching the boob tube and fell asleep. I was waiting to see how long it would take for him to realize he's drooling on his shirt."

Sydney laughed, "Jamie is a mouth breather. Listen, Henry came with me, he has a four course meal out there and won't take no for an answer. Can I bring him in?"

Eddie sighed, "Of course you can. He won't go even if I asked and he has Jamie's dinner. You can bring him in."

Sydney stepped into the hall to retrieve Henry, "Her spirits seem good for now," she replied. "Much better than yesterday."

Henry entered Eddie's hospital room holding two bags teaming with food. "Oh my goodness, look at you wasting away in that bed. I heard you haven't been eating very much, young lady."

Eddie sighed, "It's hard, Henry. I need help and the nurses rush me and the food just feels like a big ball. Jamie and Sydney can't always be here and let's face it, the food is crappy."

"Well this," Henry began to unpack the packs. "Is not crappy and I'll have Jamie speak to the nurses about rushing you. Now, first off, some chicken broth to soothe your tummy and get you ready for the main event. Syd, can you help her, I want to set everything out."

Henry had poured the broth into a mug with a handle. Sydney had to hold the handle so Eddie could drink. Henry next unloaded the cheesecake, "Best chocolate cheesecake, but you can't have this, if I don't see you eating."

The voices work Jamie from his nap. He stood and stretched, "Hey, Pops. Oh that smells good."

Henry handed Jamie his plate and watched as Sydney continued to guide sips of broth into Eddie's mouth. "That's the way," Henry smiled. "How are you going to get your strength if you don't eat good food? Jamison, this young lady is telling me her nurses are rushing her when she's eating. Can you do something about that please?"

Jamie agreed that he would and sat down to eat his dinner. Sydney wiped Eddie's mouth and offered her some juice to drink. "Next, spinach salad with wet walnuts and feta cheese…good for the iron."

Henry sat beside Eddie and balanced the food perfectly on the fork, "The perfect bite, try some of this." Eddie opened her mouth and was surprised she liked the salad. She ate half of it before Henry switched to the chicken and potatoes. He took his time, he made sure Eddie tasted every bite and had ample drinks in between. "How you feeling? You still hungry?"

Eddie nodded, "Yes, but I'm saving space for that cake, I think I earned it."

"You did," Henry praised. "You did a great job, honey. Now…" Henry got the piece of cake and a spoon. "You do it."

"Pops!" Jamie jumped in knowing it was not possible.

"Jamie, I'm going to help her but she has to try."

"Grandpa, no!" Jamie said firmly. "She isn't ready, she can't open her hand. You can't just will it to happen, it's not like you hip! Later when she has the tools you can help her learn, now we do it for her."

Jamie too the spoon and offered Eddie a bite. "Jamie, I want to try,' she said almost too softly for him to hear.

"What's wrong, Eddie?" Jamie asked concerned at the soft tone in her voice. "What hurts?"

"Nothing," she replied. "I want to try, Jamie. Please let me try."

Jamie froze so Henry took the plastic spoon and gently, opened Eddie's hand. He placed the utensil in and held her hand in a loose but supportive grip. "Okay, honey, think….I'm going to help you the food on there, but my books say your upper arm moves so let's do this…"

Jamie stood back against the wall in shock at what his grandfather was going to do. Sydney moved to his side, "Is this safe?"

Jamie shook his head, "No, her arm is going to seize, they haven't worked on loosening those muscles very much yet, she's only recovering from two major surgeries. But it might do more harm to her will if I stop her."

Eddie tried hard to lift the spoon. It was as if it was the heaviest thing she had ever tried to pick up.

"Pops, massaged her shoulder a little," Jamie advised. "Loosen her up."

Henry gently rubbed the tense shoulder, deltoid, and bicep muscles then smiled at Eddie, "You ready kiddo? Let's try again."

This time, with Henry holding and guiding her lower arm, Eddie got the cake into her mouth. "You did it!" Henry praised. "I'm so proud of you. Let's try again, couple more times, then I will take over."

Eddie managed to raise her arm from the elbow with Henry's help twice more before her face contorted and her arm seized as Jamie predicted.

"Oh…" Eddie moaned softly. "Henry stop…"

Henry immediately stopped and looked up at Jamie. He didn't want to do anything that might make her worse. Jamie stepped in and moved the back of Eddie's bed backwards and began to massage her arm. "There…" Jamie sighed. "There it is, but that was so great. You did such a good job and in rehab they'll teach you how to do that so it's easier and doesn't hurt."

Eddie relaxed with Jamie's tender touch, when her expression turned pain free she looked up and smiled. "That was the best meal…"

"It was, how about we get you cleaned up and settled for the night, okay?"

Eddie smiled, "Okay."

"Syd, Pop, will you excuse us please?" Jamie asked. "I'm going to settle Eddie for the night."

Sydney gave Eddie a hug and Henry kissed Eddie's head, "You rest, sweetheart. I'll come back tomorrow for lunch, what about hot pastrami and mustard on rye bread and some potato salad. Does that sound good? No more not eating."

"Yes, Sir," Eddie laughed.

Jamie pulled the sheet down and looked at Eddie's catheter bag. "This is full, I'm going to have them change this. Let me fix your sheets and…"

Eddie sighed, "Jamie….What are you going to all this trouble for?"

"Because you're my partner," Jamie replied. "And my very best friend. Jamie made sure the sheets were smooth under Eddie's legs. He rolled her over and inspected her back before arranging her legs. "If the nurse doesn't come to fix that catheter in twenty minutes, use the voice call on your phone and call me. Sleep very well," Jamie kissed Eddie's cheek. "I'll be back for breakfast."

Eddie sighed and leaned back against the bed shutting her eyes. Jamie stepped out into the hall, "Just let me speak to the head nurse and we can go home." Jamie walked down to the nurses' station and spoke to the charge nurse, Carol. "Uh, Eddie's catheter bag is almost full, I told her I'd ask someone to change it and…she told my grandfather that the nursing staff is rushing her when she's being fed. I want that stopped."

"Our staff gives each patient ample time to eat…"

"Eddie is still adjusting, if she needs more time then…"

"We are already giving her more time than we do other patients, she is resistant…"

Jamie's face turned red, "Eddie can be resistant. She can be upset, she can complain all she wants. If she needs two hours to eat and not feel pushed, then I want her to have two hour to eat. What do I need to do to make that happen?"

"If she requires that kind of care then you will need to hire a private attendant for her." Jamie sighed, "I want one, please leave the information on how to obtain a private nurse in her room, and please change her bag."

Carol sent a nurse immediately to change the bag while Jamie joined Sydney and Henry. Both could tell he didn't get satisfaction he was looking for from the nurse. Sydney didn't press him until they dropped Henry off.

"So, what didn't you like when you spoke to that nurse?"

"I didn't like her," Jamie replied. "They said Eddie is given ample time to eat and if she requires more then we have to hire a private nurse. I know it's a lot of money…"

"Find out how much," Sydney replied. "We don't even need your paycheck to pay our bills and we have enough cushion from what I make. Why don't we, for now, apply all of your check to Eddie's bills then when she gets insurance reimbursement, she can pay us back."

Jamie smiled, he was lucky to have Syd and he knew it. Most wives would be jealous and catty, but not her. She had embraced his partnership early on and had already done so much to help Eddie in the short time since her accident.

"Are you sure?" Jamie asked. "I don't want to…"

"I'm sure, Jamie," Sydney replied. "It will give you peace of mind, you'll sleep better. I'm worried about you when you go back to work if you're burning it at both ends. A private nurse until she goes to rehab will be the perfect solution. Between the nurse and Pop going up, Eddie will eat better and eat more and be ready for Burke in no time."

"Burke?" Jamie asked. "I thought they had a waiting list."

"They did…my supervising partner has a relative on the board of directors. I told him Eddie's story, and that she's NYPD and he made a call on her behalf. They have a bed for her when she's ready."

"That is terrific new, I can't wait to tell her!" Burke was one of, if not the best, rehab hospitals in New York. If there was a place that could maximize Eddie's abilities that was the place.

They parked the car and headed into their Upper West Side apartment. The place was far too big for them, but it was close to Sydney's job. Jamie went directly to their bed and put his feet up. He laid his head on the pillow and sighed, exhausted.

Sydney climbed into bed and laid on her side to facing Jamie. She caressed his cheek gently worrying about his health after all he's taking on.

"Jamie, I know you're worried about Eddie, but you need to take care of yourself too. I'm worried at how run down you are."

Jamie opened his blue eyes studying the concerned expression on his wife's face. He sighed. The last thing he wanted to do was worry her.

"I know Syd, I've been worried about Eddie and I have could used a little more rest. That's why I took some time off to give my body a rest. I have a few more weeks saved up, when she goes to rehab, then…"

Sydney smiled at him, "For now…yes, I agree. Why don't we do this, for the time being, you take care of Eddie and let me take care of you." Sydney moved over Jamie and started placing kisses on his chest.

"Oh Syd," Jamie moaned in the back of his throat. "I'm too beat tonight, honey, and I have to go to the hospital early to arrange for the nurse. Can I get a raincheck?"

Sydney was disappointed but caressed Jamie's cheek, "Of course, you need to rest. Let's just hold onto each other for a while."

Jamie pulled Sydney close and smiled, "Best idea of the day…"

 **A/N: The vast majority of nurses and caregivers in hospitals are angels among us, but there are times when patients that can't or don't advocate for themselves encounter problems. Henry uncovered that truth from Eddie with his gentle and easy manner, so Jamie could address it. Henry will play a bigger role in this story than in my other stories.**

 **Next Update – May 20 – Jamie and Eddie have a falling out and Sydney sees an opportunity.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

The next morning, Jamie arrived at the hospital just in time for Eddie's breakfast. He stayed in the hallway and waited for the nurse to begin feeding her. "How are you feeling this morning, Eddie?" the young redheaded nurse asked. "I saw yesterday you had a lot of visitors."

Eddie nodded, "Henry's a nice old man. He treats me like one of his own family."

"And your boyfriend, now he is a catch," the nurse smiled. "So handsome, so sweet. He told my supervisor off, she was complaining about him for hours."

"Oh," Eddie began to laugh. "That's not my boyfriend, that's my partner, Jamie. I don't have a boyfriend or any family really so Jamie…he's my best friend but he's married."

"He's married?" the nurse asked surprised. "His wife allows…"

"His wife is also a friend of mine," Eddie replied. "It's part of being a cop. You look out for each other. It's a family in and of itself."

"That's right," Jamie stated as he made his presence known. "How are you feeling, Eddie?"

"Okay, a little headache this morning that won't go away. Delia was telling me that later, I get out of bed and go for a ride in a wheelchair. Fun times."

"I'll be here when you do that then," Jamie assured her. "I took another few weeks until you go to rehab. I have good news, Syd got you into Burke. As soon as you are ready, you can start learning things again. Danny found a great first floor apartment too, and he's going to work with some contractors on getting it set up for you."

Eddie smiled, "That's great, Jamie, but you really don't have to take care of me. We're not on the job anymore."

Jamie looked at Eddie's crestfallen features, "Nurse James is it? Would you mind if I took over?"

"Of course not, I'll be back to help you get a bath, Eddie. Take your time with your meal."

Jamie took the spoon and began to try to feed Eddie. "Open up. Come on now or I'll have to bring Pop back down here."

Jamie scooped a little bit more egg onto the spoon to avoid giving Eddie too much, and raised it to her mouth with a smile. "Good Eddie, you're doing great. I can't wait for you to come home though at least you'll be more comfortable and have home cooked meals instead of this. You ready for more?"

Eddie gave her head a small shake as she swallowed the small portion Jamie gave her. Although Jamie knew she could take more, Jamie felt he would overwhelm her if he forced a spoonful, that could result in her possibly choking on the food and he didn't want to risk that again. Jamie meant well, but Eddie couldn't help but feel embarrassed Jamie had to sit and feed her like a child. She had been thinking it over and came to the realization she was better off in a home rather than being a burden on Jamie and Sydney.

"What's wrong Eddie? Too much to fast?" Jamie put the fork down and waited patiently until Eddie was ready, he was on high alert in case she started choking. Eddie's throat muscles were still partially compromised but getting stronger daily. The coughing never came though, instead Eddie leaned back tilting her head down to look at her hands.

"Hey I know you. What's going through that mind of yours? Are you worried about going back home? If that's it, don't, we have it all worked out. The remodel will actually be pretty easy just moving some things around and building, but nothing extensive I swear. We're happy to do it for you, Eddie."

"Jamie, I… you've been taking really good care of me and I appreciate it. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I want to go to a nursing home when I get done at rehab. There are some good ones with full time care who can help me. Everything you've been doing…you've put your life away with Syd for me and it isn't fair to either of you."

Dropping the fork with a loud clank against the plate, Jamie looked up at her with surprise hearing Eddie state she preferred to be placed in a nursing home. "No! Absolutely not! You'd do better at home. Eddie, I don't want you talking like that you're not a burden at all. I care about you a lot and would be happy to help you in any way I can."

Jamie gently caressed her cheek with his hand letting his hand go down to her shoulder leaving it there. His baby blue eyes met hers twinkling as they shared a deep intimate moment together similar to one they had a short while ago that ended with a kiss. At his touch, Eddie's body reacted her heart racing with each gentle stroke against her cheek and soft rub of her shoulder.

"I know," Eddie replied "But look what happened yesterday with your grandpa, I could barely manage to get the fork in my own mouth. You and Sydney have done so much. The cost of remodeling my apartment must be enormous and the disability will only pay for carers a few hours a day, Jamie..."

"Then I'll do it, Eddie. I'll talk to Linda about helping out, I'll talk to her and see if some of her colleagues need extra money. Sydney and I are more than comfortable, we have the money and when you get better and get back to work, if it makes you feel better, we can work something out."

"Jamie, why can't you just let me do this for myself, huh?" Eddie asked not able to resist leaning her face into his hand. "Why can't you let me decide that I need to and want to go into a nursing facility? What is it to you if I do that?"

Jamie bit his lip, trying to keep his emotions at bay. "Because I know that means you're giving up, Eddie. I know what you look like when you are ready to fight and when you are ready to quit. You want me to let you go in there, then you'll restrict my visits and let yourself die in there and I can't let you do that. I won't let you go like that. I won't do it!"

Jamie wasn't sure if he expected Eddie to fight back, but he didn't except her to begin to cry. "Look what happened to me, Jamie! Look..."

Jamie moved the tray table and railing so he could slid closer to Eddie. He set his arms gently around her being careful not to jar her fragile neck or disrupt her halo. "I do see it, Eddie, but all I see is that you're alive. You had a terrible accident. Some scum bag got drunk, got in his car, ran a red light at top speed and hit you. It was not your fault and it certainly was not fair. You should have died in that car. You stopped breathing almost immediately. Danny was sick from what he saw there. You should be glad you're alive and that you are still you! I am."

Jamie rubbed Eddie's should trying to soothe her. "I know you're in incredible pain and I know that it..."

"You don't though, Jamie! You don't know! You can still walk and run and take a deep breath. You still use a toilet and go to the bathroom in private. You can take a shower, you DO NOT know! I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS!"

Jamie suddenly back away from Eddie, "All right. Fine, that's just fine. You don't want to live like this, you want to go into a nursing home and die, be my guest. I'll find the absolute worse home in New York, we'll put you in there and you can die of a massive infection before your next birthday. I'm all about giving you what you need but you only care about what you want so, fine with me. I'll just call Syd, and we'll make this happen for you. No problem."

Jamie turned and walked out of the hospital, not seeing Eddie shocked expression or the tears that continued to pour out of her eyes.

When Sydney got home that night, after seven, Jamie was home. He had a meal of swordfish, roasted potatoes, and asparagus on the table waiting for her.

"Hey, what are you doing home? I didn't expect you to after visiting hours." Sydney put her briefcase on the chair and hung up her coat.

"Well, I don't think I'll be visiting for a while," Jamie replied. "After all we are doing, spending every minute with her in that hospital, remodeling her home so she can get around and she tells me today, she wants to go to nursing home. She still wants to die and nothing I say or do is breaking through, Syd."

"Well, she's angry, Jamie," Sydney replied. "And she has the right to be. I don't know if I'd want to live in that condition. Sure, she has her brain and her intellect, but that might be worse. She knows her limits."

"She doesn't have to live with those limits. She can learn to use adaptive devices, she can use her arms a little and if she works hard, maybe she can use them more. This depression is more crippling than her injury. I was so harsh today, I'm sure I crushed her, but I…"

"Lost your Reagan temper," Sydney sighed. "My advice, give it a few days, let her cool off, you get some rest and cool off, then go and reason with her. Ask your Dad and Pop to check in on her if you're concerned about her being alone. In the meantime, we'll leave things as they are, she'll go to Burke and get well."

Jamie sat down, "Syd, after supper would you?"

"Of course I will," Sydney replied. "Let's eat this supper now and I'll go check on Eddie. You two just need a little break, you are partners and best friends, that won't change cause of a little fight."

Sydney gave Jamie a kissed and sat down at the table he prepared to enjoy the first intimate dinner she had with her husband in more than three weeks.

Sydney did not make the hospital that night, an incident in midtown made travel to the hospital all but impossible, so Sydney made sure to go after work the next day before going home. She entered the Spinal Institute to check on Eddie a little after seven. She pushed the door open and saw Eddie with her head turned to the wall, staring, no television, no anything…

"Hey, Eddie," Sydney greeted touching her friend's shoulder "You don't look like you feel that well. You want to talk?"

Eddie remained on her side staring at the wall ignoring her friend.

Sydney walked further into the room taking a seat on the bed.

"Talk to me Eddie."

Eddie turned over allowing Sydney to see the pain in her eyes.

"He sent you, didn't he? He sent you to try and change my mind," Eddie accused.

"No, he's worried and so am I. Eddie I don't want you to think you're a burden because you're not. We love you and don't mind helping you."

It was then Sydney noticed how Eddie was laying, completely stiff except for her arms which curled over the side.

"Eddie, did you receive therapy today?" Sydney rose looking her friend over again before pressing the nurse's button.

"No, I didn't feel well. I made him go and he went willingly, just like Jamie. I knew if I gave him his out he would take it and he did. You too, take it. Go on…"

"What's the trouble, Miss?" the charge nurse, Carol, from the previous night asked.

"She's totally seized up, she's supposed to receive massage and range of motion daily to combat spasticity. I want her to have this treatment now," Sydney ordered as the nurse checked Eddie's chart.

"Ms. Janko denied her therapy today and two out of three meals. We can't make patients of sound mind…"

"She's not of sound mind!" Sydney hissed. "Eddie is in a deep depression, my husband has told the staff over and over again, he's asked for psychologists to speak to her, he's asked to be permitted to take her out in her wheelchair to get some air and he's been denied. I want her massaged and I want it done now."

"There are no therapists remaining for that service, Mrs. Reagan…"

"Fine, I'll do it myself!" Sydney went over to the bed and began to slowly touch her friend.

"Sydney, leave me alone, please leave me alone…" Eddie began to cry. "Please…"

Sydney sighed and ran her hand down Eddie's hair, "Okay, for today I'll let you rest. Tomorrow, take the massage okay, you won't hurt so bad."

With a final gentle touch, Sydney left pulling out her phone, it was time to bring in the big guns.

 **A/N: We all knew two dynamic personalities like Jamie and Eddie can only push each other so far before it boils over. Will a couple of day be enough of a cooling off period?**

 **Depression is often a complication of severe physical injury, illness, or disability. The risk of suicide for quadriplegics is 20% higher than the general population. If you know someone with a disability or illness, be aware of their moods and fluctuations, sometimes a little joy goes a long way.**

 **Pillow Talk and And Baby Makes will update later today.**

 **Next Updated – May 23 – Frank checks in on Eddie and brings a guest that might be able to give her a little perspective. Care to guess?**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

The morning shift of the Spinal Institute snapped to full attention the next morning when the Commissioner of the New York Police Department stepped out of the elevator accompanied by his vast security detail.

Frank graciously greeted the nurses and the doctor he saw on the floor before finding and turning into Eddie's room. He found a rather beleaguered young nurse attempting to feed the wayward officer. "Office Janko," Frank said in a firm tone. "This young lady is offering you an excellent looking meal, it would be polite to sample it at least."

"I'm not hungry," Eddie replied. "And in case you didn't realize it, I'm no longer an NYPD officer."

"Actually," Frank replied stepping further into the room. "You are still on sick leave, which means you are a member of the NYPD and that you should obey the orders of your commissioner. The first of those is to eat that wonderful breakfast."

Frank sat down and took out his newspaper, and began to read pleased if not surprised when Eddie began cooperate with her nurse. She ate a little more than half of her meal before stating she was full.

The nurse cleaned Eddie up and left her with Frank. "So…I hear you've been turning away everyone even Jamie…and your therapists." At Eddie's surprised expression, Frank offered, "Syd called me last night. She and Jamie are worried about you, the whole family is. Everyone at the 12th, Pop…Sean and Jack are asking about you. What do you say we call your therapist, you get a good massage, then we'll get a nurse to put you in a chair and we'll go for a stroll, you and me. I have a surprise for you."

Eddie sighed, "I appreciate your coming but…"

"No buts," Frank replied. "You need to take good care of yourself and that starts with therapy and ends with taking a walk. You are not just one of my cops, you're one of my family. Your Dad made me give him my word I'd take care of you because he can't."

Eddie sighed, "I can't win this one, but I don't want to see Jamie so if he's the surprise…" Frank winked at Eddie and smiled. "Oh, better than that…"

Frank conducted business while the nurses gave Eddie a bath, the therapist administered her massage and began to work on releasing her contorted muscles. It would take days of hard work to get her back to where she was before. Finally, two nurses supervised as Eddie was wrapped in hoyer lift and mechanically moved to her wheelchair. "She's ready for you sir," the nurse told Frank.

They dressed Eddie in a pair of loose sweats and the NYPD sweatshirt Jamie had brought for her to put on for therapy. Frank smiled and stood behind Eddie's chair gently pushing it forward. "Close your eyes," Frank instructed as he pushed the chair outside. "Just take a few good breaths…what do you smell? What do you hear?"

"I smell burnt coffee, some dog crap, garbage, hot pretzels roasting…it smells like we're outside…and we are because I hear cab driver's yelling, horns honking, the wind rustling…" '

"Okay, open up," Frank said smiling as he parked Eddie's chair near a picnic table that he asked his detail to set up. "We are outside…and you identified so many things that are unique to New York, the smells, the sounds that make this wonderful, beautiful, smoggy, sometimes filthy place home. You have all of this to live for, Eddie. This wonderful place, the people…" Frank reached into a bag on the table. "This jumbo sized hot New York street pretzel with mustard and a 20 ounce root beer…" Frank put a straw in the cup and held it out to Eddie so she could drink.

"Oh, that is so good," she smiled tasting her favorite beverage for the first time in a long time. Jamie hadn't brought her those kinds of snacks. Frank broke off a piece of pretzel, dipped it, and offered it to Eddie. She ate it slowly, taking each bite he offered, just like she had with Henry. "You don't want to die, Sweetheart. No one who can find pleasure in the sights, smells, tastes, sounds of New York City wants to die. You're scared, you're angry, you're right to be those things, but you aren't a quitter, so why are you giving up?"

Eddie looked down, "Because I can't see or imagine getting any better. They come in every day and exercise me, I can't do anything for myself. I can't do anything a woman my age can do. Being a cop, that was my life, those people are my family and yes I send them away, because it hurts too much. When the novelty wears off, Jamie goes back to work with another partner, I'll just be the poor girl in the wheelchair."

"Only if you let yourself be," Frank replied. "Okay, you have a life altering injury, you will not be able to do much of what you did before, but your brain in fully functional, your voice is functional, your eyes, your ears…all functional. You're enjoying this moment now, this fresh air and good snack…You are enjoying that and that is not a person that is ready to die. That's a person that is ready to live…and Jamie, Sydney, Pop…we all want to help you live to the best of your ability, but we can't if you don't let us, honey."

Eddie sighed, "Jamie and I said terrible things…I was angry and I lashed out then he…"

"Jamie has my temper, a slow burn and a huge explosion. He knows he hurt your feelings and he's sorry, he's just too scared to come back because he doesn't want to hurt you any worse. Jamie loves you so much, you're like the younger sister he never got to have, and as much as I hate to admit it, you took Joe's place as he confidant, his best friend. When you got in the accident, he got his bell rung a little bit. But he's waiting for me to call him and tell him you are ready to talk it out."

Eddie looked up at the sky, tears burning her eyes, "I don't know if I am. Jamie is going at this too hard, he's obsessing over everything and it's going to ruin him, it's going to ruin that partnership we have, that equality. That's what is so special. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to go to a nursing him, I really don't but I don't want Jamie cutting my food, wiping my behind, cleaning up my messes..."

"If Jamie was in the wheelchair, and he needed you to cut his food…"

"Sydney would do that for him," Eddie replied. "That's a wife's job, a husband, a parent…"

"A friend and a brother in blue if not in blood," Frank added. "And you'll learn things too, Burke is the best. Mayor Poole was at Burke after his shooting, he can tell you so many things…" Frank stood up and nodded, "Today, he's just Carter and he's here to listen and to help. You were right, Jamie can't understand, but Carter, he can' understand most of it. I'll you two talk then we'll get you back in bed for another massage."

"I'm so happy to see that you're better, Eddie," Mayor Poole who was going to be just Carter for this young girl stated. "We all prayed when we heard about the accident. I just want to say that I can't understand everything, but I can understand a lot."

Eddie nodded, "Thanks for coming, but I got myself in a bad funk and I let things go a little bit."

"I was angry too, and let me tell you, my wife babied me to no end, she was all over me. I felt like kicking her out, too, but you have to realize it's just as hard on them as it is on us, just in a different way. At Burke, they'll teach you a lot of stuff. They teach you how to work with what you have left. I called and spoke to my therapist. His name is Jerry and he's going to be your therapist. I told him your injury and he said he can teach you to feed yourself, brush your hair, wash your face, all the things you need help with now. You might one day get more movement in your arms and be able to transfer some."

Eddie smiled, "Thanks for doing that. I'm not ungrateful, I'm not I'm just…"

"Mad!" Carter finished for her. "You're mad and you have a right to be. You know what helped me…Saying it out loud. I just let that anger go out and I kept doing it until I felt better. You want to give it a try?"

Carter reached out and held Eddie's wrist. "You want to smash this table? You want to do one of those big desk swipes?"

Eddie nodded, "Please…but I can't…"

"Sure you can, you tell me Carter I wanted to swipe this table and we'll do it!"

"Carter, I want to swipe this table!" Eddie declared. Carter took her arm and moved it doing a heathy table wipe of the cups, the plates, and everything.

"Good! Very good!" Carter praised. "Feel better?"

"Yeah," Eddie replied. "Sure…I am mad! I am angry that the son of bitch that hit me walked away! He might be in jail, but so am I. I am prisoner in my body and it's not fair. I want to hit something and break it until it's as broken as I am!"

Carter smiled and moved his chair closer to Eddie and slid his arm around her, "Fight me all you can. Push with your shoulders, bite with your teeth, let that anger go, it's poison and it's crippling you as sure as that car did. Let that anger go, take back control of anything you can and let that anger go. Let it go.."

Eddie fought against Carter with all her might, for a half hour she sobbed and screamed and yelled until she was exhausted. When she sank back, her eyes were a little brighter and she looked ten years younger.

"You feel better?" Eddie nodded, "Yeah, I'm just tired now…really tired."

"You will be, you have to work much harder than another person to do things, that won't ever really go away and I read it's hard the more of your body is affected. We'll get you back inside. Anything else you want to say or ask?"

Eddie nodded, "Pain…I have a lot of pain even where I can't feel and…"

"It is a puzzle," Carter laughed. "I have shooting and burning pains in my legs all the time and my ankles feel very strained but if my wife rubs my leg or the doctor pokes it, I can't feel it. It's called neuropathic pain and it hurts and it is very real. You should speak to the doctor, they can give you something to help manage it. Listen, here is my personal number…only about fifteen people have this number. You need to talk to me, you call it. You have someone call it…Good luck, Eddie."

Eddie's eyes teared up, "Thank you, Carter for being here…If you can get Frank for me, I need to go back to bed, I'm not feeling well."

Carter nodded to Frank who hurriedly brought Eddie back inside. Frank made sure she was handled gently when she was placed back in her bed. "Pop is coming by tomorrow and Syd will be here tonight. You rest well, Sweetheart." Frank dropped a kiss on Eddie's forehead, she was asleep before he left the room.

 **A/N: Werks, RyeBreadQueen, and Dorvell all guessed right, Mayor Poole came to share some special wisdom with Eddie. All too often the mental health is left to the families. Special thanks to everyone who is reviewing and following this story, I do love to hear from my readers so please drop a review. I will do my best to respond.**

 **Next Update – May 25** **th** **\- In a moment of weakness, Eddie calls for Jamie, but will he come back to her side? Will he ever get the message? Who will comfort Eddie if he doesn't?**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Henry made his way inside the familiar hospital room smiling to greet his youngest grandson's closest friend. The smile quickly turned into a frown when he saw Eddie. She looked downright horrible.

"Eddie, what's wrong sweetheart?" Henry placed the food he'd brought on the table and approached the bed that held the petite young woman.

Even from across the room, Henry could tell she wasn't well. Eddie's entire body shook with chills, her cheeks were painted a bright red color with fever, and she lay awkwardly. "I'm fine, I just don't feel like visitors."

Henry reached over with one hand to press the nurse call button while feeling Eddie's head with the other. "What's wrong sweetheart?" he asked again.

Eddie moved her head as much as the halo allowed, but Henry's grandfatherly touch followed her. "Eddie, you're burning up. You just relax okay? A nurse is coming to check on you."

Keeping a hand on Eddie's shoulder to relax her until the nurse arrived, Henry reached for his phone to call Jamie.

Still shivering in spite of having three blankets covering her, Eddie caught sight of the phone.

"Who are you calling? Please don't call Jamie I can't…" Eddie's voice sounded terribly weak and much like a little girl's voice.

Henry paused his finger hovering over the call button. "Sweetheart, Jamie would want to know you're sick, he'd want to be here."

"No I can't… I can't have Jamie here. Please don't call him, the nurse will help me."

Henry paused just as the nurse skidded into the room putting his phone away. "She is burning up, this girl is terribly ill, why hasn't anyone noticed this before now?"

"During morning rounds, we noted discolored urine but she is due for the doctor to come in at 4," the nurse replied. "When the massage therapist came in she refused him but she's done that a lot in the last few weeks."

"I would appreciate it if the doctor was paged, she is obviously suffering and needs some IV meds or something…" Henry rubbed Eddie's shoulder. "I'm going to get her a cold cloth and get some broth in her. I have broth, can she have that?"

"Yes, liquids are very good for her, Sir. I'll page her doctor."

The nurse left to call Eddie's doctor. Henry raised her bed slightly and got some of the chicken brother he brought to the hospital. "Drink a little of this," Henry encouraged. "My Betty, she would make this broth any time anyone felt sick."

Henry held the cup so that Eddie could sip at it. "You need your strength, this not eating business, it got you sick."

Eddie sighed, "I know…I felt better after Frank came and Mayor Poole but…I was starting to feel weak…"

Henry nodded, "Well you have that tube in there all the time, that can't be the smartest thing…Take a little more."

Henry got most of the soup and an entire mug of tea into Eddie before the doctor arrived. She was sleeping when he came in with a cool cloth on her head. "She's got a high fever, you have to help her."

The doctor began to examine Eddie, one look at her urine collection back told the story, "She's got a UTI, it's very common and we can treat it with antibiotics, rest, and a lot of fluids which you seem to have covered. Where is her friend?"

"Jamie, they uh, argued so they are taking a break," Henry replied. "But she's like a granddaughter to me so I'm here now. What can I do to help her?"

"Make her comfortable, the pain from a UTI can cause autonomic dysreflexia, her pressure is already elevated and her face is flushed, that is called an AD flush but if it gets worse it is serious and maybe life threatening, so comfort is very important. We will give her strong medication to fight the infection and the blushes. We're going to switch her to a diaper while this is going on, that might cause some skin breakdown and lead to sores so that has to be watched as well."

"Well I'll keep an eye on her," Henry replied. "So that IV will fix all of this?"

"Yes, like I said, an UTI is something that Ms. Janko will have as a complication to her condition," the doctor explained. "She'll be feeling herself again in a couple of days."

Henry thanked the doctor then changed the cool rag on Eddie's face. Henry pushed up the covers, removing the three layers of sheets and blankets and removing the hospital issue socks. Henry sat down and gently ran his hands over the soles of Eddie's feet. "My Betty," he told the sleeping young woman. "She swore by broth and lotion on your feet will make any ailment better. I'll get you feeling better."

Whether it was the cool cloths, airing Eddie's feet, or the medication, by the time Henry left that night, her temperature was dropping. "I'll come back tomorrow with more special broth," Henry promised. "Sleep very well."

When Frank got home that night, he found Henry making chicken broth and beef broth. "Someone under the weather, Pop?"

"Eddie," Henry replied. "I got there today and the poor thing was burning up with fever. So I will take her broth and some of your mother's lilac lotion for her skin and she'll be fine."

"Aww, poor kid," Frank sighed. "Jamie must be beside himself."

"Actually, Jamie doesn't know. They are still mad at each other and she asked me not to call him. She was so upset and having so much discomfort I didn't force it. I'll talk to her about it tomorrow. The doctor said she needs lots of liquids."

Frank smiled, "What about our dinner?"

"Take out menus are on the fridge."

Henry and Frank took turns visiting Eddie. Jamie continued to ask for reports, even asking when the nurse said Eddie would be transferred to rehab. He had to be there to sign the papers. Neither Henry nor Frank mentioned Eddie's illness. Eddie didn't want to see him and she was having such troubles they didn't push it.

On the fourth day of her illness, Eddie took a turn. Her fever shot up, and the pain from the infection caused several dangerously high spikes in her blood pressure. Eddie called for Jamie, for Henry, but it seemed the nurses kept forgetting to make the call. That evening, Sydney stopped by on her way home from the airport. She'd been out of town on business and did not know her friend had fallen ill.

Things with Sydney and Jamie couldn't better. He had turned his attention back to his work and to his wife, though Eddie was never far from his thoughts. Jamie was happy Sydney was going by the hospital, he'd get a firsthand account on whether or not Eddie was ready to see him again.

Eddie's door was closed when Sydney arrived. "Is she having a bath?" Sydney asked the nurse.

"No, she's….She's having her halo removed. Two of the insertion points are infected so it has to come out. She'll be put in a hard brace to keep her neck still. They are almost done, you can wait and see her in about ten minutes."

Sydney waited in the family waiting room until a doctor came to get her allowing her to visit.

Entering the room Syd gasped at the state of her friend. Eddie's cheeks were still bright red, her neck held in a brace.

"Hey Eddie," Sydney greeted going to her friend's side.

Eddie tried turning her head to Sydney restricted by the brace. "Call Jamie, want Jamie."

Syd stared at her hurt by the fact her friend completely ignoring her. Sydney sighed, "I know you do and I'll tell him, but it's really late and he's resting now." Sydney took Eddie's hand then remembered and slid her are hand to Eddie's shoulder. "I heard you had a hard day, honey…But you look so much better without that metal. How do you feel?"

"Tired…Jamie hasn't come, I asked the nurses for him…They…"

Sydney nodded, "You know how Jamie gets when he's angry. Give him a few more days. I'll come by after work. Do you want some water?"

Eddie nodded, "I'm glad you're here but Jamie…he…"

"I know, Jamie makes everything feel all better." Sydney stroked Eddie's hair. "Have they washed this hair?"

"Yeah, a few days ago. They said I can go to rehab as soon as I'm fever free." Eddie sipped the water Sydney offered.

"That's really good news, Eddie and Jamie and I will make sure you have the best round the clock nurses when you go home. I'm going to start interviewing the week you go in."

Eddie smiled, "Nurses for the rest of my life…I never thought my life would come to this."

Sydney sighed, "I know, honey. What if I got some warm water and washed your hair? You'll feel better?"

Eddie smiled and agreed, she did feel dirty and sweaty. Sydney's hands felt nice on her sore head. "There, all clean. I'll see you tomorrow okay. Rest easy."

Sydney sighed, Eddie was quite ill and in a lot of pain. If she told Jamie now he'd rush back to her side and the progress they were making in their marriage would be lost.

Jamie was already asleep when Sydney got home that night. She slid into bed and wrapped her arms around him inhaling his scent. "Hey, you're late," Jamie murmured as he woke and wrapped his arms around here.

"I stopped by the hospital to see Eddie," Sydney replied. "They took her halo off so I helped her get her hair washed and she was sleeping when I left."

"Did she uh…ask for me?" Jamie missed Eddie terribly but if she wasn't ready to see him again, the last thing he wanted to do was cause her stress or strain.

"She uh, wasn't really talking too much tonight, she was feeling very tired," Sydney lied. "I'll see what she says tomorrow." Sydney leaned over and kissed Jamie deeply.

"How about a welcome home, Mr. Reagan?" Sydney's hands roamed under the sheets.

"Welcome home…" Jamie sighed against her and showed her that he did indeed miss her too.

 **A/N: It seems Sydney is showing some of her colors after this chapter, what will Jamie do if he finds out the truth? I have to love Grandpa in this chapter, broth and lotioned feet, the ticket to health and well being. We laugh but sometimes the oldest amongst us are right.**

 **Next Updated – May 28** **th** **– Eddie is transferred to rehab and Jamie learns what has transpired since their spat. Will the make up or will Eddie push him further away?**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Under Henry's watchful eye, Eddie recovered a week later and was finally able to be transferred to Burke Rehabilitation Hospital. It had been over two weeks since Jamie and Eddie had their falling out, but today, Jamie had set his mind to making things right. Jamie leaned over the counter finishing the paperwork to have Eddie admitted to the rehab center. Just as Jamie finished signing the last paper he turned around in time to see Eddie being wheeled in on a stretcher.

"Hey, wait a second," Jamie ordered firmly, raising his hand for extra emphasis.

The transport team stopped on the dime watching the young blonde's face scrunch up in anger. Jamie hadn't come to see her for weeks, even while she was horribly ill. She had called for him and he never showed up.

With one quick look Jamie could tell something wasn't right. Eddie lay with her legs and arms curled, not straight. The doctors, when he was visiting, had made a point of keeping her legs straight.

"Has she been getting therapy?" Jamie reached out to examine Eddie's position. It was clear that her muscles were beginning to atrophy.

The transporters exchanged looks waiting for the other to answer. When neither did Jamie moved in closer softening his voice for Eddie. "Hey Eddie, I'm here. Have you been getting therapy? Are you in any pain?"

Eddie turned her head to smile at him sarcastically. "I can see that you're here, Jamie, there's nothing wrong with my eyesight." Eddie was angry and hurt that he hadn't come back, she had asked for him when she was sick, didn't she? Maybe not, she had a little pride left, not much.

"Hey, look, I know I haven't been coming around, but I told my Dad and Syd as soon as you called for me I would be there" Jamie assured her. "I didn't want to make you more upset." Jamie eyes turned back to the transport team. "Has she been getting her therapy?"

The younger if not braver of the pair spoke, "For a few days, Ms. Janko denied her therapy and since then her tolerance for it has gone down. They had remove the halo a few days ago because of infection and she's getting over a bad UTI."

Jamie sighed, none of this would have happened on his watch. "Let's get her settled into bed," Jamie politely ordered.

The transport team and two nurses from the hospital saw to putting Eddie in her bed. The room was huge, decorated like a bedroom at home not a hospital except for the functional bed. No matter how carefully she was being moved, Eddie fussed when she was lifted from the gurney to the bed. She still marveled that she could not feel a gentle touch or an itch, but she could feel the most intense sensations of pain, especially in her back and pelvis.

"Keep her sitting up," the nurse ordered at Eddie's distress hoping to combat any blood pressure problems.

"When she has pain like that," Jamie piped up. "Take her socks off and rub her feet, it seems to help, I have no idea why but it does. My Pop discovered that."

Eddie was surprised to learn Jamie' family had kept him informed of the little things if not the major things.

"We can do that," the nurse replied. "We must get her settled first." The nurse took a green foam wedge and placed it on the bed. Carefully they arranged Eddie's body, straightening her legs resting them on the wedge. Eddie winced as they straightened her legs, Jamie could see clearly the once shapely things had loss muscle mass at a rapid pace.

Another nurse straightened Eddie's arms and propped them on pillows. "There. BP is good," she smiled. "I'll let you rest a little while and visit. Your first whirlpool session is at 2 pm with Jerry then massage with Janice. Tomorrow the real work begins.'

She patted Eddie's shoulder then left her with Jamie who sat on the edge of her bed. "You didn't send for me when you got sick. And no one told me which means you asked them not to. Why?"

"I asked them not to because it didn't matter, Jamie. It didn't matter, there was nothing you could do but waste more time sitting with me and driving us both crazy. If you could have helped…"

"I could have been there," Jamie replied. "It's more than that."

Eddie sighed, "I was in such pain, I knew you'd push things that I didn't want, I wanted to just be left alone, the pain was so bad, Jamie. You'd have pushed and now I know I'm facing the consequences, but…"

Jamie sighed "You didn't ask for me because you felt like I wouldn't listen to you. That's fair enough, I didn't listen to you before when you were trying to tell me something that you needed from me." Jamie took a breath, "I'd like to fix it, Eddie. I'd like to start coming back to see you and I'd like to be here when you are needing my help. You're going to be working really hard, maybe having pain and those spells you get and I want to be there. I want to be your best friend again, I want to have your back. Will you let me?"

Eddie studied her hands, "Yes…I needed you Jamie, I just…I was so scared you wouldn't come. That you were so angry at me. I did ask for you once or twice, but you never came and I couldn't…"

"If I knew, if I had heard you needed me…" Jamie's jaw clenched. "I promise not to do that again. I won't. No matter how angry we are with each other…"

Eddie smiled and nodded, "Maybe the therapists here can fix it so I don't hurt so much on my back. It's like…all of my upper body is pressing on my hips and they ache."

Jamie nodded, "I'll mention it to the doctor and you make sure you speak up to the therapists. They can't help if they don't know."

Eddie nodded and leaned back, "Can you move the bed down a little? I feel better and want to shift some weight off my hips."

Jamie moved the bed so Eddie's legs went up and her back down. "Rest, Eddie. I'll stay until therapist comes, then I have to leave. It's the rules that I have to go and only come at night so you get well."

Eddie smiled, "Hey, can you go and get some good lunch? Lamb gyro and some of those Greek olives in caper sauce."

Jamie smiled, "I'll get you a rootbeer too." Jamie kissed the side of Eddie's head and went off to meet her food request.

"He's very handsome," the nurse told Eddie when she came in to hang up her therapy schedule.

"He's just Jamie," she replied. "We were partners on the job and now we're best friends but he's married and she's my friend too."

"Well, your lunch will be coming in soon, then your therapy will begin. We explained the visiting policy to your friend, but if you are having a hard day, you can request a visitor."

"Lot of good that does," Eddie scoffed. "I asked for him at the hospital I was just in when I was sick and the nurse never called. I asked his wife too…but I guess she thought he'd get upset."

Jamie raised his eyebrow, "Who else did you ask to call me, Eddie?"

"Just the nurse and Sydney the once," Eddie replied as Jamie set up her lunch. Jamie's face turned dark. "I must not have heard her when she told me, I was half asleep a few nights when she came home." Jamie covered his anger, he knew Eddie needed him and Sydney, he didn't want to create another rift. Jamie offered Eddie a bit of her gyro and a sip of soda, then took a bite of his own. They settled into a comfortable rhythm.

"Don't be angry at your Dad or Grandpa, Jamie," Eddie told him as they ate. "I asked him not to tell you, I was still so hurt and angry…"

"It hurt to hear you say you wanted to die," Jamie's voice choked up. "Eddie, you were there. You were at death's door after the accident. I sat by your bed, day in and day out…"

Eddie sighed. "Jamie…" she whispered softly. "Hold my hand…you can hold my hand, it's okay…"

Jamie sighed and reached out and held Eddie's hand gently. "I thought I was going to lose you, Eddie. I love Sydney, she's my wife, but you are my best friend, the closest since Joe and I…"

"Jamie, I'm sorry I said it…You have no idea how this feels though. You have no idea how hard it is to go from being a cop, chasing perps to this…You can't know Jamie, and I got angry when you…tried to I guess."

Jamie sighed, "There's a class here, it's called "Your Loved One's Path…" They simulate your condition and I'm going to sign up for that as well as the other classes to learn to take care of you."

"I'm going to have nurses," Eddie replied. "Sydney told me I'm going to have nurses so you don't…"

"Well, you'll have nurses sometimes, but I'm going to be there too. I'm not abandoning you, not again." Jamie gently lifted Eddie's arm and kissed her hand. "Let's finish it's almost two."

Jamie headed out when Eddie's therapist came in. "You work hard, but don't overdo it. I'll see you tomorrow." Jamie dropped a kiss on her forehead and drove home, itching to confront his wife.

Sydney was home, as it was Saturday, Jamie called out to her as soon as he opened the door. "Syd?" Jamie closed the front door, searching for his wife finding her in the kitchen.

Syd turned to look up at him with a smile, changing the smile into a frown seeing his face.

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? I was just down at Burke admitting Eddie. Why didn't you tell me she was asking for me? You lied to me I asked you that night!"

Sighing, Syd put the knife down on the counter turning to face him.

"Jamie I," Sydney sighed. "Jamie, she was very sick…"

"Exactly!" Jamie snapped. "She was very sick and I should have been notified by the hospital but if they failed to do it, you should have! Eddie begged Pop not to and he listened but she told me she thought she asked you and your face tells me that she did!"

"I'm sorry, I…You were doing well. You were sleeping again, working again, you were relaxing, and I just…I made a mistake, Jamie. I am sorry and I'll tell Eddie I'm sorry too." Sydney oved closer to Jamie and took his hands. "It's hard on you to see your best friend suffer, it's hard on me to see my husband do it. I was wrong, I will never do it again. I made a mistake…" Sydney bit her lip and let a few tears escape.

Jamie sighed and pulled her close, "I know it's hard to watch me care for another woman, and you are being really reasonable about it. I know I put myself through the ringer…She's got no one, Syd. Here…" Jamie handed Sydney the brochure for the classes. "We start tomorrow. We're going to learn how to take care of Eddie for when she's not with nurses. We can't have nurses 24/7."

Syd nodded, "I have two coming tomorrow morning and this is at one so it works out fine, we'll make dinner, then can visit Eddie."

"Eddie only has morning therapy on Sunday so I'm going to keep her company with Pop for dinner," Jamie informed his wife. "You can meet me there after dinner again."

Sydney knew not to argue with Jamie now, she dodge a huge temper bullet with him tonight and wanted to keep the piece. She would meet him after dinner, she would go to classes, but she would not lose Jamie again to caring for Eddie, she just wouldn't.

 **A/N: Well Sydney sidestepped Jamie for now, but she is not going to be sharing at least that's her current thought. Jamie and Eddie are back to being friends again and as we know they are a formidable team. She will for sure be working hard with Jamie pushing and cheering her one.**

 **Next Update – May 30** **th** **– Jamie makes a decision about Eddie's future after speaking with her therapist.**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

For two more weeks, Jamie and Sydney attended classes at Burke. They were taught using real life dummies that were approximately the weight of their family member how to transfer, how to lift, how to turn them in bed. "For those of you caring for quadriplegics, turning is much more important. Leaving a patient in one position for too long can lead to pressure ulcers. Infections from those ulcers are not uncommon but are dangerous."

Jamie made a note, "Turn Eddie at night…turns with Syd, Danny?"

Jamie raised his hand, "Nurse Cooper, what if your patient already has sensitive skin? Is this more of a risk for them? Would I turn her more than once a night then?"

"No, the sensitivity of the skin is not a factor, weight, proximity of bones to the skin surface, moisture, level of function, those are factors…"

Jamie nodded thankful that he would only have to go over to Eddie's once a night to turn her over. When class ended for the day, Jamie appeared stressed. "I guess if I talk to Danny and Linda they might help," Jamie mused.

"What are you talking about honey?" Sydney asked as they went to get something to eat before visiting hours began.

"Eddie's a C5, she's not going to be able to turn herself in bed, not completely. That means one of us is going to have to drive over to her place and turn her," Jamie explained. "Maybe though, you can do it one night, Danny and Linda can do two nights, I'll do two nights, and maybe Pop and Dad or Erin…"

"Jamie, we are going to pay for nurses," Sydney reminded him.

"Oh, no, I won't feel comfortable with a nurse at Eddie's house alone at night, I just won't. Family will have to handle that part of things. It's going to be hard but we'll make it work."

Sydney sighed, but she knew better than to push. Jamie was still smarting over his family keeping him in the dark about Eddie's illness. "I can do two nights, you do two and Danny, Linda, and Pop each do one. Pop loves caring for her…She's good for him."

Jamie had to agree on that, Henry did enjoy his time with Eddie, even if it was because she was a captive audience for his police stories.

Just two days ago Jamie walked into Eddie's room surprised to find his grandpa next to her. Eddie was smiling and laughing as he regaled her with stories of his past adventures.

" **Finally I figured it out, he was beating the polygraph by putting a nail in his shoe," Henry laughed. "So I tell him, oops, the machine here is broken, we can't use it, we have to go to another floor….then oops, the elevator is out, we have to climb up five flights. So we do that and he's hurting a little then, another oops…We have to walk across town…halfway there he's singing like a canary…"**

 **Eddie burst out laughing, "You really hustled the crap out of him. We can't do fun stuff like that nowadays. Everything is perps rights, you know?"**

" **Oh, I know. It was getting like that when I was PC and most days I don't envy Francis the work he has to do."**

" **He's fair," Eddie replied. "Except sometimes when it comes to Jamie. He's stuck in a rut, and that isn't fair. He's so much more…"**

 **Henry smiled, "One day Jamie will get his due, and when he does, he's going to soar."**

"I'll talk to everyone when we get a discharge date. You heading home after we eat?"

Sydney nodded, "Are you going to see Eddie?"

"Yeah, she's been tired the last few days, and she's complaining of headaches so I just want to check up. I won't be very late."

Jamie and Sydney talked about her work and some of his cases while they ate. "I love how you do that, whenever I am stuck with something you come up with a loophole…"

Jamie smiled as they cleared their table, "Glad I could help. I'll take care of dinner. See you at home."

Jamie placed a kiss on his wife's lips before they went their separate ways.

"And one more..." Eddie's therapist encouraged as she tried to force her arm up. "Good job Eddie! At this rate you'll be reaching full capacity in no time." The therapist, Jerry, handed her a towel. "Wipe your face."

Eddie was perspiring badly, "I'd like to shower, can you ask the nurse if..."

"You can shower tomorrow, for now you can wash your face off. Use the strap, lift from your elbow."

Eddie washed her face, "I want to get back into bed. I don't feel well."

Jackson nodded, it was harder on the female patients sometimes. They struggled more, their upper body strength was less before the injury. He assisted Eddie with getting back into bed. As Jackson left the room, he found Jamie out in the hall. "Hey, Jer, how did she due today?"

"She did well, she's doing very well, in fact, and she'll probably be ready to go home in the next two weeks. There's only so much she can do here. What she really needs is at home therapy, to learn to adjust to her limits in her own environment. We can teach her here, Jamie, but she has to do this at home."

"I saw her two days ago and she...she can't get in and out of her chair, she's complaining of a headache all the time, she's not well enough to be home alone."

"Alone? Jamie, Eddie can't live alone. She will always need help with daily activities. She will probably be able to feed herself in a month or two but she'll never be able to get from the bed to her chair alone, get her clothing on alone...Have you done the exercise we discussed?"

Jamie nodded, "I did it twice and my wife did it once. If she can't go home to her place...she'll come and stay with Syd and me. Can you let Eddie know I'm here?"

Jackson nodded and went back into Eddie's room. He found her head turned away from the door looking at the wall. "Jamie's here, Eddie, are you ready for him?"

"No," Eddie said softly, trying to hide the face she was crying. "Tell him to go, I don't want to see anyone." Eddie' head was pounding, she had to wait to wash because she wasn't able to do it for herself. She smelled and felt gross, it was humiliating.

"You don't want to see Jamie?" Jackson asked. "You always want to see Jamie and Sydney."

"Get out of here, I don't want to see him! I don't want to see anyone, tell him to go!"

Jackson sighed, "Jamie, she doesn't want to see you today, she had a good therapy day but she's very down. Come back tomorrow, let her have today to be angry and sad."

"If she's angry and sad..." Jamie pushed by Jackson and hurried to Eddie's bedside.

Jamie knelt by her bed, "Hey, Eddie, what's going on? Jackson said you didn't want to see me."

"No, I don't want to see you, please go. Go now!" Eddie's voice cracked.

Jamie sighed, "Oh, Eddie. Ssh..." Jamie reached over to try to soothe her but she cut him off.

"Don't touch me! I'm not some little toy you can pet and snuggle okay? I'm a person with feelings and my feeling is that I want you to get the Hell out of here. Go home. I don't want to see anyone, please..."

Eddie's nurse stepped into the room, "Jamie, I need you to go. Her pressure is rising, she's getting upset, please go. You can come by tomorrow."

Jamie had no choice but to obey. He kissed Eddie's temple, "See you later Eddie," he choked out before leaving.

Jamie was quiet during supper, but Sydney let it go, talking to him about lighter topics. If he saw Eddie having a hard time and wasn't able to help, he often would sit and brood about it. Much later that night, Sydney woke up to a cold empty bed. Sighing she pulled on her robe and padded to the living room. Sure enough, there was Jamie lying on his back. He'd strapped his legs together at the knees and his arms to each other at the elbow.

Sydney sighed, "Jamie...she's fine. She's at a great rehab, they are going to teach her how to live with her injuries.'

"You know I did this to myself and I'm feel anxiety at not being able to move. I can't imagine the fear Eddie feels. I know she's where she needs to be, I do, but what about after."

"Jamie, they are going to teach her so well she can..."

"Can't live alone, Syd," Jamie replied, removing his self-imposed entrapment. "The doctors have said as much. Her nervous system...trying to navigate that is like trying to deconstruct a milkshake. When she gets out of rehab, she will need help. She's going to need help for the rest of her life."

"Jamie, I know this sounds awful but I hope you aren't thinking..."

"I'm not thinking, Syd," Jamie said rising to pace the length of their huge living room. "I've decided. We have the room and we have the money to make that back bedroom and bathroom accessible for Eddie. Danny and I can do most of the work ourselves. We'd be here, if she got sick, if she needed help...she's my partner, Sydney, and in my family that doesn't stop because she can't be a cop."

"Jamie..."

"Sydney, please don't do this. You always told me you loved Eddie as much as I do. That we're the three musketeers. Well, she's down now and she's alone and she needs us. Now! I need you Syd. I know that I'm going to have to take on the bulk of this just because you're not going to be able to lift her and stuff. I spoke to her care team, there's not much they can do for her in the hospital, they want o discharge her the end of the two weeks. and send therapists to us here so Eddie can learn to live again in her own environment. I need you to say yes to this Syd, otherwise, I'm going to have to live at her house, at least for a while until she's got someone we can trust."

It was Sydney's turn to heave a large sigh, "It means that much to you? Have you talked to Eddie about this?"

"No, I'd never do that before talking to you first, but I know the prospect of going home or worse to a facility is scary for her. She wouldn't see me today at the hospital, Syd. She turned me away. They said it's depression. I thought we could both go see her tomorrow."

Sydney studied Jamie's face, he looked tired and he looked old. Sydney stepped closer to Jamie and pulled him in close. She felt him starting to cry. This had ripped at his soul, "All right. If it means that much to you, three musketeers...at least until she's stronger or more comfortable being with a carer. "

Jamie nodded, "We'll see how it goes. Thank you, sweetheart." Jamie lifted Sydney's chin and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "Thank you..."

Sydney leaned into Jamie's kiss, this was the first time she'd seen a glimpse of her husband since the accident. "I'm in court until three, I'll meet you at the rehab after your tour."

Jamie agreed and took Sydney's hand walking back to their bed. He laid down with her in his arms finally getting some sleep, a huge weight off his mind and off his heart.

 **A/N: Little does Sydney or Jamie know what they are setting in motion for themselves and for Eddie. Jamie simply can't deal with Eddie being vulnerable and alone with caregivers.**

 **Next Update – June 2** **nd** **– Jamie and Sydney tell Eddie of their plan. Sydney asks Jamie a hard question.**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Sydney arrived at the hospital a little after five the next evening. Jamie was waiting for her downstairs considering Eddie was not allowed visitors until dinner anyway. Jamie usually came go feed her dinner unless Henry was there, then he did the feeding and told stories. "Hey, did you win?" Jamie asked giving Sydney a kiss.

"Slam dunk thanks to you," Sydney replied. "You sure you don't want to come back to the law? You'd be amazing?"

Jamie laughed, "I'd be miserable, I like what I do but I don't mind helping you when I can. Eddie's dinner should be there now, we can talk to her while I feed her."

When the couple arrived on Eddie's floor, she was sitting in her bed, a half-eaten plate in front of her. Most of the food was down her shirt and on her lap. She had a fork like item attached to her hand by a velcro band and her head turned towards the wall. Jamie could tell by her body language she was crying. Her occupational therapist, Lillian was at her side. "It's hard, but you'll get it."

Jamie knocked and pushed the door open, "What's going on in here?"

"Eddie was working on feeding herself but it seems she's still too stiff to be able to do it efficiently. That's okay, we'll work on it."

"She's crying" Jamie all but snapped and walked over to Eddie. "Did you hurt yourself? Did you burn yourself?"

She only shook her head, not making eye contact. "Leave us please, Sydney and I will take it from here."

When Lillian left, Jamie turned Eddie' cheek gently so he didn't disturb her brace, "What's all the tears huh? It's okay, you're a little messy but I've seen you look worse eating a burrito. What's wrong?"

"I just...I just had a shower now look..." She began to sob, a sound that Jamie never could stand to hear.

Jamie took a seat on the bed beside her smiling softly trying not to jostle the mattress too much. "Hey, it'll be fine, really. Yeah it's hard now, but you'll keep practicing and we'll be here to help you. Before you know it you'll be shoveling food in like you used to."

Eddie blinked letting another tear fall down her cheek, embarrassed she needed constant help just to eat.

"But the nurses… they can't…I want to eat on my own," Eddie sobbed in one long incoherent sentence as her emotions burst through. Jamie instinctively reached up to wipe the tears pouring down her face.

"Don't worry about that, okay? In time if you keep doing therapy, you will be able to eat on your own. If you get messy we can always clean you up."

Eddie swallowed hard hating depending on people to help her with things she should be able to do as a young woman. It was simple stuff like eating and showering that frustrated and upset Eddie so much. She tried so hard every day to get better and hit walls at every turn.

"Hey trust me okay? Actually Syd and I have good news." Jamie looked up at Sydney reaching up to her with his free hand inviting her closer to the bed. Sydney complied standing behind Jamie holding his hand while smiling at her friend.

"You guys are pregnant?" Eddie sniffled. "That is good news and I'm really hap…"

"Oh, no," Sydney cut her off. "No, we aren't pregnant, Eddie. Not yet. Not until I make at least one more promotion. Tell her Jamie."

Jamie smiled, "Sydney and I were talking last night after I had a talk with Jerry. You're going to be getting out of here in about two weeks and continue your therapy in a home setting, but you won't be ready or able to live by yourself. We talked it over and decided that we'd like you to come and live with us."

"Oh, Jamie…" Eddie gasped. "Sydney, I can't do that. I'd be a burden on you, I…"

"You would not be a burden," Sydney jumped in quickly. "You'd be that if you didn't take us up on our offer. Jamie wouldn't rest if he wasn't sure you were being cared for properly, this way he can help you turn at night, I can help you shower and dress…the nurses can be for when we are at work. You can take that back bedroom with the view of the park.. We'll get a hospital bed in there and widen the doors for your chair. I spoke to the building manager this morning before court."

"We won't take no for an answer, Eddie," Jamie assured her. "I want you to come live with us. If you get stronger, when you get stronger and we both feel you can be on your own, we'll talk about that then, but for now, this is the best thing." Jamie softly rubbed Eddie's shoulder.

"I want to pay something, room and board…" Jamie nodded, he knew Eddie had to salvage some pride. "We'll work something out, sure. For now, why don't you talk to Syd about the colors you want in there and pick things out on the computer while I try to get a list of improvements we need to do to the room so it can accommodate your things. Contractor comes in the morning."

Jamie departed to get his list while Sydney and Eddie laughed at his exuberance. "He was really worried about you having strangers at night. You're doing us a favor really, this way we don't' have to go over to your place and turn you at night or…"

Eddie sighed, "I'll go to my room early so you can have alone time and I won't be an albatross I promise."

"You're our dearest friend, you have saved Jamie's life more times than I can count. You are not a burden, an albatross, or any other word you want to put on it. In two weeks, you'll be our roommate. I can use some more estrogen in the house, when Danny comes by…" Sydney laughed. "Jamie tells me that you like purple…I bookmarked some purple comforter sets and I found some nice looking wheelchair pillows too."

While the girls shopped, Jamie found Eddie's therapist and spoke with him about modifying their apartment. The floor place was mostly open with hard wood flooring. That would make it easy for Eddie to get around in a power wheelchair. The biggest issue was the size of the door frames. The front door, hallway passage arch, Eddie's bedroom door, and bathroom door would all have to be widened. The bathroom would also need to be completely remodeled to allow for a specialized toilet, lower sinks with switches to operate the water with just a nudge from Eddie's elbow, and a roll in shower so that a manual chair could be used to get Eddie in and out.

The apartment needed to be rearranged so that things that Eddie needed could be in easy reach if and when she was actually able to have the arm dexterity to retrieve things on her own. From the talks Jamie had with Jerry, it was likely that Eddie would need to be handed everything she required for the rest of her life. Her hands and fingers were totally paralyzed, most of her lower arms as well, you can't maneuver much without those parts working. Jamie didn't mind, he would do anything he had to if it meant having his best friend.

The next day the contractor was called to the Upper West Side apartment to go over the necessary adjustments that had to be made. The cost of the remodel, especially the bathroom was bordering on a month's rent in their high rise apartment, but Sydney just smiled as she signed the check. Having Eddie there, in her home, allowed for Jamie to be there too. Eddie would keep her word and go to bed nice and early so that she didn't intrude, it wasn't Eddie, Sydney was worried about, it was Jamie. She found his devotion to his friend and partner admirable, but it did make her wonder. One afternoon, a week before Eddie was to arrive, Sydney dropped the question on Jamie, "Did you and Eddie ever have to kiss or cuddle or anything on the job?"

Jamie turned to Sydney surprised she would ask a question like that. "Why would you ask that Syd, what would make you ask that?"

"I'm just curious, I mean you were partners for a long time and oddly close..."

Jamie shook his head hesitating before answering the question, going back to the one day Eddie called out after she shot and killed a perp who drew on her. Jamie dropped by her apartment that night to check on her, staying the night cuddling with her.

 **"** **Hey, I've been trying to get you for hours, what happened today?"**

 **Eddie took the pizza out of Jamie's hands bringing it to the counter shrugging. Jamie could tell something was wrong wondering if it had to do with her fatally shooting a man who drew on her or if she was truly feeling ill. Eddie's hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail wearing loose fitness clothes. From the looks of her and the dark circles underneath Jamie could tell she hadn't slept since it happened.**

 **"Yeah I uh called in sick, wasn't feeling well..." Jamie didn't buy it. "All right, fine I can't cry okay!"**

 **Jamie moved closer towards her taking in the woman who'd been his partner for over a year, who he spent time with after work getting a beer until late. "No one's asking you to Eddie."**

 **Eddie opened the pizza box looking up at him, picking up a bottle to pour herself more wine. "Everyone is, they said it'll make me feel better, but even my favorite movie Remember the Titans didn't make me cry. I just keep thinking if I had given him some other option I wouldn't have to shoot him. I took his life Jamie, he was scum but he was a human and I took his life."**

 **Holding the glass, Eddie made her way towards her couch sitting down at the far end with Jamie following sitting next to her, his blue eyes softly watching her. "Hey you had no choice Eddie, he drew on you. I've been there too so I know what you're going through the unanswered questions, the guilt but it's all normal okay? Have you slept?"**

 **"No, not for a while. I can't Jamie."**

 **Jamie scooted closer raising his arm inviting her to lay on him, wrapping the arm around her taking her hand in his. Eddie rested her head on his shoulder letting small choking sobs out quietly.**

 **"Would you stay tonight?"**

 **Thinking it over she sat up realizing how it sounded, looking at him with wide eyes. "Not like that but I just, I need you."**

 **"Of course Eddie, I'm not going anywhere."**

 **Jamie wrapped his arm back around her, stroking her hand letting her cry on his shoulder, holding her through the night.**

"I needed to be there for her, just like I need to be there now," Jamie sighed. "I held her in my arms, I let her cry it out. When she fell asleep I kept her close with her head on my lap. I was being her partner and her friend, there was nothing going on then, there's nothing going on now and I think it's insulting for you to ask me that Syd."

Sydney sighed, "I'm sorry, Jamie. The way you two relate to each other, how you interpret her body language…You never did that with Vinny."

"No, no I didn't but Vinny was too cocky and hot headed to let anyone get that close. Eddie is my best friend next to you, she filled a place that I was finally ready to have filled when I met her. She had no one, I think that's part of it too. I feel a sense of responsibility, but that is all I feel. I might hold her and kiss her cheek more now, but part of that is because of what I can't do. I can't hold her hand and show support you know?"

Sydney sighed and slid her arms around his waist, "Promise me, Jamie. Promise me having Eddie here won't ruin us. I know it's right, I know she needs us and I love her just as much as you do…Can you just please promise?"

Jamie dipped his head and captured his wife's soft lips in his own. "I promise…I love you, Syd. Now we have a ton of work to do before Eddie gets home…Let's go get some of the bedding you two picked out and we'll go to the Melting Pot for dinner, okay?"

Sydney hugged Jamie back, "Okay…I'm sorry I…"

"It's all right, I understand…Let's not talk anymore about it all right?"

Sydney agreed and arm in arm she and Jamie headed to his car and headed out to shop.

 **A/N: I dropped this chapter a little early because I am trying to fix it so I'm not dropping multiple chapters in one day except on Pillow Talk days. I hope you liked this one, some of you expected Sydney to balk but she might show more patience than we give her credit for, yet she is getting a little suspicious.**

 **Next update – June 3** **rd** **– Eddie comes home!**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

The two weeks passed quickly for Jamie and Sydney, they were so busy between taking classes to care for Eddie, remodeling the house, and preparing their lives for Eddie. The time crawled for Eddie. She hated being in rehab and progressing so little. Finally it was here, the day she was going to go home.

Jamie arrived at noon with his classic 1000 watt smile. Sydney was at the apartment getting things ready for Eddie's arrival. "Hey, look at you! You look like you're ready to blow this popsicle stand!"

Jamie stepped closer and gave Eddie a hug. "Wait until you see the place, Eddie. Sydney went a little overboard with the bathroom, you can live in there…"

"Well, I'll be spending time in there," Eddie replied. "All of that stuff over there is for me. Some of this stuff is pretty gross, Reagan. You sure you know what you are getting into?"

"Yes, helping my best friend. I took all the classes and it's almost noon. You'll be due for your lunch and some hygiene. Pop send over chicken salad, Sydney probably has it on the table. Let's head out."

Jamie sighed the necessary papers and pushed Eddie's chair to the doors. "You ready for this?"

"I've been ready for this for two months," Eddie replied smiling as the warmth of the summer sun on face. Jamie had pulled the Mustang to the front of the hospital. Eddie wasn't ready to self-transfer, far from it, Jamie easily put her into the front seat of the car and secured her with the seat belt. He stored he chair and the bags in the back seat of the car before turning the car on and heading for the Upper West Side.

After circling the garage, Jamie finally found a reasonably close parking spot before going around to help Eddie out into her wheelchair from the back seat. With a gentle pat of her shoulder Jamie wheeled her towards her building balancing the bags on his shoulders, using the elevator to get up to their floor.

"Here we go, home sweet home," Jamie grinned, stepping aside to unlock the door before pushing Eddie inside.

"Syd, we're home."

Sydney walked out from one of the back rooms smiling brightly, walking closer to give Eddie a gentle hug. "Hey Eddie, welcome home."

"Thanks Syd, and thanks for doing this."

While the girls caught up Jamie brought Eddie's bags into her new room, coming back still smiling. "Hey so why don't we show you to your new room huh? I'm not one to brag but it looks amazing."

Eddie couldn't help but laugh at Jamie giving him a look as he wheeled her past the living room towards the back where their bedrooms were located. As they rode through, Eddie noted marked changes in the living room as well as the ample hallway. Eddie could see where the doorway had been widened, her chair sailed right through. The living room sported a brand new power recliner, a smart TV the obeyed voice commands, and was devoid of all area rugs and obstacles that could make driving difficult. The hallway was also devoid of carpeting and the door leading to Eddie's room had been widened to accommodate her chair.

Inside, Sydney had made the room lovely. The bed was as functional as a hospital bed, but wider, at least a full size and was situated next to the window with shades that could be operated with voice commands. The purple and white comforter was drawn back to reveal Egyptian cotton sheets that were softer than a bunny's fur and beside the bed was a voice prompted light, night table with drawers and a place to plug in her chair to charge the battery. On the wall in Eddie's line of vision was another smart TV. "Oh wow!" Eddie gasped. "This is like a palace."

"Wait until you see what Sydney did to the bathroom. There's one of those tubs with the warm seats and a shower with a built in chair so you're sturdy. She even had a set of drawers put in near the toilet for the supplies Eddie required for her bladder and bowel regiments. "You're worth it Eddie. You think you can feel like this is your home?"

Eddie sighed, "It's…" She choked up and turned her head sideways.

Jamie reached down and cupped her cheeks. "Ssh..no tears. You're home and Sydney got all your stuff, your clothes, your DVDs…everything is here for you. Look."

Jamie opened drawers and closets to show Eddie all of her things had been brought. "This is your home…" Jamie gave Eddie a gentle hug. "Let me unpack your medical things and we can have some lunch." It was getting late and soon Eddie's lunch would run into her massage. The therapist was due at 2:30.

Jamie only unpacked the utensils, the rest would wait until later. Jamie went to push Eddie's chair, she laughed, "Jamie, I can drive it…Watch!" Eddie pushed the joystick on her chair, Jamie could see the contraction of her bicep leading to pressure being placed on the stick by her usually flaccid wrist. Her fingers remained curled…never to be used again.

Jamie beamed with pride seeing Eddie getting like little bit of independence. Seeing Eddie coming, Sydney moved the chair from the dining table and took out the plates of chicken salad. She had purchased several bottles that would attach to Eddie's wheelchair, with long straws so she could drink while using her assistive utensils. "What would you like to drink? We have iced tea, cola, water, Jamie had be pick up some beers…"

"I would LOVE a beer," Eddie laughed. Sydney took a yellow colored bottle, labeled it "Beer" and poured Eddie's brand into it. "The straw reaches so your hands are free to eat."

Jamie secured the spoon to Eddie's hand and pushed her plate closer. "Take your time," he instructed and began to eat his own lunch. Since the day in the rehab hospital when Jamie and Syd had walked in on Eddie's second attempt to eat on her own, Eddie's coordination had really improved. She got almost all of her food in her mouth leaving only a little on the napkin Syd had tied around her neck.

Eddie just finished when the doorman called to announce the arrival of Michele, her home massage therapist. She arrived with her own table and equipment that she would use to help keep Eddie's body supple and free of contractures. Jamie and Sydney gave Eddie her privacy while she had massage and range of motion. Jamie could hear her make little noises through the open bedroom door. "Jamie, I forgot to tell you, I'm not going to be home tonight."

"Syd, this is Eddie's first night at home," Jamie sighed. "She'll need a bath after she takes a nap and…"

"Jamie, it's Charlotte's birthday. Besides, you're the one that took all the classes and she feels safer when you are handling her anyway. I'd be in the way worrying and fussing. You'll be okay, it might be easier for her tonight with just you here."

Jamie nodded, "You have a good time, I'll care for Eddie, we'll kick back and watch some TV."

Sydney started to get ready while Jamie helped Eddie lie down for a rest. She got tired very quickly, she had not yet built significant stamina. The doctors explained that would take time, more than a year to get better and she would never have the energy she once possessed. Jamie tried to push out the negative thoughts and be happy for the small victories.

While Eddie slept Jamie cleaned up around the house, and read his notes on the things he'd have to do that night for Eddie. His father had joked the other day his Harvard education was finally being put to good use. Jamie laughed but he knew it was true. His ability to memorize facts and procedures was a huge help in learning all he needed to for Eddie's sake.

After Eddie's nap, Jamie sat her up in her wheelchair. "Can you get yourself set at the table? I'm going to run out for about ten minutes to pick up our dinner. Wait until you see what we're having."

Eddie began to drive her chair to the table while Jamie jogged up the street to a polish sausage stand. He bought three sandwiches, some potato pierogis, and a side of sauerkraut and four root beers then headed back to the apartment. He found Eddie in the kitchen trying to pry open the fridge with her teeth. "Hey, hey, what do you need? You'll strain your neck."

"I wanted a juice, Syd put juices with the straws in then for me. I'm thirsty."

"Eddie, I know how badly you want to do for yourself and soon you'll be stronger and you can but for now, continue to recover, okay?" Jamie handed her a juice. "I have a surprise. Polish sausage, pierogis, and a side of kraut."

Jamie made the sandwiches and helped Eddie using the every other bite method until there was no food left. "That was so good! Thanks for thinking of it. It was like old times!"

Jamie smiled, "Glad you enjoyed it. What do you say I teach you how to work the TV, then we'll get you bathed and ready for bed."

The next couple of hours were very much like old times. They watched the television and laughed at some old stories from the beat. About eight thirty, Jamie helped Eddie get ready for her bowel care. He helped administer the stimulant then gave Eddie her privacy until things resolved.

"All right, let's take care of the bath. This will feel so relaxing, I promise. You'll feel a lot better and less stiff." Jamie filled the tub with hot water and subs. He checked the temperature with his elbow, he was warned at Burke Eddie was as sensitive to hot or cold temperatures as a newborn baby. Satisfied, Jamie went back to retrieve Eddie. "I made it a bubble bath so I won't see...too much." Jamie lifted Eddie into his arms carrying her to the padded chair in the bathroom. Gently and carefully he began to remove her clothing... He started with her tee shirt, the her sweats. Finally she was sitting in just her bra and panties. Jamie took a deep breath, "Just do it Jamie. It's not like anything..."

"I know... just don't want to hurt you," Jamie replied.

Eddie nodded, "I thought Sydney would do this."

"She will sometimes, but I think I better do most of this stuff until I teach her more. I went to three times as many classes just because I could make my schedule fit, you know." Jamie took a breath and unhooked Eddie' bra letting it slide off to reveal ample breasts the man in him always admired. Finally, he slid her panties off. Jamie kept his eyes on Eddie's face, she was a beauty, but she was also his friend that needed him to take care of her and nothing more

With infinite care, Jamie lifted Eddie into the bath tub and sat her on the seat. "Is it okay? How do you feel?"

"The water is fine," Eddie replied. "Not too hot. It feels really good on my upper back where I got hurt. That is stiff."

Jamie smiled, "I'm glad. Let's do this huh?"

Jamie sat next to the tub and grabbed a cloth to wash Eddie. Jamie poured some extra sensitive body wash on the cloth, then he gently washed her shoulders, moving down her arms slowly.

"Is that okay?"

Eddie smiled in response and nodded that he was fine. At the approval Jamie continued moving towards her chest blushing. "Bet these aren't the first pair you've seen Reagan," Eddie teased him, she was getting some enjoyment from his embarrassment.

"No, but not like this..." Jamie quickly shut his mouth, washed around Eddie's breasts then moved on to a different body part.

"You never bathed anyone before Reagan? Oh I forgot you're the baby of the family."

Jamie quickly dipped his hand in the water washing her stomach and moving down concentrating on the conversation to avoid blushing. "Yeah, but I bathed Nikki a lot as a kid to give my sister a break. We were close Nikki and I."

"That's good," Eddie replied. "It really is. Where did you find this tub Reagan?" The tub was a whirlpool walk in tub. The door wasn't wide enough for Eddie's wheelchair, even her small manual one, but it fit her body perfectly. Sydney had a shower installed separate from the tub for easier use of both items.

"Sydney found it online and somehow sweet talked them into a quick delivery. She liked the hooks, so we could belt you in but I forgot to use them." Jamie changed the subject, "Nikki was the cutest baby. Jack and Sean were adorable but Nikki…she had those chubby baby cheeks." Jamie noticed Eddie's eyes falling closed. "Eddie, are you okay?"

"Yeah…I'm just. I'm so tired, Jamie. I know you did all the work…"

"No, holding posture is hard, I'm almost finished, we'll get you into a nightgown and back to bed, you can have a good rest."

Jamie sped up the rest of the bath and pulled the drain plug. Now totally focused on Eddie's well-being, the sights of her body, naked and wet with bubbles still visible on parts of her flesh had little effect on him. Jamie sat Eddie in her chair with towels on the seat to capture the dampness. With another big fluffy towel, he dried Eddie's hair and body gently. "You want me to blow dry your hair?" Jamie asked.

"Yeah, if you don't mind."

Jamie smiled. He wrapped Eddie in towels the way he was shown at the hospital, making sure all of her crevices were dry, especially around her hips and thighs, areas prone to skin breakage. Jamie quickly got the hair dryer and brush and began to dry Eddie's long blond locks. As he worked, Jamie thought about how often he ran his hands through this gorgeous head of hair. He had done it to tease, to flatter, and to console, but this was new to him. As he aimed the warm air, Jamie's hands worked through Eddie's hair until it was similar to the way she wore it. "There, beautiful."

Eddie laughed, "Not likely…" Jamie stepped around her and brushed her hair back off her cheek. "You ready to go back to bed, we'll put lotion on and get you dressed on the bed…"

Before Eddie could reply, she started to slip forward, her limited ability to sit taxed beyond capability. She began to slip as her body gave out. "Whoa, whoa…" Jamie grabbed Eddie to keep her from falling out of her chair. Jamie gently pushed Eddie back into her wheelchair, one hand on her stomach, the other going to her cheek. Their faces were incredibly close, the man in Jamie captivated by her beauty. Their breaths mingled, their eyes locked, Jamie and Eddie both felt a familiar magnetism pulling them closer. Their lips touched softly, just for a brief second before Eddie involuntarily shivered.

"I'm sorry, Eddie…" Jamie gasped. "I'm so sorry…"

"Jamie. I need to lie down," Eddie told him quickly not even addressing their slip.

"All right, okay…" Jamie smoothly picked Eddie up in his arms and carried her to her bed lying her down on the soft sheets.

Jamie positioned Eddie so her head was in neutral position then removed the towels. "You want the diaper…"

"No, the catheter," Eddie replied. "I don't want to leak on the sheets and mess at night."

Jamie nodded then slid on a pair of panties on followed by a pair of sweat shorts. Finally Jamie slid on a baggie tee shirt. Eddie was tossing her head, "Eddie? You hurting?"

She nodded, he noticed her abdomen shaking from the rib cage to the hips. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I should have strapped you…"

Eddie took a few deep breaths, "It's not your fault. I'm sorry…just…I have to sleep. I'm so tired, Jamie let me sleep."

"I can't yet, we have to lotion you and I have to do your catheter."

"Just do the catheter, forget the lotion."

"We have to do lotion so you don't let your skin get chafed, but if you're hurting I can do it when we turn you over…" Jamie took out his notebook with the directions for cathertization. He was sure to use as much lubricant as possible to make sure he placed the tube without hurting Eddie. When he was sure it was in place he taped the tubing to her leg and covered her with a very soft hypo allergenic blanket. "There…how's that?"

Eddie nodded, steeling herself against the painful spasm she felt in her chest and back. She didn't want to interrupt anymore of Jamie's night on the first evening home. "Good, I'm just so tired Jamie…" Eddie's breathing was shallow and she felt weak and tired.

"You sleep. I have my phone set to wake up and turn you at 2 all right?"

Eddie nodded again biting the inside of her lip. "Jamie, I don't remember if I ever said thank you…"

"No need to say thank you," Jamie replied gently. "You'd be doing the same thing."

Jamie shut off the light and pulled the door closed, switching on the intercom so he could hear if Eddie needed him in the middle of the night. All in all the first night at home had been a success.

 **A/N: Eddie's first night home was a bit more of a challenge than perfectionist Jamie would like but all in all she did well. I'd like to give shout out to Lawslave for her previews of this work and to Yanks20 for giving me little pushes when I know what I want to write but can't quite say it. Also to my readers, followers, and reviewers. I love to hear from you all so please let me know if you are enjoying this ride. I do see many views but few comments, so good or bad, let me know what you're thinking, especially of these chapters at home.**

 **Next Update – June 5** **th** **– Sydney feels slighted when Jamie is more attentive to Eddie's needs than her own, Nikki invites the three musketeers to Erin's birthday dinner.**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Sydney crawled into bed a little after midnight waking Jamie from a sound sleep. "Hey, handsome..." She smelled slightly of alcohol. "Oh, you look so good without your shirt..."

"Syd...I'm tired, honey..."

"Tired huh? Well I could take care of that for you." Sydney leaned over Jamie running her hands down his stomach.

Jamie groaned, catching her hand quickly and meeting her eyes. "Syd, I'm exhausted. Not tonight okay?"

Pouting slightly Syd lie beside him resting her hand on his stomach. "How'd it go today?"

"Not bad, it's an adjustment you know?" Jamie's head was still spinning from the kiss he and Eddie shared. With a sigh, Jamie wrapped an arm around Sydney closing his eyes ready to fall asleep when he heard Eddie cry out.

Jamie didn't hesitate, that was a cry of pain. Throwing the covers back, Jamie jumped out of bed and hurried to Eddie's room. He missed Sydney's glaring look in his haste to check on Eddie.

Jamie flipped the lights on going to Eddie's side concern written all over his face. "What's wrong Eddie?"

She looked up at him with big blue eyes laying on her side. "I can't…I'm so stiff."

Offering a gentle smile Jamie gently turned her looking her over for the problem area. He could see her left leg shaking under the blanket. "You're having a spasm. It's okay…I have this hot oil. You want me to do it or Sydney?"

"Jamie, I feel so sick, please…"

Jamie nodded and got the oil out. He rubbed his hands together and started to rub the offending muscle group. "My head…" Eddie sighed as Jamie gently rubbed her thigh.

"I know, try to take a deep breath, take a breath…" Still it seemed nothing Jamie did relieved Eddie's pain.

Jamie took both of Eddie's shoulders and lifted her up. "Here, lean against me and try to get some air in all right?" Jamie put a warm arm around Eddie. "I know it's hard but let's try to do some of the yoga we did at therapy…some of the breathing…."

Jamie slid the BP cuff on and let it work while rubbing Eddie's chest and stomach. Her pressure was not up so he focused on holding her. "Short breath in….and long puffing breath out…short in and long out….Focus on my voice…"

Jamie held her close to him as they breathed together. "Remember that partnership workshop thing we did?" Jamie asked. "We had to coach each other like this. Just think about that…" Jamie continued to rub her stomach and her leg.

Eddie's breathing was now weaker than a normal person's since part of her diaphragm usage was impaired by her injury. Finally Jamie felt Eddie relaxing and saw the spasms subside. "There we go…What if I put lotion on you and turn you over and we both get some more sleep?"

Eddie nodded, and laid complacently as Jamie got the lotion and dispensed a healthy amount. He began with her back and shoulders with Eddie lying on her side braced be pillows so she didn't have to work to hold her positon. That was a mistake her regretted. He was careful around her scars from the surgery and her halo. Once Eddie's entire back was motioned, Jamie applied the cream to her arms and legs. He took his time on each leg, massaging the withering muscles below her soft skin. Those legs had kicked perps where it hurts, chased bad guys down alleys right at his side, now they would never move again and were already beginning to waste away.

"I'm going to see about more therapy on your legs," Jamie told her as he held her foot in his hands rubbing the cream into the arch. He noticed some redness near her heels and noted to place her legs on pillows to prevent more skin breakage. "I know they don't work but you need to maintain some muscle too."

Eddie was tired so she just nodded as Jamie finished rubbing in the cream. "There…your skin is already so soft…" He turned her on the other side and braced the pillows around her back. "If you need me just call out, I have the monitor on."

Eddie nodded and tried to smile as Jamie began to leave but then, "Jamie?"

Jamie turned around quickly, "Yeah, what's wrong?"

"Do you think maybe you can stay here tonight?" Eddie murmured. She was frightened her first night without round the clock nursing. "I don't mean…just…I need you…"

Those familiar words, "I need you…" That was all it took. "Sure I'll stay. Let me get a blanket down and I'll stay right here."

Eddie slept on and off waking up with the pain and muscle spasms that plagued her in the hospital. Jamie woke each time and gently talked her through it. He made notes to discuss the spasms and nerve pain with her doctor. Eddie finally fell asleep to stay around seven, just when Sydney was waking up. Jamie padded out to the living room to have coffee with her. He wasn't going back on tour until the following Monday when they would utilize a friend of Linda's to care for Eddie.

"You never came back to bed," Sydney stated plainly.

"I know, I messed up last night. I didn't belt her into the tub and she got spasms from it and then her legs started to go, she was in a lot of pain and I think she was scared being the first night without the benefit of a nurse."

Sydney nodded, "Well it's Friday so I'll take care of her tonight and you can get some sleep. You really need your rest too Jamie." Sydney made him some toast and a cup of coffee.

"She's out now so I'm going to get a little more sleep before I get her breakfast and morning meds," Jamie sighed. "Last night when I was bathing her…She was only able to really be present with me for about twenty minutes before getting tired, then when I put her lotion on. Her skin is so soft but the legs are already atrophied and the skin on her heels is red…I put her feet on pillows and we have to make sure we do that."

Sydney came around and rubbed Jamie's back, "I know it's hard, you love her, I love her too, we'll get her through this together I promise."

Jamie kissed his wife's lips and drank coffee with her before peaking in on Eddie. Finding her sleeping soundly, Jamie crawled into his own bed and fell instantly asleep.

Jamie awoke again at 10 to his phone ringing. He reached out blindly and answered it, "Uncle Jamie?"

Jamie smiled, "Hey, Nick. What's up? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I want to invite you and Aunt Sydney to Mom's birthday dinner in a few weeks. We're going to have it at Arairang, Mom is really into Sushi, but for Pop we need to get a Hibachi table."

"I'm sure one of us can come, but unless it's a night when Rose isn't working at the hospital, one of us has to stay with Eddie," Jamie replied hating to disappoint his niece.

"Well, can't you bring her in her wheelchair?" Nikki asked. "She'd enjoy the show and she loves steak."

"Nikki, it's hard to have Eddie go out and people would stare…It might be too taxing for her."

"Uncle Jamie, why don't you ask her and if people stare, let them."

Jamie thought about it, "I'll ask her and I'll call you. Put us down for one right now and I'll let you know. Love you, kiddo."

Jamie hung up and began to get Eddie's breakfast ready, hot tea, one scrambled egg and a slice of toast. He carried the tray into her room and gently nudged her to wake her up, "Hey, time to eat and get your meds."

Eddie sighed and used the control to raise the head of her bed more. She was stiff and had a headache but Jamie's smiled was infectious. "Oh that smells good, I'm sorry about last night."

"No worries, it was your first night, you were afraid. It's all good." Jamie strapped Eddie's fork to her hand and poured the tea into the correct bottle. "When you want to have a bit of toast tell me and I'll give it to you."

The meal went smoothly, Eddie was getting the hang of eating on her own, most of her food made it to her mouth. After she took all her medications, Jamie helped Eddie get washed while still in bed. Bathing would be a bedtime activity, just like bowel care would be. Once clean and dressed in a sweat pants and a tee shirt, Jamie lifted Eddie and placed her into her chair making sure to secure her to it with the proper belts.

Eddie drove her chair to the bathroom and using the assistive tools the hospital provided, tried with all her might to get toothpaste on her brush and get her arms to lift and move the toothbrush. After three failed tries Eddie let out a cry of frustration; Jamie stepped in.

"Here, I'll do it. It's going to take practice like eating did." Jamie moved the brush around inside Eddie's mouth. Some of the toothpaste slipped into the back of her throat. _Cough cough, gag…gag…_ Jamie pushed Eddie forward. "Try to cough it up Eddie, try to cough it out."

Eddie tried and tried but could not clear her air passage for anything. Jamie patted her back and offered water to thin the glob of toothpaste. He did something wrong again and caused Eddie pain. Finally she coughed out the toothpaste and leaned back in her chair. "Sorry," she rasped. "I am sorry."

"Stop it, it's my fault. Rinse then we'll go get some fresh air until Michelle comes."

"No Michelle today, I have OT today, Janice," Eddie replied. "You can hit the road for a while, it's two hours of learning how to do stuff I could do since I was five."

"I want to stay and learn more," Jamie replied. "I have to learn how to help you use chopsticks."

Eddie raised an eyebrow, "No way, Reagan. You're being ridiculous, I couldn't use chopsticks before."

Jamie smiled, "I know, you wore more of your meal then than you do now. No, it's Erin's birthday and Nikki invited us to Hibachi, I just want to make sure it's okay with your therapists for us to go."

"You and Sydney go, I can manage," Eddie replied. "Really I can, I'll just be in the way. You won't have any fun."

"I will so have fun and so will Syd, come on! More saki! More happy!" Jamie imitated one of their favorite chefs from a hibachi restaurant in the Village.

"Okay," Eddie sighed. "If it's okay with Sydney, I know she had to be angry that you didn't come to bed."

Jamie brushed a piece of hair out of Eddie's face. "Nope, she understood, she's going to do the bed routine tonight. I'll be here to help though."

Eddie looked down at her hands, "What is it?" Jamie asked reading her like a book.

"Right now, and I know this sounds so selfish and stupid but…right now, I'm still scared to be out of the hospital and I want you to do it. I am afraid she'll drop me or something…"

"Well, what if I lift you?" Jamie suggested. "And Sydney can help wash you and get you creamed up and all. I'll do the lifting, I'll do the catheter…" Eddie nodded and smiled at Jamie, that sounded like a fair plan all around.

The old partners were so busy talking and discussing gifts for Erin's birthday, neither one remembered it was time to catheterize Eddie. When Eddie's occupational therapist arrived she looked her patient over, "I guess today we'll start with getting out of your wheelchair considering we have to get you changed."

There was a big urine stain on the Eddie's sweat pants, neither one noticed it. Eddie's face turned red and she dropped her chin to her chest in shame. Twenty-nine years old and she wet herself. Jamie felt about a foot tall.

"Hey," Jamie whispered. "It's not your fault, it's my fault. Let's get you cleaned up and we'll have a good session with Janice all right?"

Eddie sniffled and wanted to tell Janice to go, she wasn't going to improve very much and she knew it. Still, she promised Jamie that she would try. Jamie made short work of changing Eddie and securing the catheter. He was removing it every few hours to keep her from getting another nasty UTI. "Janice, I caught her trying to use her teeth to get a water bottle yesterday, is there something we can do to the fridge to make it so Eddie can open it."

Janice nodded, "That is why I'm here…I'm going to set you up with a lot more gadgets to make everyone's life easier. For now we're going to work on getting onto the bed to do a pressure release, you must do this with her until she can do it alone. Eddie, you have to remember to remind Jamie to do your pressure relief to avoid AD, you are sensitive to AD so we have to work hard to get you to do your relief independently. Let's get work!"

Eddie nodded wanting to learn to do things on her own, Jamie watched and took notes on how Eddie was being shown to use a slide board. Janice put baby powder on the board to help Eddie move. She made it halfway then wasn't able to continue, still the smile on her face lit the room. All in all, even with a few difficulties Eddie' first 24 hours home could have been better but it also could have been a lot worse. Jamie smiled with pride at the job they were doing adapting together, the three musketeers once more.

 **A/N: Slowly but surely Eddie is starting to adjust, but how will be when Jamie is not tending to her and their special communication is not helping her ask for things. I am so glad folks are still reading and following this story, there are three more installments of this series showing different stages in Eddie's life after he injury.**

 **Next Update – June 7** **th** **– It's Linda to the rescue when Eddie suffers a medical crisis while alone with Sydney.**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Sydney bustled around the kitchen preparing lunch for her and Eddie. Jamie would have stayed but he had a prior commitment with Danny and Linda helping them pick up the new carpeting he was going to help Danny lay, so Sydney was left in charge.

"Hey Eddie time for lunch can you wheel yourself over?" Jamie was still pushing Eddie in her chair as she had a tendency to crash into the walls while she learned to get control over her chair.

Eddie appeared a second later driving herself to the table grinning. With a gentle laugh Sydney brought her lunch over everything cut in small pieces. "How do you think I'd look with my hair like this?" Sydney asked showing a shorter layered style. "I feel like I want to change things up."

"Jamie likes you hair long," Eddie replied. "He really loves long hair actually."

Sydney took a bite of her chicken sandwich, Eddie had the same, deconstructed. Sydney was too scared to feed her sandwiches like Jamie did. "I told him once I wanted to cut my hair and he balked so I'm pretty sure if you are thinking of cutting it, you two should talk."

Sydney laughed, "I will talk to him first, he's going through a lot at work, his new partner is…a piece of work. He's a real jerk."

"Yeah, I heard he got a new trainee, but I thought he was off two more weeks." As Eddie lifted her fork to take a bit of her meal, her hand began shaking furiously sending food flying onto the table.

"Eddie are you okay?" Sydney jumped up and stood near her chair.

Rather than answering Eddie dropped her fork onto the tray crying in pain. "My head," Eddie cried out weakly, her breath incredibly shallow. She was soaked. Her hair was pasted to her forehead but her arms and hands were frozen.

Sydney stared at him frozen with a mind blank forgetting everything she needed to do. Eddie's neck dropped forward, she was unable to hold it up. Eddie let out another painful cry snapping Sydney back to the situation. With shaking hands Sydney turned on her phone calling Jamie.

"Jamie, something's wrong, there's something wrong with Eddie. I don't know what to do."

"Hey, how's everything been going?" Danny asked Jamie. He had gone with them to look at carpet he promised to help Danny lay.

"Good," Jamie replied. "We have a successful couple of days so far. Eddie is getting used to being here and the therapists are teaching us how to work together at home. Eddie is still working out the mechanics of her wheelchair, her depth perception is a little off when she's turning so…"

"I like this one, Danny," Linda replied showing him a square of soft tan carpet.

"Yeah and it's cheaper than the other one too," Danny replied. "You sure you have the time to help me lay this, Kid?"

Jamie nodded, "Linda is going to sit with Eddie, it's all planned out, no worries," Jamie replied as his phone rang with Sydney's desperate call.

"Sydney, I'm ten minutes away with Linda, just keep her talking and don't lie her down or touch her hands or arms at all, we'll be right there!"

Jamie looked at Danny, "There's something wrong with Eddie, can we run to the house? Linda, Sydney says she's not breathing right and she's all sweaty…"

The three Reagans left the carpet store and cabbed it to Jamie's apartment just a few blocks away. They headed up in the elevator and opened the door to Sydney in tears, and Eddie in worse shape.

"Eddie, what is it?" Jamie stood up over the chair. Eddie's face was turning a deeper red and she began to sweat profusely.

"Oh…" Eddie moaned again. She was trying to move her hand up to her head but of course she couldn't do it.

"Eddie," Linda hurried over. "Jamie, I need the digital BP cuff, two pillows behind her back, her catheter and other supplies, now, right now!" Linda began to rub the back of Eddie's neck, "It's all right, honey. Listen to my voice, it's okay."

Danny appeared with the pillows. Linda put them behind Eddie's back to sit her up straighter. "Sydney…" Linda took at her sister-in-law shaking next to her. "Danny, help me get her legs down so they are in as normal positon as they can be. Jamie, I need that cuff."

Jamie appeared with the cuff and the catheter equipment. Linda began to run the BP while Jamie took over comforting Eddie. "It's okay, Eddie. I'm here and Linda is here and you're going to be all right."

"J…" Eddie's speech was slurred, her legs spasmed and literally bounced up and down against the belts. Danny leaned to keep them still, "No, Danny, let them go, don't put any pressure on her legs." The cuff beeped, "Jesus…Jamie, ice packs..." The reading was 210/165…"She's at stroke level. Where are her meds?"

Jamie looked at Sydney, still frozen, he got the medication and placed a few drops under Eddie's tongue while Linda placed a new catheter expecting that to relieve the crisis. It didn't.

"Did you do bowel care today or recently?" Linda asked Jamie.

"Yeah, we did it last night and it was fine, no problems. She was fine."

"Help me take her shoes off, she could have a cramp, a cut, a bruise something that's causing her body to react," Linda explained.

Jamie quickly began to remove Eddie's right shoe and sock while Linda removed the left. "There it is. When this shoe was put on the sock was pushed down inside the shoe, made a little blister here from rubbing inside of it. Something like this, even something like this can cause constriction in the blood vessels in her legs. Her body can't communicate with her brain so something small to her body is something big!" Linda took the ice and held it on Eddie' neck while Jamie finished removing the belt and devices holding her into the wheelchair. He used his own body along with pillows to keep her upright.

With the painful stimulus removed, Eddie's blood pressure slowly began to drop. The profuse perspiration stopped and the intense pain that had assaulted her head and neck began to dissipate. She tried to speak but was still incapable. Thankfully, Jamie interpreted the smacking of her lips as a request for water.

"Danny, grab me that water bottle on the table," Jamie requested. When Danny handed it to him Jamie held it to Eddie's lips. She tried to drink but was still too disoriented. Jamie wet his fingers and gently dabbed the water onto Eddie's lips so she could lick it off. "There you go," he soothed. "It's over now. It's all over now."

Jamie looked at Linda, "What do I do now...She's exhausted." Jamie could feel how Eddie sank back into him. "Let's put her out of the wheelchair, in the recliner. We need to elevate her legs now so her pressure drops. Leave the belts and things off for a while."

"Eddie, I'm going to pick you up and put you in the big red chair, all right? I've got you, don't be scared."

Meanwhile, Sydney had dropped into a chair still crying and now shaking herself. This was not what she signed up for.

Jamie laid Eddie in the chair and watched every move Linda made propping her legs up with the socks off. Jamie remembered something from the hospital and took one of Eddie's feet and softly rubbed the bottom of her foot. "Jamie, no..."

"It helps her, no one knew why even at the hospital. Pop did it to her when she was sick and it helped lower her fever and her pressure..."

Linda backed off, if this was a proven cure for Eddie's specific case, great. Within a few minutes Eddie opened her eyes wider and saw Jamie, Danny, and Linda looking down at her with concern. "I feel so funny,' she whispered. "Hot..."

Linda moved the ice pack around on Eddie's face to cool her cheeks, "You had an episode of AD" Linda explained. "Since it was your first one here, it took a little time to recognize the symptoms but you're pressure is coming down. I just want you to rest like this for a few hours. I'll stay until your pressure is normal."

Eddie looked around for Sydney, "Where's Syd? What happened to her? We were eating...Is she mad that I spilled my lunch?

"No one is mad," Jamie soothed. "Syd's really scared and upset. Can you sit with Danny and Linda while I go talk to her?"

Eddie nodded, "Tired."

"You take a nap then,' Linda instructed. "After an episode like this one, rest is very important. Are you comfortable?"

Jamie left Linda to fuss over Eddie, finally having time for his own wife.

"Sydney…" Jamie went and pulled her from where she sat in a kitchen chair. He held her to his chest, "Stop crying, she's okay. She's okay, you did the right thing calling me."

"She was fine then the next minute…" Sydney sobbed. "I didn't know what to do…from something so silly."

Jamie sighed and rubbed Sydney's back, "I know, but it's not silly. We have to be so vigilant of things like this. She's all right now, a little weak and tired, but all right. There's no reason to be so upset now." Jamie kissed Sydney's hair and softly rocked.

"But I didn't know what to do, and you aren't going be here all the time, Jamie," Sydney hiccupped. "This is too much, we can't do this. We can't be responsible for her life like this…"

Jamie quickly put his hand of Sydney's mouth. "Don't say that, she'll hear you. You both had a terrible shock. Take a few deep breaths, then we are both going to sit down with Linda and get a solid comprehensive lesson in what can set these off and how we deal with them. If not for Linda Eddie would have stroked out, maybe she might have died. We can't afford for this to happen again. Have some water, compose yourself, Danny can watch Eddie and we'll learn from Linda what to do all right?" Jamie dropped a kiss on Sydney's head. "I love you so much…"

"Autonomic dysreflexia or hyperreflexia," Linda explained again. "It's an unsafe and rapid rise in blood pressure that comes from stimuli below the level of injury, like the sock. For you and me, that would just be annoying because our feet would send a message to our brain that something was harming our foot, go fix it. In Eddie's case, her foot sense the message, but the injury stops it from reaching her brain causing her body to basically panic. The blood vessels in the legs constrict, the blood pressure rises. The brain detects the spike and tries to lower the pressure by dropping the heart rate, it fails but complicates the issue. Eddie seems to be particularly sensitive, you must always have her blood pressure medication on hand, and you must be diligent in making sure you do bladder care, bowel care…Those are the most likely triggers, but it can be menstrual cramps, wrinkles clothing, or a balled up sock."

"It's my fault," Sydney sighed. "I dressed her this morning, I saw that that sock slipped but I didn't know…"

"No, you didn't," Jamie replied. "But you do now so it's all right. Eddie will be fine. Linda, please teach us…if…"

"It's when Jamie, I anticipate when Eddie has her period, you will experience smaller episodes called "flushes". Elevating the legs, keeping her body cool, and massaging the lower back and belly will help with those."

Jamie nodded, "Helping her when she has a big one…tell me…"

Linda detailed how to treat a serious spell. Sitting Eddie up, administering her medication if her pressure was too high, icing her neck, the determining the cause and removing it. "Then you can let her lie down and rest, elevate her legs, if it helps her for you to rub her feet do that and monitor her pressure. As a matter of fact, it's time to do that now…"

The three of them checked a sleeping Eddie's pressure, 140/95. Much better, she just needs more rest. Jamie, I think you need to stay here, the rug will keep," Linda said. "Why don't we stick around too? Come on, Syd. I'll help you throw something together for dinner."

Linda and Sydney went to the kitchen while the three peace officers sat in the living room. "So, how are you doing with all this?" Linda asked her sister-in-law. "It can't be easy, sharing your husband with the NYPD and a partner that needs him for almost everything."

"We're fine," Sydney replied. "Jamie is the best husband and the best partner. It's not hard "Sharing" him with Eddie because I did it for three years. They are really close but I'm fine with it."

Linda smiled, "Good. She needs this. That poor girl…This is pretty much it for her. She might get a little more use from her arms but that's it."

Sydney nodded, "It's my turn to do her bath and such tonight. Jamie did last night and he says she prefers that he transfers her until I get more practice but I'm going to do everything else. I want to do nice stuff for her too. Can I do things like put nail polish on her and clip her nails and all?"

"Oh, yeah. Eddie is still like any other woman, she just can't do it herself. When she's feeling better, in a few months when she's more used to it, you can ever bring her to a spa and do a spa day."

Sydney smiled, "We used to do that all the time. I want her to feel better. I can tell she still feels lousy a lot."

"She will start to feel better in a few months. Right now the bones in her neck are still healing, she's still getting used to being paralyzed, and it's very hard on a lot of counts."

"It's hard on a lot of perspectives too," Sydney sighed. "I'm concerned for my Jamie. After today, I don't know if I can help him."

"You can," Linda encouraged. "I promise you, it will get easier. Give it time."

Sydney wasn't sure if Linda was right, but she did love Jamie so…She'd give it time.

 **A/N: That was pretty intense for everyone involved. Sydney might not be cut out for caregiving the way Jamie is. If not for Linda…she was definitely the hero of this chapter.**

 **Next Update – June 9** **th** **– Sydney tries to give Jamie some respite, but her negligence causes another crisis.**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

"JAMIE!" Sydney called for the third time since she began to bathe Eddie. Jamie had taken care of Eddie the next two days, today Sydney said she felt secure enough to handle the bedtime by herself. Jamie had just about sat down, cracked a beer, and put his feet up when Sydney called him the first time. She was brushing Eddie's hair and saw how hard Eddie was working to breathe with just her tee shirt on. "She's not breathing right Jamie," Sydney fussed.

"It's fine," Eddie assured them both. "I feel fine."

"Syd, remember they told us, part of her chest and diaphragm are paralyzed, Eddie can't breathe like we can, she has to compensate. Don't worry."

Jamie left and sat down on the couch, picked up his beer, took a long sip, then Sydney called him again. This time it was fine, it was time to place Eddie in the tub. Jamie placed her on the seat and secured the belts.

"You two enjoy," Jamie said bowing out letting Eddie enjoy her bath.

Eddie sighed in delight as Sydney washed her hair and her body, her touch was different than Jamie's and she ran the water a little warmer, she was just a little less cautious, which Eddie liked. Sydney would be the balance to allow her independence.

"I envy your hair," Sydney told Eddie as she conditioned it. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah, the warmth feels good on my neck and shoulders, I use those muscles to move my lower arms so much they get sore."

"You are doing so well," Sydney told her. "You didn't spill anything…" Sydney stopped noticing Eddie's face was beet read and she had lowered her head a little. Instead of asking Eddie what was going on Sydney panicked…again.

Jamie sighed and went to the bathroom, a little slower this time. "Look at her face, she's having one of those things isn't she?"

"Eddie, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just getting a little tired," she replied.

Jamie tested the water, "She's not having AD, Syd but it's a miracle that she isn't. This water is too hot! Call me to come get her out."

Jamie left again so Sydney could finish the bath. "He's getting angry," Eddie sighed. "It's my fault, I trust you. You can help me out of the tub. It's my stupid anxiety."

Sydney smiled and finished the bath. Sydney reached down and undid Eddie's belts, "Oh, I forgot your chair, I'll be right back.

Sydney disappeared to get Eddie's wheelchair. Sydney heard her phone go off while she retrieved the power chair. It was her office, she took a quick phone call which turned into fifteen minutes. Meanwhile, Eddie's limited capacity to hold her body upright failed her. "Syd," she tried to call out. "Syd…"

Eddie's instincts told her to hold on but again she was reminded of her state when her arms failed to obey. She felt her heart pound as the realization that her body was slipping beneath the water assaulted her mind.

"Okay, I'll e-mail you the revision in about an hour…Good deal," Sydney replied and headed back to the bathroom with Eddie's chair, but she was gone.

"Eddie?" Sydney approached the tub, seeing part of her friend's blonde head break the surface struggling for air.

Sydney's heart nearly stopped, "Oh my God! JAMIE! JAMIE!"

Sydney reached into the tub grabbing Eddie's arms holding her up, "I'm sorry…" Sydney expected Jamie to come running but he didn't. "JAMIE!" Eddie was gasping for air and trying to cough up the water she swallowed.

Finally they both heard Jamie's footsteps, "Jamie…I don't know what happened?"

Jamie pushed Sydney aside, reached in and grabbed Eddie pulling her out of the tub. "Sydney call a bus!"

Jamie laid Eddie on her side, rubbing her back, "Cough it out. Just like toothpaste, cough it out."

Eddie was making wheezing sounds, trying to cough, trying to cry, but failed to produce anything. Jamie thought back to his classes at Burke, he could cough for her, but he was terrified of breaking a rib. "Try to calm down, the bus is coming. Hold on Eddie."

Sydney reappeared, "They are coming. Here's her robe, you should wrap her."

Jamie did, to spare Eddie's dignity as he held his gasping friend in his arms praying help arrived.

The bus arrived quickly and the medics were able to do what Jamie was taught. They called it the "quad-cough" used to assist quadriplegics unable to cough up mucus, or in this case, water. After three thrusts Eddie gasped for air, finding an oxygen mask being placed on her face. "Jamie, no…Jamie, help…"

"It's all right, Eddie," Jamie soothed. "It's all right, it's to help you that's all." Eddie saw herself being lifted and manipulated onto the stretcher. "No…No, Jamie….Please, no!"

Jamie turned towards his friend offering a quick pat to her shoulder for reassurance. "They're going to take care of you and I'll be right behind you, I promise. You have to go to the emergency room to get checked out, I'll be right behind you in the car."

The ambulance left with Eddie as Jamie grabbed his keys and his wallet. Sydney sobbed behind him afraid of the scene in front of her; it was the second time Eddie nearly died on Sydney's watch. "What the hell happened Sydney? You were supposed to be watching her? You know she can't sit up on her own without the help of belts! Why did you undo the belt?"

"I know…I undid it then we decided I would lift her…and I forgot her chair…then the phone rang… and I'm sorry."

Jamie shook his head feeling his temper starting to rage. He knew it was asking a lot of his wife to care for his friend and partner but Sydney agreed to it. All he wanted was for her to bathe Eddie while he had a few minutes to himself, not exactly a hard task. "She could have died tonight Syd! The phone call couldn't wait fifteen minutes until she was out?"

Syd's body shook harder fearful for her mistake and now for Jamie being upset with her. "I know I'm sorry."

"If she falls under you need to pull her out Sydney, your panicking is putting her life in jeopardy. You are going to sign up for more classes at Burke or this cannot continue. I'm sorry, Syd. Eddie needs care, she needs us. You promised me that you were going to help me! All I'm doing is running around like a headless chicken! I need help!"

Sydney's phone went off again. On impulse Jamie grabbed it and chucked it into the still full tub much to Sydney's dismay.

"Let's go, you are not going to be on that damn phone while she's at the hospital suffering because of it. You can explain that your husband got mad or whatever…Let's go."

Sydney went willingly to the car and got inside. Jamie drove to St. Victor's and immediately found Eddie in a cubicle. He could hear her gagging on something and quickly pushed the privacy curtain aside to see. The doctors were suctioning her lungs with a long tube down her throat, she was gagging on it but had no ability to fight them.

Sydney put her hand on Jamie's back, she peered around him and saw what their friend was going through. "That's because of me…" she thought. Jamie's rigid back, Eddie's horrific gags, because of her…

Sydney pressed against Jamie, tears running down her cheeks, "She's going to hate me for this, she is…" Sydney sniffled. "I can't believe…"

Jamie sighed and put his arm around his wife, "You have to be careful. I know you want to think in your mind she's still the old Eddie, but she's not. You can leave her in the tub, if the belt is on. I know you pulled her up but it was too late. We have to hope pneumonia doesn't set it in."

"I need to call the office and tell them I won't be able to send them the brief tonight as I said, then we'll see Eddie. I'm sorry Jamie."

Jamie nodded then watched as Sydney left to use the phone bank at the nurses' station. Jamie sat down and waited for the doctor to be done. "Eddie Janko?" the doctor called as Jamie paced.

"Yeah, here, I'm her friend and he next of kin, Jamie Reagan. How is she?"

"Lucky," the doctor replied. "It doesn't appear that she aspirated too much water into her lungs. We suctioned her airway and we are doing a breathing treatment now. I'm going to recommend she see a respiratory therapist, she's breathing very shallow and it will be a concern when or if the fatigue interferes with occupational and physical therapy."

Jamie nodded, "Can I see her? She was scared."

"You can take her home, chest x-ray so far looks good, when the treatment is over you can bring her home. No more unsupervised baths."

Jamie nodded, "My wife isn't used to doing it. She undid the strap then forgot Eddie's chair. It's harder on Syd than me, I think."

The doctor nodded, "Go on back, the nurse will let your wife know you went back."

Jamie smiled and headed back to see Eddie, "Hey, you see it wasn't so bad. You get to come home."

Eddie sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's not your fault. We're still working the kinks out of this new arrangement. I'm going to do your bath from now on, Sydney can do your lotions and your outfits and your hair. It's all right, now do your treatment, we can go home and watch a movie."

Eddie smiled, her eyes closing as Jamie rubbed her shoulder. Sydney appeared five minutes later, Jamie held his finger up to his lips. "She's tired, she's resting. Were they upset at you?"

"I explained about Eddie, they understood," Sydney replied. "I'll replace the phone tomorrow, it's not a big deal."

Eddie opened her eyes, "What happened to your phone?"

"Jamie tossed it into the tub," Sydney replied. "I'm so sorry, Eddie. This is all my fault. I took a phone call while you were in there. I'm so sorry…"

Sydney leaned over and put her arms around Eddie, sobbing into her friend's hospital gown.

"Hey, it's all right," Eddie soothed. "It's all right. I'm fine…" Eddie's voice was muffled by the mask but she tried to comfort Sydney. "You made a mistake, it's over and I'm okay."

An hour later the three musketeers arrived home. Sydney headed to clean up the bathroom while Jamie transferred Eddie to bed. "I don't think I was ever so scared," Eddie confessed. "But I knew somehow it would be all right. Maybe things would be better if…"

"Don't say that. I can't possibly know what it's like, but at Burke I had to do this exercise. We had to tie ourselves up, arms and legs and try to move…I was so anxious and I could take the belts off…I admired you, Eddie, going through all of this."

Eddie sighed, "Jamie…I made a decision tonight, and I need you to bring Sydney in so that I can ask her to help me."

"Sure, let me call her," Jamie told Eddie leaving her in the safety of her bed supported by pillows. A few minutes later, Sydney joined Jamie in the bedroom.

"Syd, can you draw up a document that says that if something like tonight ever happens again or if something happens at all to me that I don't want any machines or any heroic measures. Like if I did stop breathing tonight, no one could do CPR on me and bring me back?"

Sydney looked at Jamie's shocked, pale expression but answered honestly, "Yes, I could do that for you if you want me to do it."

"It's crazy talk," Jamie jumped in. "You don't really want to die Eddie."

"I don't like living like this, Jamie. It's humiliating, it's painful…I was not scared of dying in that tub, I was scared of living worse than I am now.

"If this is what you want…" Sydney sighed.

"It's not what she wants, she's just frightened and.."

"Jamie, I can speak for myself, I'm a quadriplegic not an imbecile and it's what I want. If you won't enforce it then, Sydney, please ask Henry and then Danny to be my POA."

Jamie never felt so hurt. He turned on his heel and left the room. After all they had been through, she was determine to do this, to set it up so she could die from an accident that would be survivable with intervention. She didn't even want him to make the decisions…didn't she trust him? Jamie knew he was making too much of it. With a deep breath he returned to the room, "It's your life, Eddie. I love you, you are my friend and I want you to be happy. If this is what you want, I'll abide by it."

Sydney knew what it cost Jamie to say that. Once Eddie was sleeping, Sydney slid into bed with Jamie and held him tight. "I know it was hard to hear, and I'm so sorry…"

"Stop," Jamie replied. "Just stop…We can't get how she feels, we can only support her. We have to get up and turn her in a few hours. Let's just get some sleep and thank God she didn't get hurt tonight."

Sydney nodded, she of all people were thankful of that, for she knew deep down inside if she ever lost her friend, she'd lose he husband too.

 **A/N: Sydney is NOT going to get the caregiver prize, that's for sure, but none of it is overly malicious. Could there be some kind of subconscious sabotage, perhaps. Eddie might seem emotionally better but that last comment about being DNR…perhaps she is still a little depressed. What else can go wrong with this arrangement?**

 **Next Update – June 11** **th** **– Eddie goes out for the first time since her accident; two young Reagans make social faux pas.**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

"You two go, I'll be just fine here alone," Eddie replied. "I can just lay in the recliner and watch the TV."

"Nikki invited all of us and I would feel better if you went," Sydney replied. "You have been doing great eating and with the rice and things, Jamie and I can help you. I'll do your hair. It could look so pretty if we put it up."

Eddie sighed, she knew it was useless to try to battle them both. "All right, I'll go but no fussing and I want a glass of Sake."

Jamie smiled, "Same old Eddie. We'll let's get you washed up then." Quickly Jamie undressed Eddie and placed her on her shower chair. He rolled her into the shower and turned on the spray. Jamie joined her in the large structure in a bathing suit and began with her hair. "How's your neck been?" he asked washing the long strands making sure to properly nourish what Eddie considered her best feature.

"Not bad, I think I even have more range of motion than I did before," Eddie replied. "It's sore along the surgery site still but the rest is okay."

Jamie's hand automatically found her scar and began to knead the muscle there. "Better?"

Eddie smiled, "Yeah but we need to hurry. It takes me time to get ready."

Jamie rinsed Eddie's hair and washed her body off with a lavender soap. When he wheeled her out and had her wrapped up in a towel, Sydney came in to do the rest of the work while Jamie wrapped Erin's gift and arranged for their car with the door man.

He put on his best pair of khakis and a blue button down shirt then sat down and waited for Sydney and Eddie to be ready. In the bedroom, Sydney was carefully dressing Eddie for the dinner. The chose a denim dress with white wedge espadrilles, and small dangle earrings. Sydney swept Eddie's hair up leaving a few pieces of hair dangling around to frame her face. "You want to try your make-up like they showed you at Burke?"

Eddie nodded as Sydney supervised her applying powder and blush…the finer work she left to Sydney. "Well, do I look good enough for public?"

Sydney nodded, "Yes and we are ready right on time too. Jamie said he's have the car for us at five."

Eddie drove her chair, missing the wall by just a hair, to the living room. Jamie took Sydney's hand as the headed to the car. Jamie placed Eddie in the car and put her wheelchair in the back. They drove to the restaurant in Brooklyn through light traffic, a blessing that time of day.

They arrived a few minutes before the reservation, while Henry and Frank were arriving. Frank hurried to help Jamie with Eddie's wheelchair. Jamie lifted her and placed her in the chair. "Jamie, can you tilt it a little. It's just a little more comfortable on my back."

Jamie tipped Eddie's chair back just a touch. "You look so pretty, Kiddo!" Henry said smiling, glad Eddie was there. "Allow me to escort the lovely lady."

Henry pushed Eddie's chair inside, "We have reservations, Reagan," Henry told the Matre D.

"Oh, Reagan…I'm sorry, no one mentioned you would be needing a table on the first floor. Let me speak to my manager."

The manager came over as the rest of the family entered the restaurant, "What's the problem?" Nikki asked. "Did they lose the reservation?"

"No, but when you called did you mention that we needed a first floor table?" Henry asked. Eddie's dropped her head to hide her embarrassment.

"We can arrange a table downstairs," the manager assured Henry and had a table arranged in just a few minutes.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Jamie," Nikki apologized. "I didn't remember that Eddie needed…"

"Don't apologize to me, Eddie is sitting right there, say you are sorry to her."

"Eddie, I'm sorry, I just forgot…"

Eddie shook her head. "It's fine, Nikki. Sometimes I still forget. Let's go eat…Henry would you mind driving, I still run things over."

Henry pushed Eddie's chair placing her between him and Jamie so they could help her eat and drink. The waitress took their drink orders, Eddie ordered the warm Saki, Jamie a beer, and Syndey a Mai Tai…Quickly the family settled into their usual Sunday dinner mode celebrating Erin's birthday.

Jamie helped Eddie with her drink and poured her water into her bottle. The show began with the chef spinning an egg and bouncing it on his spatula, tossing shrimp shells into his hat, and flipping broccoli into the diners' mouths. Eddie was legitimately enjoying herself, showing her new range of motion by catching the food in her mouth on the first try. Jamie smiled at her rubbing her arm.

Sean kept watching Eddie smiling at her. He was intrigued by her injuries finding them very interesting, and the way she managed as well. "Eddie, why aren't you sitting up straight?" Sean asked.

"Sean!" Danny admonished but Eddie smiled. "It's okay…

"I sit like this because sometimes my neck gets sore and it helps me to lean back a little. It's a myth to think that just because I am paralyzed I can't feel aches or pains, I can feel things like that sometimes, and this position helps me to feel better. Now that our food is done, Uncle Jamie will change the position on my chair, so I am sitting up."

Jamie pulled the lever and shifted Eddie's chair so she was more upright. Sydney passed Jamie Eddie's special fork and he strapped it on her hand. "When you want rice or something you can let me or grandpa know."

Sean was mesmerized by how Eddie ate. Linda had prepared them for this dinner so they neither of the boys spoke out of turn. Henry smiled at the progress Eddie made in her eating. Every few bites, he fed her a spoonful of her rice and she sipped her water. "Good job, kid!" Henry was happy to see Eddie doing so well.

When the dinner was almost concluded, Eddie swallowed wrong on a bite of steak. She started to cough when she felt it catch, but lacked the strength to do it without help. "Stay calm," Jamie told Eddie softly standing up to push her forward and help her cough the food out. This didn't happened often but it did when Eddie often got herself really tense. This time, though, the food came out easily, in under a minute.

"Way to go!" Sydney praised her friend.

Sean however wasn't paying attention to his Uncle's friend, he was listening to the people in the booth behind them. "Look at that, she can't even swallow right. Why do people insist on bringing these defects out in public?"

For young Sean, that was the last straw. He turned around, red faced, "She's not a defect, she is a New York City cop who got hurt when some idiot like you hit her with his car! You better shut up! You're the defects!"

"Sean!" Linda jumped in again. "Sean, you turn around now!" Of course the older kids ribbed Sean, with comments about listening to his Mommy but Jamie smiled at him. Eddie looked down at her lap, embarrassed to be the butt of the joke again. Henry reached over and lifted her chin, "You hold your head up high. You have no reason to ever feel shame."

Eddie sighed, "More rice please?"

Danny met his son's eyes beaming with pride his boys stuck up for family. "As long as your part of this family you always have back up."

"Amen to that and pass the soy sauce please," Henry added.

Henry mixed the soy sauce into the rice on Eddie's plate and fed her a few more spoonfuls. By the time, the waiters had surrounded Erin and sang Happy Birthday with a hand held strobe light and a large drum, Eddie was exhausted. It was her first major outing since the accident.

As soon as the cake was consumed, Jamie looked at Syd, then nodded towards Eddie. "Yeah, okay," Sydney replied. "Go get the car, I'll bring her out."

"We're going to get going," Sydney spoke up. "I have an early day tomorrow and we have a longer drive." They said their goodbyes, Jamie brought the car and Sydney pushed Eddie outside.

Almost as soon as they were in the car, Eddie fell asleep. Sydney sat beside her, watching the shallow rise and fall of her friend's chest. "Jamie, could you just carry her in so we don't have to wake her?"

"Yeah, but we have to put her in bed, we have to do her bowel routine, change her catheter and clean all of that out…" Jamie sighed. Eddie was so tired, he hated to have to put her through that.

"Can't we skip the bowel routine, tonight and do it a little earlier tomorrow night. They said at Burke the routine could be done every other day."

"Yes, but her system is really sensitive, I'd rather we do it today. I'll do it, you can go to bed."

"It's not about that, Jamie. She's so tired, her body is not breathing right, she is exhausted!" Sydney reached over to gently rub Eddie's stomach.

When Jamie left the car with the valet, he did choose to carry Eddie inside. Sydney pushed the chair in and followed behind them. Jamie laid Eddie on the bed, and gently shook her awake. "Eddie, we're home. It's time to do the bathroom, then you can sleep since you showered already."

"Too tired," she all but slurred.

"I know you're tired, but we have to come on…" Jamie began to undress Eddie in spite of her protests that she was too tired to participate in any of the end of the day routines.

"Please, I will in the morning, Jamie. Please…"

"Eddie, we have to do this now, stop arguing with me. It's for your own good."

"I don't want to, stop!"

Sydney had to step in, Jamie was so fixated on keeping to the routine he wasn't listening. Eddie was crying and begging him to stop the humiliation but he didn't even hear. "Jamie, stop now! She is too tired, you're making her cry. Stop now!"

Jamie moved back from Eddie as if her skin burned him. He was shocked at his own behavior, forcing her to do something she was telling him she was too tired to do. "Oh God, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry Eddie."

She sighed, "I'm sorry, I'm just so tired, Jamie. It's my fault, I know I say no a lot, I promise we'll do it twice tomorrow, okay. I swear it."

Jamie nodded, he leaned down and wiped the tears off Eddie's cheeks. "Let's just change your clothes and bag then you can sleep."

Eddie nodded. Sydney stepped back knowing Jamie needed to apologize alone. "I'm sorry, Eddie. I was scared if we skipped you'd get sick. I didn't think."

Eddie nodded, "So much on you Jamie, not fair." She was hardly awake.

"No, no it's not fair that his happened, but I don't want you to suffer more than you have to." Jamie began to lotion Eddie's skin, rubbing tense muscles that would likely spasm in a few hours. Eddie was sound asleep again by the time Jamie tucked the blankets over her. He leaned down placing a soft kiss on her head, hoping he would never lose himself again like he just had done, it wasn't fair to Eddie, none of this was.

 **A/N: What did you think of little Sean? He's growing up into a fine young man. Nikki made a common error, you don't always remember the people in your party with special needs. You don't see them, you just see the person. So proud of Eddie for her first day out!**

 **Next update – June 13** **th** **– Eddie must return to the hospital.**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

"You sure you don't want to wait for Michele in your chair?" Jamie asked Eddie. It was the first time Jamie left Eddie alone to wait for her therapist.

"Jamie, I'm so tired," Eddie replied. She had been feeling horrible fatigue for days. She had participated in all her therapies and routines, but had been asking to go to bed as early as 8 pm and how not been eating well. Jamie was worried about this and had spoken to Lillian, her occupational therapist about this, she assured him that it was common for someone in Eddie's condition to be extremely tired after outings and that she should be perking up soon.

"All right," Jamie replied. "Any pain in your head or your neck?"

Eddie nodded, "Yeah, my head…I'll be okay. I'll get up when Michele comes."

Jamie caressed Eddie's cheek, "You rest. I should be home by four pm. I'm going to make that chicken dish of grandpa's you like so much. If you need me, call the precinct, Renzulli will 10-3 me."

Eddie nodded, she inhaled shallow so Jamie would not hear what she was hearing the last night. Michele would be able to help her with that she was sure. Jamie hesitated not feeling comfortable leaving her alone yet. Reading the look on his face Eddie gave a smirk in his direction. "Go Reagan, I'll be fine Michele should be here soon."

Relenting, Jamie gave a supportive hug, careful how he did it and stepped out. While Eddie waited she closed her eyes, that cracking in her chest was present with every breath she took. Her head pounded radiating pain down her neck so bad she could barely keep her eyes open and her entire small frame began to shake with chills. She was so cold. She willed herself to fall asleep until Michele arrived.

"Eddie!" Michele called out when she let herself into the apartment. Usually Eddie was waiting for her in her wheelchair or the recliner. When Eddie didn't answer, Michele sought her out in her bedroom, finding her patient asleep.

Michele shook Eddie's arm, "Rise and shine." That's when she noticed the bluish tinge to Eddie's lips and scalp. "Eddie!" She shook her a little harder until Eddie stirred.

"Hey, Michele," Eddie sounded fatigued and it was clear to the trained therapist she was short of breath. "Eddie, answer me, is it hard for you to breathe?"

Eddie nodded, "I think I have a cold, I have junk all in my chest but I tried to cough and it won't…" She shivered again. Michele touched Eddie's forehead with her hand, "You have a high fever, Eddie. You're sick."

"I think it's allergies but…" Each word was breathy and spaced out.

Michele checked Eddie's hands and her feet finding both extremities cold to the touch with blue are the nails. Michele maneuvered Eddie so she was lying down in bed the performed the quad cough three times producing quite a bit of discolored thick mucus. "I'm going to call Jamie, I'd like you to just rest."

"Jamie will get upset if I don't do my therapy," Eddie protested.

"Jamie will understand you're ill, let me call him," Michele replied again dialing the number Jamie left for emergencies.

"You just have to believe in yourself a little more, Jax," Jamie encouraged his new partner. This new boot was no Eddie. As the two officers sat down for a cup of coffee and bagels when the radio crackled. "Central to 12-David, 10-3."

"12-David to Central, receive," Jamie replied and dialed Renzulli at the 12th.

"Kid, I just got a phone call from Michele Garland, she says that Eddie is sick, fever, labored breathing…she wants to speak to you about how to proceed but you have four hours left in your tour."

"I know, Sarge. Request permission to speak to Michele?"

"I'll go you one better, Janko is family. I'll take your boot, you go home and check things out. You'll owe me."

"I owe you a ton Sarge,"Jamie replied. "Okay, Jax, Sergeant Renzulli is going to ride with you the rest of the day, I have a family emergency."

Much to Jamie's dismay, it took him over an hour to get back to Eddie. Michele was still there, not wanting Eddie to be alone while waiting on Jamie. "Hey, Eddie, what's going on? You should have said something when you were feeling so sick." Jamie sat down and was startled at her breathing, "Oh God…she sounds terrible what is this?"

"She's got poor oxygenation, a fever, fatigue, headache…I think it's pneumonia…"

Jamie sighed, "Pneumonia...I knew it. I knew she didn't look right, I had a feeling." Jamie leaned over Eddie watching how she was trying to control the horrible wheezing by cutting her breaths short. "It's all right, Eddie I know the truth. I'm going to call a bus..."

"No, Jamie..." Eddie begged. "No bus. Please..."

"Eddie you're sick, you need help, honey," Jamie said gently. "Please let me call a bus."

Eddie murmured, "Drop..."

"You're scared they'll drop you? It feels funny moving like that huh? Okay, Michele can you drive us and I'll carry her. She needs help now."

Jamie carefully scooped her into his arms carrying her out to the car where he put her in the car seat.

Sliding in next to her Jamie adjusted Eddie's position so not to cause her more pain than she was in.

While Michelle drove Jamie held Eddie gingerly rubbing his hand down her arm to sooth her. "Almost there Eddie, hey look at me. Remember when we were ambushed and had to drive to St Vic's."

Eddie's eyes fluttered struggling she fought to stay awake, smiling. "Yeah, I kept yelling to stay awake or I'd dump cold water on you." Eddie gave an involuntary shiver feeling cold despite Jamie's arms around her.

When they arrived at the hospital Jamie carried Eddie inside directly towards Linda. "Lin, her therapist thinks it's pneumonia. She can hardly breathe."

Linda jumped into action bringing a gurney for Jamie to place Eddie down. "Linda is here and she's going to help you. I'll be right outside. She's scared of being handled too much Linda. Please try to make sure they are gentle."

Linda smiled at Jamie, "I've got her. Come on Eddie, let's get you some air...it'll be easier I promise." Lind chose a nasal cannula for now so she didn't scare Eddie when the fever was causing disorientation.

Jamie began to pace almost nonstop. How could he let this happen? He did everything right. Everything the books said, everything that the instructors said. Still, Eddie was sick and suffering from an illness that killed 72% of quadriplegics at some point in their lifetime. It made Jamie sick just thinking about it. While he waited for information, he called Sydney. She'd want to know how ill Eddie was and come to see her.

'You have reached the desk of Sydney Davenport, I am not available to answer your call, please leave me a detailed message."

Jamie sighed, "Sydney, Jamie again. I know you have to be in the office at some point. It's urgent that you get to the hospital, it's Eddie."

Jamie then dialed Henry knowing the old man would want to know and hurry to Eddie's side. "Hey, Grandpa, it's Jamie."

"Hey, Kiddo, you on a meal?"

"No, Pop, I'm at the hospital with Eddie. She's really sick and I thought…"

"Which hospital? I am on my way there, I'm going to get a taxi."

"It's St. Victor's," Jamie replied. "They are running tests but most of the signs indicate pneumonia. She was barely conscious when I got her here. She was scared to go in the bus. I can't reach Dad or Syd…"

"I'll get to your Dad through Detective Baker, I'll be there soon. Tell her to hang in there, I'm coming with broth."

Jamie had to laugh, his Grandpa was so sweet with Eddie, almost as sweet as he would be with Erin. He paced the long hallway looking at his phone over and over. Finally, Linda appeared to give him an update, "She's out of X-ray and is being taken to the ICU. Respiratory ailments for people in Eddie's situation is very dangerous. For a pneumonia patient, they need to cough to get the infection out and Eddie's chest muscles are paralyzed so she needs intervention to cough. We will start with a shaker vest, the quad cough, and unfortunately we made have to resort to deep suctioning of her lungs and may need to put in a trach."

"Well, not until it's necessary, she won't want a trach," Jamie replied sighing. "When can I be with her?"

"They're getting her settled, I'll come and get you. Danny is on his way after work, and I just saw Henry coming in. I asked him to wait until I spoke to you first."

"Thanks, Linda," Jamie replied going to get his grandpa. Henry saw his youngest grandchild and stood up pulling Jamie in for a hug. "You okay, Kiddo?"

"Yeah, I'm good, Pop. I tried to do everything right. When she fell under in the tub, I took her here. I learned how to cough her…I…"

"Jamie, I read of 45% of people with spinal injuries get pneumonia multiple times, not once but multiple times and sadly enough a lot of them die from it. Not our Eddie though. Let's go wait for them to let us in to see her."

Henry put his arm around Jamie and headed up to the ICU waiting area to wait for the doctors call.

Finally, Eddie's doctor called for Jamie. "She's resting as comfortably as she can for now. She's got a bacterial pneumonia concentrated mainly in her right lung. It appears she aspirated some food, water, and other foreign substances into her lungs. We'll be breaking up the congestion with the shaker vest, manual coughing, and if necessary suction. We'll try to avoid that. You can go on and see her. She's asleep now, the medications, but we want her eating and drinking as much as she'll take."

"I have some good broth here, she did great on it in the hospital after the accident," Henry all but bragged.

"That will be wonderful, the heat will help the break the congestion," the doctor replied. "Go on in, just the two of you. Two at a time, we don't want to tax her."

Jamie nodded and stepped into the room with Henry. It was like deja vous. Eddie lying partially upright in the bed, an oxygen mask with aerosol on her face. There was an IV delivering her meds and fluids and a voice activated call button. Jamie stepped next to the bed and took her hand in his, "I'm here, Eddie. Pop too. We're really worried about you."

Slowly Eddie's eyes opened, "Don't worry," she whispered. "Just a little cold. Be better once I get home, I can sleep in the recliner."

"Eddie, you can't go home yet," Jamie replied softly. "You have to stay here and rest. You have pneumonia, Eddie."

Henry stepped closer, "Don't you worry, little lady. We'll get that nasty bug out of you in no time. You and I have a date remember. I'm taking you fishing. I'm working on a special pole with a grip and a mouth operated pull. You'll love it!"

Eddie smiled and inhaled weakly coughing as she did so. Jamie pushed her up and patted her back helping her expel some phlegm.

Henry moved the mask aside and offered Eddie some broth, "Lots of hot liquid." Jamie didn't have any of Eddie's devices so Henry held the cup for her to drink. "Drink it all down, I'll make plenty more and be back tomorrow with this and lots of strong Irish tea."

Eddie finished the delicious soup and laid back. Her oxygen monitor beeped, 84%. Since the accident Eddie usually had an oxygen saturation of 91% or 92%, so it was clear her breathing was impaired. "Put the mask back one, I'm going to see Pop home then I'll be back. You get some rest. I won't leave you alone, I'll be here."

Eddie smiled, "I'm a little sleepy."

Jamie kissed her forehead, "You rest and when you wake up if I'm not back, ask for Linda and she'll call me."

"Rest easy, Kiddo," Henry told Eddie then headed out with Jamie.

Eddie slept for hours oblivious to doctors and nurses coming and going checking her bodily functions. Her fever climbed, but her oxygen levels held steady. One his way back to the hospital, Jamie finally heard from Sydney. She promised to meet him at the hospital after work.

Jamie settled by Eddie's bed and listened to her breathing. While sleeping she wasn't able to hide the wheezes with each battered breath. It hurt Jamie just to listen. While Eddie slept he called Burke to sign Sydney and him up for more classes in quad coughing and in preventing bathroom accidents, he was sure Eddie's little swim had something to do with this if not everything to do with it.

Just after seven that night, Syd stepped into the room that held her friend taking in the scene. Eddie lay on her hospital bed with an oxygen mask covering her face, hooked up to wires monitoring her vital showing there were signs of life. Eddie's eyes were closed the only sign she was still with them was the slow rising of her chest. As she got closer Syd could hear wheezing with each breath her friend took, the same sound that had upset Jamie earlier.

Jamie sat by the bed a pained looked in his face as he watched Eddie sleeping worry overtaking him.

"Hey," Sydney greeted hugging Jamie and kissing him gently. "How's she doing?"

"Fever is down, respiration is still shallow and then there's the crackling. I hope you aren't busy next weekend with work because we have class. I signed us up for extra courses. We've failed her so far, Syd. We had her home for a month and look at her."

Sydney nodded, "I'm not busy. We'll learn from our mistakes, Eddie is strong."

"No, Sydney. No she isn't strong, not anymore. This accident did take our Eddie. It took that strong woman we knew and left this…" Jamie's voice went up an octave. "Can you stay, I need to get out of here. I can't watch this. I can't watch her drown in her own secretions and sit here and do nothing! I can't!"

Jamie got up and headed off for a little alone time. Sydney sat down next to Eddie, "I need you to come out of this, Eddie. I can't reach him anymore without your help. Truth is I never could reach him like you do." Sydney moved closer and saw a book Jamie had bought. When Eddie was in the coma after the accident, they all read to her. The classics mostly. Jamie had picked up a copy of Oliver Twist. There was a bookmark…Sydney put her feet up on the edge of Eddie's bed, opened the book and began to read…

 **A/N: Thanks to all of you who are reading and reviewing this story so regularly. I'm grateful to you all. To Guest Nancy – Thank you for your review. There are approximately 25 more chapters of this installment and three more stories in the series.**

 **72% of quadriplegics die of pneumonia or other respiratory ailments. The common cold or even chest based allergy can develop into the fatal infection. Coughing is paramount to curing pneumonia, one must expel the disease, and quadriplegics have weaker coughs and respirations over all thus making this infection so dangerous.**

 **Next Update – June 15** **th** **– Eddie continues to battle her illness; the family worries about Jamie.**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Jamie was back at Eddie's side the next afternoon after tour. He regretted leaving her when he promised he wouldn't but he has used so much personal time even Renzulli and his last name couldn't get him more.

When Jamie came in, in his uniform, Eddie was awake with Henry fussing over her. "What's going on Pops?" Jamie asked.

"Her legs," Henry sighed. "They are shaking and the nurses won't do anything about it."

"They can't, Henry," Eddie smiled through her mask. "It's a spasm, it'll pass."

"She's right, Pops, but if you want to help, you can rub her shoulders from behind like this…" Jamie stepped over and demonstrated. "Breathe deeply, try to relax all your bones and your muscles…"

Eddie relaxed all the muscles she could control and after ten minutes, the spasm ceased. "Do those hurt?"

Eddie nodded, "Yes, the make the nerves fire and I get a burning, shooting nerve pain in my legs and back." She took a long breath. "Any action today, Reagan?"

Eddie missed the job so much. She felt useless and like a leech most of the time. Sydney had filed all of her disability claims but they hadn't heard anything back about a hearing. There was no way she'd be declined.

"Not really, pretty quiet," Jamie replied. "Just this one domestic that was kind of a mess. CPS needed a hand pulling a kid. The poor little guy. There were pizza boxes loaded with maggots, fuzz in the nipples, it was horrible."

Eddie sighed, "I hated those, those were the worst. You always were able to get the kids to calm down and feel safe though. That's a gift even as a woman I never had, they love you."

"Jamie is going to be an amazing father someday," Henry smiled. "When do you and Syd think you might…"

"Oh uh…" Jamie sighed. "We probably won't for a while, Sydney is trying to make partner before we try."

Eddie looked down, "Hell of a way to raise a family with me there anyway."

"What? No, Eddie, believe me we will be glad to have you a part of our family. Really."

Henry smiled, "Who knows, Kiddo, you might find a man one day. You are so pretty, a real Serbian classic beauty."

"I don't think so, Henry, but thanks…" Eddie began to cough but only slightly. Jamie sighed, she wouldn't get better if she couldn't get the phlegm out. "Pop, move the bed down, I'm going to cough her and see if I can get her lungs to clear. Grab that basin in case I can."

Jamie placed his hands over Eddie's diaphragm, immediately below her ribs. "You ready, get a good breath and cough…" As Eddie coughed Jamie pushed inward and upward forcing a much more productive cough. Eddie began to expel some of the junk in her lungs into the waiting basin. "Again…" Jamie did this with her six times until she shook her head. "I need the mask." She was winded.

Jamie placed the mask back on Eddie's face. "That was really good. Are they coughing you and all when I'm not here?"

Eddie nodded, "Yeah, they did it this morning and they did the vest first so…They said if my sats stay above 85 I can go home but so far, they're still low." Jamie saw her sats were only 83.

"You'll get there, you're doing a lot better but maybe a nap won't be such a bad thing"

Eddie agreed it wasn't and shut her eyes quickly falling asleep.

Henry stayed until dinner time to make sure Eddie ate, then left her to rest under Jamie's watchful eye. Sydney appeared around 8, just before visiting hours ended. She found Jamie standing at the head of Eddie's bed, gently speaking to her as the doctors forced a suction tube down her throat. The apnea machine was beeping showing only an 81% on the screen. Jamie held up one hand to stop Syd at the door. This was not a horror that she needed to see.

"Hang in there, Eddie, it's almost over I promise." Jamie continued to stroke Eddie's hair and whispered soft nothings in her ear. "Any minute…they're almost done…"

The doctor instead pushed the tube further while Eddie choked and gagged desperately wanting to beg Jamie to stop them. Sydney stood in the hallway listening, her heart breaking. She took a breath and went to stand on Eddie's other side gently helping Jamie hold Eddie's head so she didn't fight the tube. Even under sedation her fear and her will forced her to be far too alert for the procedure to be even remotely tolerable.

Just when they thought the torture was over, Jamie turned back to see the doctor ready to begin again. He looked at Sydney for a minute, then winced looking back just in time to see the doctor placing the suction in Eddie's throat, seeing the fear in her eyes. He blinked having to look away while showing his usual calm demeanor for Eddie's sake but it was hard seeing her like that. "It's okay Eddie, it'll help you try and relax we're right here," Jamie soothed.

"I brought some cherry ice," Sydney told her. "You can have some for your throat when you're done. Jamie, how much more?

"I don't know, just keep her calm," Jamie sighed. "I'm so sorry, Eddie. Look at me, look in my eyes…"

Eddie lifted her eyes, tears running down her face. Finally after another ten minutes the doctor was finished. The nurse coughed Eddie, most of it was blood mixed with even more secretions. The doctor secured the mask on Eddie's face as Jamie moved in to offer comfort. "Ssh…you did great. You did so good and maybe you can come home now."

Eddie sobbed, the pain was horrible, the humiliation indescribable and the urge to vomit…well…Jamie was going to wash those pants anyway.

"I'm sorry," Eddie rasped.

"It's all right, what if Syd gives you some ice, okay?"

Jamie moved the oxygen and let Sydney step in, he had to step out. Holding Eddie's head still for doctors for shove tubes down her throat turned his stomach! He leaned down, hands on his needs when Linda approached to check on them before ending her shift.

"Jamie?" Linda reached over and touched his back. "Are you all right? Are you getting sick too?"

"I just watched as a doctor and three nurses repeatedly shoved suction tubes down Eddie's throat. She was scared and in pain and there wasn't anything I could do. Sydney's in with her now, I need to take a few minutes."

"Jamie, Danny and I…We are very concerned about you and how much stress you can take between the job, Eddie, your marriage…"

Jamie straightened up, "My marriage is fine. Sydney is totally supportive of this, it's the job she can't understand and Eddie is there for that still. I'll tell you what though, we are going to need to hire more steady help while we work. Can you get us some more names?"

Linda smiled, "Sure will. Take it easy Jamie. Do you need anything?"

"Just a minute, thanks Linda."

Jamie gathered himself the headed back inside Eddie's room. "She's gone to sleep. She took half of this ice."

Jamie nodded, "I'm going to stay the night, just in case she wakes up frightened. Do you want to go home and get stuff and stay too or…"

Sydney smiled, "I already went home. I have a new uniform for you and clothes for me. Let's sit down and watch TV."

Sydney sat in Jamie's lap as they watched mindless TV reruns. She dozed off for a while in her husband's arms as Jamie watched Eddie breathe. The wheezing was prevalent but the crackling was much less. Jamie felt himself dozing off his head resting on Sydney's hair.

They both must have been very tired because they managed to sleep through the night in the hospital chair. Sydney woke up and wiggled of Jamie's lap stretching her stiff muscles. She kissed his cheek as he stirred. "I'm in court all day but call me before your tour. Three to eleven right?"

"Yeah, I'll be here all day then Pop and Linda until you get off. Love you."

"Love you back," Sydney whispered. She gave Eddie's cheek a soft rub before leaving.

With Sydney gone to work Jamie turned his attention to Eddie, watching her sleep.

"You don't have to stare at me Reagan, I know I'm a mess." Eddie opened her eyes slowly giving him a quiet smile. Her voice sounded stronger today.

"Hey how are you feeling?"

Eddie groaned, groggily managing to bat her blue eyes at him. "Hungry," she admitted laughing.

"You must be feeling better, almost back to your old self," Jamie replied also laughing, relieved that the previous night's torturous procedure seemed to have had a positive result.

Jamie sat up checking the time, happy to see breakfast should be brought in shortly.

"Hope it's good, or I might ask you to get an egg sandwich."

"Extra runny," they said together smiling.

Jamie moved from the chair to the bed. "You never did finish those two cheeseburgers hot shot," he teased.

"Cause someone had us working through meal boy scout," Eddie teased back, smiling up at him.

Jamie reached out and brushed her hair off her face, "You're cool. Fever's broken. Eddie you've got to stop doing this to me, I can only take so many scares, thinking I'm going to lose my best friend."

Eddie sighed, "Jamie, we both know we're kidding ourselves. We won't…"

Before Eddie finished her breakfast arrived, one look at the oatmeal and fruit and Jamie laughed. "Keep it hot, I'll be back."

Eddie leaned back in bed taking the first deep breath she had taken in days. Jamie was too close, to involved. She had to talk to Sydney, together they had to convince Jamie to take a step back for all of their sakes.

 **A/N: Jamie is wound just a touch too tight, lol, and he does need to lighten up before he snaps! Eddie seems to be on the mend with Jamie and Henry keeping their eye on her.**

 **Next Update – June 17** **th** **– Eddie returns home while the search for another caregiver begins.**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

Eddie remained in the hospital for two weeks. In the meantime, Jamie and Sydney began to interview potential assistant caregivers. Linda provided them with a list. Sydney contacted them by e-mail and requested their resumes. Four people replied immediately giving Sydney and Jamie a place to start.

Between hospital visits and working, Jamie did the interviews. The first two candidates Sydney sent were men, Jamie dismissed them immediately. The third candidate had a record, Jamie dismissed her too. Finally, there was Rose, an older grandmotherly type woman. Eddie responded very well to Henry, and Rose had worked with ALS patients and stroke patients in the past. Jamie offered her the position at $50.00 per hour cash to begin three days after Eddie was returned home from the hospital. Jamie felt good about this decision. It would give him and Sydney a break without putting Eddie in any kind of facility or program causing further depression.

On the day Eddie was going to return home, Jamie spoke with Renzulli and worked a double shift so he could be available for Eddie's first hours home. Henry would go to the hospital for her discharge and accompany her home in the assisted mobility van. Jamie would get home just before Eddie was due to arrive, in enough time to shower and get some coffee.

The long hours at the hospital were beginning to take their toll. Jamie was tired, much less patient, and having a very hard time adjusting to riding with a new hotheaded rookie that was much more brawn than he was brain. Still, having Eddie at home, weakened from her illness and not entirely healed from her injury would be just as trying. Jamie hoped Rose would be a help but she wasn't him. No one was.

As Jamie stretched and sipped his coffee, he heard Henry speaking to Eddie. "You try the key honey," Henry encouraged. "Like they showed you in class, grip the ring in your lips…and turn it."

Jamie heard the lock snap and the door opened to reveal a beaming Eddie, the key chain now in her lap and a very proud Henry just behind her. "Way to go, Kiddo!" Henry praised.

Jamie grinned happy to see Eddie home, stepped aside to allow her in pausing for a gentle hug. "Hey welcome home Eddie," he greeted. From the twinkle in her eye Jamie could tell she too was excited to be out of the hospital.

Eddie looked around with a happy grin blinking back happy tears. "What's wrong Eddie?" Jamie asked catching the look on her face.

"Nothing I'm just glad to be out of there, you know?"

Henry came around the chair gently offering a soft pat to the young woman's shoulder sensing she needed a grandfatherly comfort. "I bet, I personally hate hospitals they're so depressing. C'mon let's get you settled in huh kiddo?"

Jamie headed downstairs to pick up the new equipment and situated it in the bedroom. Eddie was now the proud owner of her very own pulse ox monitor and oxygen tank with nasal cannula for sleeping. The doctor said her oxygenation and breathing would improve with respiratory therapy, she would have it three times a week on top of massages four times a week, physical therapy, five times a week, and occupational therapy five times a week.

Henry watched as Eddie drove her chair to the bedroom, "Henry, when Jamie gets back I need him to change the bag." Eddie noticed her collection bag was full. She was learning that was not a good thing and caused her to feel sick most of the day if not taken care of quickly.

"I can help you with it," Henry piped up. "My Betty had one of those…"

"Henry, I'd rather Jamie do it. Once when he was learning her forgot to close something and it was a mess. I'm hoping he can take it out and leave it for a while."

Another result from the accident was a spastic bladder, Eddie had no control over it at all or sensation when she needed to go. Still, the constant presence of a catheter caused a longer hospital stay from the resulting UTI she developed.

Henry nodded, "Well, how about we put you in bed and Jamie can change everything he needs to when he has the equipment unloaded."

Eddie nodded, feeling safe with Henry moving her. "Lift like I showed you," Henry instructed. "Around my neck…" Henry locked his arms around Eddie's waist and in a strange hug like position, he got her onto her bed. "There you are. you aren't any bigger than a minute."

Henry began to remove Eddie's shoes seeing how her feet now turned inward from muscle spasticity and atrophy. It hurt Henry's heart seeing someone so young so disabled, but slowly Eddie was doing things that Francis told him would never be possible for her to do. Those little things were to be celebrated. "Is your back all right?"

Eddie nodded. "Yeah, my back is fine. Henry please ask Jamie to hurry up."

Jamie appeared a few minutes after Henry went for him and informed him Eddie needed bathroom assistance. "Can you feel it?" Jamie asked.

"No, but I'm getting a pain in my head which usually means…"

Jamie nodded, "Pop, give us a little privacy." When Henry left, Jamie removed Eddie's pants and underwear. "You bag is full. Do you want me to put on a diaper for now or place a new catheter?"

"Diaper, I want it to rest a bit, that UTI was not fun."

"All right, let's do it," Jamie replied quickly getting the catheter out. Jamie wasn't fast enough with the diaper though and the stimulation caused Eddie to urinate. "Damn it,' she sighed. "I'm sorry…"

"It's fine…What if we give you a bath now, I can ask Pop to change the sheets and then you can rest in bed. I'll bring your dinner in here tonight so you can be comfortable."

"A bath would be great. Can I just soak a little too, you can sit on the toilet and…"

"I have to see you and you have to be belted but you can soak…"

Jamie got Eddie into the tub and put in some of her favorite lavender bubble bath in the water. "Is your neck still giving you trouble? Even after all these months?"

Eddie sighed, "Yes, the doctor said it probably would be another thing I have to learn to live with. At least he gave me some nerve pain medicine now. I have the scripts he gave in my bag, it's for the nerve pain though, it's very strong and we have to be careful."

Jamie nodded, "I'll only leave a few pills out, and I'll lock the rest saw so the nurse or a therapist doesn't give it to you or steal it or something."

Eddie laughed, "Always the cop, Reagan. Would you mind washing my hair? I'm not sure I can wait for Syd, it itches."

Jamie nodded, "Sure…I'll rub you neck for you too. I'm sorry it's so sore."

Jamie reached over and began to gently wash Eddie's hair and massage her neck. She sighed and relaxed for the first time since she went to the hospital. When Jamie pulled the plug and lifted Eddie out of the bath her eyes were closing "Pop, is the bed ready?"

"All set, Jamie," Henry called. "I found a really nice pretty blanket in with Eddie's things and it's so soft."

Jamie carried Eddie to bed, she smiled faintly. "That was my mother's…"

"She's really tired, Pop, help me get her settled, prop those two pillows up for her back and her neck."

Henry propped the pillows and Jamie laid Eddie down making sure the diaper was on and the oxygen fixed to her nose.

Once Eddie was sleeping soundly, Jamie let Henry out. "Thanks for helping Pop. She really likes it when you're here. I think it makes her miss her Dad less."

"I think she's a very sweet lady, Jamie," Henry replied. "And I think if you met her before Sydney..."

"I love my wife Pop," Jamie replied quickly. "I have some work to do, straightening up before Sydney gets home. See you on Sunday."

Henry took his leave and Jamie stretched out on the sofa. He fell asleep in mere seconds. He was almost as exhausted as Eddie.

Sydney let herself in just after six. Usually Jamie had dinner purchased or going but tonight he was sound asleep.

Sydney kicked off her shoes and nudged Jamie awake. "Hey, you okay?"

Jamie sat up seeing it was dark. "Yeah, I must have really needed the nap. I have to get Eddie up she's been sleeping since I gave her a bath earlier."

"I'll wake her and I'll call for dinner, you get some more rest, you need it." Sydney put her briefcase down and woke Eddie. Eddie asked to stay in bed and Sydney obliged her. Sydney ordered pasta and soup from an Italian eatery and she and Jamie shared a quiet supper. Sydney didn't quite know how to tell Jamie about her upcoming travel, he was so tired and stressed. Still she was leaving in the morning, even though it was a Saturday, she had to tell him sometime.

A few hours later, Jamie watched Eddie sleeping soundly in her bed. Jamie looked at his old friend, now wearing oxygen at night at least for a while. At least tomorrow he could have a little break, Sydney would be home and he was off until Rose started on Monday.

Sydney appeared behind him, "Jamie, I have to tell you…I'm leaving in the morning for England. I'll be gone about a week," Sydney explained. "It's a huge case and I can't say no. I'm so sorry I know you're tired..."

"Just go Syd," he replied. "You are bringing home the biggest money anyway, that's how we afford all of this right? Never mind this is a two or three person job and I need a little break. Go."

"Jamie…" Sydney didn't expect his anger, but she knew it was the fatigue talking.

"It's fine, go on. I'm just going to check on Eddie...I don't think I have her leg right and I don't want any more problems. She won't survive another problem right now."

Sydney pulled Jamie in for a hug, "I really am sorry."

He nodded and went to check Eddie. He longed for the days when they road together. When Syd was out of town, they would have movie nights and Eddie made sure he was taken care of properly. They had a partnership then, now...Just thinking of doing this for a week alone...Eddie moaned in her sleep. Her body twitched...Her breathing was pretty shallow, even more so than usual. Suddenly it was all too much, he was shouting at his wife; grieving for his friend, riding with a moron...Jamie couldn't stop the tears.

Eddie awoke to the sound of uncontrollable sobbing, surprised to find it was Jamie.

"Jamie what's wrong?" Eddie asked groggily.

Jamie only responded with more sobs doubled over with the force of his tears.

Shifting in bed so she got a better look Eddie studied him.

"Look at me Jamie, what's wrong?"

"It's just everything at once Eddie. You were just so sick and now Syd is leaving on a case and..."

Eddie shook her head realizing why Jamie was so upset. "I'm sorry Jamie she'll be back you know that right? Hey, she loves you."

"I know…" Jamie sighed. "But she doesn't understand me. She doesn't understand and it's so hard…"

Eddie nodded, "Jamie, if you can't do this. I can use my disability when it comes and…"

"No, Eddie, that's not it," Jamie replied. "That's not it at all…It's my new partner. He's the son of a man Danny knew in Iraq. He's like Danny as a rookie cop but without the instinct or the respect. I spent most of the day waiting to get hit by a bullet. I never had that with you, and if we had a bad day on the job, we talked and didn't bring it home. Syd can't handle hearing about the job, the danger…"

"Jamie I'm sorry. I know you have a lot going on. C'mere lay on my chest so I can hug you. That's what I really miss, us having a good, hard hug."

Jamie looked up at her red eyed, he wasn't sure if this was right but he missed the support of Eddie's partnership too. He shifted so his head rested on her chest gently.

Eddie moved her head so her cheek rested on Jamie's hair in an alternative hug. "Try to rest…Maybe tomorrow it can be like old times. We can rent pay per view movies and eat pizza…just veg…"

Jamie smiled, he liked that idea. He liked that idea a lot.

 **A/N: Jamie is buckling under the stress and Sydney is too involved in earning money to do anything to help him. Thankfully, Eddie is home and they are getting so experienced help.**

 **Next Update – June 19** **th** **– Rose's first week, and her last…What brings that on?**


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty - Two

The weekend flew by, Jamie and Eddie passed the time like they usually did when Syd had to be away. Jamie ordered pizza and they shared it with beers. Eddie worked hard on using her fork and straps for her cups. "You know you never realize how much you rely on fingers until you can't use them," she observed during one of their movies. "I mean you break a finger and you're like, oh it's just a finger but when you can't move them or use them, you realize how big a job they really have."

Jamie reached out and uncurled Eddie's fingers. He gently stroked them, "If I could give them back to you, Eddie. If I could have sat in that car…"

"Don't, because you couldn't, Jamie." Eddie replied. "You take such care of me…I could not have done this…survived this without you…Jamie…"

"It's my pleasure, not to have to but since I do…"

"I know…Hey, this is a good part? Can I have another beer or…"

"You can but if you hurt tonight I can't give you a pill until after two," Jamie reminded her.

"I know…" Eddie smiled. "Just for tonight like old times…"

Jamie got the beers and poured Eddie's into her mug. "You are going to really knock Syd's socks off when she gets back at how well you are eating."

"Was she really mad about the rug?" Eddie asked referring to a time before she was hospitalized when she spilled salad dressing on the beige carpet.

"No, she just knows that you want to eat and not drop it all over and you're doing that. Sydney is really on board, it's not just…"

"I know," Eddie replied. "I know. Jamie, I'm worried about you a little."

Jamie arched an eyebrow, "Worried about me? Why?"

"You are so tired from taking care of me, you're on the job…if something were to happen."

Jamie took Eddie's hand, "Nothing will. I promise. I am careful and I'm getting the hang of the new partner. Really and truly."

"Good, how about a game of cards?" Eddie asked. "Henry showed me how to do it with my clips… it's fun!"

Monday came too quickly for both Jamie and Eddie. They liked this time together trying to make their relationship normal again. Sydney called daily and talked to them both, happy to hear of Eddie's steady progress.

Rose arrived at 730 Monday morning. Jamie showed her the layout they had made for Eddie and her therapy schedule. "After respiratory therapy and physical therapy," Jamie explained. "Eddie gets very tired, she's still weak from the pneumonia so please put her into bed for a nap. I will get her up when I get home."

"I'll take very good care of her, Jamie," Rose assured him. "Don't worry about a thing."

Rose got Eddie up at 8:30, "Jamie's gone to work and you're massage therapist is due at 10," Rose told Eddie. "Would you like eggs for breakfast?"

"Yes, please. I'm glad Jamie finally got someone to help out. You don't sound like you're from here."

"No, dear, I'm from Chicago, but I moved to New York when my husband passed. My son lives here, he's a buyer for Nordstrom." Eddie stifled a laugh at that one, she had an image of the man from Say Yes to the Dress in her head.

Rose fixed breakfast then did some light cleaning while Michele did Eddie's massage. "Your legs are still spasming at night aren't they?"

"Yes, they are terrible at night, and it hurts so much that I wake Jamie," Eddie confessed. "I'm a burden on him and Syd and on their marriage."

Michele sighed, her hands moving over Eddie's neck, "Jamie mentioned you have pain still. Your break might be unstable."

Eddie sighed, "Well, it's staying that way I'm not going near a hospital again if I can help it."

Eddie had all of her therapy that day, by three she was done but she was exhausted. Rose gently laid her in bed propped up on pillows. "I'll be gone when you wake up, so I'll see you tomorrow."

Eddie smiled, 'Thanks for everything today, Rose," she replied. She liked this carer, if she had to have one.

Rose was waiting for Jamie when he arrived with a perturbed look on her face.

"How did she do today?" Jamie asked knowing Eddie would be exceptionally tired given he long full day.

"She did very well in her therapy and she's been napping for a little over an hour. Sats are okay, but could be better, 92%. Mr. Reagan, I think you need to be careful what types of conversations you have around Edit."

"Eddie is my best friend, I'm pretty sure I can have any conversation I need to have around her or with her. Why, is it bad for me to stress her?"

"I heard Edit telling her therapist, Michele, she's a burden. That belief is very bad for her spirits and her health. If you feel this is too much then you should consider a private care facility."

"Eddie is family, she's no burden, and if she feels she is I will deal with it," Jamie replied. "Thank you for mentioning it. I'll get her up for dinner now. See you tomorrow, Rose."

Rose left, not sure now if the feelings were coming from inside Eddie or from Jamie and Sydney. She'd keep an ear out, it was her job to care for Eddie inside and outside, she would do that.

After Jamie prepared dinner and brought Eddie to the table he broached the subject, "Eddie, I need you to know that this arrangement, this is how Sydney and I want it. We want you to be part of us. You are not a burden or a strain on me or her and you need to stop thinking like that."

"Jamie, you are young married people, you want a family someday…can you even…I mean do you have time to…"

"Yes," Jamie replied. "Yes, of course we do. Eddie, you really aren't that much work and believe it or not, I don't mind getting up in the night and sitting with you when you aren't feeling well. I miss our times in the car together, just talking about whatever. I'd rather sit up when you are feeling well, though."

"I'll try to think of it another way," Eddie replied. "I'd really like you to try to relax. I am starting to learn new things in OT and I want to try to do more for myself."

"When you're more healed," Jamie replied. "Then, but for now I'd rather you just let me do it."

Eddie sighed, "Jamie, I'm not going to get any better. My functions are not going to improve, Dr. Camden has asserted over and over again that my injury is complete and it won't be growing or improving."

"You don't know that for sure," Jamie disagreed. "You could still get more movement back, you don't know that you won't!"

Eddie sighed, "Jamie, yes eventually I will learn to get onto the bed from my chair and such but I'm never going to be able to walk again, or shower by myself or anything. You need to accept that and I need to accept it too."

Jamie swallowed and took a deep breath, "Well, we'll make do with whatever happens."

Jamie served the chili he made and he and Eddie ate together. Eddie fed herself with her utensil, the conversation turning to shop talk once again. "This was the type of guy Renzulli would call a numbnuts…and I mean it this perp was five different kinds of stupid."

Eddie burst out laughing, she had such a musical laugh that lit up her whole face. "We had our share of those, we didn't need to outsmart them, they were so dumb…" Jamie cleared the table and Eddie drove her chair to the living room. "TV on," Eddie commanded. "Number 8-2…" Reruns of one of her favorite shows were on this time each day. Jamie watched Eddie, she was feeling better, she was eating better…perhaps she could recover more use but Jamie was loath to get his hopes up for that.

Jamie and Eddie settled into a comfortable routine over the next few days. Rose's help with the morning routine and more involved hygiene was making things easier on Jamie. She gave Eddie her shower, took care of her skin and her nails, all things that Jamie didn't mind but took up time when he could be showing emotional support for Eddie.

On Thursday, Eddie's therapies ran late and Rose did not have a chance to bathe Eddie before Jamie got home. She offered to do it but Jamie said he'd take care of it. The truth was he did miss those quiet moments.

He ordered pizza that night, cutting Eddie's up so she could eat it herself. After she watched her show, resting her sore back in the recliner, and Jamie paid bills he prepared the bath.

Jamie walked into the living room smiling at Eddie.

"About ready for your bath?"

Eddie looked up at him slowly nodding. "I need my chair," Eddie began but Jamie shook his head.

"C'mere I'm going to help you up." Jamie carefully lifted her out of the recliner carrying her to the bathroom, he already brought the chair into the bathroom.

Jamie set Eddie down on the closed toilet, Jamie slowly lifted her shirt keeping his eyes on hers, having no desire to let his gaze wander. That was not what these moments were about, this was about care and special bonding with his friend.

"Hey, so did you hear about the girl who can out drink everyone," Eddie grinned at him.

Jamie laughed as he worked her shoes off. "Yeah, I heard would like to meet her."

"Ooh you're going to get it Reagan," Eddie laughed. "Seriously, I am feeling like I am getting more stamina and I want to go out and have beers again and see some of the old gang."

"We shall see, Eddie," Jamie replied, smirking up at her. Jamie slipped her socks off stopping to study a cut on her foot. "Eddie when did this happen?"

"Oh, yesterday, I think when Rose clipped my nails. My foot jerked and she slipped."

Jamie's jaw clenched, "She needs to be more careful, did you feel all right?"

"Yeah, I didn't react to it or anything, it's fine."

Jamie nodded, "I'll put some Triple A on it when I dry you off. Here we go…hold tight."

Jamie placed Eddie in the tub and began their bath ritual. She was now able to wash her face, arms and chest with a strap around her sponge. While she did that, Jamie worked on her hair. "I love how you do that, it's like the guy that used to cut it, like a hot tub for your scalp."

Jamie laughed, "Wasn't that the guy with the crazy hair?"

"Yes, but he had amazing hair hands," Eddie laughed. "Can you maybe make an appointment and have Rose take me down one day?"

"I'll take you," Jamie replied. "We can get cheesecake or milkshakes or something after. Make it a night." Jamie rinsed Eddie's hair and rubbed her neck before going around to wash the lower part of her body.

When Jamie laid Eddie down on the bed and set her catheter he frowned at the color of the urine in the bag, "I need you drink more water and orange juice for me, okay? I'll make sure you have plenty tomorrow."

Eddie smiled, "Thanks Jamie. You want to watch TV in here with me for a little bit. I'm not tired."

"You turn it on then, I have some work to do before tomorrow," Jamie replied. "Let me take care of that foot."

Jamie took his time applying antibiotic cream and a soft, loose bandage to Eddie's cut. It wasn't even a centimeter long, but for Jamie, it was too long and too deep.

When Eddie was watching TV, Jamie called Linda and requested more names and asked if she would be available to care for Eddie. "What about Rose?" Linda asked. 

"I'm about to call Rose and let her go. She's not taking adequate care of Eddie, she cut her foot clipping her nails, you know how dangerous that is."

Linda admitted a cut could be dangerous, she knew better than to argue with Jamie about dismissing Rose. When he set his mind to something, especially for Sydney or now Eddie, that was it.

With the arrangements made, Jamie called Rose. "Jamie, is everything all right with Eddie?"

"Rose, I'm sorry but things are not working out, this arrangement is not benefitting Eddie, I'm letting you go. I will pay two weeks' severance to your agency."

"I don't understand, I thought we were getting on very well," Rose protested in shock.

"You cut Eddie's foot when you did her nail care, and you didn't tell me so I could check it. Any kinds of damage to Eddie's skin is dangerous, if that cut was irritated it could be autonomic dysreflexia…I'm sorry, Rose. I can't take those chances. I really am sorry." Jamie took a breath and hug up the phone, sometimes doing what was best didn't feel so nice at all.

 **A/N: Jamie feels bad for dismissing Rose, but apparently he's not ready to totally let go of the care of Eddie. Could it be he enjoys being so directly involved since he's not in the car with her anymore. Thanks for the response to this chapter! I love seeing the comments from my readers, it makes the days of writer's block much easier.**

 **I am wishing to poll my readers…I planned to make this a series showing different stages in Eddie's life…Would there be interest?**

 **Next Updated – June 21** **st** **– Eddie learns Jamie dismissed Rose; Eddie experiences anxiety when going out with some old friends.**


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty Three

"Time to get up," Linda told Eddie as she appeared in the younger woman's bedroom that next morning.

Eddie opened her eyes and rolled her shoulders in a stretch, "Hey, Linda. Is Rose sick?"

Linda arched her eyebrows, "You mean Jamie didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Eddie asked. "Is he okay? Did something happen to Pop?"

Linda sat on the bed and rubbed Eddie's shoulder, "Jamie is fine, Pop is just fine. Jamie…he let Rose go last night."

Eddie's eyebrows shot up, "He did what? Why?"

Linda stood and removed the covers from Eddie's body. "This…" She indicated the bandage on Eddie's foot. "He got upset with her that she did it to begin with…"

"But it was my fault!" Eddie protested. "My foot spasmed and she slipped."

"Jamie's just concerned for your health. You might have liked Rose but she should have told Jamie about the cut and she should have taken precautions to keep it from getting irritated. Remember what happened when Sydney put your sock on wrong?"

Eddie sighed, "Okay, so maybe she gets a warning but fired?"

Linda shrugged, "Talk to Jamie about it but for today it's you and me. I thought we could take a walk to the farmer's market before your physical therapy."

"That would be nice. Tomorrow, Jamie is taking me for a haircut and to O'Reilly's…"

"Your first time back out with the guys, very nice! We'll pick out an outfit to wear and I'll fix your eyeliner for you tomorrow. Jamie's great but he's not so good at some things."

Eddie smiled, "Let's get started with the day then."

Linda was much more efficient than even Rose was with Eddie's care. When she was changing Eddie's collection bag for the day, she observed the same dark color that Jamie did. "I think you're working on another UTI. I'll wait until tomorrow to mention it to Jamie so you don't lose your fun Friday night."

"Thanks you know he'll freak," Eddie laughed as Linda finished dressing her and set her in her chair. Linda took Eddie out in her wheelchair. The got breakfast at a food truck and ate on a bench. Linda helped Eddie set her food up then chatted with her about Jack and Sean's hockey team and their wrapping paper sale.

"I'll buy some of that," Eddie replied. "Jamie and Sydney will have to help me. Linda, Jamie seems to think I'm going to get better. I told him that I wasn't able to do it."

"Your injury is complete so what you see is what you get but you can enhance what you have. You can make those elbow flexors so strong that you can wiggle your wrist into a strap, pull up by the elbow and open a door. We have magnets at the hospital that will help you open doors with metal handles and such. I'll talk to your occupational therapist. You will, with hard work, be able to do more than you can now," Linda assured her. "If you can get around Jamie."

Eddie sighed, "Oh I know," she laughed. "He's a great friend, he's so gentle and caring with me, but he is a little too protective. I'm shocked he's on board with going to the cop bar, but I'll take it."

After their meal, Linda supervised Eddie driving herself to the fruit stand. They selected watermelon, strawberries, kiwis, and from fresh corn as well. "Put it in my lap, we'll ride it back," Eddie laughed.

While Eddie worked on her physical and occupational therapy, Linda made a fruit salad. She wrapped it and started dinner with Eddie. "Here, stir the sauce…" Eddie smiled, Linda would let her help. She could prove to Jamie she still had use after all.

When Jamie arrived home, Jack and Sean were doing their homework with Eddie at the kitchen table and Linda finishing up dinner. "No, Jack, that little three there, means cube root, it's different than a square."

Jack worked his figures while Eddie watched. Sean held up a picture of the human skeleton, "Is this where you're hurt Eddie?"

"No," Eddie replied. "I'm hurt a little higher."

Jamie walked in smiling, "What's going on here?"

"Eddie is helping us with our homework," Sean replied. "Mom and Eddie made dinner too!"

Jamie smiled, "You're overdoing it. I'll take over here."

"No, Jamie, I'm fine. I had a nice day, a good nap, and now I'm chilling with my boys here."

"Eddie went to Wellesley," Jack bragged. "That's a real fancy school like Harvard."

"That's right," Jamie replied. "I'm going to shower then. Dinner smells great!"

Jamie rubbed the top of Eddie's hair but she jerked her head away from him. She was upset at him for his constant fussing. All through dinner, Eddie talked to the boys and to Linda not speaking directly to Jamie. Linda saw the tension and urged the boys home as soon as the meal was done.

"What's wrong, Eddie?" Jamie asked as he loaded the dishwasher.

"You fired, Rose," Eddie snapped. "For that stupid little cut! I liked Rose! She treated me like a person, not a thing!"

"Eddie," Jamie sighed. "Your feet and your legs are hypersensitive. She could have hurt you, I didn't know about that cut. You could have had AD and I wouldn't know why or what to do to fix it. Maybe I over did it, and I'm so sorry if I hurt you or made you feel bad…"

Eddie sighed, "Jamie, I know you're doing all of this for me and I appreciate it, I can't say that enough, but maybe you can consult me in my own care, okay?"

Jamie nodded, "Okay, I hired someone new, Sarah, she starts Tuesday. Not as old as Rose but an impressive list of credentials."

Eddie smiled, "Come here, let me give you a hug. Linda showed me."

Jamie leaned down and Eddie moved her arms from her shoulders and biceps like Linda and Lillian showed her that afternoon. Jamie sighed when he felt it, the light delicate pressure. He inhaled, Eddie smelled so good…He felt his heart speed up. He took a long breath, "Did you get a shower?"

"Yeah, Linda did it. All you need to do is help me lie down later. For now, there are cookies. Will you help me with cookies and milk?"

Jamie smiled, "You have to watch Jaws with me first."

"Oh, Jamie…" Eddie rolled her eyes and started to laugh.

The next day flew by with Linda helping. When Jamie got in from tour, Eddie was dressed in a pair of jeans, a pink sweater, and slip on boots that hid the turn in her ankles that Henry found so upsetting. "Wow, you look great. I told a bunch of the guys we were coming tonight, and they're all looking forward to seeing you again."

"I have to get this mop fixed first, Pierre is expecting us at five. Go change and we'll get going."

Jamie forgot when he planned this night out for him and Eddie, Sydney was due home. He had a lot of explaining to do about firing Rose, never mind hiring someone new and going out for the evening.

After Jamie showered and put on a pair of jeans and a turtleneck, they headed out. Jamie was still working on moving Eddie in and out of the car so it took time to transfer her. Eddie rolled herself into the beauty parlor, "Hey Eddie," Pierre hurried over. "Oh my God, you…it is true, I thought it was a bad joke."

"Sorry," Eddie replied. "I really need your expertise though, my hair is my favorite feature and Jamie is no hairstylist, as much as she tries, neither is Sydney."

"Well, Jamie…" Pierre looked him over. "Can you help with moving her so I don't hurt her and we'll do just that."

Jamie lifted Eddie to the hair washing chair, "Careful of her neck, it's still sore a lot. Support her head!"

Pierre nodded, he liked Eddie. He didn't want to hurt her. Pierre washed Eddie's hair personally then had Jamie put her in the hair cutting chair. "I need something…" Jamie took off his own belt and secured Eddie in the seat. "I'm going to let you two catch up, I'll just be over there."

"Do you want to keep it long, honey?" Pierre asked.

"Yes, just trim it and clean it up…" Eddie replied trying to focus enough to keep her posture straight with the belt and not tire herself out. She so wanted to have fun that night.

The haircut took less than an hour, Jamie placed Eddie back in her chair. "You okay, you need rest?"

"A few minutes in the car before we go, we're early anyway," Eddie sighed. "Oh no, Reagan…wings…how am I going to eat my wings!"

"I'll peel them for you," Jamie offered. "And you can use your fork to get the meat. It's acceptable to make a mess at happy hour, Eddie. Don't worry. Everyone is going to be so glad to see you."

Eddie took a short nap in the car before Jamie drove to O'Reilly's. Through the windows they could see the cops from the 12th already gathering. Jamie carefully put Eddie in her chair, checking her outfit for folds or wrinkles. "You look pretty. You ready?"

Eddie took a breath, "Let's do it. Just…don't leave me anyplace, I don't want anyone to touch me and stuff when I can't feel it."

Jamie nodded, "I got you partner."

With a gentle pat to her shoulder Jamie pushed Eddie inside, receiving cheers from fellow cops seeing them enter.

Eddie smiled and returned greetings from old friends and colleagues as Jamie helped her to the back where they had lower tables.

"You doing okay?" Jamie asked locking her wheelchair.

"I'm okay, hey McKenna," Eddie greeted the familiar officer from the 12th whom she'd ridden with a few times.

McKenna stopped looking over as he ran a hand down his shirt nodding. "Hey," he greeted quietly walking away.

Eddie arched her eyebrow, "That was weird. Can you get us some food and beers?" Jamie nodded and put in their order. When the beer came he put Eddie's in her bottle, "To a night out." He toasted and Kara and Rigetti approached. "Hey, you look great!" Kara smiled and moved to give Eddie a light hug.

Jamie held up his hand to stave Kara off, "Her skin and her bones are still really sensitive." Jamie could see that Eddie didn't want people touching her, even Kara.

"I'm sorry, how are you feeling honey?" she asked. "You're working hard on getting better, to come back right?"

Eddie sighed, "I am working hard every day." Eddie sipped her beer. "Jamie is being a really good partner, he's taking care of me very well."

Renzulli joined them a few minutes later, "How you doing, Janko?" He ran through Jamie's stop sign and hugged Eddie. Jamie gently pulled Eddie back so she didn't feel too suffocated.

"I'm good, Sarge," Eddie replied. "I'm working hard and I hope I'll be back someday soon."

"That's great to hear, the 12th isn't the same without that smile. Did you meet the Kid's new partner? Marcus…this is Eddie Janko…she road with Reagan here almost three years."

Eddie's eyes fixed on Marcus, he was the one that was making Jamie tired and stressed. "Jamie is the best partner you could get out of the Academy, you learn all you can from him. I did."

"Look how far that got you," Marcus sniffed. "If you get out of that thing and back on the job, you can have him back."

"Hey," Eddie snapped. "You are going to end up just like this or worse if you keep thinking with what's between your legs instead of what is between your ears! Jamie is probably the smartest cop on the force, he worked hard to get where he is and you're stupid if you don't learn from him. If your macho crap gets him hurt, I will have his wife bring me down to the precinct and I will back over you with my wheelchair!"

Marcus narrowed his eyes at her turning in a huff and walked past Renzulli who gave a smirk.

"It was good to see you Eddie," Renzulli couldn't help but laugh at Marcus, he tried to show off his swagger, even though his face showed otherwise. He followed the kid away making sure he mouth didn't cause more trouble for the twelfth.

Kara held back a snicker, "About time someone got him," she praised before heading back to the bar leaving Eddie and Jamie alone.

 **A/N: Eddie's day out didn't quite go as planned. Perhaps it is a little too soon for her to be out, things have changed, but have they changed inside of Eddie or around her. Seems to me a little of both.**

 **A shout out to the guest reviewers – I do try to reply to everyone that reviews through private message but alas cannot with a guest, but I didn't want it to go without saying thank you for reading and taking the time to review!**

 **Next Update – June 23** **rd** **– Sydney returns home from London, Jamie runs into trouble on the job.**


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty Four

"You were great!" Jamie praised as they arrived back at the apartment after midnight that night. Eddie has packed away close to the 25 chicken wings, had some beers, a few laughs, and a good sock it to Marcus.

"I was defending my partner," Eddie laughed as Jamie opened the apartment door. "It was so strange seeing everyone again. Half of them didn't even acknowledge me and the other half were all over me."

"They were excited and I guess the guys like McKenna didn't know what to say," Jamie reasoned. "It's okay, we'll go again and people will be more comfortable. Let's get this make up off and get our nightly routines done."

In the excitement of Eddie feeling like going out, Jamie had forgotten that Sydney was due home around this time. He had promised her to have Eddie already taken care of by the time she arrived. As it happened, Jamie just set Eddie up in the bathroom when Sydney came in the door.

"Oh, I forgot that was tonight," Jamie said embarrassed and covering his face. "Relax and let things work I'll be back in about forty five minutes." Jamie checked the belt and headed to the living room.

"Is Eddie having a bad night?" Sydney asked as she reached up to hug Jamie and accept his kiss.

"No, she's good, I took her for a haircut and we went to O'Reilly's. Eddie felt like she was ready to get out and see everyone again but truth is she wasn't. She asked me to protect her, not let people touch her. It was weird, usually she's like, Jamie let me do it myself…"

Sydney's jaw set, "Jamie you promised tonight would be for us. You said you'd have her put to bed and why isn't Rose taking her for a haircut. That's why we hired a nurse!"

Jamie shifted his weight from one leg to the other, "I uh, fired Rose."

"You what?" Sydney put her purse down hard "What? Why?"

Jamie sighed, "She was careless with Eddie," Jamie replied "She cut her foot and she never even told me so I could keep an eye on her. Cuts on her feet take a while to heal and if he let it get irritated…" Jamie ran a hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry about tonight, Syd. I really am."

Sydney took a breath, "It's okay. Tell you what. It's almost morning in London, why don't you head to bed, I'll finish with Eddie."

Jamie nodded, "Thanks, honey. I'll wait up." He raised an eyebrow wondering if he was forgiven his misstep.

"You do that and if you don't, I'll wake you." Sydney stepped into Jamie's arms and held on. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," Jamie sighed. "She needs another half hour in there then cleaned up and put in bed, are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I want you rested." Sydney ran a hand down Jamie's chest and flashed a smile.

Sydney changed and went to get Eddie out of the bathroom just at the time Jamie said. "Hey, heard you had a good time tonight. You're hair looks great!"

Eddie smiled, "It was all right. I didn't want to say to Jamie but I really felt uncomfortable. Some of the people I rode with before looked at me like I was broken you know?"

Sydney nodded, "That had to be hard. I think Jamie really enjoyed going out like old times. I think he really misses you."

"I'm right here," Eddie replied as Sydney put her in the chair and Eddie drove herself to bed. "I haven't changed, Sydney, not inside. Jamie changed inside."

Sydney nodded, "I think he's always been like this, it's just needing to come out now you know?"

Eddie sighed, "I know. He fired Rose for cutting my foot…He's going to break Sydney, we have to get someone else. Anyone else."

"Well get someone else soon," Sydney replied. "You get a good sleep. I'll have Jamie let you sleep later tomorrow. You had a busy night."

"I have no therapy tomorrow, that's a good day," Eddie replied. "Thanks Sydney."

Sydney shut off the light and headed to the bedroom where Jamie was waiting. He was undressed under the covers and smiled as Sydney began to undress as well. Slowly, she moved over his body kissing her way up his strong chest. Jamie wrapped his arms around Sydney, holding his wife close in his arms taking her with him to another place, just the two of them.

With Sydney home, Jamie didn't worry about Eddie even though he was set to work the swing tour, one of his first since the accident. Eddie was stronger and Sydney more adept at her care. Still he fussed reminding Sydney about bowel and bladder routines and Eddie's night time medications.

"Jamie, honestly, you are driving me up the wall with your worry," Eddie told him. "It's not like it's a stranger, it's Sydney. We are going to watch chick flicks and shop online. You go do your job come home safe. Don't let Marcus get you riled up."

"I won't," Jamie replied. "But if he acts up I might take you up on your offer. You girls have fun." Jamie rubbed Eddie's hair and kissed his wife before heading off to work.

"Do you want to watch in your chair or the recliner?" Sydney asked Eddie.

"My chair, just tilt me a little and put that pillow under my neck, that's just a comfortable as the recliner."

Sydney put the movie in making sure Eddie had a soda in her bottle. Together they relaxed and watched TV while Jamie kept the mean streets of Manhattan safe.

"Do you want me to do your nails?" Sydney asked. "I know Rose hurt your foot when she did them, I'll be careful."

Eddie nodded, "Can you paint my fingers that light blue you used last week, I really liked that and Jamie forbid nail polish cause he said it would keep him from seeing if I had pneumonia again. Did you come up with another name?"

"Yeah, we have Sarah coming on Monday afternoon when Jamie goes to work before I get home and if I get stuck late she'll stay until one of us is here."

"I can be by myself a little bit," Eddie said proudly. "Jamie had to one night and I was fine for an hour but he wasn't."

Sydney sighed, "He just cares for you so much, you are to him like he is to Erin and Danny, maybe now he won't get so upset when they try to look out for him."

Eddie rolled her eyes, "No such luck."

Meanwhile, Jamie and Marcus were sharing a quiet tour. Most of the evening Marcus kept quiet, finally speaking up on a matter of substance near the end of tour. "What you're doing for your partner, the girl in the wheelchair, that's actually sort of cool."

Jamie looked at Marcus, "Eddie's a really good person. She got the short end of the stick. I'm her only family. You're lucky, you have your Mom an all. If you got hurt badly, you'd have her. My wife is really good friends with Eddie too, we like having her."

"I've never had a friend like that, that would do anything for me no matter what, makes her really special and I'm sorry I scoffed at her and laughed. I hope I didn't make her cry or anything?"

"Eddie?" Jamie laughed. "No, she didn't give it a second thought but I think it would be nice if you would apologize to her."

"I will, you think we can do beers again, you and me, your missus and Eddie? I'll treat to make up for being such an ass. I want to learn to be a tough cop like Danny, but maybe I can also be a smart cop like you."

"You know, just because Danny is tough, doesn't mean he's stupid, and just because I'm smart doesn't make me a weakling, there are smart AND tough cops and that is the kind of cop you should be, that you CAN be if you listen to me and to the other bosses."

Jamie parked the RMP and got out. "You did really well, the radio was quiet but the two calls we did, you handled them well. See you tomorrow, Marcus." Jamie wasn't ready to call him partner but the kid was improving.

After changing back into his street clothes, Jamie began the five block walk to his car. The night air was cool but not crisp so he took his time to enjoy the fresh air. Eddie was in good hands with Sydney, she had learned a lot since the first time she was in charge and Eddie enjoyed the girl time.

As Jamie walked he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He slowed his pace down and listened to a child sized scream come from behind one of the building along the street. Carefully, Jamie paused and listened to a deep masculine voice yelling, "Move, move now!"

Jamie decided to err on the side of caution, he slowly crept around to the side of the alley, "Police, drop you weapon! Police!" He never expected the man to fire his gun of for the bullet to hit the girl, not more than six, instead of hitting him. Jamie quickly returned fire, killing the gunman with a shot straight through the heart.

Jamie pulled out his cell while running towards the fallen child, "This is Officer Reagan, shield number 60528, I have two down in the alley behind 6039 Delancy Street. One male likely, one female child…"

Jamie pulled the little one into his arms, covering her wounds with his bare hands. "It's all right, sweetheart, I'm a police man, the ambulance is going to come…"

The girl said nothing, just looked up at Jamie with eyes that were nearly vacant already. Jamie could hear the sirens but knew they would be too late to save this little victim. Jamie rocked, and kept her warm until the small whimpers were silent and the raspy gasps for air stilled. Jamie was all but covered in blood by the time the medics got there.

"You fire at the gunman, Kid?" Renzulli asked Jamie who was in a little shock himself.

"Yeah, he fired at her, I fired at him…I know, hospital, shooting team…I know the drill by now but can someone call Syd, tell her I'll be late."

"I got you, Kid," Renzulli replied. "Go get checked out, it'll only be a few hours then you can get home and get some rest. Go on, the medics will run you over and the shooting team will meet you at St. Vic's."

"Jamie you look horrible," Sydney told her husband as he stumbled into their bedroom. He still had the kids' blood on his hands, and the sound of gunshots echoing in his ear.

"Well, I just killed a man, Syd," Jamie replied. "Then held a six year old girl while she died in my arms, I think I have a right."

"You weren't even on duty, Jamie," Sydney sighed. "Why do you deliberately do this to yourself? You continue to punish yourself by trying to save everyone and for what?"

"Reagans don't punch out at end of tour," Jamie stated like a mantra. "I saw the guy, I heard the kid screaming...It's over now but..." Jamie sank onto the bed. "How did everything go here?"

"Okay, Eddie and I had a nice talk and we did some shopping online. I told her I'd help her try the things on when they come. She decided that when the dresses come she wants you to drive her over to Lincoln to see her Dad."

Jamie sighed remembering how Armin's visit to Eddie in the hospital had gone. "If that's her choice, of course I will. Did you have any problems getting her into bed?"

"No, uh..." Sydney knew Jamie was about to get angry. "I didn't put her in bed. She had one of those spells..."

"Spells? The autonomic dysreflexia?" Jamie felt his heart speed up.

Sydney nodded, "We got so involved in the shopping that we forgot to empty her collection bag and...she got her bladder backed up. I thought we should leave her head up cause you always make her sit up..."

Jamie hurried to Eddie's room and found her sleeping in her wheelchair. Jamie reached out and rubbed her cheek with his knuckle. "Hey, you want to get into bed? How do you feel?"

Eddie slowly woke up, "Hey...I'm okay but I'm stiff. I'll get into bed...but...what happened to you? You're hands..."

"Hard night," Jamie replied. Slowly, he began to undo the belts and ties that kept Eddie secure and in place in her chair.

Jamie moved to pick Eddie up, "I can do it myself," Eddie said quickly but Jamie shook his head. "Not tonight, tonight I prefer to do it and let you rest."

"Jamie..." Eddie sighed but he had already lifted her and was gently placing her into bed. He took the wedge they kept to elevate her legs out, "You have to upright though since you had some dysreflexia.

"Yeah, that wasn't Sydney's fault," Eddie told Jamie. "It really wasn't her fault."

Jamie nodded, "Still..." He put pillows behind Eddies back and one beneath her feet. "How's that?" As Jamie went to tuck the covers around Eddie her legs began shaking and he face contorted.

"Okay, just breathe," Jamie soothed. "It'll pass...let's just talk a little bit." Jamie's bloodied hands found Eddie's shoulders and he gently held on. "Breathe in...that's it. Relax your jaw..." Jamie spoke softly until the spasm ceased. "You get some sleep..."

"Jamie...talk to me," Eddie encouraged. "You always keep telling me you're doing all this because I'm your partner."

Jamie sighed, "You know what it's like. You're walking along after tour, you hear a kid crying out...Man's got a gun, so I intervened, I identified myself, drew my weapon...but he fired...and I fired. I killed him Eddie, and the little girl died in my arms before the bus even got there. Then I get home and Syd..." Jamie stopped. He tried not to complain about Sydney to Eddie.

"I know..." Eddie sighed. "She doesn't understand. She can't that's not her fault either. You were born to a life of service, I chose that same life, you can't just keep walking when you see someone in trouble. You can't do it."

Jamie sank onto the side of Eddie's bed. "She was six," Jamie sighed his voice catching. "She was six years old. And that man was just maybe sick...maybe evil...maybe if I did wait..." Jamie's voice caught and his shoulders began to shake.

Eddie pushed on her elbows to move herself up and twisted as best she could using the parts of her arms she had control over to get closer. Awkwardly she slid her arms around Jamie. With both hands and wrists totally paralyzed she couldn't rub his back, but she held him as tight as she could.

"It's okay Jamie..." Eddie soothed. "It's okay."

"You need to be still, you had..."

"Let it be about you for once," Eddie whispered. "Let me just comfort you."

Jamie stood and re-positioned Eddie in bed then he kicked off his shoe and laid down next to her. The tears ran onto Eddie's pillow and into her hair. Jamie rubbed his face up and down on Eddie's shoulder, his cheek in their special place. "You have to talk to Syd, Jamie. Try to make her see."

Jamie sighed, "I just...I need to sleep."

"Sleep...I'm here if you need me. It's my turn, you know?"

Jamie smiled, "No turns, just partners." He dozed off and managed to get his rest.

 **A/N: Eddie and Jamie still manage to be partners even with significant limitations. It seems that Jamie is feeling a little bit of a pull to his old partner. How does Sydney react to Jamie staying with Eddie?**

 **Next Update – June 25** **th** **– Eddie reaches a major high, the hits a major low, this time though, it's not medical.**


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty Five

While Sydney waited for Jamie to come back to bed she fell back to sleep, dreaming as she often did that Jamie never left Baxter Chase, that they were both prosperous lawyers.

When she got up a little after eight, she went to look for Jamie on the sofa. As she passed Eddie's room, she saw that Jamie had fallen asleep not BY Eddie's bed, but in Eddie's bed. Sydney pushed the door open and found Jamie still sound asleep and Eddie wide awake.

"He passed out before I could shoo him," Eddie replied. "I had some spasms and he was nervous cause of the AD thing. He had a really rough night."

Sydney nodded, "Most of it unnecessary. You ready to get up, I can get you out of the other side and leave him to his snoring."

Eddie nodded. Sydney moved Eddie's chair to the opposite side of the bed and helped Eddie into it. She covered Eddie's bare legs with a blanket and Eddie drove herself to the kitchen. "What did you mean most of it unnecessary? Sydney, if I am becoming an obstacle…"

"No, no," Sydney hurried to explain. "Not you, not at all. I meant that Jamie was off duty, he didn't have to go into that alley. He should be more careful now than ever before with you being hurt…"

"That's who Jamie is," Eddie sighed. "It's the thing that makes you love him. I know it gets scary and now that I'm not with him you are feeling less sure, but it's who he is and it's not fair to ask him to be less."

Sydney started coffee and took in Eddie's words. "I'm not asking him to be less, I'm just asking him to be safe. One of these days I'm going to hear about a cop shot on TV and it's going to be my Jamie."

"You can't think like that," Eddie comforted. "You do and you'll smother him enough to drive him away or make him so paranoid he does get hurt. I can't possibly know how scared you are when he's out there, but if you are calmer about it, he'll be smarter about his choices. He'll be more honest and he won't be crying in my arms over a dead little girl, he'll be crying in yours. That's what you want right?"

"You're right," Sydney sighed. "I should be more receptive to him but it just scares me. You should have known him before Joe, so different. The career change only mattered to me because of the danger, it was never about the money."

"There's danger everywhere, look at me. One minute darts and beers with my friends and the next…You never know."

Sydney acknowledged that was true with a silent nod. "Why don't you and Jamie do something together before family dinner? I'll be okay by myself for a little while. I can go in the recliner and watch TV."

"I'll see how Jamie is feeling when he gets up. Hey, you want to practice pouring juice?"

Eddie beamed, Jamie would never let her try. Sydney put Eddie's wrap on hand, "Okay now focus…don't worry if you spill, just try."

Sydney raised Eddie's chair so she was positioned above the table and Eddie used her minimal elbow movement to tip the half full bottle and pour the drink. She managed to fill the glass but didn't have enough to control to stop pouring. The juice started to spill all over the table and onto the floor before Sydney could step in and right the bottle.

"That was good, you did good!" Sydney smiled.

"I made a huge mess," Eddie sighed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be doing things…I just make work."

"No, you need to do things to get more independent. If you make a mess, you make a mess, that's fine. You have to try to learn."

Eddie backed up and Sydney mopped up the mess. Jamie slowly padded to the kitchen just as Sydney finished mopping the floor.

"Hey, I'm sorry Eddie, I overslept. I'll help you get dressed." Jamie dropped a kiss on Sydney's hair. "Look at Eddie's cup, she did that all by herself!"

"Wow! Way to go Eddie!" Jamie smiled. "You did a good job. A little over zealous on he speed there?"

Eddie laughed it off and drank the juice, her back was starting to burn and ache. She took a breath, she didn't want to make a big deal out of it but the last thing she wanted to do was drive to Brooklyn.

"So today is Sunday dinner let's say we pick you out a nice outfit for it huh," Jamie offered as he poured coffee into a mug before taking a quick sip breathing in the caffeine.

Eddie fidgeted a bit in her seat looking down uncomfortably not sure how to tell them she didn't want to go. "Um actually." At the sound of their friend's voice both Sydney and Jamie turned to look her over curiously.

"What's wrong Eddie?" Sydney asked softly.

Eddie continued looking at her hands unable to meet either of their eyes. "Actually I don't think I'm going I don't really feel well so you know. I'll be okay here for a little while by myself and you won't be far."

"Why Eddie? You love dinner. What's really going on?" Jamie asked eyeing her surprised Eddie was turning down food. The only time he'd seen her refuse to eat was when she was sick with the flu or depressed in the hospital.

"I just…Like I said I don't feel well that's all..."

Seeing this was getting them nowhere, Sydney placed a gentle hand on Eddie's shoulder giving Jamie a shake of her head effectively asking him to just let it go for now. "Why don't you rest for now and we'll see how you feel later?"

Eddie nodded, "Yeah, I think I'll go back to bed. Can one of you help me get in?"

Jamie put his cup down, "I will, Eddie." Jamie followed her to her bedroom and gently lifted her. "Oh, I see…You have a red mark on your back, might be a little pressure sore starting, we have to watch."

"It's not that, I just feel very tired and not like myself, maybe if I rest I'll feel better, but please don't not go because of me. Please…" Eddie almost begged.

"We will see," Jamie replied. "Here…let's prop up those legs…You want me to sit with you?"

"No, be with Sydney. She just got home and you had such a terrible night last night, go be with your wife, Jamie. I'm okay, I'm going to sleep."

Jamie covered Eddie's legs and headed to the kitchen, "She's getting a sore on her back, no fever but she's sluggish for sure."

"Well, she obviously had a terrible night last night or you would never have slept in her bed instead of our bed," Sydney observed not letting it slip that he didn't' return to their bed.

"She has spasms and then I just…I'm sorry, Syd, I really am, but I felt like Eddie was hearing me last night and you were just panicking again. It worked when Eddie and I rode together, I had you at home and I had her on the job to vent all of the stuff I saw before I got you nervous…I need you to hear me more, Syd. I can't change who I am…"

Sydney moved closer to Jamie and held him tight, "I know. I know that it was great when you rode with Eddie, you had the special partnership every cop wants. I know it's hard losing that and I will try hard, but if you have to go to Eddie and have that best friend talk after a night like last night, I have to accept that in that instance she offers your something that I can't."

Jamie kissed Sydney's head, "You want to snuggle on the couch, catch up on some stuff on the DVR until we see if Eddie is going to need you to help her get ready?"

"Jamie, if she says she's feeling sick, let her be. She is coming along, we can leave her for a few hours to rest in the recliner with some drinks and her feet up, we won't stay long, just to eat."

Jamie thought about it, "I don't feel comfortable doing that but…I guess there's no better time than Sunday dinner, if we need to leave in a hurry."

"Oh, do you think you can ask the new nurse to work two Saturdays from now? It's the New York Bar Association dinner and I really want you to come with me."

Jamie thought, "Sure, or if not I can get someone else since we have notice. You love that dinner, I wouldn't miss it."

For most of the morning, Jamie and Sydney snuggled on the sofa. "I'm going to grab a shower," Jamie said around one. "Can you please check on Eddie?"

Sydney agreed and found Eddie in a fitful sleep, "Hey, you feeling better?"

"Syd, please don't tell Jamie but I'm in a lot of pain…I don't want him to miss his dinner and he will, I just. I can't be in that chair for hours or bounced around in the car, please…"

Sydney nodded, "I've got you, no worries. Try to breathe a little deeper okay, that might help with the pain."

Eddie nodded, "Can you help me into the recliner? I don't want Jamie to see that it hurts. I do just need a little time to myself."

"Sure, just hang in there, okay?" Sydney helped Eddie into her wheelchair and pushed her to the recliner. She easily helped Eddie into the recliner, set the chair back and placed pillows all around. "You want to be covered?"

Eddie nodded, "It's cold." Sydney covered her with a blanket and brought a few drinks, each with a straw in it. "There, is that good. Here's the mouth piece for the TV and your phone."

Jamie came out drying his hair. "You not going?" he asked Eddie seeing her lying in the chair.

"No, I just don't feel like being bounced around that's all. I'm a little tired, you two have fun. Bring me back a plate."

"If you're sure," Jamie said reluctant to leave Eddie by herself. "Maybe I should stay back.."

"Jamie," Sydney broke in. "Even Eddie needs a little time to herself now and then."

Jamie sighed, "Okay, we'll bring you a plate. We won't stay long…" Jamie patted Eddie shoulder and he and Sydney got ready to go.

Jamie drove almost all the way to Brooklyn before he stopped the car. "Sydney, I'm going to jump on the train and go back, she didn't look right, I have a feeling. Can you make excuses for me?"

Sydney softly smiled, "Okay, honey. Be safe, I love you. I'll bring you guys some plates."

Jamie kissed Sydney then pulled over letting her into the driver's space before jogging into the subway station.

Eddie laid in the recliner, her back burning and body shaking with sobs. She still hated this life, it wasn't much of a life, just an existence really. She wanted to let this all come out since having beers on Friday, being treated like either a play thing or like she was damaged by people she knew for years. It hurt, but if Jamie saw he'd have jumped into his protective mode and ruined any part of the evening she found tolerable.

The last thing Eddie expected was to hear Jamie's keys in the lock, intruding on her solitude and personal time. When Jamie opened the door, the first thing he heard was the sniffles.

Jamie tossed his jacket on the back of the chair, "Eddie? You all right? What's is it? I knew something was wrong. Tell me where it hurts."

Eddie couldn't speak, she turned her face into the recliner and sobbed even harder. She felt Jamie gently sit beside her and run his hands through her hair. "Ssh…what hurts? Do you need a pain pill?"

"No!" Eddie snapped. "I don't need a pill, a damn it! Can I just hurt inside, huh? Can I just hurt because my life doesn't exist, my friends won't even look at me and the ones that do pet me like a cat? Huh? Can I just be alone and hurt…?"

Jamie sighed, "This is about Friday? I knew…I'm so sorry." Jamie held Eddie tight. "I should have known better, I'm so sorry Eddie. Please let me help you."

"Jamie, you can't help me!" Eddie said firmly. "Nothing you do, nothing you say is going to give me back my legs! It's not going to make me be able to pour a glass of milk! It's not going to get me back on the job, it's just not! This is my life, existing in this chair or in the bed! That is it! I can't stand it, okay? I can't stand living like this, having pain even when I can't feel anything else! I am done with all of it, and I'm done with you trying to fix everything all the time!"

"Eddie, I don't…" Jamie began to protest then though again. "Maybe I do try to fix things, maybe that's because I feel like if I can make the little stuff easier than the big stuff won't feel so bad, guess that isn't working. I…I want to give you…days free of pain, free of being tired and having to work to do simple things. I am so sorry I wasn't there, I should have been there. I shouldn't have let you drive alone, maybe I'd have seen the car or…"

"Jamie, this wasn't your fault and I appreciate all…Oh..." A shooting and sharp pain sent fire down Eddie's leg. "Jamie…"

"I got it, I'm going to get your pills. Just hold on okay." Jamie hurried to get Eddie's pills for her nerve pain and a cup of water. "Drink…try to breath…I am going to call the doctor about all of this, there has to be something he can do to ease the pain."

Eddie swallowed the medication and took some deep breaths, "I'm sorry Jamie. You need to look into a home, I'm ruining your life…I'm useless, just useless…"

Jamie swallowed the lump in his throat. He felt Eddie's body still as she fell asleep from the strong medication. Jamie lifted her into his arms then sat in the recliner with Eddie across his lap. That was how Sydney found them when she came home from dinner with bags of food from Henry.

"Is she all right?" Jamie looked up at Sydney, tear stains on his cheeks. "Jamie what happened?"

Jamie swallowed the lump in his throat, "I found her crying when I came in," he replied. "She was in pain and we just left her."

"Jamie, I…she wanted to be alone, she wanted some solitude. Jamie she appreciates us but she needs her time too, we're smothering her and I think she's forcing down some emotions to not upset us and…"

"Sydney, if she's hurting you have to tell me," Jamie sighed. "We have to get her meds or checked out. Oh, by the way…you need to make sure she's getting turned when I'm working nights, she's got a little breakdown on her back."

Sydney nodded, "Sure, of course I will. She looks like she's peaceful, how about you let her sleep and eat a little. This will get easier, the more time passes and with help, you'll see."

Jamie gentle moved Eddie back to the recliner and joined Sydney at the table hoping she was right about time and assistance making this easier on everyone, especially Eddie.

 **A/N: It appeared that Eddie was finally making her peace but we find out today that's not so true. The emotional toll of this type of injury is often worse than the physical toll. Thanksfully Jamie is there to help and so is Sydney who has some interesting ideas on how to help Eddie. That comes out much later…**

 **Next Update – June 27** **th** **– Henry to the rescue when Jamie fires another nurse.**


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty Six

Sarah reported for work early on Monday morning. She seemed nice enough and smiled brightly at Eddie. "We'll do just fine, won't we?" Sarah asked Eddie. "You don't worry about a thing, Jamie, I've been taking care of immobile patients for years. You mentioned back pain, Eddie. We'll take care of that, okay?"

Jamie felt comfortable with Sarah and smiled, "I'm going to run some errands. I'm on the swing shift so I'll be back by 2 before going to work. My wife will be home to relieve you around seven thirty."

Sarah smiled, "Thank you." Jamie smiled at Eddie then headed out to run his errands. "Let's get you up and fed then. Jamie says that you do that well." Sarah reached down and scooped Eddie transferring her so quickly Eddie didn't realize she was moving. Sarah dressed Eddie in her wheel chair again with a speed Eddie had never seen. "Jamie will get upset if he sees you do it fast like that," Eddie told Sarah. "He inspects every single inch of my skin every day, he is obsessing about a red spot on my back."

Sarah moved Eddie to inspect the area and put a preventative gauze pad there. "Doesn't look like much but we'll keep an eye on it."

Eddie liked how Sarah kept saying "we". She wanted to be included in her own care, she even wanted to enroll in an online college course but so far she hadn't approached Jamie. Her disability still hadn't come through. Sarah made Eddie a bowl of oatmeal, "You should carb load for today's schedule. You have physical therapy, at 11, massage 1230, respiratory at 230 and occupational at 4…You need energy for that schedule."

Eddie laughed, "Yeah I know. Since this happened it's been one therapy or that other constantly almost and when I'm not doing it with therapists, Jamie or Sydney are working with me. She is way more up on me doing things than Jamie. I poured juice the other day!"

Sarah smiled, for someone so young, being so badly injured, Eddie was taking pleasure in the small things which meant eventually she would have a good recovery.

While Eddie was doing her therapy, Sarah changed her sheets, washed her clothes, cleaned her bathroom and made sure Eddie's environment was spic and span. Between treatments she made sure Eddie's collection bag was clean, her catheter was placed correctly, and that her clothing remained smooth and uncrimped to avoid AD. By the time Sydney arrived home, Eddie was in her chair ready for a dinner that Sarah prepared.

Sydney got home about 8. "Hey, oh that smells good, what is it?"

"Chicken and macaroni," Sarah replied. "Eddie needs to increase her protein and carbohydrates, otherwise she'll continue to be lethargic on therapy days."

Sydney nodded, "We try but sometimes she is saying she isn't hungry and is fussy about what she's eating."

"That's probably because she feels embarrassed about having her food cut, you can avoid that by cutting the food before you plate it. Eddie is talking to me very openly about her feelings of being in the way, I know that's not the case for you and certainly not Jamie, but she feels it so we have to acknowledge it as a truth."

Sydney nodded, "Okay, I'll be sure to make sure she's doing okay and that she's feeling more included in her life. That will help her depression too?"

"Oh, certainly, she's a fully functioning brain in a barely functioning body. She's not brain damaged at all, you don't have to treat her as if she is."

Sydney nodded, "Thank you, Sarah. We'll see you tomorrow."

Sydney and Eddie enjoyed their dinner together, Eddie happy that she could eat as soon as the food was on the plate and didn't have to wait for it to be cut. Those things really bothered her. Almost immediately after dinner, Eddie asked to begin their night routine. Sydney wasn't big on having to do bowel care with her, but if she skipped it would really make Jamie mad that he had to when he got home from work at almost midnight. "How about a shower tonight?" Sydney suggested. Showers were faster and easier than baths.

Eddie nodded and worked on wiggling out of her top while Sydney put on her shower clothes. "Whoa, look at that! You almost got out of that shirt." She helped Eddie the rest of the way and got the shower going use the removable nozzle to reach all of Eddie's body. After Sydney applied lotion and made sure to check the skin area that Jamie was worried about. It was looking redder and opening a little bit. Sydney made a mental note to mention it to Sarah tomorrow when she saw her.

Sarah was on the job nearly a week, Eddie was settling in very nicely with her, joking and sometimes even laughing. That Friday, Sydney stayed behind while Jamie went to testify in court. When Sarah arrived to begin the morning routine, Sydney headed out. No one expected Jamie to arrive while Sarah was dressing Eddie.

Jamie took one look at the abrupt movements, the haste and speed in which she handled Eddie's boy and saw red. "What are you doing? Her back and neck are very delicate! You can't handle her like that."

"Jamie, it's fine," Eddie spoke up quickly. "It's not that fragile anymore, Jamie don't be upset!"

"The surgery to keep your neck in line is very delicate, you've had headaches all week and now I find this. Sarah, we won't require your services any longer. Thank you."

"Jamie!" Eddie protested again. "Jamie, please don't!"

"I'm sorry, Eddie. I cannot permit that kind of treatment, you worked way too hard to get where you are already. Sarah, please take you things and go. I'll remit payment to the agency."

Sarah sighed, "I know it's not your fault, honey. Take care and keep working hard. Take your life back." With her head held high, Sarah left Jamie and Eddie alone.

"Jamie, how dare you do that?" Eddie all but shouted. "I liked her, she took good care of me. I gained two pounds this week, I'm not feeling as tired, she was doing good for me!"

"And moving you around like a rag doll! No, Eddie…" Jamie moved over and began to prod her neck gently. "You okay? "Any pain here?"

"NO!" Eddie shouted. "I don't have any pain in my neck, and I've been having headaches yes, but you have no cause to think it was from Sarah. From now on I am hiring my own nurse and somehow I will pay for it. It's my life! My brain is fine! I can make my own choices and if you keep doing this TO ME I will put myself in a nursing home, change my POA and not even let you know where it is! Stop this, please stop it!" Eddie turned her chair so her back was to Jamie.

"Eddie, I'm sorry…"

"Jamie, please go. Please leave this room now, please." Eddie was so angry at him, his well meaning spirit did nothing for her right now. She wanted her own life back, to use the brain power that still existed. Jamie was crippling her as sure as the accident did.

Eddie took a breath and spoke to her phone, "Call Henry…" She had talk to Henry. He was the only person that really understood her, that really listened.

An hour later Henry was knocking on Jamie's apartment door, "Honestly Jamie," Henry sighed. "Is she in her room?"

Jamie nodded, "She won't come out and she won't talk to me, Pop. I had to do what I did, she was flinging her around like a baton!"

Henry sighed, "Let me go mop up your mess."

Henry hurried to Eddie's room, "How you feeling now honey?" Henry sat down on Eddie's bed. She turned to him, tear streaks visible on her face. "I can't stay here, Henry. Can't I please go back with you and we'll find me a good home tomorrow on the internet. Please, Henry," Eddie begged.

"Oh, honey," Henry sighed. "You don't want to go to a home, you just want Jamie to lighten up and relax some more. You do need protecting still, Edit. You can't feel most of your body so you don't always know if something is wrong. Your mobility is limited, and yes you have your mirror to check your skin and things but Jamie's eyes are better. You still need him for a lot of things, I think it's just blurred the line a little bit sweetie."

Eddie sniffled, "We're supposed to be partners. He didn't hear a word I said Henry, not a word I said…"

"Okay, right now, listen to me, try to take some good breaths….try to get it past your tummy. It's not good for you to get so upset…" Henry tried to figure out how to tip Eddie's chair. "Eddie, how do I tip you so your legs go up?"

"Jamie does it, I think on the left."

Henry found the lever and elevated Eddie's legs. "Calm down, honey. You cannot get all upset like this, it is not good for your heart all right. You rest here in your chair, I'm going to have a word with my grandson."

Henry headed out to the living room and sat down by Jamie. "Jamison, that accident was not your fault and I know you want to step in and make everything okay but you are crippling her as sure as the drunk driver did. Eddie's brain is intact, she can think for herself, speak for herself. You take that away when you jump in like you did. You make her feel much more crippled than she actually is! This kind of upset, it's terrible for quadriplegics! It raises the blood pressure and strains the heart. I have her elevated in her wheelchair, the poor girl in TEARS begged me to take her to our house and help her find a nursing home."

"Pop, Eddie does not understand how fragile her health is," Jamie sighed. "I have to take care of her needs, she can't do it. She might intellectually be able to but physically she can't. People look around her, they look through her. They assume that her brain is enfeebled like her body."

"Yes," Henry replied firmly. "They do. You do Jamie, I know you don't mean it but you do. You need to relax just a little. If you don't like something a nurse does, then later, speak to Eddie, share your concerns, listen to hers…be her partner, be her friend…Stop hurting that girl."

Jamie sighed, "Okay Pop. I see your point. Can you help out today and tomorrow looking after Eddie? The agency won't send more resumes until sometime tomorrow."

"Sure, go say you are sorry and set it right. I brought the makings for beef stew, I'm going to start dinner."

Jamie opened Eddie's door, she was done crying and was doing breathing to lower her pressure. Jamie wanted to jump in and do pressure release but he bit his tongue. "I'm sorry, Eddie. I should have told you later why I was upset with Sarah, and we could have decided together. I did to you want I'm always angry at other folks for doing to you. Please forgive me."

Eddie looked at Jamie, her eyes already soft, "Of course I forgive you, you are my best friend. It's just that lately you are starting to feel more like your kid than your partner, I feel like I'm losing your friendship. I need that, it's all I really have. Please don't let it change?"

Jamie knelt by Eddie and rubbed her shoulder, "I promise. I promise I will back off, we'll make choices about your care together from now on."

"Who's going to help me now you fired another nurse?" Eddie asked as Jamie righted her chair. It was time to change her bag, Jamie did it as if it was second nature.

"Pop," Jamie replied. 'He's making beef stew. Syd will be home around 7:30 or so and I'll check you when I come in but it's extended tours so…"

Eddie smiled, "You rest okay? Sydney will come in and turn me, it's fine."

Jamie smiled, "There you go. Don't let Pop do bowel care with you, I am afraid he will drop you. If he does it in here there are soft things but if he drops you in the bathroom…"

"Marble and tile, got it. I'll wait for Syd. Let's go help Pop with dinner."

Jamie tilted Eddie back to a regular position and she drove herself to the kitchen table feeling like Jamie finally listened, finally heard, and finally turned a corner that would allow her to be herself again.

 **A/N: Jamie's overprotective nature really set Eddie off this time. Thank God for Henry being able to reason with both of them. Perhaps now Jamie will lighten up just a little bit and let Eddie live her life.**

 **Next Update – June 29** **th** **– Jamie and Eddie's search for a new caregiver is halted when Sydney makes yet another error that stirs Jamie's ire. This update will be late in the day. I am leaving for vacation on that day and probably can't update before 10:00pm EDT. I will update this story during my vacation and any remaining chapters of And Baby Makes that spill into that week. I will not update Pillow Talk until July 8** **th** **. I will begin posting my new Tough Universe story later that week.**


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty Seven

Two days later, Jamie and Eddie had not agreed on candidates for her next nurse. The evening before Eddie hadn't been very engaged in the search, she was tired having worked hard in PT all week. Jamie came home from picking up the duck for Sunday dinner to find Sydney setting the table for their usual pizza night. "Should I get Eddie or is she coming?" Jamie asked after greeting his wife with a kiss.

"You can try, she's in bed and won't get out, she said she doesn't feel like eating."

Concerned, Jamie headed back to Eddie's room and went to her bedside. "Hey, Eddie," Jamie greeted with his usual smile. "Sydney said you didn't want to come to the table. You sore?" Eddie had been doing really well with her transfers but sometimes her shoulders and upper back would get sore.

"No, I..." That's when Jamie noticed it. Eddie's face was flushed and she over all did not look like she felt well.

Jamie reached out a gentle hand and touched Eddie's forehead, "You're burning up with fever...What hurts? Can you breathe okay?" One of the most common complications with Eddie's condition was pneumonia, they already battled that once and Jamie had no desire to do it again.

"Yeah, it's uh..." She blushed.

"A UTI?" Jamie guessed next but she'd already had two of those since her accident from the catheters and she seemed sicker than that now.

"I have this...open wound...on my back..."

"That red area we've been watching?" Jamie asked seeing red. Gently he lifted Eddie's back and lifted her night shirt. That area and one other was raw and open, one draining yellowish fluid. "Damn it! I..." Jamie took a breath, this wasn't Eddie's fault. He knew who was to blame here. "I'm going to call the van, we're going to the doctor."

Eddie sighed, "I really feel just awful, Jamie. Can't I stay here and rest just for today?"

"You can rest all you need when we have a doctor check you. I know you feel very sick, I'm so sorry." Jamie dropped a kiss on Eddie's forehead and rubbed the soft skin between her neck and her shoulder blade. That was his chosen place, she had total sensation there now.

Jamie stepped out of the room, calling the transport van then facing his wife. "Did I or did I not tell you while I was on nights that you had to get up and turn her?"

"Jamie I...She was sleeping..."

"Don't lie to me. Eddie barely sleeps night because of her spasms, I know I sit in there and comfort her when she can't take the pain alone until the medication takes effect. I know that would be too much to ask of you but the least you could do was get up ONCE and turn her so she doesn't get an ulcer. I told you about that skin irritation last week and I told you how important that was!"

"She can do so much for herself if you just let her," Sydney defended.

"She can't do that, it wrenches her neck and it hurts, we have to turn her in bed at night so this doesn't happen. Now I get to go out on tour tonight without sleep because I have to take her to the doctor and explain this!"

Sydney felt bad for that, "I'll go with her Jamie..."

"No," Jamie snapped. "I will go with her. She's probably going to be admitted, she's burning up..."

Jamie gently lifted Eddie out of bed into the awaiting chair ignoring her look of embarrassment.

"I'm fine Jamie," she tried getting only a huff from Jamie.

Sydney stepped forward guilty her friend was hurt and Jamie had to work tired because of her mistake.

Jamie quickly pushed the wheelchair out to the curb and waited for the medical van to come and take them to the hospital.

While they waited in the waiting room, Jamie brought a bottle of water. He gently wet some napkins and bathed Eddie's face. Linda was working, he guessed right. She made a bee line for them. "What's going on?"

Jamie wanted to speak for Eddie but he remembered his promise, "I have an open ulcer on my backside and Momma bear here is nervous."

"Well, that is something to be nervous about," Linda replied touching Eddie's forehead. "Especially with a fever. I'll get you back in just a few minutes."

Linda spoke with the ER physician and Eddie was placed in an exam room. Linda helped get Eddie lying on her side and exposed the area. "Oh my…" Linda sighed. "The one on the tailbone isn't too bad but the one on the cheek, that's a couple layer deep and it's oozing pretty good. Are you feeling any nausea Eddie?"

"No, just over all rotten," Eddie replied. "My neck is sore and my legs and back burn and hurt."

"Okay, the doctor will be in shortly. I'm going to take a urine sample, make sure no UTI is going on. Here's some water…just rest."

Jamie held the water cup for Eddie, "I'm sorry, Eddie. I thought that Syd had it covered, here you are sick again."

"Jamie, it's all right," Eddie sighed. "Just please don't let them put me in here. Please take care of me at home, please. I'll let you fuss and worry and I won't complain until I'm better, I promise."

"We'll talk about it okay?" Jamie replied. "I have a few more days off, I can take care of you at home, we can interview more nurses and get someone we are both happy with."

Eddie nodded, "Just remember that mentality, that no one is a better caregiver to me than you are? Embrace that when they bring the admission papers. I do NOT want to spend more time here."

Jamie laughed, "As long as you are not in danger from us doing that, it's okay with me. I have your back."

Eddie laughed, "I will remind you that over and over again. Can I have some water?"

Jamie gave Eddie a few sips of water and watch the monitors, her blood pressure was low but the rest of her vitals strong. Jamie smiled.

"I'm Dr. Winston, how are you feeling, Eddie?"

"Lousy," Eddie replied. "This is the first time this happened. Jamie noticed and a few nights things got away from us. I sleep so terribly," Eddie sighed. "Spasms."

Dr. Winston nodded and looked at Eddie's wounds. "I see, looks like you did some prevention on the one on the back but this one on the cheek. Eddie, it can be embarrassing especially when a primary caregiver is a man, but you have to inspect all of the skin for breakage. I can debreed this and bandage it. We'll admit you to the hospital for some IV…"

"Dr. Winston, I'd prefer Eddie didn't have to go through another hospital admission. I can take a few days off to help her at home and we can ask Linda Reagan, she's my sister-in-law to help clean the wounds. She would be more comfortable at home."

Dr. Winston sighed, "If Nurse Reagan agrees to check on this wound, we can try. I'll want you back for a recheck in a week."

Eddie smiled, "Jamie is crazy meticulous. This just happened because he was on midnights and his wife was taking care of me. She is a heavy sleeper, but this will never happen again!"

"It will, your circulation is impaired and so is your mobility. You chart says you were injured six months ago and this is your first sore, you are doing very well. Let me speak with Linda and I'll get you so prescriptions to combat the infection."

The doctor patted Eddie's shoulder and left. "I like that doctor," Eddie replied.

"I'm sure you did, Eddie. Let me call Renzulli and talk to him, then I guess I better apologize to Sydney for going off on her."

"Yes, Sydney is doing this for you, because she loves you so much she can't deny you anything," Eddie replied. "She can't, she is giving up so much time with you. It's not fair of you to yell at her like you did, I just felt too sick to say anything. You keep doing that, Reagan, you'll be in the doghouse with both of us."

Linda appeared with creams and bandages, "I'm going to dress your wounds now and I'll come over later to teach Jamie and Sydney. You must be diligent Jamie. You must turn Eddie very two hours all day and she cannot sit in her wheelchair until the wound starts to scab over. I'll let you know when it's safe, I'm going to come by each day to check this for you."

"We can't thank you enough, Linda," Jamie smiled. "Eddie really wants to be home. Can you keep her company while I go to call the precinct?"

Linda nodded and Jamie hurried to place the call, "Hey, Kid, it's almost time for roll."

"I know, Sarge, Eddie's in the emergency room," Jamie began. "She's got one of those pressure ulcers and she's getting meds."

"I can't cover your tour tonight kid," Renzulli replied. "You can take days, you have them but I need you in the RPM tonight."

"Okay," Jamie sighed. "I'll call Sydney to come pick her up and stuff."

"I can pick her up, Kid and see she gets home okay," Renzulli offered.

"Let me check with Eddie and I'll text you, but Sarge, if you pick her up, please don't pat her or pet her, it really hurt her feelings how things went at the bar."

"No problem, Kid, let me know and I'll put your partner on desk until you get here, try to get here soon," Renzulli replied hanging up.

Linda had Eddie back in her chair when Jamie stepped into the room. "Well, I have to work tonight but then I can take some more of my saved days. Sarge offered to come and get you…"

Eddie nodded, if she wanted to have more freedom and more voice, she had to open up too. "Sure, that's fine. I'll sit tight and wait for Sarge. I'll see you tonight. Be careful."

Jamie hugged Eddie, "I'll call Syd and fill her in. Rest, do not sit in the recliner and watch TV. Rest that sore and stay off it."

Jamie departed and left Eddie waiting with Linda. He called Sydney and could tell she was still crying, "She's not getting admitted, but I have to be in work so Sergeant Renzulli is going to drop Eddie at home."

"Jamie I am so sorry…" Sydney sniffled.

"No, I'm sorry," Jamie replied. "I am sorry, I was tired and I overreacted again. You are turning your life upside down so I can do this for Eddie. I should be showing you how grateful I am you are willing to do this with me…"

"Jamie, I love Eddie too. I was tired and I…I failed her and I failed you. I will do whatever I have to do…"

"I love you, Syd, I'll see you tonight around one, okay?" Jamie made an air kiss in the phone and hung up ready to head off on his tour.

 **A/N: Thanks to mobile hotspot, I am able to drop this chapter at the usual time even though I am on the road between New Jersey and Virginia. There's not end to the things caregivers have to watch out for, no wonder Jamie is often tied into knots, one mistake or poor choice can lead to world of hurt. Still I hope you all feel they resolved it well together.**

 **Next Update – July 1** **st** **– Frank takes care of Eddie when Jamie and Sydney are out for the evening.**


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty Eight

Resting at home and a new found calm from Jamie proved to be just what the doctor ordered for Eddie. The smaller of the two sores healed with just a small scab, the larger sore had begun to close with no more oozing or fever. Sydney was thrilled of this, she knew there was no way she was going to get Jamie to the Bar Association dinner if Eddie was still unwell.

The afternoon of the dinner Jamie and Eddie sat at the kitchen table trying to select a few more candidates for her next home nurse.

"Jamie, this one is fine!" Eddie sighed as the poured over the seventeenth resume from the pile the visiting nurses agency sent over. "This person worked with ALS patients for heaven's sake! A lot of them are non-verbal, at least I still have my voice!"

"Eddie, fine is not good enough. You heard the doctor! Your injury is sensitive and because you always had a sensitive system your caregivers have to be way better than fine!"

"Jamie, we are not going to find you in this pile, okay? You cannot be my carer 24/7, it's not good for you, it's not good for our friendship, and it sure as Hell isn't good for your marriage and paycheck. You have to lower your standards just a little bit."

Jamie sighed, "I did lower them when I selected Rose and Sarah."

"Jamie," Eddie sighed but the set of his jaw told her that was not budging. "What about this one, a BSN…that's something right. Worked in neuro then left hospital to take care of her grandma with Alzheimers. You can't find fault with this one Reagan."

"Okay, that one and let's find two others."

The debate took another half hour, finally they had two more suitable candidates number 32 and 67. Eddie was baffled at how picky Jamie was about this, almost obsessed. "What time is your Dad coming?"

Frank had been asked to stay with Eddie that night since Henry had a previous engagement and Linda was working. "About six," Jamie replied. "Don't worry." Eddie was apprehensive about Frank staying with her.

"I think I'll lie down for a bit then and get the weight off my backside for a bit."

Jamie nodded and followed Eddie to her room where he gently placed her on her side with a pillow behind her, in front of her, and between her legs. "Sydney will wake you to do your night time routines before Dad gets here, it's a late night."

Eddie nodded, "TV on. Station number 829…" Eddie's favorite old show, "I Dream of Jeannie" was on.

Jamie left her to rest and emailed the agency interview requests.

"Thanks so much for doing this for me, Dad," Jamie said for the tenth time since asking his father to take care of Eddie that night, so he could accompany Syd to a bar associate function.

"My pleasure, she's family,' Frank replied. "And if you can't count of family..."

"Right,' Jamie replied. "But it's not as easy as it looks. Syd is helping Eddie in the bathroom so let me go over what she needs."

Jamie began in the kitchen. "Dinner. Eddie can feed herself most of the time. You have to cut her meat and make sure you make cut pasta so she doesn't have to work to get the food on the fork. She'll tell you what utensil she needs and all you do is take the grip and secure it around her hand. She lifts from the elbow so make sure it's tight enough not to fall off but not too tight. Drinking...she has a bottle for each drink that she likes. She'll tell what she wants and you just fill the bottle and it connects to her wheel chair. With dinner she usually takes water or soda, water is a blue bottle and soda is red."

Frank had a feeling he should have been more involved with Eddie's care from the beginning if Jamie was going to continue to do this indefinitely.

"What about medications?"

"I just did meds with her, all you need to give her is her sleeping medication. She has that bottle in her room so just give her one pill when she says she's getting tired, but she says that a lot so only do that after 11 or she'll wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning." Jamie looked at his list, "Transfers. Eddie can usually self-transfer from her chair to the bed, then you just put her legs in. We have a wedge and she'll sleep with her legs padded around the wedge tilted slightly to the side. You have to be gentle when you move her. Anything that might just bother you or me, for her it can cause autonomic dysreflexia"

"What is that? Like spasms?" Frank asked, he knew that Eddie had painful and sometimes violent muscle spasms.

"No, it's worse. It's a rise in blood pressure. I won't get really technical but she has pain below her injury or irritation or anything like that she can have it. Usually, she'll drop her neck down to her chest and her eyes will flutter. She'll complain of a headache and her face and shoulders will be sweaty. To be sure it's not just pain, look at her arms and feet. If they are goose pimpled, make her sit up, put ice on her neck, take her socks off, and call me immediately. If I don't pick up, call a bus."

"Jamie, this is..." Frank began but Jamie continued. "We just emptied her collection bag and did the bathroom so she shouldn't need that. I told Syd to put a diaper on in case because Eddie is embarrassed about you doing a catheter and if you do it wrong, there's problems, but she should be okay."

Frank continued to listen to Jamie's detail directions. "When you put her in bed, you'll see her legs shake. Sometimes it's s little bit and other times it's really violent. Watch her face, if she looks like she's in pain, just do breathing with her like for anxiety or Lamaze and just make her focus on your voice and they usually stop on their own. If you can't get them to stop after about fifteen minutes, call me, but usually if she focuses they'll stop on their own."

Frank nodded again and smiled at Jamie. "I am proud of what you are doing son."

They heard the whir of Eddie's chair as she and Sydney came into to living room. Eddie in loose sweat and a tee shirt, already in her sleeping clothes and Sydney in an Armani gown. "Now here are two beautiful ladies," Frank smiled.

"Thanks for helping me out tonight," Eddie replied looking down at her hands. She was humiliated and it showed. Jamie could tell right off the bat that her state of mind was not as he would desire.

"It's my pleasure. Jamie told me you like based on true story sports movies, so I brought McFarland and Miracle for us to watch."

Frank hoped his easy manner would ease Eddie's anxiety. Jamie could see though she was too agitated for him to leave just yet. "Syd, can you and Dad excuse us a minute?"

Jamie took Eddie's chair and pushed her back into her room. "Okay, tell me."

"I'm fine, Jamie. You go and have a good time. You..."

"I can read you like a book Janko. What is wrong?"

"I'm scared," Eddie confessed. "And I'm embarrassed. He's my ex boss, he's...the Commissioner of the NYPD and I'm going to have him strap my fork to my hand and wipe my mouth..."

"He's also a father and he was a husband of a woman who died of cancer, he had to do so much for my mother in the end of her life. He admires you, Eddie. He's proud of all you've accomplished since the accident. My Dad saw you every day, when you were in the hospital, every single day and he knows how bad off you were and how well you're doing, so don't be embarrassed."

Eddie nodded, "I'm scared too, Jamie. Sometimes when I'm here with you and Syd stuff goes wrong, like my legs spasm or something...when it's you I feel safer somehow."

Jamie nodded and rubbed Eddie's neck up and down between her ear and her shoulder. "You say the word, I will send Dad to the dinner and..."

"No, go to the dinner, Jamie...I'm being silly. Let's go I'm going to talk your dad through mushroom chicken."

Frank followed Eddie's directions on how to make her grandmother's chicken and mushrooms. "Now you let it all simmer for a half hour and we're golden," Eddie said.

Frank smiled, "It smells delicious. Do you need anything right now before I put on the movie?"

"Some water," Eddie replied. "You can fill that large round mug and put on my wrist holder. Just secure those band with the hooks on them then fasting my left wrist to the cup. I can get a little pressure with my right wrist to drink."

"Uh, Jamie said that you use a bottle attached to your chair to drink." Frank didn't want to do anything that might harm Eddie.

"That's for when I'm eating and I have my fork strapped on, for now I can use the wrist straps to have something to drink."

Frank carefully attached the palm straps and connected the clips to the cup. He watched as Eddie raised both arms to take a sip of the liquid. "Okay? They're not too tight?"

"I wouldn't know that, Jamie checks, but it's okay. He's meticulous sometimes too much," Eddie laughed. "Let's start the movie, I'd like to see both."

Frank put Miracle on first and kept an eye on the chicken. When it was ready, he served the meal to Eddie on a tray that fastened to her chair an ate on a snack table so they could keep watching TV. He noticed Eddie wasn't eating much.

"Is it okay?" Frank asked.

"Yeah, uh, I"m still strengthening my arms, and the muscles get sore. I'm just a little sore." When that happened with Jamie, he would take over feeding her the massage her arms, Sydney too, but it felt too strange with Frank.

"Do you want me to..." He offered.

"No, no, I just need to rest," Eddie replied. "I'll rest a few minutes then I'll be fine. Enjoy yours."

Frank kept one eye trained on Eddie, after about ten minutes, she started to eat again and finished her plate. "That was really good, you did a great job"

Frank put the dishes away then rejoined Eddie. When Eddie needed something to drink she asked and Frank was happy to provide it. Halfway through the second movie, Eddie made a soft sound. Frank turned his head and noticed her abdominal muscles were violently shaking. Her body was quivering and twitching. It was clear that she felt distressed. "Eddie, you all right?"

Eddie's breath was coming in short shallow gasps. "Can't..." she gasped. The muscle spasm was taking her breath and she wasn't able to catch it, her respiratory stamina was too weak.

"Can't what?" Frank's heart was pounding. "Eddie what's wrong sweetheart?" Frank attempted to stay calm but seeing her shaking and unable to breathe shook even him. Eddie opened her mouth to try and ask him to call Jamie but nothing came out. Her blue eyes widened fearful and needing Jamie by her side.

"It'll be okay, Eddie. I'm right here stay calm," Frank soothed feeling helpless as he watched this beautiful young woman struggling so hard to do something most other people took for granted. "I know it hurts, I know…" Frank stroked Eddie's hair. "Just look at me and try to take a deep breath."

That action made things worse. In spite of Frank's firm, calm tone, nothing seemed to calm Eddie. Frank was not sure how to help her.

After just a few minutes when no amount of soothing was helping Frank called Jamie.

Jamie kept his phone on the highest volume possible, and the vibration sensors on. So far they'd been at the dinner four hours and everything was fine. No calls from his father. As they keynote speaker droned on and on, Jamie phone began to go off. Almost everyone cast him dirty looks including his own wife. Jamie saw Frank's number and grabbed the phone nearly running from the room. 'Dad, what's happening?"

"Jamie, something is wrong...she's...shaking, not her legs her midsection is shaking and she can't breathe, she's gasping"

Jamie sighed, "Okay, in her room there's a portable oxygen tank, get it and set it to three, then put the mask on her face. Do that first, put the phone on the table, on speaker."

Frank set the phone to speaker, Jamie could hear the little gasps. "Eddie, I'm here," Jamie said softly. "I'm here, Dad is getting you some oxygen and when that's going I'll tell him what to do next. I'm too far away right now, it's going to take me a half hour to get home. Look at the clock, in thirty three minutes I'm going to be right beside you. You hang on..."

"I have the mask on her son," Frank replied. "Now what."

"Gently, like picking up a newborn gently, lift her out of her chair and put her in the recliner, elevate the foot rest and drop the back of the chair down so her legs are a little higher up."

Jamie could hear Eddie trying to cry but she was still too spasmed to make any productive sounds. "Taxi!" Frank heard Jamie calling. "Taxi!"

A cab did not stop but Renzulli, out with his new boot, saw Jamie frantically hailing a cab. "Hey, Kid, you need a lift?"

"My apartment, Dad's with Eddie...she needs me..." Jamie got in the back of the RMP, but he knew even with Renzulli making tracks it would take time to get back to the apartment. "You got her in the chair."

"Yeah, she's in pain, Jamie. Her forehead and hair, it's soaked."

Jamie sighed, "Get two ice packs. There's a bottle of pills in the cabinet. Give her two of them. If she can't swallow them, get them in and massage her throat until you get a good swallow. Put one ice pack on her neck and the other on her belly."

Jamie's adrenaline was pumping, "Can't you go any faster! It's an emergency!"

Frank gathered all of the items necessary. "Here you go, honey. Try to swallow it."

Eddie was able to get the pills down. "Okay, she swallowed...the water too."

"Good, now keep the ice on her neck and her belly, and gently run your hand over chest and her stomach. You should feel something hard, when you do...gently rub it in circles. That's the spasm."

Carefully listening to Jamie's directions, Frank found the spasmed muscle group, unfortunately it was Eddie's diaphragm. Frank started to gently rub the area like Jamie told him to do.

"Easy, Sweetheart, Jamie's on his way," Frank whispered unsure if he was comforting Eddie or himself.

Twenty minutes after Frank called Jamie he arrived at the apartment. Jamie ran up the sixteen flights not taking a chance on a slow elevator. He was breathless himself when he got inside. "Eddie!" Jamie dropped to his knees, "Dad, in my bedside table there's a digital BP cuff, can you get it?"

Jamie took the melting ice pack and drew it over her face. "It's all right, Eddie. I'm here. Don't try to talk, just breathe." Jamie searched her body for the spasm and started to rub. Jamie applied gentle pressure on her stomach and slowly Eddie started to relax. Frank returned with the blood pressure cuff. Jamie attached it to Eddie's wrist and waited supporting her arm in the preferred position. "185/110...it's high but it's not bus worthy. More ice please, Dad."

Eddie's eyes were fluttering open and closed. She was shrugging her shoulder, "You want that off now?" Jamie removed the oxygen and set it aside in case they needed it again. "How you feeling?"

"Head hurts," Eddie rasped. "I'm...srr.."

"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault..." Jamie kept his voice calm and gentle but Frank read fear in his eyes. "Dad, Renzulli is outside waiting. Can you tell him she's resting now and go with him to retrieve Sydney. I just ran out and she doesn't know..."

Frank nodded, "Of course son. Rest well, Eddie."

Frank headed out to assist his son with his wife, while Jamie focused on tending to Eddie.

"What happened?" Jamie asked. "Did you have pain?"

"No...I...wasn't hungry but..."

"But you ate too much?" Jamie finished. "I never should have left you. You're not ready...I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Eddie echoed his words. "I feel bad, Jamie."

"I know, we have to get your pressure down more. I'm going to get some pillows, we'll prop up those legs. Are you hot?"

Jamie checked and found Eddie's legs very overheated. Carefully he removed her socks and her sweats leaving her in just the boxers and a wet diaper. Jamie left Eddie in the recliner and got two fluffy pillows, a new pair of pants, items to clean her up and her catheter equipment.

Jamie put Eddie's legs up on the pillows, checking the skin to be sure there was no break down. He pulled on sterile gloves and removed the soiled shorts and diaper. "Do you want to do this?" he asked. "I have your clips, but if you feel too weak it's okay."

"I'll do it," Eddie replied. Jamie secured the wet cloth to Eddie's wrist but she the spell had caused some of the control that she had gained to be lost. "I'll do it," Jamie said after a few minutes. He kept his touch very gentle, knowing another unpleasant stimulus tonight could send them to the hospital.

Jamie used plenty of lubricant as he inserted the catheter and was pleased when it had the desired effect and Eddie's bladder began to drain. Jamie left the tube in, not wanting to overstimulate her. He covered Eddie's bare legs with a sheet leaving her feet exposed to help cool her down. Jamie disposed of the diaper and equipment, threw the boxers in the washer with some more of Eddie's clothes, the knelt down again to softly caress Eddie's neck and shoulder.

"You're doing better, already," Jamie smiled. "This one was not bad at all, it was not bad at all."

Eddie nodded, "My head..."

"I know, close your eyes...Let me get you another ice pack and a cloth for your eyes..."

Jamie placed the cloth on Eddie's eyes. She kept trying to drop her head, but Jamie didn't let her. "No, keep it back. I'll hold it." Jamie kept one hand under Eddie's head helping her elevate it while they waited for what was left of her nervous system to figure out what to do.

Sydney angrily stalked into the hall and dialed Jamie's cell phone. It kept going to straight to voicemail. "Syd!" she turned when she heard Frank Reagan's voice as he hurried into the hall. "Jamie sent me down, I had to call him away, I'm sorry."

"What happened now?!" Sydney asked in frustration.

"She. had some kind of spasm couldn't breath...the poor thing was suffering so much, I was scared. Jamie seemed to have it under control when I left."

"Of course he did," Sydney sighed. "I keep telling Jamie, we have to hire workers. We can't be the only two people in the world that know how to nurse her. He's not done anything but go to work and take care of Eddie since the accident. He fires her attendants weekly!"

Frank sighed, "I'm to escort you home," Frank replied "Are you ready to leave or if you want we can stay a little longer. I'd be happy to escort you."

"I think I better go," Sydney replied. "If she is as bad off as you say Jamie might need some help."

Frank smiled and offered his daughter in law his arm escorting her to the waiting limo.

The house was totally quiet when Frank and Sydney arrived. Jamie was in the same crouched position, still supporting Eddie's head. Any anger that Sydney felt melted when she saw her friend. She joined Jamie, "How are you feeling, Eddie?"

Eddie tried to speak but was too fatigued. "She's still having a bad headache but her pressure came down with her catheter and re positioning. I think the worst is over."

Sydney reached out to rub Eddie's hand. Jamie's eyes pinned her, "She can't feel you there...you know that by now." Sydney never remembered that she had to comfort Eddie higher up. "I'm sorry, Jamie. You don't have to yell at me."

Eddie made a sound of distress, the noise hurting her head. "Ssh," Sydney comforted. "Do you want a pill?" Jamie hadn't offered the pain killer.

Eddie nodded her head, while Jamie frowned, those meds were for her nerve pain and too many would make her immune, still he let his wife give the meds and provide some relief.

 **A/N: Frank had his work cut out for him there and it's clear at least to us where Jamie's priorities are. I can't believe this story only have fifteen more chapters…It's a heck of a ride but the sequel is already working.**

 **Next Update – July 3** **rd** **– Eddie finally finds a nurse that makes the grade.**


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty Nine

"Mina, nice to meet you, I'm Eddie." Eddie smiled her greeting and reversed her chair to allow the nursing candidate entry.

"Nice to meet you too," Mina replied as Eddie directed her to the kitchen table.

"This is Jamie. This is just a formality really, we are considering three candidates including you so it's just to chat."

"Well, not entirely," Jamie replied. "My wife and I will be paying your salary so I have to be satisfied that you'll take the best care of Eddie, I previously terminated two other nurses, one for cutting Eddie's foot during foot care and not disclosing it and the other for manhandling her."

"Mr. Reagan," Mina began. "Did you ever see a neonatal nurse handle a new born baby? They are skilled and know those babies are stronger than they look. So is Eddie."

Jamie sat up straighter thinking already this was not the right candidate. "Well, Jamie prefers more care so maybe we can make that a concession so he to feel more comfortable. Tell me about your previous experience with quadriplegics."

"I worked with several ALS patients in various stages of mobility, but never with a SCI patient. Still you are much more mobile than most of the folks I worked with."

"What is your experience with autonomic dysreflexia?" Jamie asked. "Eddie's system is highly sensitive from the damage to the nerves and she has at least a minor episode a few times a week."

"I'm not experienced with it, but I know the basic first aid."

"Thanks for coming," Jamie replied standing up. "That is something I won't concede on. I'm sorry for wasting your time."

Such was the result for the second nursing candidate as well. While Eddie was ready to accept anyone with reasonable experience and rates, Jamie insisted the person think Eddie was made of glass and have experience with spasms and AD.

"Jamie, we are not going to find a nurse that shares your view," Eddie sighed. "The nurses are professionals and even Linda told you that you do not have to use kid gloves moving me around anymore, the injury healed it's just the residual stuff, the stupid paralysis and AD and that stuff!"

"Eddie, I'm not just going to let any idiot have this job, I want the best. I worry about you all the time when I'm not here I need to hire someone to give me peace of mind. This next candidate is young but has actual experience with a vent dependent quadriplegic. This might be the one."

The door man buzzed and Jamie admitted the final candidate thirty year old recent nursing graduate.

"I'm Jamie," he offered his hand and the women.

"I'm Laura nice to meet you," she replied. "Where is the patient?"

"Hi,' Eddie greeted smiling. "I'm Eddie it's good to meet you. Have a seat. As I told the other candidates, it's a formality to go over…"

"Oh, good," Laura replied. "She's verbal, that's excellent."

"Yes, I am verbal," Eddie replied. "I'm also sitting over here, I get he's better looking but I'm hiring you so…"

Jamie patted Eddie's shoulder, "It says in your resume you have experience with AD and worked with quadriplegic patients before."

"Yes, I have. The last patient passed recently of pneumonia, a C3/4…vent dependent so more advanced an injury, more complicated but not one of my patients passed from blood pressure or sore related episodes…"

The interview continued with Jamie smiling and Eddie frowning, but this was really for Jamie's peace on the job, she didn't want him shot worrying about her.

"She is fantastic," Jamie announced when Laura left. "I think it's a no brainer there."

Eddie sighed, "I don't like her, Jamie. She's cold and she's…"

"Efficient," Jamie replied. "Syd and I are here to be your friends, I need you safe while she and I are working. Laura is the best for this. You have to admit she is the most experienced."

"Yes, but there's more to this than experience," Eddie replied. "There's bedside manner and personality. Jamie, I can't see myself going through an AD episode being nursed by the ice queen."

"I'd rather a nurse that knows what AD is," Jamie retorted.

"Yes, I agree, Dora is out, too flighty, but I liked Mina, ALS is nothing to sneeze at."

"I know but ALS patients are prone to AD, yet she never dealt with it. Perhaps she didn't recognize it…"

Eddie sighed, "Jamie, you and Sydney are signing the checks but I'm the one who has to deal with the person. I'll make a deal with you, we can hire Laura, but you have the same talk with her you had with Renzulli. He was a totally different person when he drove me home a month ago."

Jamie nodded, "You got a deal. Shake on it…"

"Jamie, I…"

"You have to practice…shake on it."

Jamie patiently waited for Eddie to raise her left arm, it was slightly more mobile than her right one, she held her hand out but the arm flopped down and to the side before completing it.

"Good job," Jamie smiled. "That was really good. So I'll call Laura, tell her she starts Monday and I'll speak to her about being a little warmer. This is going to work, I feel it."

Eddie sighed, "What do you want to eat? Is Syd home for dinner?"

"She should be…order from Peking Pagoda, you know where the cards are," Jamie said. "I'm just going to iron my uniforms. Back to work…"

"Call 212-"

Jamie spent an hour on the phone with Laura on Sunday night explaining Eddie's routine and her preferences for her personal treatment. Jamie woke Eddie up on Monday and set her in her chair. "Laura is going to clean you up and dress you but I wanted to wish you luck for today. If you need me and I don't answer my cell, then call the precinct or Pop."

Eddie nodded and drove her chair to the living room. Sydney was finishing her coffee and kissed Jamie goodbye, "I'll see you tonight. Eddie, good luck, I hope this one works out. We really need it too."

Eddie nodded, even though she'd been included in the hiring she felt backed into a corner.

Laura arrived right on time, "Good morning," Eddie greeted.

"Let's get you washed, it's a problem in the chair, it's much easier in bed."

Eddie nodded and drove herself to the room. "Jamie and Sydney made a really nice place for me here. I'm so lucky to have friends like them and a nurse like you. You are really qualified."

Eddie felt herself being moved, gently but without warning or a word. "Okay," she thought. "I'll shut up now."

The bath was thorough and the lotion application as well but no words were spoken. Laura left Eddie in the bed and moved to the kitchen to make breakfast. "I like to eat at the table," Eddie called but her meal was delivered to her on a tray.

"Laura, I really prefer to eat and talk and such while I eat…

"It's safer to eat in bed and to be quiet and focus on eating," Laura replied. "Here's your fork and your bottle, I'll be back in forty minutes."

Laura left Eddie to eat alone and went to her phone to check her stock trades.

When Jamie asked how things went, Eddie lied, "It was good. She seems to like me in my bed a lot, and I'd rather be in my chair but other than that, it was good."

Jamie smiled, "That's a good to hear. And there's dinner too. Sydney called and she'll be home by six."

Eddie smiled, "Can I please eat out there or do you think it's better I eat in my room now?"

Jamie turned, "Why would I think that? If that's how Laura prefers to work that's her choice, come on."

Jamie transferred Eddie to her chair. "Where is your catheter bag?"

"Oh, Laura prefers diapers…" Eddie replied. "Or the foley but I prefer the other catheter. She's not big on listening to her patients, but we can work it out, it's only been a day."

Jamie got the equipment and placed the catheter before going out to the kitchen to stir the crock pot dinner Sydney prepared and Laura turned on. "Did you get your massage today?"

Eddie shook her head, "Not today, Michele comes tomorrow. I'm a little stiff from being in bed all day too."

"Well, Laura must know what's best if she did this before, we were just feeling our way through it, you know?"

Eddie nodded, "I know and I know you need this to work, Jamie. I don't want to make any more trouble."

"Eddie, if there's something you don't like, we can talk about it with her, okay? I fired enough of them already because I wasn't comfortable so it's all right." Jamie didn't like that Eddie seemed to be unhappy and was wanting to repress that.

Eddie nodded, she would try tomorrow to talk to Laura. If nothing else, she had Michele and the rest of her therapy team three times a week that would be enough? Right?

As it turned out it wasn't enough. Laura became more and more distant and Eddie spent more and more time alone in her room, in her bed, staring at the wall. The physical care might be top notch, but the emotional care was lacking. Eddie felt lonely, especially when Syd worked late and Jamie's tour was extended.

After ten days of this, Eddie had enough. It was a pretty Wednesday in the spring, the air was warm, the sun shining and more the farmer's market was open and selling a collection of exotic fruits. After obeying and eating breakfast in her bed Eddie called out. "Laura? Laura, can you come here please?"

Laura appeared about five minutes later, "Are you still hungry?"

"No, but it's a nice day outside and the farmer's market is open. Can we take some time and go…"

"I am here to see to you medical needs. You would not ask your massage therapist, respiratory therapist or any other therapist to walk you down the street to the farmer's market. Go when Jamie or Sydney are home, that is not part of my job."

Eddie sighed, "Actually, I was there when Jamie hired you and he included taking me places and providing companionship in your job description. I gave this a fair shake, I really did, but it just isn't working out. I think it's best you took your things and your phone and left."

"Are you trying to fire me?" Laura asked shocked that Eddie was speaking up this way.

"I'm not trying to fire you, I am firing you. Please leave."

When Laura hesitated again, Eddie took a breath and looked at her voice operated phone, "Call doorman…"

"All right, I am going. I expect to be paid through the end of the week," Laura said firmly as Eddie commanded the phone to end the call.

"When Jamie finds out how you were really doing your job, I doubt it…"

Laura took no time at all to clear out of the apartment. In her anger, Eddie failed to realize one thing, Jamie was on an extended tour until after seven and Sydney wouldn't be home until around that same time. She would be by herself for almost nine hours. She couldn't call Jamie, Sydney was already going to be angry. Eddie sighed, "Call Henry."

It was after seven when Jamie got off the elevator and stepped into the apartment. He heard Eddie's musical laugh and smelled his grandfather's Irish Stew. "Pop?"

"Jamie," Henry smiled. "Irish beef stew and Eddie is stirring pudding…"

"What happened? Where's Laura?"

"I let her go," Eddie replied. "I'm sorry, Jamie but I just had to. She was mean, she was distant…it was terrible. I asked to go to the farmer's market…"

"She asked to go and that woman said it wasn't her job, believe that?" Henry asked. "So she called me and Eddie and I worked things out. "She's going to buy my Metrocard and I'm going to come over when you both are working and we'll spend the days together."

"You have to trust your grandpa, right Jamie?" Eddie asked. "Please…nothing the other two did was as bad as this. Left to lie in my bed alone, sometimes she got upset if I had the TV on. She was more interested in playing on her phone than even talking to me." Eddie's eyes teared up.

Jamie sighed, "All right. Pop, if this good with you and it means Eddie is cared for and happy, all right. I'm sorry I pushed it." Jamie went over and gave Eddie a light hug. "I'm going to shower, when do we eat?"

"As soon as Sydney gets here or 8," Henry replied. "You better hurry, this girl has an appetite."

Jamie headed for the shower. He didn't know why they didn't think of this before, Eddie and Henry got along so well, he was in decent shape and helping Eddie would keep his mind sharp. It was a win win situation all around, Jamie couldn't help but smile.

 **A/N: Seems obvious now the solution to the caregiver problem was right under everyone's nose. Eddie is starting to become her old self personally, she's not going to be taking anyone's crap. What do you think of nurse Henry?**

 **Next Update – July 5** **th** **– Jamie stressed when he comes home to an empty apartment.**


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

"Pop?" Jamie called as he walked into the apartment after a ten hour day tour with Marcus. "Eddie?" Henry had been caring for Eddie for three weeks and it had been like a mana from Heaven for all of them. Eddie was much more her old self, cheerful, funny, and bright bringing light back to Jamie's life he didn't even know was missing. She required less of his time at night because Henry saw to a regulated medication regimen that helped reduce the muscle spasms to only an hour or so after being placed in bed.

This and his new herbal remedies had lightened the stress on Jamie and Sydney's marriage. It was flourishing again and their intimate life was restored with a new vim and vigor.

Today, Jamie expected Henry to be fixing a meal and Eddie to be helping in some way or napping in the recliner. She had several appointments that day and still got extremely tired from those workouts. However, he was greeted with only an empty, quiet apartment.

"Pop! Eddie!" Jamie called again knowing he would not receive an answer. Trying not to panic, Jamie searched the house top to bottom for a note or some indication of where they had gone. The bed was made, there was no sign they had left in a panic or a hurry.

Jamie dialed Eddie's phone, she was able to answer calls if she had the device wired to voice recognition. It went to voicemail, "Eddie, this is Jamie. Where are you and Pop? Call me."

Jamie tried Henry next, he received the annoying, "Your call has been forwarded to a voice mailbox that has not been set up yet."

Jamie tossed his own phone onto the couch in frustration.

"Be careful, this cone is dripping all over you," Henry laughed as he held a chocolate soft serve ice cream cone with sprinkles for Eddie to lick. He had found her despondent that morning when he arrived. Eddie revealed her desire to get out of the house and her humdrum routine, to smell the outside air, eat a hot dog, and have a chocolate cone. She was usually denied these desires, even by Jamie who insisted she keep to her therapy routine. Henry though understood the importance of getting out. He called a car service and had them chauffeured out to Coney Island.

"I don't care," Eddie laughed. "Henry, thank you so much for today. I feel like me, I feel alive again."

"You are alive, sweet girl," Henry replied. "And sometimes you have to live for the day and face the music tomorrow. I know I will be when Jamison finds that note! I'm going to be fired like all the rest of them."

"He can't fire you," Eddie laughed. "I pay you, not him and Syd. I should hear about my disability soon and then I can speak up more but when Jamie is footing the bill I..."

"Jamie isn't like that and if he's getting like that, I'll kick his skinny butt to Kingdom come."

Eddie smiled, "He's not, it's just I feel like if I'm not contributing to the house at all, I have a limited say."

Henry smiled, "Sydney is a good lawyer, you won't have any worries with disability. Here, bite your cone before this melts all over the place."

Eddie finished her cone then drove her chair back and away from the table. "You want to do anything else honey?" Henry asked.

"Sea lions, can we go to that sea lion show at the aquarium, then get some pizza and head home?" Eddie asked.

"You can eat again?" Henry asked remembering have to cajole the girl to eat in the hospital.

"I could, but let's see the sea lions."

Jamie paced the length of the kitchen with the phone pressed to his ear, "Baker, I'm still holding for him. It's been ten minutes. My grandfather and Eddie are missing and I need to know if my Dad knows where they are."

Baker put Jamie on hold again. Finally Frank came on the line, "What's wrong Jamie?"

"I was hoping you'd tell me" Jamie replied. "Pop and Eddie are gone, no word, no anything."

"I haven't heard anything son, and if something were wrong, I would have. Maybe they just went on a stroll and Pop lost track of time."

Jamie sighed another dead end.

Around eight Sydney's keys jingled as she opened the front door calling out, "Hello, Jamie, Eddie?"

Sydney walked into the living room surprised to see Jamie alone. "Jamie?"

Jamie picked his head up eyes red and swollen with worry.

"What's wrong? Where's Eddie? Is she sleeping?" Sydney sat beside him on the couch placing a hand on his back.

"I have no idea where they are Syd," Jamie replied. "I have no idea where Eddie or Pop are? They were gone when I got home. I called every hospital, I called my father, no one has an idea where they went."

"I'm sure they're okay, honey," Sydney replied. "Try to take a deep breath. Surely they left a note, Eddie would not go off and not have Henry leave word. You are panicked, let me have a look."

Jamie ran a hand through his hair hoping that Sydney was right, that Eddie and Henry were both okay. Sydney calmly searched the apartment, the kitchen, Eddie's room, then finally their bedroom and bathroom. Attached to the medicine cabinet in Henry's hand was a note, "Taking Eddie to Coney Island. We'll be home for night time meds. Pop."

"Jamie!" Sydney called. "There's a note!"

Sydney appeared at Jamie's side holding the note, "Didn't you go to the bathroom since you go home?"

"Yeah but I used the half bath off the kitchen. Why?"

"Because this note was on the mirror in the master bathroom," Sydney replied. 'They're fine. They went to Coney Island."

Jamie's face grew red. "She had therapy today! All four therapies were today! She needs those therapies, she needs her massage especially and her range of motion and…I am going to have to quit! I cannot trust a single person to take care of Eddie right and she so desperately wants to feel normal she disregards her own health. I'm going to have to quit the force!"

"Jamie just calm down a minute," Sydney soothed. "Please sweetheart, calm down."

"Sydney, I'm sorry but you aren't the one that sits up with her when she's having spasms or is feeling sick…"

The sound of Henry's keys in the lock stopped Jamie's tirade. When Henry opened the door to let Eddie in he found Jamie and Sydney waiting up, Jamie's face red with anger and some other emotion.

"Where were you Pops? Eddie had a million therapies she needed to have today!" Jamie jumped off the couch not waiting for them to enter the living room.

Henry followed Eddie in his smile fading into a frown. "I left a note. She also needs to go out," Henry argued back ready to protect and defend his young charge.

Eddie stopped just in the doorway and raised her voice stopping them from fighting. "Jamie, I can speak for myself and I can't sit around the house doing therapy that does not work. What language do you need to hear this in? I am NOT going to get much better. I need to feel normal again in other ways because I am in this chair, with a body that does not work for LIFE. I need to feel normal but you won't let me!"

Eddie pushed the joystick to try to drive around Jamie but he blocked her. "You need your massage and your range of motion to stop this…" Jamie reached down for her flaccid arm and lifted it up showing Eddie how seized it was from missing just one day.

No one was more shocked than Jamie himself when Eddie's face turned reach and she dropped her head. "Oh God…Oh, Eddie I am so sorry. I'm so sorry, Syd get the ice pack."

"No, I don't need it…it'll pass," Eddie replied. "You see, Jamie. Even you can make a mistake. It was a pretty day, I wanted to go out, I wanted fresh air and to have fun and I did have fun! We ate hot dogs and ice cream. We saw Sea lions and we rode the train around the pier. We had pizza and cotton candy…all the time I was 99% happy. You want to know why I wasn't totally happy? Because of this! Because I knew you were going to act up and start shouting at us. I love you for everything you are doing for me Jamie and you are the best friend I will ever have, but I hate you for turning me into more of an invalid that I already am. I am done with the stupid PT where I get worked out, I don't need that therapy, I don't want it and it's done. This whole thing is a nightmare and you are making it worse."

"Eddie," Jamie sighed. "Eddie, I…"

"Let me pass, Jamie," Eddie said firmly. "The way I am feeling right now I will turn around, go out the door and disappear into Manhattan. Please let me pass."

Jamie stepped back and let Eddie wheel herself to the bedroom. Henry looked at his grandson, "She needs to start living again, Kiddo. She needs that as much as her other therapies or she's going to wither and die. That girl had fun today! She smiled. She laughed and she doesn't want to do that with an old man, Jamie. She wants to do it with her friends, with you, with Sydney…Stop putting her in a box and smothering her."

Jamie sighed. "I know I have to let go, Pop. Sydney saw her in the hospital, she was so broken, she was close to death and I had the power in my hands. I have to help her, I have to keep her healthy and safe. I have to do that…"

Sydney stepped over and pulled Jamie into her arms, "Right now you have to go and talk to Eddie, Jamie. Go talk to her. Go work this out. I'll see Henry out."

Jamie left to talk to Eddie while Sydney walked Henry to the door. "He's just so uptight, he's going to make himself sick," Sydney sighed. "Don't worry, I'll talk to him and we'll see you on Sunday."

Henry gave Sydney a hug, he did not envy her the night with an irate Jamie and upset Eddie to content with.

"You ready for bed?" Jamie asked when he entered Eddie's room. She had parked her wheelchair into the charger and was working on a sloppy self-transfer to her bed. "Yeah, Henry did all of my care before we left. He did bowel care and gave me a full bath. All you have to do is change the bag and help me change."

Jamie sighed, "Eddie, I'm sorry I acted like that. When I got home and you two weren't here my heart froze and it didn't start up again until Sydney found your note. Why didn't you answer the phone?"

Eddie looked into Jamie's eyes, tears falling from hers. "Because…" Eddie hiccupped trying to get the word out. "Because I knew if I did I would…you would be angry and I just wanted to be happy."

Eddie's tears kicked Jamie in the chest. He sat beside her on the bed as she struggled to hold her posture and pulled her close. "And I make you unhappy?"

It was hard to admit her feelings with Jamie holding her but Eddie took a breath, "Sometimes you do. I know you mean well but I have to choose for myself and sometimes I just want to go out and…Henry he listens. You used to but now you're all about medical appointments and therapies. Some of these therapies are just exhausting. I need to stop them and jus focus on the massage and range of motion and the last three respiratory ones. I'm not getting better Jamie and I'm so tired I can't even think about life after a packed day. I am begging you, please, I want to stop."

"You know," Jamie replied softly. "I think up until now I fooled myself into thinking you were going to get better all the way, if I just wished it and pushed it but I know you aren't ever getting back in that car with me no matter how hard I push and I just…you are grieving and you are angry about what happened but I think I'm grieving too."

Eddie sighed, "You are, and you should, but let's just grieve being partners in the RMP okay? Let's not grieve for our friendship, I am right here and I am alive and doing better. Soon I'll have some money, maybe I can take a class or two online. Let's stay friends, let's support each other and have each other's backs. It's a two way street, Jamie. Please let's not lose each other."

Jamie laid his cheek on Eddie's hair, "Promise if you dgo this again you'll call me. I love you and I love Pop, he's no so young, something could happen. Just tell me and I promise you I will not make it a bad thing, I swear, even if I don't agree with you cancelling something, I promise I'll go with the flow."

Eddie looked at a Jamie and smiled, one thing her old friend always was sure to do was keep his promised, "I promise we'll call. It was such fun, Jamie. Can we do that? Or go to the pier soon? For my birthday, I want to cook out and go fishing. Can we?"

Jamie looked into Eddie's shining blue eyes, she almost didn't see this birthday. "Of course we can, I'll start talking to Pop next week to make plans. Let's get you in bed, you did have a very big day."

Jamie undressed Eddie and when he applied the lotion to her skin he worked the muscles so that they didn't seize too much. Eddie fell asleep, exhausted from a full tummy of junk, and a busy day. That night, no one's rest was disturbed.

 **A/N: We have finally turned the corner with Jamie's over protective bit. Eddie and Henry are working out well and she's fairing better. Thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing making this story such a huge success. I am returning home from my vacation tomorrow, enjoyed myself so much I am incorporating this trip into the sequel to this story!**

 **Next update – July 7** **th** **– It's Eddie birthday!**


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty One

"She'll like the sprinkles," Jamie assured Sydney for the tenth time that morning. "Eddie loves all kinds of crazy food options and items."

"I just want to make sure this entire day is perfect, Jamie," Sydney sighed. "She might not have even had this birthday."

"I know that," Jamie replied. "Pop has the old charcoal grill out for burgers and hot dogs, Erin made cupcakes, and Danny and Linda were on balloon detail. I just hope it's not too much on her and that she's all right with all the fuss."

"I'm sure she'll be fine. Why don't you go get her and I'll finish this up." Sydney knew Jamie wanted a short time alone with his friend on her birthday.

Jamie pushed open Eddie's door to find her halfway transferred to her chair. "Hey, look at you."

Eddie flashed a winning smile, "Yeah thought I'd surprise you."

Jamie stepped forward and just watched as Eddie got herself into her chair. When she was done, Jamie fixed her posture and secured the pillow under her feet.

"Eddie," Jamie said hesitantly. "Syd and I got you something, but I saw this and thought of you." Jamie placed the present on Eddie's lap and slowly opened it.

Inside was a white maxi dress with soft blue beading along the neck and bodice. Eddie looked at the pretty dress and them at Jamie.

"I love it, it is soft and flowy..."

"It's beautiful like you are." Jamie gently missed Eddie's cheek. "Happy Birthday."

"Thank you so much, Jamie," Eddie smiled. "It's so pretty, I really love it so much.

"Come on, we have breakfast ready." Jamie put the dress on the bed so Eddie could change into it later before the family party that afternoon.

Eddie drove herself to the table, it was piled high with her favorite foods, real coffee, and orange juice. "Happy Birthday, Eddie," Sydney said smiling. "We made all your favorites."

"It smells great…"

Sydney had filled two of Eddie's bottles with her drinks and cut up the pancakes and bacon. Eddie parked her chair and began to eat quickly. It would be time to go soon, Eddie wanted to wear her new dress.

Jamie took charge of getting Eddie washed and dressed. Jamie took down the sunscreen and began to apply it liberally to Eddie's skin, a sunburn for her would cause complications.

Eddie groaned a little as Jamie's hand passed her shoulder.

"Are you stiff?" Jamie quickly moved back to the spot that made Eddie flinch being careful as he worked the knot out with his strong hands.

"Hmm that feels good thanks," Eddie moaned low.

Jamie smiled at her massaging a little more to make sure the knot was out before patting her shoulder. "Let's get you ready."

He helped Eddie change into the new dress carefully zipping her up. Once dressed Jamie brushed her blond hair down and framed it across her shoulders. "There, you ready to go? There's going to be traffic."

Eddie smiled, "Yes, I hope they didn't make too big a fuss."

When Eddie appeared in the living room, a vision in her new dress. "Oh Eddie, you look so pretty. Where did you get that dress?"

"Oh, Jamie…" Eddie began but Jamie cut her off. "I found it in the back of her closet. We thought it would look nice on the pier."

"You look really nice, let's go, I know Pop is excited to see you."

At almost exactly two, Jamie, Sydney, and Eddie pulled up to the pier at Memorial Park. The rest of the family was already there, a long table set with tablecloths, more food than Eddie could have imagine lining the modest cloths. "Hey," Sean ran over and hugged Eddie. "Happy Birthday. We've got so much food, there's these new kind of Doritos, all different flavors. Try this one." Sean held the chip for Eddie to bite.

"Easy, Sean let Eddie breath," Henry said gently. "Hello, my sweet girl. You look so pretty. The blues are really running today…But food first, a hamburger, cheeseburger or a hot dog?"

"Hamburger with mayo and tomato," Eddie replied smiling. "Thanks, Henry."

Jamie kept a watchful eye on Eddie, she folded in nicely with the family, especially Sean and Henry. Henry fed Eddie the burger, "Pop," Jamie began when he saw him putting the burger in her hand first.

"Jamie, let's take a walk," Frank suggested.

"Eddie looks good son," Frank said after a few moments of silence. "How's it going?"

"It's good," Jamie replied. "Eddie is getting stronger, she's transferring a lot more on her own but it's hurting her shoulders. I was putting suntan cream on her so she doesn't burn and her shoulders were sore."

Frank nodded, "Jamie, I don't want to ruin this day, it's Eddie's day but…I feel I have to remind you of your marriage."

"Dad, I know what you are going to say, but honestly it's fine. Syd and I are fine, Eddie goes to bed early most nights to give us one on one time, she never calls for me even when I know she's in pain…Don't worry."

"Pop, got her a fishing rod," Frank told Jamie. "He modified it so that she can use a clip and her teeth to operate it."

"Eddie has done really well since Pop started helping, he gives her something that I can't…If only she had a chance to find love herself. She's go so much to give, she's such a special person."

Frank sighed, "Let's go back I just wanted to check in on you son."

"Oh, Jamie, good, Eddie wants to open her presents," Sydney said when Jamie returned.

"Oh good, I know Pop is waiting for her to see what he got for her." Jamie sat down beside Eddie putting her hat on her so her face and scalp didn't burn. Sean and Jack helped with the opening of her presents.

There was a gift certificate for a spa day from Linda and Danny with Linda's promise to take her and Sydney, some new work out clothes from Erin and Nikki, flowers and candy from the boys, a $100 gift card from Frank, body washes and lotions from Jamie and Sydney, and finally the modified fishing rod. "I have to bait your hook for you and help you cast your line but the rest you can do."

Eddie's eyes filled with tears, so many gifts and such a beautiful party all for her. She should fell so happy, so fulfilled but she didn't. She felt lonely and still burdensome to this wonderful family.

"What's the matter, sweetheart? Don't you like it?" Henry asked looking at Jamie for answers.

"Oh, no, I love it. All of my presents are so nice and thoughtful…it's just…" Eddie swallowed. "Excuse me, I really need to be alone."

Eddie drove her chair away from the family and took in the sea air. She hated to come across as ungrateful, but she had just turned 30 and this family was all the family she would ever have. In this condition, she would never be able to find love, she would never have a child…that hurt and it hit her hard.

Sean ran over to Eddie, "Why are you sad? Is it because you think worms are gross?"

"No," Eddie sniffled. "No, I'm crying because…"

Sean put his hand on Eddie's shoulder, "Why?"

"I'm crying because sometimes, I just feel so lonely," Eddie sniffled.

"Why are you lonely? You have us and you got all of us and Uncle Jamie and Aunt Sydney too."

Eddie smiled, to Sean it was so simple, "Why indeed?" She laid her cheek on Sean's hand. "Let's go back and have some cake huh?"

Sean walked next to Eddie's chair, it was clear to everyone especially Sydney, the Jamie was fixated on Eddie since she drove her chair away. Sydney stood and approached Eddie, "You all right? You need to go home?"

"No, I was feeling sorry," Eddie replied. "That's all. I'm being ungrateful. I just needed a minute."

"She's lonely," Sean told Sydney. "But I said that we're all here for her."

Sydney smiled, "Yes, but I think it's a different kind of lonely. I think we can talk about that at home." Sydney rubbed Eddie's shoulder, "Do you want to try out your new rod?"

Eddie smiled and nodded, Henry was thrilled to take her over to the edge and show her how to operate the new fishing pole. Sydney slid her arms around Jamie, "She's fine, she's feeling alone, but I think I can help her with that. There's a great website I found to help her connect with other single people that have limited abilities."

"Sydney, I don't think Eddie is ready…" The truth was Jamie wasn't sure he was.

"Let me at least talk to her about it. I won't push." Sydney put a kiss on Jamie's cheek and went to help Erin get the cupcakes ready to be served.

Henry insisted on memorializing Eddie's big 3-0 with several pictures. While the family was taking turns posing, Sydney took several pictures of just Eddie with her easy smile and gorgeous hair blowing in the early evening breeze. The sunset made her golden hair shine, enhancing that feature even more.

Eddie was quiet on the drive from Brooklyn to the Upper West Side. She ate three cupcakes, so Jamie suspected she was tired from the sunshine and the sugar. Jamie took care of getting Eddie into the house. They weren't inside five minutes before Sydney approached with the computer. "Eddie, look here, I found this great website called dating disabled, it's for singles with physical disabilities. I think you should put your picture up, I bet you'd get a lot of hits."

"I don't know Syd," Eddie replied. "It's true, I really do feel lonely, I need companionship for fun and excitement, but a website? I just don't know."

Sydney nodded and patted Eddie's shoulder, "Well you think about it okay?"

Eddie nodded and looked at Jamie, "I'm really tired. Can we get ready for bed so that you can have time with Sydney?"

Jamie nodded and followed Eddie to her room. He talked with Sydney while they waited for her to complete her portion of the nighttime bowl care then Jamie gave Eddie her bath. "Sydney means well. I know you don't feel ready for that now or maybe ever and it's okay. You have a home here, you will always have a home here."

Eddie smiled at Jamie, "I love you for that, Jamie, but I'm starting to miss our friendship. Sydney is working later tomorrow, do you think we can have a movie night? Not about taking care of me, just you and me on the sofa with a movie and some beers?"

Jamie flashed is mega watt smile, that sounded like a great idea to him.

As promised, while Sydney was at work the next night, Jamie let Eddie pick out a movie for them to watch while he grabbed the refreshments, having already poured Eddie's in her cup.

Once she finally chose Jamie put the movie in settling on the couch. Eddie already transferred herself to the couch giving him a smile as he settled.

Their attention turned to the movie, an action flick, Eddie occasionally sipping the beer.

Halfway through the movie Eddie's eyes became heavy and found sitting up difficult so she leaned over resting against Jamie's arm. She knew if he detected she was tired he'd tell her to do that or make her go back in her wheelchair.

Giving her a smile Jamie moved his arm so it rested around her turning his attention to playing with her hair. There was something that felt incredibly right, "Let's straighten your body so you're more comfortable." Gently, Jamie adjusted Eddie before going back to being mesmerized by her golden locks.

Sydney got home earlier that night then either expected, and found Jamie with Eddie in his arms, the other woman half asleep. "Am I interrupting something?" Sydney asked not entirely joking.

"No, we just had a movie night like we would sometimes. Eddie did really well, she sat unstrapped for a couple hours before she got fatigued. She's almost all the way out now."

Eddie made a small noise, but didn't open her eyes. "I'm about to put her to bed." Jamie gently moved Eddie so she was lying on the sofa instead of on him. Since her first days at home, he'd become more relaxed about the timing of Eddie's routine. She was exhausted now and might get a few peaceful hours of rest, he could ask Henry to do her bowl care and bath in the morning.

Jamie gently laid Eddie in her bed, position her legs. He watched as the thin, flaccid limbs spasmsed with the movement. "Ssh, ssh…" Jamie soothed talking to the legs more than to Eddie with tenderness. Jamie covered Eddie with a sheet and kissed her cheek before joining Sydney in the kitchen. "Jamie, what did you buy at Bloomingdales?"

Jamie sighed, "Eddie's birthday gift," he replied.

"I thought we go her lotions at Crabtree and Evelyn," Sydney countered.

"We did, I got her a gift, I used to all the time on the road, I got her the dress, but you seemed mad so…I didn't want to ruin her day."

"So you lied to me," Sydney sighed. "Jamie…"

"Syd, you lied to me too, so let us not throw stones, hmm? You know it's no secret I care about Eddie, but I love you. That never changed."

"I just feel like you are more committed to Eddie now, that our marriage is second…"

"You're one to talk about that aren't you? At least I'm putting a person on the top of my list, and not above our marriage either. You put your job ahead of it, why else are we married six years and without a family!"

"You honestly think even if it was the right time in my career to take off for a baby, we could handle one with Eddie?"

"Yes," Jamie said firmly. "Yes we could handle it with a baby. Eddie could help some and I'd take a leave, face it Syd, you don't want to have a family, you never did."

Jamie turned on his heel and headed back to the bedroom angry. Yes, he had lied about the dress, but things were feeling strained for more than his falsehood about a gift or Sydney's about Eddie's asking for him in the hospital.

Sydney listened to the silence all around her, she felt her heart lurch, she was losing him, it was finally happening…and it would not happen. It just would not!

 **A/N: Things are getting a little tense between Sydney and Jamie…and Sydney is thinking of ways to keep her hand on her man. Don't you just have to love Sean and Henry for how they relate to Eddie? And Frank's father sense is picking up on things too.**

 **Next Update – July 9** **th** **– Eddie begins getting strange emails, one of which she actually finds intriguing.**


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty Two

Eddie's phone chirped for the fifth time in the last hour. She sighed, "Open email..." she told the device. "Opening email from..." Another foreign address.

Hello, Eddie...that is a funny name for a girl. How are you feeling? If you would like to chat sometimes my handle isjohn_abbott45 . I hope to hear from you soon. Your accident did not diminish your beauty. John.

"Jamie," Eddie called out. "Come here a minute..."

Jamie was shining his shoes getting ready for a 3 to 11 tour. Those tours made him nervous because Sydney would be in charge of bedtime with Eddie. She was doing better lately but Jamie had a long memory. Eddie had suffered enough pain.

"What's up, Eddie? You need something?" Eddie was usually in her chair by now, but the spasms had kept them both up until dawn.

"Yeah, I got five really weird e-mails today and they are sort of bugging me," Eddie replied. "Aside from them waking me, how did so many guys get my email address?"

Jamie took Eddie's phone and looked at the emails. "Eddie...these are all through a dating website. Did you enroll in something or post something on your Facebook?"

"No," Eddie replied firmly. "Of course I didn't, how or why would I enroll in a dating site. Who in their right mind would even want to date me..."

"Eddie stop it," Jamie sighed. "Maybe your profile got hacked. Do you need your phone, I'll give it to TARU see if they can figure it out. I'll have Danny check in on you and Sydney tonight. If I get a chance, I'll swing by too. You guys will be safe. Don't worry."

"I'm not worried," Eddie replied. "When you're ready I think I'm going to get into my chair. I'm not able to rest now anyway."

"Let me finished getting dressed and we'll get you squared away." Jamie winked at her, put the offending phone in his pocket, and went to finish getting ready for his tour.

Jamie came into Eddie's room and began her routine. They did bladder care, then got her into her wheelchair in a loose fitting pair of capri pants and a sweatshirt. "You want socks?" '

"No, Sydney can do that if I need them, just put the slippers on." Jamie just go Eddie situated in her chair when he heard Sydney come home. "Eddie, just relax for a little bit and I'll be back to get your set up with your juice."

Eddie was used to giving Jamie and Syd private time. "She's really tired today, Syd, so she'll probably ask to go in about nine or ten, and she might need more help."

Sydney nodded, "What about you? You were both up most of the night."

"I got a nap, but something is going on with Eddie's phone. She's getting all these wacky emails from men asking her for dates..."

"Oh yay!" Sydney smiled and clapped her hands. "I knew her profile would get a lot of hits, she's gorgeous...and that picture we took last week on the pier...with her hair blowing, she looked..."

"You put her profile on the internet!" Jamie nearly exploded. "God , Sydney! She told you and told you that she was not comfortable with that idea. Now she was kept awake all day by these perverts!"

"They are not perverts, Jamie! They are honest and decent guys Some of them are disabled too and other..."

"Some of them are disabled too? Really? Did you listen to yourself? Eddie needs help with everything she has to do in a day. How could a man that is also disabled care for her? How can a man who is in a wheelchair or has only one arm pick Eddie up and help her transfer or help her turn in bed? What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking she's lonely, Jamie and she is capable of a lot more than you think she is. She wants to do more for herself and when I take care of her, I let her use the strap to turn herself in bed, I let her make herself tea and coffee and she appreciates it!"

"I'm glad you do that," Jamie replied. "But this is beyond the pale! Eddie was nervous...You tell her what you did! You two decide, leave me out of it!" Jamie tossed Eddie's phone on the couch and left for work without going to say goodbye to Eddie.

Sydney headed to Eddie's room, she found the other woman in her chair, head down to her chest, shoulder's shaking. "I supposed you heard and you're made at me too?"

Eddie lifted, she was laughing, "I wish I could have seen Jamie's face when you told him that. I'm actually not mad."

Sydney sighed, "That's a relief, Jamie was angry enough for you both. Do you want to reply to any of those emails now you know about them?"

Eddie thought, "Yeah...there was something intriguing about John Abbott. But first, I need some juice...can you let me pour again. I'll try to be more precise..."

"Sure...let's try the thicker strap this time..."

Eddie's attempt to pour her own drink was successful. While she drank she dictated an email to Sydney. "Hello, John – I read your profile as well and I find you very interesting. Thank you for saying I am still beautiful, I find you quite handsome as well. If you would like to talk, the phone is easier for me than a computer, please call me…"

"There it goes," Sydney replied. "Jamie will be upset with both of us but I hated hearing you say that you're feeling lonely."

Eddie nodded, "Jamie's great, you are great but I am woman and I realized the other night when Jamie and I were watching the movie that the only man that's held me or touched me that wasn't a doctor or over 80 is my married best friend. I want more."

Sydney smiled, "Good for you! I'm proud of you Eddie…"

Not more than a minute later Eddie's phone rang, "Answer call," she told the device. "Hello."

"Hello, can I speak to Edit?" The voice was deep and rich, with a very smooth tone.

"This is Eddie, is this John?"

Sydney smiled and stood up heading off to her bedroom to give Eddie privacy.

"I've been on the site for a few months, but I never saw a woman on it as pretty as you," John told Eddie. "Don't take this wrong, but sometimes quadriplegics look different…"

"I'm a C-5, so my upper neck isn't affected. I do have a few hairline level scars from my halo but the device itself is gone. I don't need to wear anything anymore for my condition. Are you also disabled or…"

"Yes," John replied. "I am missing part of my left leg lost it two years ago when an electric saw was dropped on it while it was on. I have a prosthetic and I get around okay but the stump freaks people out so I'm sticking to this site for a chance at love."

"To be honest," Eddie replied. "I didn't put my picture on the site, my friend did. I just turned thirty and I am feeling like I want to have a different connection with a man. I heard from several but you intrigued me and your disability isn't such that we would hinder each other."

The conversation continued for another half hour before Eddie cut off the call. She was getting tired, but John promised to call the next day when he finished at work. He was true to his word calling at exactly seven the next night to talk to Eddie.

She was in the middle of having her supper, Jamie's eyes glowed hot with anger when she answered during dinner. The smile the lit her face send another stab of anger down Jamie's spine, the same anger he always felt when a man would sniff around Eddie. "Eddie, you need to finish your supper," he told her but she ignored him and kept on chatting. Jamie looked at Sydney, "How did you talk her into that?"

"I didn't," Sydney replied. "But I did type the email. She seems to like this man, they talked for half an hour last night. She really seemed happy and look at her Jamie, she's smiling. When have you seen that smile since the accident?"

Jamie sighed, he saw that smile, he saw it a lot. It was his smile, and Eddie was making it for someone else. "He'll hurt her, I know he will. I can't…"

Sydney fixed Jamie with a firm stare, "But you will, Jamie. She needs this and so do we. We need Eddie to move on with her life."

John called at precisely seven for the next three days. It always seemed to interrupt meal time and thus conversation time with Jamie. Each day he grew more and more upset until finally on the last day he spoke up, "We are trying to have a meal the three of us and you're running off to talk to this John guy. Tell him this is not a good time to be calling."

Eddie nodded, understanding Jamie's fear. How would he react when she told him tonight's call was to finalize their plans for dinner on Friday night?

Eddie let the call go to voicemail, "Jamie, when dinner is done and I call John back, can we talk, you and I?" Eddie felt it best to break the news to him alone, partner to partner.

Jamie nodded, he knew this would happen. The guy was pressuring her and he'd have to step in and stop it. It almost felt good, Eddie hadn't asked to be with just him since the joker started to call her.

Eddie hurried to finish eating, "Eddie, slow down," Jamie told her. "You'll…"

Before he finished the conversation Eddie swallowed wrong and began to cough. Once again, swallowing wrong was much more dangerous for Eddie than for anyone else. "Cough it up," Jamie told her gently patting her back. "You're eating too fast, slow it down."

Eddie nodded and sipped her juice then backed up, "I'm finished anyway. Jamie, come see me in my room soon." Eddie was too nervous to keep eating.

"This man is calling her during dinner and now she's rushing her meals and coughing. We'll be back in the hospital with aspiration pneumonia again."

"Jamie, that vein in your forehead is pulsating," Sydney laughed. "Try to relax. If you love Eddie like you say you do, as a best friend, you want her to be happy. Let her be happy."

Jamie nodded, when Eddie was finished on the phone she met Jamie in the living room and turned her wheel chair around to face him.

"Jamie I," Eddie started to say stopping nervously.

Jamie sat on the couch waiting for her to say what she needed to before he did. "Eddie about before you're not…"

"Jamie, I have a date on Friday," Eddie blurted getting it over with.

"Eddie…" Jamie sighed. "We don't know this man, he might not…"

"I do know him, Jamie, and I want to know him better. I want your blessing, you're my best friend and I am so frightened to be doing this but I really need to do it too. Please Jamie."

Jamie sighed, "I want to talk to him first and just tell him some of your needs or Sydney can tell him. I'm sorry Eddie, you mean too much to me to have you go out and not have the person know…"

"I'd prefer Sydney to tell him, Jamie, but you can both meet him. He's picking me up here."

Jamie nodded and swallowed hard, "Let me call Syd to help you in the bathroom. I'll put you in bed after okay? You had a coughing spell, we need to do your vest."

Eddie smiled, "Jamie, thanks."

Jamie nodded, how could he not give his blessing when Eddie so badly wanted this. She was his best friend, he'd do anything for her. Anything…

 **A/N: So there you have it. Sydney enrolled Eddie on a dating site, and the surprising part is she's game for it. But is Eddie trying to find love or forget one?**

 **Next Update – July 11** **th** **– Eddie and John's first date.**


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty-Three

"How's that?" Sydney asked as she draped Eddie's floral dress around her legs and secured her shoes on with loosely tied ankle straps. They had swept her hair up in to a curly bun and let a few curls frame her face. "I think you look beautiful."

Eddie smiled at herself in the mirror, "I think I do too, for the first time in a long time."

"You're always beautiful, Eddie. This hair..." Sydney fingered a curl. "So thick and shiny. Let's do your face now."

Eddie usually applied her powder, blush, and eye shadow by herself then asked Sydney or Jamie to do the more precise work, but today she let Syd do her entire face so she was blended nicely.

When they were done Eddie drove her chair out to living room to wait for her date to arrive. Jamie was sitting in the recliner with the newspaper, his off duty piece sitting on the table.

"Jamie, I think John will feel more welcome if you put your gun away. Do not ruin this for Eddie, Jamie."

"I'm against this entire thing," Jamie replied. "Where's he taking you?"

"Promise you won't follow me?" Eddie asked raising her eyebrow.

"I promise, where is he taking you?"

"Gallaghers," Eddie replied. "And yes he knows he has to cut my meat and secure my utentsils, and pour my drink into my bottle, Sydney told him. Don't you dare embarrass me Reagan?"

"Eddie, I don't want you to get hurt," Jamie sighed. "That's all. Does he know what to do if your pressure goes haywire?"

"No," Eddie replied. "Because it won't. I'm excited and I'm happy. Sydney made sure my clothes fit right, everything is loose. I have my cath in and the bag is empty and loosely strapped to my thigh. I am going to be fine."

"What about getting into his car? How is that going to work?"

"I'm going to supervise this first time and Eddie can talk him through it on the way home. If that didn't go well, she can call and we'll meet her downstairs to come back in the house. She's going to use her board and strap so that he doesn't have to lift her and risk making a mistake."

Jamie sighed, they had thought of everything and the background came back clean. John Abbott was by all accounts and honest and decent guy. The doorman buzzed to announce John's arrival. While Sydney was answering the door, Jamie texted Danny the restaurant name and transferred enough money for him to take Linda there that night, no way was he letting Eddie out with this guy and not have a trained family member in the same vicinity.

Sydney opened the door and admitted a handsome, tall man, about 6'2" with wavy brown hair and doe brown eyes. "I'm John, I'm here to pick up Edit..."

"Come on in," Sydney greeted with a smile. "I'm Sydney, this is my husband Jamie."

Jamie stood and looked up the nearly four inches to John's eyes. "Hello," Jamie offered his hand. John's hand was firm and callused, it was clear he'd worked with them often. "Nice to meet you," John smiled. "Edit talks about you a lot."

"It's Eddie." Jamie heard the whir of Eddie' chair as she came into view. "It's so nice to meet you face to face John."

John reached out his hand, almost surprised when Eddie didn't reach out to take it.

"Come on, Eddie," Jamie encouraged. "You can do it. Lift with your shoulder and push your elbow out..."

Eddie had just learned that particular move in her therapy and was shy of how her arm would still flop.

John smiled and supported her arm, gently shaking her hand. "You're pictures did not due you justice. If you're ready, our reservation is in 45 minutes. I know it will take us a little time to get you comfortable..."

"I think John and I will be just fine," Eddie told Sydney when she offered to oversee John's handling of Eddie. "I can tell him how to help me into the car. You two have a good time."

Jamie watched as John escorted Eddie out to his car watching the entire time for one false move with narrow eyes. "He seems nice Jamie she'll be fine," Sydney reassured catching the expression on Jamie's face as she closed the door.

"Yeah I'm sure," Jamie turned going back into the living room and took a seat on the couch followed closely by Sydney.

"So since it's just us tonight what do you want to do?" Sydney ran her hand underneath Jamie's shirt. They found it hard to make love since Eddie had come to live with them. She did not interfere, but often the sound of her having spasms would capture Jamie's attention.

"I think I know what your preferred activity is, Mrs. Reagan," Jamie sighed moving to pull Sydney close. "I can't thank you enough for how understanding you've been through all this." Jamie kissed Sydney's lips. "It takes quite a woman to do something like you're doing."

Sydney melted into Jamie's arms, "I love you, Jamie. I want you to be happy and at peace with yourself and I know how much Eddie means to you, as much as Danny or Erin...maybe more...Maybe as much as Joe."

Jamie cupped Sydney's cheek, "Let's not talk about Eddie anymore for now, we have a few hours...to be us."

"Are you comfortable, Eddie?" John asked as he laid her in her chair. "Do you need me to fix anything?"

"No, that was well done thank you," Eddie replied shifting her arms so her hands laid in her lap.

"When I saw you profile, it said you're a C5/6, but I was surprised to see you have so little arm movement. The C5's on the internet...they have more motion."

"My injury was just a little higher but not high enough to hurt my diaphragm. I have full use of my neck and shoulders and my upper arms to the elbow. My tricep, and the lower arms and hands...they're gone..."

John reached out and stroked Eddie's face, "Well, it's done little to diminish your beauty."

"You've said that," Eddie replied driving her chair towards the restaurant. She used flexion from her bicep to drive her power chair. The therapists were working on strengthening her arm to make it possible to use a joystick with more precision.

John held the door and made sure Eddie's chair was clear, "Abbott, party of two."

The matre'd looked them over especially Eddie. It was not everyday they had someone in her condition in the restaurant. He showed them to their table in the corner, and handed them the menus. He had to presence of mind to open Eddie's menu for her. Sydney had secured a clip to her hand to aid her in turning pages and in eating.

John ordered a bottle of wine and poured some into Eddie's bottle. Eddie was so focused on her first meal out without Jamie she didn't notice Danny and Linda observing their date from afar.

"I can't believe you agreed to do this," Linda said as she watched Danny watching John and Eddie.

"Hey, the Kid was ready to lock her in the room and throw away the key he was so panicked. If you ask me, he's not so panicked about the being out as he is about her being out with a man. Joe and I used to follow Erin around and Jamie is the most protective of all of us."

"Danny, do you think that Jamie's relationship and the thing he's doing for Eddie is appropriate…" Linda began but Danny shook his head.

"That's just who the Kid is, he'd be doing the same thing if it was Vinny or Renzulli if they were all alone like Eddie, you know that."

"Danny, it's just that Sydney told me he's sleeping in her bedroom a lot and he bought her a dress for her birthday, didn't even tell Syd, in fact he lied at first, that's not like Jamie."

"No, no it isn't but Jamie's getting frustrated with Syd not having a baby," Danny revealed. "Jamie wants a family, always did. Maybe he's transferring those feelings to Eddie…their meal is coming we need to pay attention."

When Eddie's meal came, the steak had already been cut. John had made the request during the reservation trying to be considerate of her limits. Eddie blushed and asked if John would fasten her fork. She ate carefully not wanting to drop anything on her dress and embarrass herself.

"So I told you about my accident, you said you dropped a saw…" Eddie carefully ate, chewing her meat well so she didn't get anything caught.

"I was working at a jobsite near Memorial Park, one of my guys had a few too many, got into a scuffle…the rest is history. They tried to save the leg but…" John shrugged. "Most days I don't notice it and it doesn't bother me but other times and other days, it's a big deal. It swells, it'll itch or ache. Most women I've dated since don't have the stomach for the days I can't use the prosthetic, so I figured it won't be such a shock to ladies on datingdisabled."

Eddie nodded, "Yeah I could see how that would make sense. Well, I think you are nice and I tend to be a good judge of character. This steak is really good. You picked a great place."

"Well, I do love good red meat," John laughed. "Your hair is just gorgeous in this light. More wine?"

"Don't mind if I do," Eddie replied adding a bright smile to add to her glowing golden hair.

As Eddie sipped her wine, she turned her head sideways. "Are you okay? Is your neck sore?"

"I'm fine," Eddie assured him. "I am just fine. Sometimes I have to move my neck so it won't freeze up that's all."

John smiled admiring her beauty from across the table, "Well if it does hurt or you need me to help just let me know. I read a lot but one thing I did learn is that you have to work with the individual person too. I want to learn about you."

Eddie smiled "I think that's very nice. One of my problems is eating too much too fast…I need to take a short break."

John smiled and nodded, 'Then a break you shall have…I'm in no hurry."

 **A/N: Eddie's first date went very well, at least for her. And come on, you didn't think Jamie was going to have Eddie out with a strange guy with no back up did you?**

 **Those of you that follow my Tough series, installment five, One of Our Own will be posted this Thursday. I hope you all are ready for a very interesting ride for the family.**

 **Next Update – July 13** **th** **– Jamie worries when Eddie returns home late and has trouble holding his temper. Sydney lays into Jamie.**


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter Thirty Four

Jamie paced the floor in his robe and slippers, he enjoyed the time with Sydney but it was getting too late. Eddie and John had left at six, it was now after ten.

"She's got to get home soon, it's almost time for nighttime meds."

"Jamie, she's fine. Didn't the tail you put on her tell you she was?"

"The tail told me she was okay but didn't drink very much, Eddie eats like a horse she has to drink or..." Jamie sighed. Finally John's car pulled up outside...

Jamie waited for what seemed like forever for John to place Eddie in her chair and ride up to the apartment in the elevator. Sydney opened the door then let John say goodnight.

John leaned over to say good bye fully aware of Jamie watching him closely. "I hope you had a good time tonight because I did."

Eddie smiled at him, she did have a good time with him and he showed to be quite the gentleman with her making sure all her needs were covered. "I had a great time," she finally answered. Jamie couldn't' hold back a roll of his eyes seeing how well the two were getting along.

John took Eddie's hand lifting it up to place a kiss raising his eyes to meet hers. A tingling pain throbbed in Eddie's arm from being picked up that was, the nerves were hypersensitive especially when she was tired or had been working the area in therapy. Eddie forced back a wince.

"Hey, let go of her hand! You're hurting her!" Jamie snapped immediately stepping forward and reaching for John's hand to pull him away from Eddie before Sydney could react.

Jamie faced Eddie stalking back towards her his eyes narrowed in anger; that guy hurt her. What else had he done that night when he wasn't there to step in? John quickly took his leave, placing a gentle hand on Eddie's shoulder promising to call her.

"Jamie, he didn't mean it, he forgot. The whole night he did everything great really took care of me."

Shaking his head Jamie made sure she was settled and secure in her room. They had to keep to her medication regimen. She was exhausted, it was plain to anyone with eyes. "I don't like him Eddie he should know better than to take your hand and jerk it up like that! Look how much pain you were in!"

Eddie shifted trying to get comfortable sighing at him. The slight shift sent sharp pains through her whole body Jamie was right about one thing, when her body was aggravated, it had a domino effect.

She cried out as the hot needles shot through her entire body. She couldn't stop a small moan as she prayed this would not spike her pressure and send her into an AD episode. "Jamie, I..Sydney, can you please help me? I am very tired."

Sydney could see Eddie's arm and both legs jerking. She was too tired. "Of course, let's get you all settled."

Jamie stalked to his room while Sydney helped Eddie. "Did you drink anything tonight?"

"Not much, I was too scared that I'd fill the collection bag and it would pop or something. John was really sweet, my steak was cut already...Ooh.."

"What?" Sydney had been holding Eddie dress so she could pull her arms through. "My arm is aching. I was holding it so stiff. I'm sorry, Jamie's so angry at me."

"Jamie I will handle." Eddie found it nearly impossible to lift her arms that night. Sydney secured them around her neck and with the help of Eddie's board and a little baby powder got her into bed, her legs elevated on her wedge. "How's that?"

Eddie smiled, Sydney was trying so hard to help her. Her legs were shaking under the blankets and she had pain in her back. "Good," Eddie lied. "It's good. It felt good tonight to be out but I was a little scared. I kept thinking what if this happened or something else happened..."

"Jamie too," Sydney replied. "He had Danny there as back up in case. Let's face it, Eddie, you can handle a lot, spasms, pain, dropping food on your dress, but you cannot nurse yourself through an AD episode and Jamie was scared of that happening tonight."

"I was hard on him," Eddie sighed. "I know it's the fear talking but tonight and the last few days with getting emails, I feel like maybe I have some worth again, like maybe I have the chance at the happiness you have with Jamie. I want to go out and give you guys alone time too. I know how badly Jamie wants to have children, he used to talk about it all the time that he hoped you would decide it was time..."

Sydney smiled, "I recently told Jamie that I decided it was time. He was really happy and we did have our time tonight but you're important too."

"You two are going to be great parents..." Eddie smiled and turned a little. "Ow..." He back shot a spasm and the nerves fired at once. "OH GOD!"

Sydney panicked, she never saw Eddie look quite like this. Even her worst AD episodes she hadn't had pain like this. Sydney called out, "Jamie! Jamie!"

Jamie was already on his way in with one of Eddie's pills. He kept those pills under lock and key in his bed stand. They were for nerve pain only, not the headaches Sydney would disperse them for. "Lift her head for me Syd," Jamie instructed. "Here you go, drink some water...go easy."

Jamie began to stroke Eddie's face, "That's it...Rest and just ride it out right? Don't fight it, don't try to tense your muscles, just ride it out...Close your eyes...we're out on that fishing pier, and it's sunny and warm with a nice breeze. The waves are lapping up and tapping on the wood posts. The go in and go out, go in and go out...ride the waves with me, Eddie..."

With Jamie's tender ministrations and the magic of modern medicine, Eddie was soon sleeping in a drug induced haze. Jamie checked her blood pressure, "Not too bad, we got her in time."

Sydney rubbed Jamie's back. "She had fun, honey. And this...this is from you not from him."

"From me?" Jamie snapped. "How in the Hell is this from me? I do everything I possibly can to make sure that Eddie is safe, comfortable, and receiving care. This jerk comes and...He probably handled her back all wrong but we didn't see from the window. We should have insisted on doing her transfers ourselves!"

"Jamie!" Sydney pulled him from the room. "She's trying to rest, the medication dulls the senses, it doesn't obliterate them! If she heard you talking like this, we'll be back to depression in no time flat. Maybe John did mishandle her, but you know what Jamie, Eddie a young woman. She wants to live her life as best she can. She wants flowers and romance and to feel beautiful. Maybe she meets the right guy and lives a full happy life. I know you want to protect her but you can't...not from living, Jamie. You went off on her, you treated her like a child! That HURT way more than that spasm did!"

Jamie sighed, "Sydney, I know she wants a life, I know she wants to have a husband and a family, but she is not going to get that. Labor and delivery for a quadriplegic! It would kill her! I almost lost her once, Syd. I already lost Joe, I lost Vinny...half the time I think I'm losing you, I can't lose anyone else, Sydney! I can't!"

Jamie's words hit Sydney hard, "Jamie, losing me? Why would you think you're losing me?"

"We argue so much, and tonight, our hearts weren't in that..." Jamie sat down. "Sometimes I think I'm not a very good husband, good cop, good anything. I should have protected her tonight, so should you...Eddie wants to be normal, but she's not. She might get some more arm function, she might not."

Sydney sighed, "Jamie, I told Eddie something that wasn't true...I told her I told you I was ready for us to start trying to have a baby."

That made Jamie smile, "Really? You are thinking about it?"

"I am," she replied. "We can talk about it tomorrow. I think you need to get some rest, you have been up with Eddie night after night. Tonight we know she'll be out a few hours at least. I'll turn her, I promise."

Jamie smiled and kissed Sydney's lips. "I couldn't do this without you, Syd. I need you so I can be what Eddie needs. I just hope I'm what you need too."

Sydney returned Jamie's soft kiss, "You're always what I need. It's because of how you are, how you can't let Eddie be alone, how you protect her...it's because of that I love you so much."

"Go on to bed,' Jamie told Sydney. "I'm going to check and make sure she's okay, I'll be right in."

Sydney rubbed Jamie's cheek. "Don't wake her, she needs this rest. She's earned it after the last few nights. So have you."

Sydney headed to bed knowing Jamie's ire was not subdued only exhausted. She knew that when both he and Eddie were in top form again, sparks would fly...she hoped to be at work for that.

Eddie slept late the next morning, Sydney had a breakfast meeting with some of her friends leaving Jamie and Eddie to work things out on their own.

Eddie stirred glancing at the time, groaning when she saw it was seven thirty. Her entire body ached something awful and she felt unable to even move a single muscle despite her best efforts. Suddenly in a panic Eddie shouted out, scared, "JAMIE! JAMIE!"

It was after the second time Jamie heard Eddie screaming that he jolted awake from a very deep sleep. He jumped out of bed nearly tripping over the blankets as he forgot to remove them in a hurry to get to Eddie.

He bolted into her room sliding on his knees beside her bed and took her hand with a quick glance to see what was bothering her. "What's wrong Eddie, what hurts?"

"Everything, I can't move. I feel awful Jamie," Eddie admitted scared what was wrong with her.

Jamie gently brushed her blond hair back soothingly hushing her the way a mother would a sick child. "It's okay, I'm right here Eddie, look at me okay?"

Eddie slowly managed to turn to her head to him, their eyes locked, Eddie's reflecting pain and nervousness. "It hurts Jamie, a lot."

"I know Eddie," Jamie reached over taking her hand while continuing to stroke her hair gently. "Let's try you pill, okay? See if your pill helps you relax."

Jamie hurried to get the medication and water and helped Eddie take it. Jamie sat on the bed and move Eddie so she was lying in his lap. He gently stroked her hair, "Just wait for it to work…"

Eddie laid still, not even moving her eyelids, waiting for the horror to be over. Jamie kept stroking her hair, whispering softly in her ear. "It's okay, try to keep breathing deeply, it's okay."

Half an hour after her pill, Eddie didn't feel better, she felt worse. Her body shook, "Jamie…" That was all the warning he got.

Eddie made a soft moan before her eyes rolled back and she began to seize. The sounds of her jaw clicking and the soft groans and moans gutted Jamie, he had to think. He got up and called for help holding Eddie on her side the entire time. Her skin was now fevered and he breathing agonal at best, Jamie prayed…

 **A/N: Even Jamie wasn't prepared for that, and will this all fall back on John? Will John be back or did Jamie's protective routine scare him off?**

 **Tonight, at approximately 11:00pm, EST, I will upload the next installment in the Tough series, titled One of Our Own, where Jamie is faced their dual investigations involving his family members, Lila struggles to adjust to motherhood, Joey and Jack clash over the handling of a case and Eddie is her own worst enemy…**

 **Special thanks to those who spoke up regarding my "guest" reviewer. I appreciate the support. I don't understand why if someone dislikes something, they continue reading it…oh well, ours is not to reason why as the saying goes. Also thanks to lawslave and yanks20, it's been a while since these ladies had shout outs for their help!**

 **Next Updated – July 15** **th** **– Jamie keeps vigil over Eddie, Henry sets Jamie straight and John…well, you'll see on Friday. Hope everyone enjoyed!**


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter Thirty Five

Jamie entered the hospital room containing Eddie and focused just on reaching her until he was beside the bed. He reached down taking her hand giving it a light squeeze whispering, "I'm here Eddie." Jamie moved his touch to the crown of her head and stroked her hair, she always liked him doing that.

Eddie remained still, her eyes closed as she rested one after effects of having a seizure.

"Eddie, please let me know you're okay," Jamie pleaded using his free hand to brush her cheek.

Again he received no response, this only worried Jamie more as his red trimmed eyes scanned her hoping for any sign of movement.

"Eddie." Jamie bowed his head saying a silent prayer.

"Are you family?" Jamie heard a doctor ask as he came into the room.

"I'm her POA, her primary caregiver, and her best friend, I'm more than family," Jamie replied. "She just said she felt so sick and then…"

"Edit is suffering from a bowel obstruction. It's not uncommon in her physical state but this one caused a dangerous episode of AD. We will need to go in and removed the blockage."

Jamie sighed, "More surgery. Doctor, can we try an enema or the electronic stimulation. I didn't put her on the toilet last night, she was so tired and I think she over ate."

"This is not just from one night," the doctor assured Jamie. "This is likely building up over months. Part of this is from lack of circulation to an around the bowel. We will be taking her up to surgery as soon as she's stable. Her pressure is going down, but it's still too high for me to take her up. Talk to her, let her know you are here and make her feel safe. I'll check back in a couple of hours."

"Eddie,' Jamie sighed. "I am so sorry, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have been so angry, I should have taken more care. This John guy, he scared me and he made me so angry, I was so angry you wanted to go out with him and…I don't know why…I'm confused and I am just so sorry, please wake up, Eddie. Open your eyes, please."

Jamie wasn't surprised when Eddie failed to wake. She let out a soft moan, but did not open her eyes. "That's it, Eddie, fight, come on...I'm here..."

It was another hour before the doctor returned, "Her blood pressure is stable now, we'll be taking her to prepare her for surgery."

"But she's still unconscious," Jamie protested unconsciously moving so his body was between her and the transport team. "You can't take her like this, I have to..."

"If I don't take her and relieve the blockage parts of her bowel will die and the risk of rupture and massive infection will increase. She's in what is called a post ictal state, a reduced state of consciousness. Those moaning sounds she is making, that is actually her capable state of consciousness at this point. She can probably hear you, but if she was more conscious she would be suffering."

That word hit Jamie in the heart. The last thing he ever wanted was for Eddie to suffer. "Can I have another private minute before you take her?"

The doctor nodded and ushered the team out. "Okay, Eddie, I know you hear me. The doctors are going to take you and fix you and you'll feel so much better when you wake up. I'll be right here. I'm going to call Pop and he'll be here too. I love you Eddie, we all love you."

Jamie was rewarded with another small moan, "I know, Eddie. I know it hurts but they are going to fix you." Jamie kissed Eddie's head gently the nodded for the doctors to come and take her away.

As soon as Eddie was wheeled away, Jamie sat on her bed, body shaking. He reached for his phone and dialed the house, knowing Henry would be preparing to leave and take the train to their apartment for his nursing duties. It rang twice before Henry's gentle voice came on the line.

"Pops..." Jamie could hardly breathe as he said his grandfather's name. "Pops...uh...I need you at St. Victor's right now. It's Eddie."

"Jamie, take a breath boy. What's happened?"

"She called for me early this morning and she was just so sick and in so much pain. Before I realized why, I gave her a pill and then...she had a seizure Pop. It's all my fault, I was angry and jealous. I yelled at her and made her spasm last night and I never even thought she would overeat and have to go on the toilet...She's in surgery for a bowel obstruction. She was so out of it I haven't heard her voice in hours. They said she'd suffer if she was conscious Pop. That was the word the doctor actually used, suffer...I..."

"Jamison, I'm on my way. You need to call your wife and share these emotions with her," Henry advised. "She is the one you need to look to."

"She's busy, she's always too busy for me and for a family...I'm scared, she looked really sick, Pop..."

"I'm coming, we'll wait for her together."

Henry hung up and called for a taxi to take him to the Manhattan hospital.

Eddie was still in surgery when Henry arrived. Henry found Jamie in the waiting room pacing. Linda was with him trying to get him to calm down. "Jamie, this happens. It does happen, it was probably this bad because she did overeat but the obstruction was growing long before last night. It is not your fault."

Henry looked at his distraught grandson and made his way over, "She's right. I have been putting Eddie on too and she's usually okay. We do it if we are going to go out for a walk. You have to calm down, when she comes out she'll be scared, she needs you to be steady."

Henry put a strong hand on Jamie's back to comfort him. "Take it easy, did you get in touch with Sydney?"

Jamie shook his head, "I called her and left a message with her secretary. I can't believe I did this Grandpa. I can't believe I did this to her."

"Jamie, you didn't do anything to her. You take the best care of her you possibly can and so do I," Henry said firmly. "Stop blaming yourself, Jamie. That's now what Eddie needs."

Jamie waited with Henry and Linda and eventually Frank and Danny. "She'll be just fine, Kid," Danny assured Jamie. "Linda said it's common, where's Syd?"

Before Jamie could reply, two nurses wheeled Eddie past where Jamie anxiously waited, tapping his foot impatiently.

As Jamie saw Eddie, he met the stretcher taking her hand. "Eddie," he whispered.

"She did great sir," a senior nurse assured helping his coworker.

Jamie moved to Eddie's side leaning over her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'm here, Eddie."

"You are very attentive to your wife," the senior nurse said as Eddie was transferred back to her bed.

"She's not my wife, she was my partner on the police force before she got hurt. Can I sit with her?"

"Yes, you can, just try to ease her awake, be calm and keep your voice soft," the nurse advised she left Jamie to sit by Eddie.

After about a half hour, Eddie tossed her head and let out soft moan, "Eddie…" Jamie moved closer. "It's Jamie, open your eyes."

Eddie forced heavy and tired eyes to open. She moaned again, her head ached terribly. "Ja…"

Jamie reached for a moist sponge next to Eddie's bed and ran it around the inside of her mouth. "You can't drink, Eddie, you had surgery."

Eddie sucked air in, "I feel so…"

"I know, it's my fault, I didn't do what I should have last night. I should have realized you would have over eaten at a steak place and insisted but…"

"You were mad at me," Eddie croaked. "I'm sorry, I didn't think that…"

"No, Eddie," Jamie hushed her. "I'm the one that's sorry. I'm sorry, I let my anger get in the way, I let my…"

Eddie smile weakly, "Jealousy…"

Jamie nodded, "Yes, I think that was part of it. You're my partner, I don't want anything to happen to you. Other men hurt you."

Eddie nodded, "John is nice…"

"I know he is, let's just get you well, okay?"

Eddie sighed and her eyes fell shut. Jamie stroked her hair and kept soft pressure on her shoulder.

When Jamie was sure Eddie was sleeping and peaceful he returned to the waiting room. "She's doing well, she's NPO and she's really groggy, but she's stable and the doctors said she did great."

"There you see," Linda comforted. "You got so worried for nothing."

"I'm sorry, Linda, but if you ever sit there and hold Danny while he seizes in your arms then tell me it was for nothing otherwise, you really have no frame of reference for this," Jamie snapped. 

"No, but Danny is my husband, Jamie, Eddie is…"

The nurse at the desk came over and called out, "Mr. Reagan, there's a Mr. Abbot at the desk, he's asking about Ms. Janko."

Jamie sighed and headed to the desk where the man he was beginning to hold responsible for Eddie's plight stood with a look of worry on his face.

Jamie sighed going to the desk greeting John. "Hey thanks for coming."

"Is she okay, what happened?" John followed Jamie back towards Eddie's room wide eyed.

Waving a hand for him to enter Jamie followed him inside. "She had a bowel obstruction and it was compromised by what she ate and how much she ate last night. The pain caused autonomic dysreflexia, her blood pressure was off the charts and she had a seizure. They performed surgery to remove the obstruction and she should be okay. She is very weak and still in a lot of pain. Yes, Eddie feels pain, especially in her nerves, so having nerves cut for the surgery is probably rough on her."

John looked a little taken back seeing the girl he'd been talking to and flirting with not 24 hours ago looking so still and sick in the bed. "Can she hear me?"

"Yeah, she can hear you and if you touch her on the upper body, shoulders, cheeks, head she can feel you touching her but honestly, you had one date, what are you doing here?"

"We had one date but I really feel for her, she's so sweet, she's so funny…"

"She's also severely disabled and needs constant and attentive care. If you saw she was eating so much and not properly hydrating herself you have to speak up about it. Eddie needs full time care, it's not a game, it's not a novelty, she is a person that needs love and care."

"I only went out with her once, and if I did something wrong I'm sorry. I don't want to see her hurting, but Jamie, I'm not going anywhere. You have a wife, but if this is some kind of weird…'

"Watch your mouth!" Jamie snapped. "If you want to see her, you can see her, but you better learn how to care for her. If she ends up here again…" Jamie let his tone serve at John's warning. "I'll give you a couple minutes, don't wake her."

John sighed, Eddie was sweet and she was already make a mark on his heart. He wanted to see where it could go, if that meant dealing with Jamie Reagan…well, he'd dealt with worse.

 **A/N: Poor Jamie is so confused he doesn't know which end is up? Even he is feeling conflicted about his wife, Eddie, and his feelings. John is back though and it seems like he's in for the long haul.**

 **I have begun the second installment in this series which will be four parts. Hope you stick around to see the rest of Eddie's journey.**

 **Next Update – July 17** **th** **– Eddie begins to improve, Sydney invites John to visit Eddie in the hospital**


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter Thirty Six

Jamie stayed by Eddie's side. Sydney came and left very upset to see such a setback for both Jamie and Eddie. Henry had kissed the girl's head then headed home to prepare food for when she was ready to eat again. He left the lavender lotion by her bed. John lingered the longest, but seeing Jamie was not relinquishing his place, he left. "I'll come back to see her tomorrow." John dropped a kiss on Eddie's head.

Jamie took several deep breaths watching Eddie as she slept.

"Eddie please wake up," Jamie sighed when she didn't respond.

Jamie knew she was on powerful medications for pain and to combat any infection. Still he hoped after five hours she'd come around.

Jamie fell asleep with his head next to Eddie's hip. He wasn't sure if it was two hours or two minutes before he heard a very soft and gentle, "Jamie..."

Jamie sat up like a shot, "I'm here, Eddie. How do you feel?"

"Really tired, sick to my stomach...what's in my nose?" Eddie moved her head to try and see.

"An NG tube, you had a bowel obstruction, you're NPO but if your lips are dry I have some glycerin."

Jamie dropped the moist drops on Eddie's lips and under her tongue. "There, that's better."

"What happened with my bowel? I have been going, I've been good..."

"The doctor said sometimes even with all the treatment things just don't do what they should. It's all right, you're going to be fine." Jamie ran his hand over Eddie's hair. She relished the feeling of it and the sound of his voice. Lately she was beginning to feel like she didn't need another person in the entire world but him. She had always had a special feeling but lately it was worse. Eddie swallowed and coughed a bit on the tube, it was hard to breathe around it.

Jamie noticed her discomfort, "I know it's sore, maybe tomorrow it can come out. What can I do for you?"

Eddie sighed, "Can you sit up here with me?" She so wanted Jamie's arms around her.

Jamie smiled, "Yeah, I will sit until you are asleep then I'll let Syd, Pop, and John know you woke up. They'll all be so happy."

Eddie turned three shades of red, "John knows? He knows this happened because I can't..."

"John knows and even though I don't like it much, he understands Eddie. He's good with it."

Eddie smiled, that's what she would do. She'd transfer her growing feelings for Jamie to John, then everything would be all right again.

"Well, can you let him know when I'm feeling better I will be happy to have him visit?" Eddie asked.

Jamie nodded, "Let's wait until you are a little stronger all right?" Jamie kissed Eddie's cheek. "I'm going to call the family and let them know you are doing better. You look tired, why don't you rest?"

Eddie sighed, "Will you come back? I still feel really sick."

"Of course I will, Eddie," Jamie smiled. "I'll be right back, I'm just going to call Syd and Pop."

Jamie gave her a smile kissing her head before getting up and stepped into the hallway to make phone calls.

He decided to call Henry first dialing the number and sighed while he waited.

"Hello," Henry answered after the third ring.

"Hey pop, just wanted to let you know Eddie woke up a few minutes ago," Jamie smiled turning to look back at her through the open door.

"Oh good, I'm coming with broth. Make sure you put the cream on her feet, it helps her, she feels better."

Jamie laughed, "Of course Pop. See you in a little bit."

The call with Sydney went just as well, she promised to come and visit Eddie soon. Before heading out to visit her sick friend, Sydney made a call. "Hello, John, it's Sydney Reagan. Eddie is awake and feeling much better if you want to visit her again."

"I'd love to, but I'm not sure how your husband will feel about that."

"Jamie is just over protective, don't worry. I'm going over in an hour, I'll try to be there when you are so he's not so jumpy. Eddie really liked you, this is not on you."

"Some of it is," John replied. "I didn't know about the hydration. I won't make that mistake again."

"Listen, I'm going to get ready to go but I'll see you soon." Sydney hung up and dressed to go to the hospital.

When Sydney arrived an hour later, Jamie was laying with Eddie in her hospital bed. She was coughing a little bit, Jamie was feeding her ice chips. "Take it easy, I am so proud of you. You did great!"

"It burns, where the tube was," Eddie replied. "My side is burning too."

"You used a lot of muscles. You want me to rub it a little bit?"

"Yeah, maybe," Eddie began when Sydney made her presence known. "Hey, Eddie you look so much better! How are you?"

"Okay, I just had my tube out so I'm a little sore…"

Jamie smiled at Sydney and paused to give her a kiss. "I was about to rub the muscles in her stomach and put lotion on her feet like Pop says to do. Sydney, can you call Pop and tell him that Eddie is allowed liquids so he can bring some of the broth?"

Sydney nodded, "Yes and then I'm going to fix Eddie's face and hair a little bit because John is going to stop by." Sydney tried not to gloat about that, she really did but it was irking her more and more lately to see Jamie so hands on with Eddie. It was funny, if he was giving her a bath or a shower, it didn't bother her at all, but the hugging, the rubbing, the cuddling…that got her goat.

Jamie visibly stiffened at the sound of John's name, part of him blamed himself for Eddie's plight but the other part, the jealous part, blamed John. "I'm not sure Eddie is up for too many visitors. We're family, Pop is family…" The look on Eddie's face stopped Jamie's words, she had lit up at the thought of seeing John again.

"You want this, Eddie?" he asked softly. "You want to see him?"

Eddie nodded, "Yes, I'd like it if John came to see me, but if you'll be upset at me I…"

Jamie sighed, "I won't be upset with you, Eddie. I just want you to be safe. I do. I will get used to John like I got used to Paul."

Eddie laughed, "If you do that, I might as well not see him. You never got used to Paul. You never accepted Paul."

"I will try harder. Paul was a jerk, but if John is a good man and he is good to you…" Jamie smiled. "Let me get your lotion on and Syd can pretty you up before he comes."

Jamie softly massaged the lavender lotion into Eddie's feet. They were actually smaller now, they shrank from her injury and had no muscle tone at all, but the atrophy in her legs made them protrude. These little things pulled at Jamie's heart.

An hour later, Sydney had put Eddie's hair up and added a little make up to her face. "There, how's that?"

Eddie smiled. "It feels good…I'm really tired though…" Eddie shut her eyes just as John arrived.

"Hey," John entered with his slight limp and bright smile. "How are you feeling?"

"A little better," Eddie replied. It was clear to Jamie she was trying to stay awake.

"Eddie is really tired right now," Jamie said trying to keep his voice polite. "She really needs to rest up."

"I won't keep her," John replied. "I just want to say hello. Can I have a minute with her?"

Jamie nodded, and reluctantly exited the room. John took a seat next to Eddie's bed. John touched her shoulder, knowing now that her arms and hands were hypersensitive and required a practiced touch. "I'm so sorry this happened," John said quickly. "I had no idea that you're not drinking water and stuff was bad for you."

Eddie blushed. "It's not on you. It's on me. I was worried about drinking. Sometimes I have to go a lot but I don't know it so when I'm out I have a collecting bag on my leg. For some reason, I was worried it would…"

"Overflow?" John finished. "I understand, I had one too when I was first injured and couldn't really get around. I felt it but I had a hard time getting the tube in so…"

Eddie smiled, "Normally I don't worry about it but it was our first date. I'm sorry about Jamie too. He was always a protective partner but since the accident…"

"I'm glad he's taken such good care of you and I promise I will be slow and learn from him and Sydney so you're safe when you are with me. I had a good time and I was scared when I heard you were sick. I want to keep coming to see you and when you're strong enough I want to take you out again. I know if things got serious they would be hard, that I'd have a lot to learn and a lot of responsibility, but I think it's worth it."

Eddie looked at John, he was handsome and caring. She could learn to love him. "I think it could be too. You're welcome to come see me. They said it would be four or six weeks before I feel myself again, and I admit I do feel pretty weak."

"Well, I won't keep you now. Get some rest and I'll come by tomorrow early evening." John took a breath and leaned over. "I'd like to kiss you goodbye."

Eddie wasn't sure what to say or do about that, but she nodded allowing John to place the softest of kisses on her lips. "Until tomorrow then." John left with a wave.

Jamie stepped back into the room going to Eddie's side smiling gently glad John left. He still wasn't sure he could trust him with Eddie. Eddie looked up at Jamie, her smile bright and her eyes twinkling. Returning the smile, Jamie gently laid his hand on top of Eddie's and took his place by her side, where he belonged.

 **A/N: Well, John is definitely in for the long haul with Eddie and she may be in for the long haul with John. Jamie is absolutely not ready for that.**

 **Next Update – July 19** **th** **– Eddie continues her recovery at home surrounded by several men that want to see her get well.**


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter Thirty Seven

Eddie remained in the hospital for five days. The doctor tried his best to help get Eddie back on a regular bowel program, but the trauma still had it such that she was having accidents. Henry and Jamie both assured her not to worry about it that as she healed it would stop.

Jamie brought her home the afternoon of her discharge, "I think you need to go right to bed and rest. I have never seen someone come out of the hospital well rested and you having a revolving door there didn't help."

"I'm fine Jamie, all I did in there was sleep," Eddie sighed at his fussing over her even though it was his way of showing he cared.

Jamie helped her inside into a sitting position on the couch. "There do you need anything?"

"Well I could eat," Eddie couldn't help but tease him. Jamie only laughed offering a soft pat to her shoulder going to make lunch.

"You're still on soft foods," Jamie sighed. "What about tuna on untoasted bread?"

"Sound good," Eddie replied. "Jamie, can we talk a minute?"

"Sure," Jamie replied stirring the tuna and his special mix of ingredients.

"It's about John and…Jamie you really seem to resent him being around. I know you're feeling protective, but he is a very nice man. I do want to have him around to visit me while I get better and I want to go out with him again. He's willing to learn Jamie, he wants to learn how to take care of me!"

"It's not easy to do, Eddie. John's got impaired movement too."

"I know, but Jamie, honesty do you think I can live here the rest of my life. You and Sydney need to get back to normal, if things work with John, if we can be friends…"

"Eddie, that's not a reason to try to be friend or to jump into a relationship," Jamie sighed bring the tuna. "I'm going to feed you…

"No, I can feed myself. I have to get my strength back," Eddie insisted. "There are things I'm not up for yet, like transferring that I need you and Sydney to help with."

Jamie deferred to Eddie and started to eat his sandwich as she worked on her tuna and small cuts of bread. Jamie turned on the TV and watched reruns of Mr. Ed with Eddie. She kept laughing out loud, dropping her had back. She was so pretty, "Eddie, I like that you want to get out and have fun, I do. I'm nervous that you are going to get hurt."

"I know you are," Eddie replied gently. "And maybe you are a little jealous too."

"Jealous?" Jamie looked a little surprised.

"Yes, jealous," Eddie replied. 'Since I got hurt you and Sydney were the ones I looked to, the ones I leaned on, then Henry, but he was still part of the family. Now there is someone else that might be able to take care of me, and I think that scares you more than my getting hurt."

"That's silly, it's your getting hurt or sick I dread," Jamie assured her. "But if you want me to back off I will. Can't make promises for Pop. He's made me promise to speak to you about not going out with John again until he's come to dinner."

Eddie blushed, "All right, I won't go out with him again until he's been properly vetted. He's going to call me in a few hours but for now…I'm really tired, can we do what we have to so I can have a rest?"

Jamie nodded and helped Eddie with the bathroom then put her in bed. She was asleep a few seconds after being laid in the bed.

Jamie went about his day as Eddie rested waiting for her cell phone to go off announcing John's call. It did just after three, Jamie sighed. He would have to accept this, if he didn't wish to upset Eddie. Jamie and Sydney had just talked about possibly trying for a family after the New Year, perhaps it would be best if Eddie found someone too."

Jamie moved closer to the bedroom door, he heard Eddie talking softly, laughing her gentle musical laugh. "I think Jamie and Sydney would say it's all right, but it's their house, I want to make sure I check with them first."

"I'm sure that has to be hard," John said. "Jamie is…he's a little overbearing at times. There was a few times I went to see you in the hospital and he didn't let me in if you were sleeping. The old man too, he's a big poppa bear."

Eddie sighed, "Jamie has been the only one I could count on since I joined the force. My partner, my best friend, my power of attorney, but I am better now and I don't need as much protection from him."

Jamie felt his pulse race, he had no choice but to accept John or he'd push Eddie away all together. When Eddie hung up, Jamie went to get her up for dinner. "Did you sleep well?" he asked pretending that he did not overhear the call.

"Yes, and John called. I'd like to have him over for dinner this week. The four of us can get to know each other better."

Jamie forced a smile that did not reach his eyes, "Of course, we can get dinner from that homestyle place you like so much. It might be fun."

Eddie laughed, "Reagan you are the worst liar." Jamie's face had fallen. "Eddie, I think we need to do bath time before dinner tonight."

Eddie blushed, "When is this going to stop?' Eddie griped. It was embarrassing and upsetting for her to just make a mess like that without knowing."

"The doctor said a few more weeks before your bowel heals and can be retrained. "It's all right. Let me run the hot water, we'll wash you up and I'll change your bed."

Jamie knew he was the only person Eddie could bare to handle her with a mess like this. The doctor had discussed colostomy with him if they could not resolve the obstruction but Jamie did not choose that course, he knew Eddie would not like it.

Jamie put Eddie in the tub with the massager on and bubbles. While he cleaned her up she broached the subject of dinner again, "So it's all right if John comes over. Can you find out from Syd when it's a good night?"

"Sure," Jamie replied. "Syd will be excited. We both want to see you be happy, Eddie. We just think you'll be happy in different way. Sydney thinks it's making a new life away from here, I think it's staying close and…"

"Jamie, I'm not ever going to just leave," Eddie replied. "I'm not. I love you. You are my best friend and if things take off with John or someone else you will still be the most important man in my life. I promise you this."

Jamie smiled and hugged Eddie gently. "Good, I won't abandon you either. We're in this, John or no John."

Eddie nodded as Sydney called out to announce she was home. "We're in the bathroom, we'll be right out," Jamie replied.

Eddie sighed, "Sydney is not going to like things getting so messed. I think you better put on two diapers and a accident pad so it's not all over the place."

Jamie set Eddie up and she wheeled herself to the table while washed her soiled clothes and sheets. "Oh, you got Chinese."

"Yeah, I thought the rice and some chicken in brown sauce would go easy," Sydney replied. "How are things going?"

"Good, just had a little accident but…"

Sydney smiled, better Jamie than her. "Oh, well. It'll happen for a bit. Oh look what I got in the mail today!"

Sydney opened the mail with Eddie's name on it, "Your first disability check. It's a good amount too. You see everything is going to end up turning out just fine."

Later that night, after two more accidents, Jamie finally got into bed with Sydney. "This has to stop, she's mortified by all these accidents! I'm going to have to call her doctor."

"She's still recovering, it's just us and Henry," Sydney soothed.

"No, honey, it's also John because she wants him to come over for dinner later this week. As much as I'm not sure about them I want her to feel secure and happy. I told her it was okay to invite him."

Sydney smiled, "I'm glad they are hitting it off. Eddie's getting a boyfriend, she's got her disability, things are looking up for her and for us. I talked to my doctor about stopping the pill so it's safe to start trying.'

Jamie slid his arm around Sydney, he had wanted a family for such a long time but now he wasn't so sure if this was the right thing of not. Still he kept his shut, it took them so long to get to this point. "Good, that's good. You know for the first time since the accident I feel like things might work out for us, for Eddie…So much of that is thanks your patience."

"Soon we'll have our family," Sydney smiled. "And if things go right for Eddie, she might get hers too."

Jamie nodded silently, eyes heavy dreading the day he has to sit at the table with the man who was now taking hold of Eddie's heart.

The dinner was set up for two weeks. Eddie felt she needed more time to recover and stop having so many bathroom issues. John called twice daily and the talks got longer each time. The more Eddie talked to John, the less she talked to Jamie, a circumstance that ate at him so much Henry finally called him on it.

"What's eating you lately, Jamie?" he asked one afternoon before leaving for home.

"Nothing, Pop, just busy at work, and Eddie's been needing more care lately since the hospital."

"True, but that never put you into a mood before. What's the problem?" Henry flopped down on the couch. "She's napping, she won't hear."

Jamie sighed and sat down by Henry. "John," Jamie replied. "I feel like I'm losing my best friend and…"

"Jamie, this thing with you and Eddie has been unhealthy for a while," Henry said gently. "You are best friends, yes, but you are a married man. Anyone with eyes can see the rift it's caused with you and Sydney. You might be talking about a family, but I think it's a last ditch effort from her to recapture your attention. This would be great for everyone if this works out. I had Danny run this John Abbott, Jr. and he is clean. You need to relax, this is just like the nurses."

Jamie sighed, "I know Pop. I know…He's coming to dinner Sunday, Eddie is bringing him to dinner. If he passes that, I can relax. Maybe."

Henry laughed, "You are not the type to totally relax, Jamison, but let's just take it one day at a time. Eddie is coming so far. Try not to ruin this for her, Kiddo. You love her…let her be loved."

As usual, Henry put Jamie's mind at ease. When Jamie went to check on Eddie and found her on the phone with John, he was finally able to smile a legitimate smile.

 **A/N: I'm glad so many people are enjoying reading this story as much as I did writing it. We are coming into the homestretch now where everyone is slowing figuring out what needs to be for their own lives, most of all Eddie.**

 **Next Update – July 21** **st** **– John faces the Reagan's at Sunday dinner, Henry must step in when Jamie and John start to compete for Eddie's favor.**


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter Thirty Eight

"Eddie, I can't put these shoes on you," Sydney replied. "They have straps and it's hot outside. You will get irritated underneath. Jamie will have my behind if I do this."

"I hate the way my feet look in the other shoes," Eddie complained. "Since my legs got so scrawny my feet look protruding and gigantic."

"I know you feel self-conscious, but we have to be health conscious," Sydney replied. "What about these?" Sydney held up a closed toe shoe with laces. "They are pretty on the toe and your maxi dress will cover the rest."

Eddie sighed, "All right." Sometimes Eddie really hated her body now.

Sydney finished putting the final touches on her then Eddie wheeled herself to the living room. "You look very pretty," Jamie smiled. "Let's get going we don't want John subjected to Pop and Danny without you there to run interference."

Jamie put Eddie in the backseat of the car and secured her chair before the three of them headed out to the Reagan family home.

When Jamie parked the car in the driveway, a space now reserved for him since he had to lift and move Eddie, they noticed John's car was already there. "Oh, no…" Eddie groaned. "He's early and I think he's already inside. What are they doing to him?"

"If they do what we did when Erin brought Jack home, it's a good thing he served in the military," Jamie laughed.

"Jamie!" Eddie gasped as John appeared heading for the car. He waved and smiled at Jamie when he stepped out. "I thought maybe I could help with Eddie."

Jamie sighed, "Uh, moving her is very delicate and I think that until you do some learning with us and her therapists it's better if I move her. Eddie is much better but her bones are delicate and a wrong move can make her quite ill."

John nodded, "I'll just watch and make sure I learn," he replied with a smile.

Jamie put Eddie's chair next to the car and lifted her carefully supporting her neck and spine and settled her in the wheelchair. He placed her pillows, placed her legs and secured her belts like a pro. "Off you go," Jamie told her. Eddie wheeled to John and let him kiss her lips softly.

Jamie turned away pretending he didn't see the kiss, to close the car.

He could hear Eddie laughing the laugh he'd share with her when riding with her every day. Sighing Jamie turned back watching Eddie roll towards the house with John.

Henry greeted Eddie with a large smile, "Hey sweetheart, are you hungry?"

Jamie raised an eyebrow at his grandfather's question. "It's Eddie, Pop."

Laughing Eddie wheeled herself inside with John by her side making sure she was comfortable before he sat down.

"Are you thirsty? Can I get you something to drink," John offered.

Frank appeared behind Eddie and opened her bottle before John could move. He poured her brand of beer into the bottle. "We take care of our own," Frank said warning inside his tone. "Eddie will never need anything here."

Eddie smiled up at Frank, "Thanks so much." She felt a little put out by how Frank and the rest of the family were being with John. They were treating him like he was an intruder rather than a guest. She never felt like that around the Reagans, why were they doing this?"

Frank leaned over and handed John a beer, much to Eddie's relief. "So, you served in Iraq, I'm glad Eddie is making friends with a soldier, I was a Marine myself, as was my son Danny. I'm glad that she'll have a man who knows how to treat a lady. Eddie is like a daughter to me."

John offered a warm smile, "Eddie and I have been getting to know each other while she's recovering and I am glad you included me today. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I think Pop has it pretty well covered, we'll eat in just a few minutes." Frank left giving John a lingering stare.

They gathered around the table saying grace before passing around bowls. Under Jamie's watchful eye John helped fill Eddie's plate.

Giving her a broad smile he began cutting her food as he was had been shown. "Thanks," Eddie said returning John's smile.

Eddie carefully lifted the fork to her mouth, taking small bites to avoid spilling anything on herself.

Jamie made his plate the caught a glimpse of the food Eddie was working on. "Whoa…some of that is way too big," he said and hurriedly took the plate to make the pieces smaller. "Take plenty of drink in between Eddie, remember what the doctor said."

Eddie nodded and went back to her plate. Jamie had been helping her eat again after her surgery, it was just in the last few days she started to feed herself again the entire meal. He arm started to hurt so she put her hands in her lap and stopping eating.

"Full already sweetheart?" Henry asked as Danny thoroughly grilled John about his current work status and other big brotherly topics.

"Yeah," Eddie lied. "Guess I had too much water."

John reached over and covered Eddie's hands, "You didn't eat much at all. Don't you like it? This is amazing food, Mr. Reagan," John smiled at Henry.

"Oh…" Eddie winced at the pressure on her hand.

"Don't touch her hands," Jamie warned. "If you want to get Eddie's attention or touch her for comfort, stand up…move over, and touch on her head, her face, her neck…you and the hands…Only the slightest pressure on her hands."

"Jamie…" Sydney warned.

"Yes, Jamie," Eddie replied. "I can speak for myself and I'm full. John, Jamie is right, too much pressure on my arms or my legs is not always going to end well, but I know that you are trying to learn. If you'll all excuse me…"

Eddie lifted her arm slightly and steered her chair to the living room out of view. She felt both arms burning with pain, it made her sick to her stomach the same as a migraine headache would.

Jamie went to follow her but Sydney gave him a firm look, he remained seated. It was finally Henry that got up to check on his favorite charge. John felt too awkward to try to tend to Eddie when he knew nothing.

"What's the matter?" Henry asked seeing the pinched look on Eddie's face. "I know you aren't full, is it Jamie and John fussing at you?"

Eddie shook her head, "Not really. Since I've been sick, Jamie has been feeding me some because I got so tired. I only started to do it myself again and my arms really hurt."

"I see…and you're embarrassed to need help eating in front of John," Henry sighed.

"That and if I eat too much more, sometimes I still have accidents…" Henry leaned over and gave Eddie a hug.

"It's all right honey," Henry soothed. "How about I put you in the recliner, you rest and we'll get more food in you later…?"

Eddie nodded and smiled, "Thanks Pop."

When Henry returned he looked at both young men, "Eddie is needing to rest now. Her arms are sore and her stomach is bothering her. You two stop whipping those things out for a measure around her, it's embarrassing and it's too much stress."

Jamie nodded and he and John both went to stand up to check on Eddie but Henry scolded them both, "I just told you the girl is resting, would you two want someone poking at you when you were trying to rest?"

Both men sighed and sat down, John looked a little defeated. "Don't worry, John," Jamie spoke up. "Pop is really protective of Eddie. The more you come around the more you'll learn. You did really well with her plate."

"I don't want to hurt her," John sighed. "It seems that I do that a lot."

"When Eddie was first hurt, Sydney nearly drowned her. There's a learning curve, I'm sure you had a huge one with your leg and you get around great. You'll be fine, but it takes commitment and I don't want Eddie hurt."

"That is the last thing I want. It's over a month that we've been talking and I just want to talk to her more and more."

Jamie smiled, "I'll start to show your more things then. After we finish supper, you should go check on her."

While the family cleared the table John headed into the living room to check on Eddie. She looked up and smiled at him, "Hey. Sorry I cut out on you. My arms were so sore…"

"It's okay, I talked to Jamie and he's going to help me do better. It's time for cake. What if I brought two pieces and we ate it in here together?"

Eddie smiled, "I'd really like that."

John arranged for the cake and talked with Eddie quietly while they had their dessert. When it was time to go home John gave Eddie a kiss goodbye. Jamie felt the same feeling he did earlier, he didn't like this man kissing Eddie. He'd have to get used to that.

"That went fairly well," Jamie smiled as he helped get Eddie to bed that night. "Pop liked him, and he's growing on me. He's a nice man, I just don't trust him with you yet. Not with your health."

"Jamie, John wants us to spend more time together," Eddie replied. "And I want to. Jamie, I have to try to have a life, a big part of me died in that accident, who I was as a cop and as a woman…that died."

"No," Jamie's throat closed. "No, you didn't. You got hurt but you didn't die, Eddie. You didn't die."

Eddie sighed, "I don't mean to upset you by saying that. I just mean that I lost so much of who I am and I finally feel like I might get that back. I might get to sleep in a man's arms again, I might get to get married. John really likes me, and I like him too. Tonight was so hard for me, I wanted everyone to like John…I don't want to choose."

Jamie reached out and rubbed Eddie's cheek, "I won't ever make you do that. I know that he's a good guy, Pop had Danny run his sheet. Give me a little time to teach him some things, to show him how to deal with the little hiccups and I'll relax."

Eddie smiled, "I can live with that. Oh, can you start teaching him Friday? He's taking me to a fish fry at the Community Center on Friday."

Jamie sighed but nodded, he really was going to have to live with this.

 **A/N: John survived, in fact, most of the Reagans are actually liking the man. Trouble is, I'm starting to like the man too…What's a Jamko fan to do when you make and OC and actually like them. Five more chapters left…**

 **Next Update – July 23** **rd** **– While Eddie is on a date with John, Jamie takes the opportunity to try make good on the baby talk…when Sydney balks, it's Eddie's turn to intervene.**


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter Thirty Nine

"I got you a water bottle," John told Eddie as he appeared at her side. "You need to drink in between so you get all your food down."

"Thank you," Eddie smiled and waited for John to open the bottle and offer her a sip, but instead John poured the drink into the bottle attached to her chair. That was pleasing, he was picking up on some of the things that Jamie did for her.

John put a gentle hand on her shoulder, "Let's introduce you to some people. Over here." John guided Eddie towards another young couple who seemed to be the host and hostess. "Edit Janko, please meet David and Christine Grant, the pastor of our church and his wife. Pastor, Christine, this is Eddie."

Pastor Grant reached out to shake Eddie's hand then realized and pulled his arm back. "It's nice to meet you Eddie. Are you enjoying yourself?" Christine asked.

"Oh, yes. The food smells really good, this is my first fish fry." Eddie flashed a bright smile. "I was surprised to see chicken and fried pickles."

"Well, David and I are both originally from Tennessee so we brought some of home with us when we came to his church," Christine replied. "I'll introduce you to some of the ladies before we eat."

Eddie steered her chair to follow Christine while John talked with David and a few other men. "She's pretty but it will be hard. Is she permanently in the chair?"

John nodded, "Yeah, C-5. She's just so full of life, she tries so hard to be independent but I don't think she's going to get that way with her roommate. He is SO over protective it's ridiculous. He put her in my car, he'll be waiting up for us."

"I imagine the responsibility it a little overwhelming for him," David replied. "I admire you for this John. She is a lovely lady."

"You are so lucky, Eddie," Abigail, one of the ladies responsible for serving short cake for dessert spoke up. "John is one of our most eligible bachelors. So many ladies from church are trying to land him."

Eddie looked down at her lap, if that were true…

"Well, John and I found each other on a like-minded website, and so far it's been a lot of fun. Is that a blueberry shortcake?" She eyes the dessert the offensive lady was slicing. "I've always been more partial to the strawberry variety. Excuse me."

Eddie powered her chair away, she had no tolerance for offensive people. She knew she mostl likely did not have a prayer of keeping John or any man but she did not need it rubbed in her face like that.

Eddie returned to John's side. So much of her wanted to go home to Jamie and Sydney, to tell them the things that had been said. Jamie would wrap her up in a hug and chase all those bad feelings from her heart, but Sydney would encourage her to push on.

Back at the Upper West Side apartment, Jamie and Sydney just finished their meal and were settling in on the couch. Jamie slid his arm around Sydney's shoulders and began to nuzzle her neck. "Jamie…" she laughed. Jamie had not been so amorous since Eddie moved in with them even though she always made a point of staying out of their way at night.

"What?" Jamie kept kissing his wife's throat. "You told me you were ready. I've been ready for a while now. It's the right time of the month…"

Sydney pushed Jamie away, "I said we'd start trying after the new year. It's not even fall yet."

Jamie sighed, "Sydney, what's the big deal about the new year? Dr. Tilson left a message on the phone saying that it's safe to start trying now. If you get pregnant now, you avoid having to carry through a really hot summer. The baby would be due in the end of June."

Sydney sighed,"Jamie, there's a huge promotion coming up in the first that will be decided on around Christmas time. If I get pregnant now I would have to tell work before then and I wouldn't be considered for promotion at all."

Jamie sighed, "Sydney, I though we were starting a family, that we were going to focus on being parents. I thought you were happy in your position and it was time to finally focus on us!"

Jamie stood up and started to pace, running a hand through his sandy brown hair.

"Jamie," Sydney sighed and tried to make him stop walking. "Really? For the past months you were so focused on Eddie you barely thought about me, my career, or us having a baby. Now that things are going well with Eddie and John, you are pushing the baby. Do you want the baby to take Eddie's place?"

Jamie snapped his head around, very angry at his wife. "Don't even suggest that! I have wanted to start a family for years but I kept my mouth shut, I kept the pressure off because I knew your career was important, now you dangle the carrot in front of my nose with more conditions on it. If you get that promotion Syd, you and I BOTH know the baby will be a backseat again!"

"No, it won't!" Sydney replied firmly. "It won't Jamie I promised you that we were going to start a family in the new year and we are. I just don't want to rush and start it before then. Thanksgiving," Sydney offered as a compromise. "We can start trying then and I wouldn't have to say anything to the bosses until February when it was safe."

"Don't bother trying to negotiate this," Jamie replied. "You don't want this, you still aren't ready, I know you. You were doing this to get my attention off of Eddie."

"That's not true!" Sydney insisted though she had to admit, at least to herself, that the thought crossed her mind.

"Yes, it is! You can cut your jealousy with a knife lately, Syd. Eddie is much better but she's not able to do certain things. You were a big help in the beginning, but now you don't want anything to do with her unless it's to get her ready for a date with John or find out how the date went. You want her to marry John and go off to build a life with him! That's not going to happen! John is a nice man, but he is not right for Eddie!"

"Who is then, Jamie? Who is better for Eddie than someone else with limits? Someone else who can understand?"

"You're right about that, but John isn't the right person. He just isn't. He is too careless! Over and over again Pop and I have shown him how to move Eddie, how to help her move herself and he keeps screwing it up. One of these days he's going to drop her and then we'll get to have loads of fun. Dr. Camden warned us at her last appointment, her bones are fragile now, osteoporosis set in and her bones are brittle. He drops her, she's going to break minimum her tail bone and at worse more vertebrae or even her pelvis! But does he care to listen? No! Do you care anymore? I doubt it!"

Jamie grabbed his keys off the table and headed for the door. "Where are you going?" Sydney asked near tears.

"Someplace else!" Jamie replied and headed out the door. His first impulse was to go to that church where the fish fry was, retrieve Eddie and unload in her lap like he would if they were still riding together, but he couldn't do that. Eddie deserved a life. She deserved to give this her best shot. This new Eddie took things way to personally, if Jamie unloaded this, she'd find a way to make it her fault. Jamie missed his old bottomless pit partner. Sometimes, he didn't like this new Eddie.

"Oh that is so good!" Eddie's eyes rolled back in her head in ecstasy. The salty sourness of the pickle, the sweetness of the waffle batter, and the creaminess of the ranch dressing was like a party in Eddie's mouth. "Oh John…where have these things been hiding?"

John laughed, "Baptist church fish fries. Christine and Sarah K make the best fried pickles. Try a bit of this…" John fed Eddie a piece of chicken. Again she rolled her eyes in ecstasy.

"Is all this fried food okay for you?"

"Yeah," Eddie replied. "I'm drinking plenty of water. I can't believe there's this entire regional food style I never experienced in the melting pot of New York."

"Well, New York cuisine found room for Indian, Thai, Spanish, Turkish…but left out good old southern home-style food. I've told the ladies they should open a restaurant. Here's another flavor for you…"

Eddie couldn't deny she was thoroughly enjoying John's company and the cuisine he offered. The rest of the environment was really not for her. It was stiff and a little too quiet for the party girl in Eddie. Still, her partying days were over, she could get used to this.

By ten Eddie was getting tired and feeling the strain of holding her posture. "John, I think I need to go home. I'm getting very tired."

"All right, sure, let's say goodnight and we'll head home," John replied with a soft smile.

It only took a half an hour to get to Jamie and Sydney's apartment. Eddie expected to find Jamie sitting outside or at least meeting them by John's car but he didn't. John walked Eddie up to the apartment and Sydney let them inside. It was clear to Eddie something was wrong so she rushed he goodbyes to John and focused on her friend.

"What happened, Sydney? Is Jamie okay? Did something happen?"

"I don't know where he is," Sydney replied. "He got angry with me and he left. I don't know if he's coming back."

Sydney sat on the couch and wiped her eyes. Eddie pulled her chair close, "Tell me what happened, maybe I can figure out where he headed."

Tearfully, Sydney relayed the entire mess to Eddie. Eddie understood Jamie's frustration, since practically the first day they rode together he had talked about starting a family. Hearing that Sydney was medically ready but was still choosing to wait had to hurt.

"He'll be back, I bet you anything he's at the house with Pop and Frank and they'll talk him down. You want me to call him and ask him to come back?"

Sydney nodded, "He'll come back for you." She hoped her voice didn't drip with contempt making that admission.

Eddie instructed her phone, "Call Jamie!" The device placed the call and in a few minute Jamie's voice came on.

"Eddie? You okay?" Jamie asked. She could hear Henry in the background. "Do you need me to come get you?"

"No, I'm home, just really tired and a little achy. I had a good time. Sydney is really upset, Jamie. You know I can't go to bed if someone is upset."

Jamie sighed, "I was heading home anyway. I have to do the bathroom with you tonight, it's my turn. Try to rest until I get there."

Eddie ended the call, "He was on his way home anyway," Eddie replied. "It was his turn to take care of me tonight."

Sydney nodded, "Well, you are looking exhausted. Why don't we get you changed and put you on the toilet, get that going?"

Eddie agreed and let Sydney begin the nighttime routine. By the time Jamie returned, Sydney had Eddie finished in the bathroom and in the shower getting her washed. Jamie did appreciate the effort and gave his wife a small smile when she followed Eddie into the bedroom. "Are you coming to bed?" Sydney asked.

Jamie nodded, "Let me get Eddie set."

Jamie was very careful about putting into bed. "Are you feeling okay? You didn't over eat or not drink again did you?"

"No, the food was good and I had a nice time but John made sure I had water bottles and ate slowly. Sydney told me what happened, Jamie. I'm so sorry."

Jamie nodded, "It is what it is. I'll wait like she wants until January, if she changes her mind again maybe we have kids another way or I rethink some stuff. She really was great about taking care of you, I'll cut her a little slack on this. It just…I wanted our family to be first this one time, that's all."

"Your family?" Eddie asked. "Or you?"

Jamie smiled a little, Eddie was right again. "Yeah, sometimes I do feel sidelined by her work just like she feels it with mine. I'll go make things right. You call out if you need me, I'll be right here."

Eddie didn't hear Jamie's declaration. She was already asleep.

 **A/N: Dropping this chapter early because I am scheduled for a few minor procedures today and I'm not sure how I'll feel later to update. I don't want to miss it though, so here it is. We are really in the home stretch, this story is 43 chapters long and I'm five chapters into the sequel. I hope that story resonates with you as much as this one has**

 **Next Update – July 25** **th** **– John asks Eddie to spend the night and at least one Reagan man has something to say about it.**


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter Forty

Jamie and Sydney struck a bargain that evening once tempers had cooled and emotions had settled down that they would begin their quest to become parents around Thanksgiving. Eddie and John struck their own bargain, they would continue to see each other often, just not at any more church socials, the contempt of some and the efforts of others not to seem contemptuous irritated Eddie just a little too much to keep exposing herself to that.

John visited with Eddie at the apartment at least once a week, took her on dates on Friday nights and Saturday afternoons, and usually joined the family for Sunday dinner. Slowly, he was endearing himself to Jamie, Frank, and Danny, it was only Henry that was still unsure of the man and his motives.

"You have to lighten up a little Pop,'' Jamie told Henry as the older man arrived to watch Eddie one evening in mid-October. "Eddie really likes this guy, she's happy for the first time since the accident. She's doing really well and it would be wrong for us to stand in her way."

Henry grumbled something and went about his business. "Pop," Jamie called as Henry was going to check on Eddie. "She's still going to need all of us. You aren't losing anything, all right?"

"Who are you convincing?" Henry asked pointedly. "Me or yourself?"

Eddie had been napping but woke when she heard Henry's voice. As she heard the old man approaching her bedroom she shut her eyes and pretended to still be asleep.

"Time to wake up, sweetheart," Henry told her. "I'm going to make chicken chili and I will need your help to see all the small lines on the measuring cups so it's not 12-alarm like the last time."

Eddie opened her eyes and smiled brightly. Henry could make her feel needed when no one else really could. She felt included in cooking, shopping, paying bills. His eyes weren't the best, he relied on her sight the same as she relied on his body. To this day, even John who she had been seeing over three months had not achieved that goal.

"You got it," Eddie replied pushing herself up on her upper arm and beginning to get out of bed with her transfer board. Henry saw her having trouble so he added some powder to it to make things easier. Once Eddie was on the seat, Henry strapped her in and arranged the pillows. "Your ankles and feet are swelling," he commented. "I'll mention that to Jamie."

"That's nothing, really," Eddie replied. "I just have to tip my chair so my legs go up. I fell asleep a few times and Jamie and Syd didn't want to move my legs onto the wedge. It's actually better, yesterday both legs were really swelled all the way."

Henry sighed, he, like Jamie, did not like the visible effects of Eddie's injury to be front and center. "After we are done getting dinner started I'll tip you chair for you."

Eddie agreed and they headed to the kitchen to get things going. Sydney would be working until 8 and Jamie was leaving for a 3-11 tour. "Be safe, Jamie" Eddie told her friend as she always did when he left for the mean streets of Manhattan.

Jamie waved goodbye and headed off to work. It had all been so much easier since Henry stepped in caring for Eddie. Jamie no longer worried about her when he wasn't there, unless she was with John. That did still bother him, but it was getting better.

While dinner was cooking, John called. Eddie smiled hearing his number and told her phone to "Answer call."

"Hey, beautiful," John greeted softly. "I only have a few minutes, I'm at work, but I was wondering something."

"What were you wondering?" Eddie laughed, she loved how sometimes John played it coy instead of aggressive.

"I was wondering how you would feel if instead of going home on Friday and me picking you up on Saturday, what if you spend the night?"

"Spend the night?' Eddie thought out loud getting Henry's attention. "And what would we do all night?"

"Whatever came naturally," John replied honestly. "Of course I'd love to see where things can go, but there's no pressure Eddie, I know it's complicated for you. Just to be alone and have some more time is good."

Eddie thought a minute, "Okay, yeah I think that would work out just fine. I'll pack some things and see you on Friday around six okay?"

"All right, honey, see you then." Eddie ended the call and looked up at Henry who's cool Irish glare held his disapproval.

"Oh, don't go there, Henry, please…please don't go there!"

"I will go there," Henry replied. "You need to be careful, you don't know what the man is going to do. If he tries something you don't like, how are you going to fight him off? You'll be a sitting duck."

"Henry!" Eddie exclaimed in surprise. "Honest to God. John is not going to attack me. He's been in my bedroom here, I've been to his apartment before. He had plenty of opportunities to hurt me. Besides, I can scream, I can bite…I have some defenses."

Henry shook his head, "Jamie isn't going to like it. He double checks me when I help you go to bed, there is no way he's going to be comfortable with you staying at John's."

Eddie took a deep breath, "Henry, I love you and I love Jamie and I appreciate all the love and concern you give me. You have to let me be myself. You have to let me make decisions and take chances. My body is paralyzed, not my mind, not my gut. You and Jamie trusted me with his life, you trusted that gut with Jamie's life. Please trust it with my own."

Henry sighed, "All right, but I'm going to have Francis put extra cars in his neighborhood and if they hear any screaming…"

Eddie laughed, "That's a fare compromise, Henry. You better stir that chili, it's starting to smell."

Sydney arrived home on time and enjoyed the chicken chili with Eddie and Henry. She could sense there was some tension. "Is everything all right?"

"Tell her, Eddie," Henry encouraged with a snort.

Eddie took a breath, she knew Sydney would be all for this. "John asked me to spend the night tomorrow. Henry is upset and Jamie probably will be too. Still, I feel this is right."

"Oh, Eddie!" Sydney exclaimed with excitement. "After we're finished I will help you pack a bag. Don't worry about Jamie, I'll make sure he's on board with it. This is so exciting for you."

Henry rolled his eyes, "And a whole heap of trouble too. Jamie checks on us with the bedtime routines, Syd."

"Yes, because Jamie is hyper when it comes to procedures. He won't be there to see if one thing is out of place or not. As long as it's nothing major, Eddie does fine."

"You see, Henry, there's really nothing to worry about. Jamie spent a lot of time with John making sure that he knew most of the things he needs to know for my care."

Henry just shook his head. This entire thing was wrong, everything felt totally off to him. He admired his grandson for stepping up for his partner but as the time went by, Henry knew that Eddie if not Jamie had let the lines blur a little bit.

"Well, I'm still going to ask Francis to put a car on his house," Henry replied stubbornly.

Henry refused to leave that night until he saw in person his grandson's reactions to Eddie's crazy idea. He sat on the sofa and watched TV while Sydney gave Eddie a bath and helped her pack her bag. "You can get this shirt on pretty well by yourself," Sydney commented. "But this other one is way cuter."

"John knows what he's getting into," Eddie said. "Put them both in there in case. Sydney, do you think this is the right thing? Henry is really upset."

"Henry is old fashioned and he feels like you are his daughter, that's why. Jamie is just over protective and jumpy. Don't worry, after Henry spins him up, I'll talk him down."

Eddie couldn't sleep. So called for Sydney to come and get her so she could sit up and wait for Jamie. His reaction was frightening her.

Just before midnight she heard the door open and close.

Eddie bit her lip watching as Henry got Jamie a plate. Sydney had gone to their room, she had to be prepared for Jamie when Henry worked him up.

"Eddie? Gramps?" Jamie's voice filled the apartment appearing in the kitchen doorway. Smiling he walked closer to Eddie who turned to greet him.

"Hey Eddie, how are you feeling? What are you doing up?"

Eddie shrugged at him replying, "I'm good, Jamie. I…"

Thankfully Henry entered the room announcing he had Jamie's dinner. Eddie drove herself to the table and took a long deep breath. She was hungry again for Henry's chili. "Smells good Henry."

"It sure does pops," Jamie agreed taking his seat between Eddie and Henry.

"Seriously, Eddie, what are you still doing up? And Pop, Syd is home you could have left."

"Eddie's fine physically, she just lost her mind!" Henry told Jamie. "She's going to spend the night with him. Tomorrow night she's going to sleep over at John's house."

"Jamie, can we please talk about this in my room. If Henry got Jamie wound up, it would be hard to talk him down.

Jamie patted Henry's shoulder, "Call for an escort home, I'll talk to Eddie and we'll see you Sunday, all right?"

"Jamie, I just don't think this is a good idea," Henry sighed. "She'll be stuck there, if he tried something she has no way to fight back."

"Eddie is really smart and she's got a good gut," Jamie comforted. "I'll talk to her. Thanks for worrying about her though, Pop."

Henry called for an escort home given the late hour and Jamie went to see Eddie. "You okay?"

"I just wanted to tell you before Henry," Eddie sighed.

Jamie nodded, "Yeah he told me. He's worried about you, Eddie. I know John, I think he's a good man, but overnight…"

"It's the next step in our relationship. If John can't handle the nighttime stuff then we might as well just pack it in here," Eddie replied. "I'd rather us try this before we get too much more time invested. Let's face it Jamie, I don't have a line around the block, John's probably my last chance."

"You shouldn't just jump into this for that, Eddie," Jamie sighed. "You shouldn't and you can't. If you are doing this because you think it is the next step and you think it's right…I'll make sure John knows about positioning your wedge and what to do if you have a spasm or something. I want you to find love Eddie, I do."

Eddie expected that getting Jamie's blessing would feel good but instead his words were like a bullet in her heart. She felt her throat close with the need to cry, "Thanks, Jamie. I'm going to sleep."

Jamie nodded and easily put Eddie in bed, "Your feet look better..."

Eddie nodded, "Yes, I am very tired. See you tomorrow." Eddie turned her head and bit her lip until he left before smothering her sobs with her robe.

"Eddie's crying," Jamie told Sydney as he got into bed. "I think she's conflicted about tomorrow, she's going because she thinks John is the only man that will take her."

Sydney sighed, "John really cares for her, he might even love her."

"I know a man in love, Syd, John is not that. They are both pushing this," Jamie sighed. "She's crying and I can't comfort her. I have no idea how she feels."

"We have no choice right now, Jamie. We have to support he and see where things go," Sydney replied. "Try to get some sleep, you'll need it when you stay up all of tomorrow night worrying."

Jamie had to chuckle at that one, "You're right. Can you check…?"

"Let Eddie have her feelings, Jamie. She needs that and so do you. Get some sleep."

Jamie turned over and took a deep breath. He knew that sleep would not come to him tonight.

 **A/N: I bet most of you guessed that Jamie would be the one to have serious problems with Eddie being with John overnight, but alas it is protective Henry that is in objection. We are so close to the end of this, many of you are wondering, through your PMs, how will she end it so quickly…stick around. ;)**

 **Next Update – July 27** **th** **– Eddie and John attempt to spend the night together, but it is not John's arms that Eddie ends up in…**


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter Forty One

"This is Eddie's wedge," Jamie explained to John. "Make sure you have her legs are elevated on it when you guys go to sleep because it messes with her blood pressure and she'll get all swelled up too. It's bad for her heart, so please be cautious."

John smiled and nodded, "I will be careful, Jamie. I remember all you've said and taught me. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't care very much for her. Eddie knows all her pills but did Sydney pack them?"

Jamie nodded, "Yes they are packed, just let Eddie be with that. There's the matter of her catheter…I can show you how to set one but I think I should just come by in the late morning and do it, if you make a mistake you can hurt her. It took me over two months learning at the rehab hospital."

John and Eddie both agreed that was best. John carried Eddie's bags while she drove herself to his car off on her first night away from Jamie since her accident that did not involve a hospital stay. They were both extremely nervous.

John ordered an elegant dinner for them, veal chops with roasted peppers, Spanish rice, and green peas. Eddie enjoyed the meal and the wine immensely, though she was careful to only have a little wine, it raised her pressure.

John put a movie on for them to watch then helped Eddie into his bed. "My wedge," Eddie reminded John but he shook his head. "Your wedge is for sleeping," he whispered. "We're not sleeping yet." Gently John leaned over to kiss her.

"We're not?" Eddie whispered against his kiss.

"No, we're not," John assured her moving in for more. "You are so beautiful," John sighed kissing Eddie's neck and shoulders, spending special time there where she could feel his touch and his caress.

Eddie sighed, it felt so good to be held like this, touched like a woman. She knew John was beginning to remove her clothes. She couldn't feel his hands but he was keeping her apprised with his words. Eddie brought her arms up in the mock hug Linda taught her.

The breathing deepened, the kissing intensified...Eddie closed her eyes and took a breath, "Jamie."

John pulled back quickly, shocked and saddened that the woman he was about to make love to called another man. Eddie saw the look on his face, of betrayal and sadness, "I need Jamie...I...John, please help. Please call him."

"What's wrong? What did I do?" John asked feeling panic but calling on his military training to keep his head.

Eddie was starting to cry, she couldn't believe the realization that hit her all at once. She knew she was forcing things with John, but she totally believed in the moment that she would accept him. Now…the weight was crushing her, every fiber of her body ached, mostly her heart. "It's hot…I…please call Jamie…"

John hurried to do this. He saw Eddie try to force a turn so her back was to him. Her body shook, she was breathing hard and way too fast. John dialed Jamie's number.

Jamie was enjoying a Scotch with Frank and Henry, waiting for the unit sitting on John's house to report the lights had gone out. That notification came much earlier than Jamie suspected. He sighed, things must be going very well. Jamie took a shot of Finnerty. "I just hope she is all right."

Ten minutes later, Jamie's phone rang. As soon as he saw the caller's information his heart sank. "John, what's happened?"

"She's crying, she says she feels sick and is asking for you. She won't let me near her or touch her."

"Just leave her be, I'm not too far!" Jamie hung up and looked at Henry. "You were right, this was a bad idea." Jamie grabbed his keys and headed off to John's apartment in Queens.

When Jamie arrived at John's apartment he found exactly what he's been dreading. Eddie lay hysterical, her entire body shaking with tears flowing down her face. Low moans escaped from Eddie's lips as pain circulated through her body.

"Eddie, what happened?" Jamie knelt by Eddie's side glaring at John as he did. Jamie gently stroked Eddie's hair surprised to find it dry. She should be soaked given the tears and the moans.

"Eddie, I'm here try and relax okay," Jamie said softly, touching her shoulder letting her know he was there.

John watched from behind Jamie in horror as Jamie went to work helping Eddie calm down. "She got really upset all of a sudden. I swear she never said no, she was into it, then then next thing I know…"

Jamie ignored John and held Eddie upright rubbing her back and absorbing all her weight, he was relieved when she started calming down. "Let's go home okay?" Jamie helped lifted Eddie and placed her the wheelchair John brought over. Jamie only grabbed the medicine bag and Eddie's wedge. "Can you bring her clothes and her hygiene stuff to dinner on Sunday?"

John nodded, "Please call me and let me know she's all right and if you need to take her to the hospital, please tell me"

Jamie nodded, "I will. Let's go, Eddie."

Jamie got Eddie in the car, "How's your breathing?" he asked her softly. "Try to get some good solid breaths in there."

"Jamie..." She sobbed. "It burns…my chest burns."

"All right, I know it does, you're too upset." Jamie turned in the car seat to rub Eddie's chest lightly. "It's okay, try to breathe. Does your chest feel tight?"

Eddie shook her head, "No, it burns…it hurts, it all just hurts so much…"

Jamie kissed Eddie's temple and turned the car on heading to the apartment. The entire drive Eddie cried. Jamie tried to talk to her, to soothe her with his voice. No matter what Jamie did or asked Eddie didn't seem to give him an answer. "Did he hurt you? Was he trying to push you?"

"No…" Eddie sobbed. "No…I…"

Jamie sighed. He left the car with the valet and carried Eddie into the house not even worrying about her wheelchair, just her bag of supplies.

Sydney was working on her laptop when Jamie opened the door holding Eddie. "Oh my God!" she gasped "Jamie, what happened?!"

"I don't know," Jamie said hastily. "Unmake her bed, she's been like this since I got to John's. She only denied he tried to hurt her."

Sydney hurried to unmake the bed and placed the pillows and wedges so Jamie could put Eddie down. "She's in a lot of pain, but I don't' know if that brought this on or if this brought the pain." Jamie laid Eddie on the bed. "Where does it hurt? Just your chest? Your legs are all cramped too."

"Jamie…" Eddied wanted so much to grab onto him. She lifted her arms over and over but the paralyzed lower portions did not move and flopped back down.

"I know, I know…" Jamie whispered trying to find anything that would calm her. "You want some water? Do you need meds? I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened."

Eddie agreed to the water and just laid with Jamie by her side. "He didn't try to force you? You have to tell me if he did and I'll have him arrested right now."

"No," Eddie hiccupped. "It's my fault."

"What's your fault?" Jamie asked softly thinking he was finally getting somewhere only to have Eddie erupt in another flood of tears. She fell asleep from total exhaustion before Jamie got much farther.

Sydney poked her head in an hour later, "Do you want me to try?"

Jamie sighed, "No, whatever happened really traumatized her. She's asleep for now but her pressure is pretty high and she's still breathing shallow."

"You better stay close tonight," Sydney replied. "I will try tomorrow if you can't get her to open up. I'm sure it's nothing John did other than maybe she got too scared that he body wouldn't cooperate…"

"He did the right thing to call me, no way he could have handled her like she was," Jamie sighed. "Let me watch her a little longer then I'll come to bed."

Sydney nodded, "If you need to stay with her, it's okay."

Jamie nodded, "Thanks Syd."

Jamie sat up until Eddie stirred around three. She took one look at Jamie and broke down again. This time Jamie let it be, whatever these emotions were, Eddie was not ready or not able to talk about them.

It was much later in the morning before Eddie woke again to Jamie still sitting by her side. She knew eventually she had to say something. Still the pain in her chest had not let up and the tears again spilled over her eyes.

Jamie gently wiped them. "Eddie, talk to me so I know what's going on," Jamie pleaded again.

He gently touched her shoulder letting her know it was okay.

Eddie started to speak to ask for a hug but nothing came out. "Jamie," was all she said.

"I'm here Eddie, talk to me," Jamie said softly.

It took several deep breaths before Eddie regained her composure. "He was fine. We ate, watched TV and then we went into John's room. We cuddled and he started to kiss me and then…I felt like I couldn't breathe, Jamie…" Eddie sniffled. "I felt like every instinct I had was yelling at me how wrong this was."

"And he pushed it?" Jamie pressed.

"No, not at all…Before I knew it I just wanted it to be over, I called out for you and then John called you…I can't do this anymore Jamie. I can't be with John, I don't want him to touch me like a woman."

"Okay," Jamie sighed. "That's okay, he's not the right man for you. It's okay. You got frightened then?"

Eddie nodded, "I didn't feel very safe, I just wanted you to come and be near me so I felt like I could escape or…and it's so wrong…"

Jamie smiled, 'It's not wrong. Eddie for months I've been your arms and your legs. It's natural you would want me to come and hug you and be that means of escape. When you get yourself so upset, you get sick. I understand."

"I still feel so awful, I can't keep doing this. I'm going to have to break things up and…I just need today Jamie. I need today."

Jamie nodded, "All right. Let's get you some food, and you can rest up a little bit. I'll handle Sydney and John today, but tomorrow. He's going to come to dinner and you are going to have to tell him."

Eddie nodded and turned her head. How could she really get relief when she was holding inside the fact that lying underneath another man she realized she was in love with Jamie? How could she do any of this? She was destined now to be alone, a third wheel for the rest of her life? She wanted to die. For the first time since the accident, she wanted to die.

Jamie kissed her forehead, getting up to make her food, returning to the room ten minutes later.

When he stepped back inside Eddie was sobbing again, her entire body shaking. Jamie put tray down and sat beside her touching her shoulder gently confused.

"Eddie, what's wrong, why are you crying? Is it because of what happened"

Eddie simply shook her head at him in response continuing to sob. Jamie moved closer keeping his hand on her shoulder confused.

"I can't pretend to know how you feel, what if we have a day together, the two of us?" Jamie offered. "Funny movies and ice cream and pizza like we used to do when some idiot guy broke your heart?"

Eddie didn't want to spend time with Jamie, she wanted to be alone like she would be when he finally got tired of nursing her. Still, she found herself tearfully agreeing to Jamie's idea, maybe just maybe a trip down memory lane would help her shake the thoughts and feeling engulfing her heart.

 **A/N: To my loyal readers, I am not sure what happened with Chapter Forty, so I posted this chapter to push it through and it seems to have worked. I have a goal of 300 reviews for this story, so please leave one for each chapter and let me know what you think.**

 **Next Update will be July 27th...meaning this story will end on Jul 29th. - Eddie makes a hard decision regarding John and her future with Jamie and Sydney.**


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter Forty Two

Jamie spent nearly all of Saturday with Eddie and by the end of the day he was convinced she felt better. She had smiled a few times, laughed twice, and she put away a decent amount of pizza and ice cream. When she fell asleep around nine, Jamie finally left the room. Sydney was sitting on the sofa, smiling at him. "How is she doing?" Sydney patted the spot on the couch next to her.

Jamie dropped onto the sofa. "She's asleep. She finally started acting like Eddie again around five o'clock. Sydney, I have to tell you something about tomorrow."

"Jamie, you shouldn't let Eddie back out on dinner..."

"No, we're all going to dinner but while we're there, Eddie is going to end it with John. She realized he isn't the right man and that's a big part of what made her sick. I think she panicked when it was time to really put things on the line and didn't know how to stop herself from being so upset."

Sydney sighed, "John is probably the best man out there for her. She's throwing this relationship away." Sydney stood up intending to talk some sense into Eddie.

"Sydney, no!" Jamie said firmly. "First off, Eddie's sleeping and second, I knew from the get go this was wrong. She's finally reached that decision. Respect that! Let her do what she needs to do. I know you want her in a relationship, finding a man, but that is just not in the cards, not with this man. Don't upset her anymore."

Sydney sat back down. All the hard work to get Eddie networking with men and making her damaged body attractive and she was going to break up with the only decent prospect. It made Sydney angry.

"I'm going to go to bed, you should come too, we don't know what kind of night Eddie will have."

As it turned out, it was a good night for Eddie She slept until 3 when Jamie came to turn her then again until almost 8:30. When Jamie went to bring her morning medications he heard her on the phone and stepped aside to give her privacy.

"I just can't do it anymore, Dad," Eddie told Armin. "I just can't. I've fallen in love with him and he doesn't share those feelings, it's wrong of me to even hope that he would. I can't live like this here. I need your help like I never have before, please help me get out of this."

Armin Janko knew his baby was serious. She never said she couldn't do something if she didn't really try her hardest to make a situation work. He remembered his tomboyish little princess grinning and bearing it through her fifth birthday party when her grandma had come from Serbia to visit and made a party consisting of princess costumes, a tea party, and make up. Eddie's desire had been pizza, bowling, and ice cream. Still, she made the best of it. That was why her words had such a profound impact on him now.

"You already called around, haven't you?" Armin asked knowing his girl too well.

"Yes, I found a good place. It's assisted living, better than a nursing home and it has activities and things to do. But it's a lot of money to get going. I will have to find some kind of job but I need to get away from here if I'm going to function at all."

Armin thought, "I still have some money in off shore accounts, legitimate money from before. I'll speak to my attorney about setting up a fund for you to access until you find something self-sustaining or until I get out and can take care of you myself."

Eddie knew that living with her Dad would be impossible, but it was sweet of him. "Thanks, Dad. I have to go, I hear Jamie. I love you."

"I love you, too Edit," Armin said hanging up. He signed up for phone time the next day with his attorney.

Eddie could feel the tension radiating off of Sydney at breakfast so she hurried with her meal and stayed in her room until it was time to leave for dinner. John called her several times to see how she was doing, but each time Jamie answered telling him Eddie needed her rest and would speak to him at dinner on Sunday. That was certainly not the best place to break up with someone, but with Eddie's limits, it couldn't be helped.

As Jamie drove towards Sunday dinner, Eddie could feel the tension with Sydney. She took a breath, "I know you're angry with me, Syd. I would be too but I just can't do it. I can't pretend to have feelings I don't. It isn't fair to me and definitely not to John. Maybe we can revise my profile and see if we get another nibble," Eddie suggested knowing she would be long gone before Sydney even had time to work on her profile with her.

John was already at the Reagan house when Jamie pulled up. He hurried out to the car when he saw Jamie pull into their designated place in the driveway. Jamie barely had Eddie in her chair before John threw his arms around her.

"Oh Eddie," John gasped. "I was so worried. I called but Jamie kept saying you were sick and resting."

Eddie pulled herself back by her shoulders, "I'm sorry, John I just really had a rough few days. I feel terrible that you got upset."

"I'm all right as long as you are okay," John replied. "Let's get you inside."

Jamie felt a pang of pain for John, the man was about to get a huge blow, but Jamie had to focus on Eddie and what was best for her. That was his job.

Eddie, as Jamie suspected, picked at her food, but tried to keep up the conversation. "You feeling okay, honey?" Henry asked. He was aware of the strife Eddie had been through the last few days.

"Yes, I'm just a little tired," Eddie replied. In truth, she was sick to her stomach thinking about breaking things off with John.

While the family cleared the table, Eddie asked softly to speak John alone. He smiled and followed her outside.

"I want to say I'm sorry," John began. "I was pushing you too hard and…"

"John, don't apologize," Eddie said quickly. "Please just listen to me…" She took a deep breath.

"I never thought another man would look at me again after…and when a man did and that man was you I felt so lucky…" Eddie bit her lip. "You are good, sweet man, John Abbott, and some lady is going to be so lucky to have you with them. I'm not that woman."

John froze in his spot not expecting to hear that from her. "Eddie, if there was something I did wrong I'm sorry. I really like you Eddie and am willing to learn how to better take care of you."

Eddie shook her head not wanting an apology from him that was making this harder. "It has nothing to do with you John."

John stopped to face Eddie reaching for her hands, a serious expression on his face. "Is it Jamie? It has to do with him doesn't it?"

"No," Eddie insisted. "No, John it doesn't. It has to do with me. I just don't…I don't feel the same for you as you do for me and that's not fair. You deserve someone who can love you all the way, and I'm not that person for you. I'm so sorry."

"Oh, I think Eddie just broke up with John," Henry announced as he watched out the window. "He's walking away and just tossed her bag on the porch. He was nice enough but not good enough for her, right Jamie?"

Jamie nodded and headed outside where Eddie sat on the back porch. "Penny for them?" he asked sitting on the step below her feet.

"Not worth it. I was just thinking about last Thanksgiving, cops verses civilians back here. You, me, and Danny against the rest of your family practically and we beat them like 48-7. If I knew then what I know now..."

"Hey," Jamie broke in. "You did he right thing ending it. John took it hard, but he'll see that it's for the best too."

Eddie's body involuntarily shivered. "You cold?" Jamie took off the extra shirt he was wearing over his tee shirt. "Here."

Jamie gently placed the shirt around Eddie's bare shoulders. Eddie automatically inhaled the scent.

"Jamie...I was talking to my Dad earlier today, he's going to have his lawyers transfer some money and help me get into a private assisted living facility upstate."

Jamie sighed, "Eddie we talked about this. You aren't going to any facility, you live with me and Syd. It's your home."

Eddie shook her head, "It can't be, Jamie. I can't live there anymore."

"Eddie...what did I do? Or Sydney, just tell me what happened and we'll fix it."

Eddie felt tears starting to fall from her eyes, "Jamie, no one did...It's not you and Sydney. It's me. I did it and I can't change it. Jamie, it's no secret you and I were always closer than partners should be. We said it was like a brother and sister thing and it was for a long time, but lately...especially since I'm living with you and we have so much more time together..."

"What are you trying to say Eddie?" Jamie was panicking. He did not want her going to a nursing home no matter how prestigious it was. He wanted Eddie close were he could look after her, where he knew immediately if something was wrong. She wanted to go to a place so far away that it would be impossible for him to visit daily or have regular access. Something wasn't right.

"I'm saying that what I feel for you now, it's so much more than it should be. It's too much for me to feel for a married man even one I call my best friend. That's why things didn't work out with John, he was a nice guy, we maybe could have been happy but he wasn't you, Jamie. For the last couple of months, I wait to hear your voice when you come home, I feel things as a woman when you are touching me...I know you're doing it as my caregiver but I...can't help how it makes me feel."

"Eddie," Jamie sighed and moved closer but Eddie reversed her chair. "Don't try to comfort me please, Jamie."

"I was just going to say that it's only natural. We had an undefined kind of feeling between us on the job, I won't deny it. If I wasn't married we'd probably have explored it by now. You rely on me for a lot, I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner, but it's something we can talk about, Eddie. It's something we can work out."

"I'm sitting here telling you I'm in love with you and you want to work it out?" Eddie began to cry harder. "This is real, damn you. I really feel like this and..Work it out? I'm leaving in January Jamie. Please respect that and let's make the next couple months memorable. When I go...I don't know if I will be able to see you again and not have it hurt every single time...I have enough pain in my body, Jamie. Please do not ask me to live with pain in my heart."

Jamie felt like she punched him, "Oh Eddie…"

Eddie forced a smile, "It's okay, it's all right. This is really for the best. You can have your family, every once in a while, tell them a story about their Aunt Eddie."

Jamie took a breath, "There's nothing for me to say or do is there?"

Eddie nodded, "There's just one thing. Don't say anything to anyone. I don't want to make this harder than it is. It will be easier if I'm just gone. I'll call Henry when I get settled. Please promise me."

Jamie bit his lip, he looked down at his best friend, tears running down her cheek, his heart breaking right along with hers. "All right," Jamie agreed after a long period of silence. "All right, I won't say anything. We'll make the most of it."

Eddie nodded, "Let's start with a big hunk of apple pie. No more tears, promise me that too."

That was the one thing Jamie couldn't promise her.

 **A/N: Well my friends, only one chapter left. Some of wondered what I was going to do with John and the tension between Jamie and Eddie…well…I still have one chapter left to reveal all of that.**

 **Next and final updated – July 29** **th** **– Jamie's actions after a rough night on the job change everything**


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter Forty Three

Jamie kept his word to Eddie, living like nothing had changed, like he wasn't carrying around the weight of the world in his heart. Henry continued to care for Eddie when Jamie and Sydney were at work. For the most part, Jamie's tours were calm and predictable and Sydney's job required very little travel, though many nights she wasn't home until after Eddie had gone to bed.

That was the situation tonight. Henry put Eddie to bed around nine then left once Sydney arrived home. Eddie heard Sydney check on her then head to bed. A few hours later, she heard her friend moving around the house at a more frantic pace than normal.

"Sydney!" Eddie called from her bed. "Sydney!" She heard her friend get up about a half hour ago. The television was on and Jamie's police radio. She knew that Jamie should have been home an hour ago. Jamie always came in when he got off the night shift to help her turn and make sure she was okay before going to bed. Eddie had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Sydney appeared in the doorway, her face was pale and she looked a little sick. "What's wrong Eddie?"

"Nothing, I heard you get up and I heard the TV and Jamie's not home. Help me get into my chair, I'll wait up with you."

Sydney had been a supportive friend, she helped Eddie with all of the things that Jamie did, but at times it seemed she resented her presence there. Eddie had already sat up and used her strap and board to be in a sitting position at the side of the bed.

Sydney came over and helped her finish the transfer and secure the belts around her torso. "There's a shoot out going on in Jamie's precinct. Some kind of gang thing..."

Eddie nodded, she remembered that their precinct was ripe for a police/gang shooting before her injury. "I'm sure Jamie's fine, he's a good cop, he's a great shot and he's smart, he knows how to think and keep things in control."

Eddie flexed her arm to start her chair and followed Sydney to the living room where the all news channel was showing living footage of mini war in the confines of the 12th. "Okay, Sydney this is good..." Eddie comforted. "If Frank hasn't shut down media access, and you know he will...things are going okay."

"He's late and he didn't call me," Sydney replied. "I just have a bad feeling..."

"Stay calm," Eddie advised. "I can make some tea. Do you want some tea?" Eddie recently learned to operate the Keurig with a reaching stick and her palm straps. "If you tighten my strap I can make it."

"No, my stomach can't take that, and if you spill Jamie will blame me," Sydney sighed. "I'll get you some juice."

The two women sat glued to the TV. Eddie turned on her scanner and occasionally they were offered the comfort of hearing Jamie's voice over the radio. When shots came across the radio though, followed only by silence, both women gasped. Sydney grasped Eddie's hands, forgetting Jamie always telling her that Eddie couldn't feel her hands. "Oh, God..."

"It might have just taken out he com center, just relax," Eddie soothed but she felt her heart speeding up. "Syd, tip my chair back a little bit."

Sydney focused on tending to Eddie, she dropped the back of Eddie's chair, "Let's just breathe together, like on the yoga tape."

Focusing on each other, Sydney and Eddie managed to calm down. The TV was reporting the shooting of twenty-five NYPD officers from the 12th and neighboring precincts. "Eddie, it's my Jamie, I just know it."

"Sydney, getting all upset won't help Jamie. If something happened, Danny or someone from the detail will come and tell us. Try to stay calm."

Two hours passed before there was finally a noise at the door. Sydney was crying, she'd tried calling Jamie at least twenty times and he never picked up, the phone went to voice mail. Both women gasped when the apartment door opened wide and Jamie came inside.

His eyes fell on Eddie, he could tell by the elevation of her legs she'd had a spike in her blood pressure. Jamie hurried over to her and slid his arms around her body, lifting her up against him. "It's all right, it's just a scratch. I'm fine...I'm fine, everything is fine."

"Oh, Jamie, we were so worried!" Eddie sighed enjoying his embrace. This always was her favorite place and since the accident his embrace made her feel secure and safe. "Are you okay?"

"It's a scratch, that's all...I'll be good as new in a few days..."

Jamie seemed to have forgotten about Sydney but her sob drew his attention. Jamie moved to hug her tight, "I'm fine, Syd. No need to worry, I'm fine. Let me get Eddie in bed and I'll be in."

Sydney headed for the bedroom trying to stifle the tears. She laid on their bed and buried her face in Jamie's pillow sobbing her heart out.

Jamie put Eddie into bed by lifting that night. His leg ached a little bit but his heart ached more. "Jamie," Eddie sighed. "You shouldn't have come to me like that. I know we got even closer since the accident and Jamie I love you so much but you are a married man. You must go apologize to Sydney and make sure she understands you were acting out of concern."

Jamie sighed, "Are you okay? Your head, you're not in pain?"

"No," she replied. "Not in pain at all. Just really tired. Jamie I mean it..."

He nodded and kissed Eddie's cheek. "I'll be in around five to help you turn. Sleep well."

Jamie headed to the bedroom, the sound of his wife's sobs somehow having less of an effect on him that the sight of Eddie in her chair with the back tilted. That bothered him more than the burning pain in his leg. Jamie sat on the bed and rubbed Sydney's back, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I got home and I saw Eddie was up and you had her tilted so I know...I'm so so sorry."

"I thought you were dead!" Sydney snapped. "I thought you were dead and never coming home! And you went to her! You ran to her and held her!"

"I know, I know and I am so so sorry for that, Sydney. I was concerned for her health, stress and blood pressure changes...and..."

"I know, but I am your wife Jamie. I'm your wife and I love you but...can you honestly tell me that now? Can you tell me the same thing?"

Jamie sighed, "Syd, when I felt that bullet slide across my leg...all I could think of was home and what was going on here. Were you okay? Was Eddie okay but the question that bothered me the most...Were you okay with Eddie and what would happen if...I died out there...Syd...this isn't working. The three of us like this, it's not working...I love you, I always have..."

Sydney took a deep breath, "But you are in love with her. She's your soulmate, I'm just a life mate and in this day and age, if you make that mistake, you can fix it. Fix it Jamie...I love you too much to stand in the way."

"So you and Eddie can stay until the end of the lease, I'll pay it up until then, it' got another five months..."

"Sydney..." Jamie began but she held her hand up. "I can't Jamie. It's not fair to me, you or Eddie. It's just not fair. Your heart..." Sydney swallowed hard. "Hasn't belong to me in a long time. It belongs to Eddie now and she needs you."

Jamie nodded, "I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologize. I'm going to be fine and...so are you. Tell her, go and tell her what's in your heart before she leaves and you lose that chance. I want you to be happy, that's all I ever really wanted."

Jamie reached out and gave Sydney a warm hug. "You need anything, you call me. I don't want this to affect your friendship with Eddie."

"Jamie, that friendship," Sydney sighed. "Was for you. I have no reason to continue that. No desire to continue it. Take care of yourself."

Sydney didn't wait any more, she picked up her bag and turned to leave.

Jamie stared after her thinking how to say his piece to Eddie. How did he explain to her that Sydney was gone? How did he explain that to anyone?

Jamie sighed and called his grandpa to ask him not to come to the apartment. He was on leave for his slight injury to his leg and would be able to attend to Eddie.

Jamie made tea for Eddie and coffee for himself before going to wake her. He knew Eddie really needed her sleep but he needed his best friend. Jamie stroked Eddie's hair waking her gently. He knew the stress of his involvement in the shootout had caused some flushes and he was loathe to disturb her rest. Eddie stirred and opened her eyes, "Jamie, are you all right? It's barely sun up."

Jamie nodded, "I know and I'm so sorry to be waking you up, Eddie. I am but I need you."

Eddie pushed up as Jamie adjusted her many pillows so she was sitting up a little with support of the headboard. "What's wrong? Jamie is it your leg? I can't…Sydney would be better…"

"Sydney left," Jamie replied. "She left for good Eddie. We're getting a divorce."

"What?" Eddie gasped. "Jamie why? Was it because of last night? She's always been scared you'd be hurt. I'll talk to her…"

Jamie shook his head, "It is because of last night, Eddie, but it's not because of the shooting it's…" Jamie took a long breath. "It's because…Eddie you said it yourself, you have feeling for me and…last night, when I saw you after that shooting…all that was on my mind was you. That's it…and that's not how it should be for a married man."

"Sydney just got her feeling hurt, in a few more weeks I'll be gone and you can…"

"No,' Jamie said quickly. "Your leaving might make your feelings go away, but it won't make mine. My wife told me that she was leaving and actually did it and I'm not that upset. What does that mean?"

There was a different look in Jamie's eye, a soft look that Eddie could only recall seeing a handful of times, more and more lately. She wished with all her heart she could hold him, she focused her mind and her muscles on her arm and raised it. Her attempt to stroke Jamie's cheek ended up as a slap. Jamie laughed and took Eddie's hand, gently holding it against his face. Jamie tilted Eddie's hand and kissed her palm and took a breath, "I think that Sydney saw something we just wouldn't let ourselves see. I think it's always been there but since we are living so close and doing so many intimate things…you told me you couldn't stay, that you couldn't deny it anymore…I can't deny it anymore either. I love you Eddie. I love you and I want to make a life with you, partners together forever."

Eddie felt tears tingle at her eyes, "Jamie, this is just your emotions talking. You're hurt and…"

Jamie leaned over and gently touched his lips to Eddie's. He marveled at sweet she tasted even early in the morning. Jamie's heart started to beat faster, his blood started to rush to his head…he hadn't felt this way in such a long time, since the last time he kissed Eddie.

Jamie broke the kiss and sighed, "That's my emotions talking. Listen, you told me how you feel and I feel that too. I really want to see where it can go, Eddie. I really want to see where this can take us."

Eddie smiled, "What about everything I can't give you Jamie. How are we going to get through the ups and downs and…"

"That's what love is for Eddie," Jamie replied. "To help us through it. All we have to do is use it and lean on it…the rest…day by day. We'll just have to take it day by day…"

Jamie gently pulled Eddie to him and inhaled the scent of her, he really didn't know how they would navigate this challenge but navigate it they would…side by side, as partners.

 **A/N: Many of you doubted I would get Jamie and Eddie together by the end of the story but…ta dah!**

 **Thank you so very much for the support. This story is very close to being my most reviewed story, just need 13…I hope I have supporters out there!**

 **Thanks to Lawslave for reading every single chapter and being a sounding board for ideas. Thanks to Yanks20 for helping me with dialogue in some of the more difficult scenes.**

 **Next Update – Coming in mid August – Because You Loved Me – Jamie and Eddie's skittish first date.**


End file.
